Editor’s Note: Jesús Ángel Garcia, author of

On Midwest Strangeness (Part II)

After Iowa City and Indianapolis, the tour headed south for a noir weekend in Missouri. Jesus Lives! large in Mark Twain’s mythic playground for do-gooders and good-for-nothings, just as He does in Indy, Atlanta, Nashville and Virginia Beach. Hell, maybe Sarah Palin is right: the United States is the Promised Land for True Believers, who won’t have to fight for a seat in the skybox come Rapture. I always forget how the middle states are blood-red. Not my fault, not by choice anyway. I’m genetically predisposed to not knowing where I am at all times. Geographically challenged, my father calls it. Good thing Missourians value family alongside beefsteak, popcorn and praise. I felt well taken care of here.

1. Noir at the Bar Anthology: Doom! Lust! Filth! 2. Holy N@Bar co-host Jedidiah Ayres.

ST. LOUIS

The Noir at the Bar release party for an anthology of the same name at Meshuggah Café was a hot time. The venue was packed with darkside lit lovers, many of whom went home not with handfuls but armfuls of books by featured authors Jane Bradley, Scott Phillips, David Cirillo, Phillips’ screenwriting partner and N@Bar co-host Jedidiah Ayres and myself. This was the most passionate book-buying crowd I’d met yet. Profits from the anthology — with contributions by nearly 20 “distasteful” fiction writers, including Kyle Minor, Jonathan Woods and Frank Bill — go directly to local indie retailer Subterranean Books, the only place you can purchase this collection, described in the groovy throwback trailer as “Doom! Lust! Filth and Vile Unpleasantness!” You can read more about N@Bar here and here.

1. Scott Phillips. 2. Jane Bradley.

St. Louis strangeness #1: Rather than pummeling listeners with graphic depictions of murder and mayhem, Phillips read the relatively tame setup to his new novel, The Adjustment, where “violence is a virus,” per Stephen Aubrey’s recent Outlet review, which leads me to believe neo-noir authors are less confrontational in person than in print.

St. Louis strangeness #2: Bradley read with a subtle, almost sweet, Southern drawl that belied the creep of her tense narrative.

St. Louis strangeness #3: I’d never met anyone in this town before, yet I was embraced like family and gifted with fine food (Thai!), drink (Schlafly!) and a cozy bed for the night.

St. Louis strangeness #4: When an audience member heard I was hard up for crash pads along the desolate stretch from Kansas City to Portland, she at once wired a blogger pal in Boise, who welcomed me into her home no questions asked.

1 & 2. Blasphemy in KC

KANSAS CITY

I first met Brandon Tietz and Caleb J. Ross at AWP DC last winter. When I asked for their help setting up something for us in KC, they conjured this unusual GOD HATES AUTHORS showcase at the Czar Bar. The gig would feature literary readings, badbadbad multimedia, spin-doctoring (from DJ Preston Parsons), a live Twitter feed of the event and comedy from emcee Michael Gomez. They planned to raffle off one-of-a-kind prizes, including a disturbing photography book on STDs and “Holyish Bible,” an installation art piece Ross concocted, pairing our novels with a wayward Word of God, thrift-store edition. This was my kind of art-crazy: inclusive, transgressive and not a little blasphemous. You can hear the entire performance, if you like, on this podcast.

1. Hawking books with a black-cloth merch table. 2. Live tweets: #hateauthors.

KC strangeness #1: Though I barely knew Brandon Tietz before this event, he greeted me like a brother, and with manly Midwest politesse, grilled us the thickest, juiciest steaks I may have ever tasted.

1. Brandon Tietz. 2. Caleb J. Ross.

KC strangeness #2: While they seem to respect each other’s work, Tietz and Ross have a hilarious adversarial relationship, something like a cross between The Lords of Flatbush and The Honeymooners.

1 & 2. God hates authors? 3. Even popcorn in the midwest is holy.

KC strangeness #3: The blue sky darkened, and thunder and lightning rained down — just as I hit the Kansas City freeway — and I wondered briefly if lit blasphemy might reap unjust deserts.

*****

Playlist highlights: Oxford American’s 10th Anniversary Edition, Newtones, Sergio & Odair Assad and Ali Farka Toure’s African Blues:

Next up: Lit Love from the Lonesome Highway, Noir Edition: First Lines, Last Lines & Love Letter to Chicago.

***
—Jesús Ángel García’s badbadbad summer road show is done but far from gone and the tour continues in Oakland, California, on Saturday, Sept. 10, at East Bay on the Brain’s “Missed Connections” with Lizzy Acker, Andrea Kneeland, Joe Loya, Tomas Moniz, Jan Richman, James Warner and host Lauren Becker with heartbreaker Paul Corman-Roberts, and on Monday, Sept. 12, with Michelle Tea, Susan Straight, David Rocklin, Hate Factory, Kengarden and host Stephen Elliott at “Let’s Talk About Us,” a Monthly Rumpus coupling with The Believer Magazine in San Francisco.

by Etgar Keret

There was this guy who could walk on water. Not that that’s such a big deal. Lots of people can walk on water. They usually don’t know that because they don’t try. They don’t try because they don’t believe they can do it. In any case, that guy believed, and tried and did it. And that’s when the whole mess began.

That guy had an apostle who was very close to him and sold him out. Not that that’s such a special thing either. Lots of people are sold out by someone very close to them. If they weren’t very close, then it wouldn’t really be considered being sold out, would it. Then the Romans came and crucified the guy. Which, also, isn’t very unique. The Romans crucified a lot of people. And not just the Romans. Lots of other nations crucified and killed lots of people. All kinds of people. Ones who performed miracles and even ones who didn’t. But that guy, three days after they crucified him, was resurrected. And by the way, even that resurrection thing didn’t happen here for the first time, or even the last, for that matter. But that guy, people say, that guy died for our sins. A lot of people die for our sins: greed, jealousy, pride, or other, less well-known sins that haven’t been around for such a long time. People die like flies because of our sins and no one bothers to even write a Wikipedia entry about them. But they wrote one about that guy. And not just any old entry, but a really big one with lots of pictures and blue-colored links. Not that a Wikipedia entry is such a big thing. There are dogs that have Wikipedia entries about them. Like Lassie. And there are diseases that have entries there, like scarlet fever and multiple sclerosis. But that guy, they say, unlike multiple sclerosis and Lassie, achieved what he achieved through the power of love. Which is something we’ve also heard before. After all, there were those four English guys with the hair and the beards too, just like him, except that they were a little less famous, and they sang many songs about love.  Two of them are already dead, just like him. And they, by the way, have a Wikipedia entry too. But that guy, there was something special about him. He was the son of God. Except that, actually, all of us are God’s children, right? We were born in his image. So what the hell was it about that guy that turned him into such a big deal? Such a big deal that so many people throughout history were saved or killed in his name?

Anyhow, every year, around the end of December, half the world celebrates his birthday. In many places, it snows on his birthday and everyone’s happy. But even in places where it doesn’t snow, people are happy on that day. And all because of what? Because a skinny guy who was born more than two thousand years ago asked us all to live lives of love and morality and was killed because of it. And if that’s the happiest thing this weird race has to celebrate, then it deserves a Wikipedia entry too. And actually it’s got one. Go to the nearest computer now. Type in “humanity” and you’ll get the entry. Short. Very short. Not a lot of pictures. But even so. One whole entry on a fascinating and slightly baffling race. A race that could have walked on water and never tried. A race that could have killed all those who believe the world can be a better place and in most cases, made sure to do just that. So merry Christmas to you too.

Please forward or post online, in full or in part, with credit to the source.

Translated by Sondra Silverston

Etgar Keret can be found at www.etgarkeret.com.

Image: Details of The Last Supper Double Jesus by Andy Warhol.