This Handy Chart Automatically Generates a Pitch for Your New Novel

The most important part of a novel isn’t the plot, the characters, or the language. It’s the elevator pitch. That one-sentence descriptor is how you sell the book to publishers, readers, and big Hollywood producers willing to shell out megabucks. But how do you generate a killer pitch—especially when you don’t have a novel yet? Well, your best bet might be to pay a professional publicist. Until now.

The Electric Literature auto-publicist pitch generator does all that work for you—and it’s easy to use! If you’re Beyoncé, for instance: first of all, welcome, we’re glad you read the site. Second of all, you would look up “b” in column A, “e” in column B, “y” in column C, “o” in column D, and so forth, and then plug them into the sentence below. The result: “A keenly observed war epic about an overbearing mistress’s quest to grapple with her sexless marriage.” We can’t wait to read it, Ms. Carter-Knowles!

If you run out of letters in your first name, move on to your last—so, for example, Vin Diesel would write “a passionate story about an unlucky mother’s failure to explore her writer’s block.” Or you could just spell out whatever word comes to mind. (The first seven letters of “Electric Lit” give you “an erotic noir about an agoraphobic daughter’s expedition to circumvent her political apathy.”)