My Life in the New Republic of Gilead

You draw my name out of my mouth and it comes out a tiny wisp.

The morning after the thing with you happens I drive 45 minutes to a Barnes and Noble because I live in rural Ohio and, honestly, there are few independent bookstores in existence anymore. I need a copy of Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale. I have a copy but I can’t find it. It’s the same copy I read when I was fourteen, nearly 20 years ago. Before it was mine it was my mother’s, my sister’s; their hands wore it out until the paperback spine broke and it was lazily covered in scotch tape.

Have you read it?

It follows Offred, a Handmaiden in the Republic of Gilead, a fictional toxic dystopia. Gilead is a highly structured patriarchal white supremacist society in which high-ranking men (Commanders) are issued women to fill certain roles taking care of the home (Marthas), becoming wives to the Commanders (Wives), and in Offred’s case (Handmaidens) taking part in a monthly procreation ritual where her Commander pumps away at her lower half while his wife grips her hands, legs twisted around her torso.

Gilead has stripped women of everything: agency, literacy, names.

Gilead has stripped women of everything: agency, literacy, names. The Republic commandeers the bodies of fertile women and sends them to Rachel and Leah Centers — old universities repurposed to house Handmaidens — and wrings their former lives out of them. Handmaidens are sites of potential fertility only. They are fitted with red cloaks and dresses, on their heads heavy white blinders which stop them from seeing and being seen. Wings, Offred calls them. The Rachel and Leah Centers are overseen by Aunts, sadistic women who are true believers in Gilead.

The Republic of Gilead, Aunt Lydia says, knows no bounds. Gilead is inside of you.

When it comes to you I have to be vague. There are many moving pieces. There is us inside of a system, inside of an institution, inside of a world that has particular things to say about girls like me and men like you.

The geographic location of Gilead is in Massachusetts, but before I reread the book, my lazy memory insists it is in the Midwest. It just makes sense to me. The Midwest: all flat and farm, cows and conservatives. Driving out to Barnes and Noble I pass a handmade sign that insists “Blue Lives Matter” and another that declares “America for Americans!!! No Immagrants!!!!” Stars and bars wave gently in early March air. This is Trump Country and Trump Country is the New Republic of Gilead: a place where men call their wives “Mother” and grab other women by the pussy. Take away their names, take away their autonomy. I watch the flat landscape pop up with beige strip malls, hot red neon signs hawking chickens boiled alive, artery-clogging burgers that bleed red.

This is Trump Country and Trump Country is the New Republic of Gilead.

After the thing with you happens I feel like a dissected frog, open and pinned back. Everyone can see my guts and poke at them with sharp bladed silver scalpels — not that dissimilar from an Exact-o knife.

I wonder if I will ever hear you say my name again.

The thing, the thing. I can’t stop thinking about the thing — the thing with my home, with my cat, with my busted boots, or maybe I was just wearing my stupid pot leaf socks when it happened. The thing with you. The thing that I have to be vague about because we both know what happens if I speak your name.

Did you do it because I am so mean, because I made fun of your car and your shoes, because some men like to be talked down to? I sometimes wonder if men like to be talked down to because it’s as close as they can get to understanding what it’s like to live as a woman.

I want to tell you about this time a boy begged me to go out with him. He got down on his knees and everything. His khakis wore thin and the spring grass rubbed against him. I was spring myself; not yet 21. You could see my hip bones and I put cigarettes out on them. Marlboro Reds, cowboy killers. Even then I was caught up in the Commander’s web. The boy wanted me, but more than anything he wanted me to be cruel to him. I said no and no again and then kicked him, swiftly, while he was down. One kick, to the right side of his ribs. Thin skin outstretched over bone. God, he said, will you do that again?

Am I cruel?

Do you like it?

The day after the thing with you happens I notice how I suddenly feel different about my body. Not that it’s so great — it’s lumpy and pale and pockmarked, scarred and cellulited and dimpled. My tits are two distinctly different sizes and sometimes I catch my profile and think my face is shaped like a thick Idaho potato. But suddenly my body and face look golden to me.

Am I allowed to ask if I’m pretty?

I desperately and immediately need to lose myself in The Handmaid’s Tale. I have been thinking about the book since Trump/Pence and their merry band of old white Commanders moved into the White House. However, after the thing with you happens I need a wall-to-wall undoing of my own mental monologue. I need to feel the blankness of Offred’s days, how she tries to feel nothing at all, because that’s what I’m doing. How she avoids thinking about her life before — her husband, daughter, mother, friend — and her situation now. She doesn’t call what the Commander does to her rape. She says she had a choice, that she could have been shoveling toxic sludge in the colonies.

I need to feel the blankness of Offred’s days, how she tries to feel nothing at all, because that’s what I’m doing.

I need to lose myself in the first half of the book, the minutiae of her closed off world, the effort she puts into not remembering the past: here is what she stares at while she lies on her back waiting to be summoned. Here is her room, here is the weight of her protective white blinders — to say her gives Offred pause because it suggests ownership.

Her life is small walks and being fucked by the Commander while Serena Joy, his wife (who I always imagined looks like Tammy Faye Baker) “grips my hands as if it she, not I, who’s being fucked, as if she finds it either pleasurable or painful.” As a teenager this scene invoked a little illicit thrill in me and I read it over and over again, even though it’s not sexy.

It’s not about sex. It’s about power.

I am in this Barnes and Noble to buy a copy of a book I already own because I can’t not read it right now. I have to pee. I walk towards the bathroom. There’s a man sitting on a chair directly across from another chair, talking on the phone. His eyes are on the other chair, his invisible business partner. Then he sees me.

Men maybe don’t think that women see or feel the way they witness us — how some of them fuck us in their minds, or rate us, or hate us. But I can feel it, nearly every time, and he witnesses me and rates me and my rating is just fine. He’d hit this. He continues to follow me with his eyes while yammering on about his partners and files and all that shit.

After I piss I look in the mirror and see something. My face is worn and dragging, underneath my tear ducts little black boogers have congealed, last nights make-up worn into today. I’m not attractive, but sexy. You can displace sexuality upon my body, you can look at it and imagine some truly denigrating shit. Does my body invite this? Do I? There’s something worn, tough, hard and lived about my sexiness. I feel like an ugly teenage girl, who knows that she is still a girl and that there is some kind of power there. When I leave the bathroom I unzip my hoodie so when I walk by the man again he will see that I’m not wearing a bra.

I feel my power.

Offred’s power lies in the swell of her hips. Up against the Guardians, the Eyes, the Commanders she is reduced only to her reproductive status: fertile (she hopes), still of use. In the New Republic of Gilead, the one we really live in, Oklahoma State Representative Justin Humphrey proposes a bill which would require a woman to seek the written permission of her male sexual partner before obtaining an abortion. He says, “I understand that they feel like that is their body, [but women are] a ‘host.’ And you know when you enter into a relationship you’re going to be that host …if you pre-know that then take all precautions and don’t get pregnant…I’m like, hey, your body is your body and be responsible with it. But after you’re irresponsible then don’t claim, well, I can just go and do this with another body, when you’re the host and you invited that in.

It is understood that you feel like your body is your own but your body is your body until it’s determined that it’s not your body. It’s not your body when it becomes a fertile place. It’s not your body when you invite someone in.

I did invite you in.

Offred: He’s so close that the tip of his boot is touching my foot. Is this on purpose? Whether it is or not we are touching two shapes of leather. I feel my shoe soften, blood flows into it, it grows warm, it becomes a skin. I move my foot slightly, away.

Before the thing happens I kick your foot under the table, twice. The first time is a mistake but I feel that you like it. The second time was to see how much I could get away with. I am drunk and reckless and stupid. The hard sole of your shoe melts around the blunt edge of my boot.

What does my desire invite you to do?

This whole thing with you makes me feel ugly and sexy and lost and, to be honest, I don’t dislike it. I keep digging. I can’t help it. I blame society, I blame ambition, I blame neoliberalism, I blame capitalism, I blame other girls and their make-up game, I blame my ego, I blame the culture, I blame the dinosaurs, I blame men telling me they don’t like it when I do Y with my voice or X with my writing. I don’t like it when you use the word neoliberalism. It breaks the tone. I don’t like it when you sound so academic. I don’t like it when you get political. Try not to slip into melodrama.

I blame myself.

Why don’t I blame you?

I blame society, I blame ambition, I blame neoliberalism, I blame capitalism, I blame the culture, I blame the dinosaurs.

I start throwing up again. I can’t help it. My body is just reacting to trauma. When I saw you after and wanted to name you, I instead turned around and walked away and the next time I was alone I unfolded a paper clip. I unfolded it and heated up one end until it was a red hot ember. I stabbed it into my skin over and over again. I held it in the thickest fattest part of my thigh and I cried. It’s healing weird — infected of course, white pus creating two eyes and a smile. Pareidolia.

I started cutting myself when I was sixteen. Then, I would cut because my brain would heat up and boil and hurting myself released steam. Now when I cut myself I crave witness. The marks I’ve made in your aftermath are bright and red against my pale winter skin. They demand my witness.

In my journal I write that I want to feel hollow. I want to hollow out my body. I want to go hungry. I think of the pale War Boys in Mad Max: Fury Road — poisoned by everything around them, so hollow you can see their ribs. Cracked red lips against white skin.

I feel such shame. Hollow it out, dig into me.

In what ways are you ruined like me?

I read the book aloud. I need to hear Offred’s voice.

My voice wavers, it quivers. I am in pain and I am weak. I am weak because when I woke up after the thing happened, after only three hours, not even enough time to let the alcohol metabolize, I threw up until yellow bile burned my nose and when it did I grabbed a small Exact-o knife — the kind for years I wouldn’t keep in the house, the kind I purposefully avoided using — and I ran it across my leg three times then stabbed it into my arm. Enough to draw blood, enough to excuse away…a scratch from my cat, if you’d asked.

When some men touch me it makes me want to hurt myself.

You couldn’t have known that unless you did.

As I read my voice breaks like a prepubescent boy’s. I’ve read the book before. I know that the women were taken from their lives, their assets frozen, their names suspended and put in the Rachel and Leah Centers to be broken like horses and fitted with blinders.

I know what’s going to happen and still I cry openly as I read the second page: In the semidarkness we could stretch out our arms, when the Aunts weren’t looking, and touch each others hands across space. We learned to lip read, our hands flat on the beds, turned sideways, watching each others mouths. In this way we exchanged names…

I hunger for the hands of women.

I hunger for my name.

Offred: Then I find I’m not ashamed after all. I enjoy the power; power of a dog bone, passive but there. I hope they get hard at the sight of us and have to rub themselves against the painted barriers, surreptitiously.

I want you to taste the heat of my breath. I want my name to ring through your head. I want to stand so close to you that you’ll feel my body vibrate and loosen and you will match it, and you won’t consider that what I’m doing is taking all your power.

I have all the power.

Is this how I show my power?

Is this the beginning and end of my agency?

Somehow it’s more complicated. Somehow I don’t want anyone’s feelings to be hurt, even yours. I want you to say my name. I want you to bear me witness.

I think, again, of the War Boys in Mad Max: Fury Road all chrome and shiny and “Witness me! Witness me!” They, too, live in a toxic patriarchal wasteland and scream for witness, though I want my pain witnessed and they want the witness of their leader, Immortan Joe. Toxic masculinity runs deep.

What I don’t tell you is that masculinity hurts us both. And while I bear my scars on the outside of my body, you have to bury yours under being a total dick.

Still, I think that if you told me that it happened, that it wasn’t my fault, that you crossed a line and maybe I was there for that but I shouldn’t feel this bad, then maybe it’d be different.

In the new Republic of Gilead, my autonomy is measured in millimeters and all the time I watch violent and dangerous men measure their autonomy in miles.

But even if you witnessed me, even if you told me I was pretty, even if you told me my power lies in and outside of my body, even if you told me that you were compelled to do this to me because you hurt too, it wouldn’t change the fact that, in the new Republic of Gilead, my autonomy is measured in millimeters and all the time I watch violent and dangerous men measure their autonomy in miles. Are you violent and dangerous? Probably not. But it doesn’t matter. The Republic of Gilead is inside of me and it supports you. You get to keep everything and I was tricked into believing Gilead’s power to be boundless. I believed myself host to the parasite of namelessness. I believed my body was not my own.

When you took my name from me you left me starving in your aftermath. And that hunger made me fierce. I heard the names of women, no longer whispered, no longer hidden, and I filled myself up on them.

What you need to know is that I’m coming for you and I’m going to take back my name.

Here’s What People Don’t Get About Writing as a Job

Louie Mantia has an incredibly cool job: among other things, he designs icons, like emoji and iMessage stickers and the little square images for apps on your phone. But it’s also a job most people haven’t really thought about, and that they must therefore have all kinds of cockamamie ideas about. Which is probably what inspired him to ask on Twitter, “What‘s something that seems obvious within your profession, but the general public seems to misunderstand?”

The tweet has had hundreds of replies, as people in jobs from architect to zoologist rush to set the record straight. There were a few repeated refrains—teachers DO NOT get the summer off, y’all! News reporting is different from opinion columns!—and some inside info that was genuinely new to us. (Did you know anyone can become a real estate agent, but “realtor” is copyrighted and only refers to a member of the National Association of Realtors? We didn’t! Did you know all distilled spirits are gluten-free?) And there was also plenty of wisdom, conventional and otherwise, about writing (books, poetry, and online articles) as a job.

Here are some of our favorite industry secrets resulting from Mantia’s tweet. If you’ve got more, you can share them with @ElectricLit on Twitter—which, per another incredibly common contribution, is run by a seasoned professional and not an intern.

Electric Literature Is Seeking a Marketing and Membership Manager

Electric Literature seeks a part-time Marketing and Membership Manager to join our team. The Marketing and Membership Manager will be responsible for growing Electric Literature’s membership base and marketing its merchandise, publications, and programs to targeted audiences. Additional responsibilities include recruiting advertisers, and coordinating EL’s annual fundraising gala, the Masquerade of the Red Death, as well as other community-building and donor cultivation events. Though this is a part-time position, there will be opportunities to advance and expand the role.

Electric Literature’s mission is to make literature more relevant, exciting, and inclusive. Here’s how you’ll contribute to those goals:

  • Raise awareness and enthusiasm for Electric Literature’s activities and mission
  • Strengthen and grow Electric Literature’s community
  • Think creatively about how Electric Literature can communicate its ideals most effectively, and how the organization should adapt to a changing media landscape

RESPONSIBILITIES

Marketing

  • Manage Electric Literature’s online store and merchandise, including customer service, order fulfillment, promotions, and marketing
  • Contribute ideas for new merchandise
  • Work with the Executive Director to establish and meet sales targets
  • Recruit new advertisers and build those relationships
  • Manage relationships with existing advertisers
  • Manage ad reporting and fulfillment
  • Help establish Electric Literature’s visual brand identity across projects and platforms
  • Pursue promotional and press opportunities for Electric Literature
  • Build a press list and regularly communicate EL’s accomplishments and new initiatives

Membership

  • Manage Electric Literature’s membership program, including communications and recruitment
  • Develop regular promotions to attract new members
  • Strengthen the membership community through in-person events and online initiatives
  • Regularly communicate with members, field member inquiries, etc.
  • Work with the Executive Director to establish and meet new membership targets

Events

  • Plan EL’s fundraising gala The Masquerade of the Red Death, held annually in October
  • Plan small community events such as readings and mingles
  • Plan cultivation events for prospective members and donors

QUALIFICATIONS

The ideal candidate:

  • Is outgoing and friendly; the kind of person who will introduce him or herself to everyone in a room
  • Thinks creatively about how to connect with people
  • Is passionate about literature’s power to bring people together
  • Is patient and organized
  • Has at least two years of professional marketing experience (assistant level and freelance work qualifies), including sales
  • Is able to set and work toward quantitative goals
  • Has professional event planning experience
  • Is organized, calm under pressure, and a quick thinker
  • Is familiar with the New York literary and cultural scenes

SKILLS

  • Mailchimp, mail merge
  • Strong communications skills
  • Familiarity with non-profit membership structures
  • Familiarity with online ad sales
  • Experience writing press releases and promotional material

This is a part time 15 to 20 hour/week position with a monthly stipend based on $20/hour. All candidates must be available to come into EL’s downtown Brooklyn office approximately 10 hours/week.

To apply, please send a resume and cover letter to editors@electricliterature.com with the subject: Marketing and Membership Manager Application: [Your Name]. Applications are due by 11:59 PM on Sunday, July 29.

Chibundu Onuzo Recommends a Reading List of African Authors

I left Lagos when I was fourteen. This year will make it thirteen years since I’ve been away. I’ve spent my whole adult life abroad and yet I’m still drawn to Nigeria. I watch Nigerian shows on YouTube, I listen to Nigerian music on my phone and I read books written by Nigerian authors. I don’t just stop at the borders of Nigeria when it comes to my tastes. I range across the whole continent of Africa and everywhere I look, exciting content is being produced both on and offline. It’s an exciting time to be a Nigerian writer. Although, I suppose, it has always been an exciting time to be a Nigerian writer.

Purchase the novel

My novel, Welcome to Lagos, is about a group of runaways, who escape to Lagos and band together to survive the city once they get there. Since my novel’s publication, I’ve often been asked how it feels to be part of a ‘new wave’ of African literature. There is no new wave. The waves have always been crashing steadily and regularly against the shore. Over the centuries, new and exciting writing has been created by Nigerians and in Africa. Just ask the abolitionist Olaudah Equiano or the pan-African thinker Edward Blyden. That you just arrived at the party doesn’t mean the party just started. If you look closely, just before you throw yourself into the dance, you’ll see how everyone else on the dance floor is sweating heavily. So here are some of my personal favourites on the African literature playlist.

When the Rain Clouds Gather by Bessie Head

I discovered Bessie Head late but as the proverb says, ‘Morning is when you wake up.’ A political refugee from apartheid South Africa shows up in a small village in Botswana. He comes to learn a new way of life in the agrarian community but he also shakes things up. This one of my favourite “a stranger comes to town” stories.

Everything Good Will Come by Sefi Atta

Before Eleanor Ferrante’s Neapolitan Series was Sefi Atta’s Everything Good Will Come, a stand alone novel that I believe achieves in a few hundred pages what Ferrante took a thousand pages to do. Atta follows from childhood, to adolescence, to adulthood, the lives of two female friends, Sheri and Enitan. They are best friends, they’re rivals, and they are sisters. Their friendship plays out against the backdrop of political turmoil in Nigeria.

“Blackass” (Excerpt) by A. Igoni Barrett

Changes: A Love Story by Ama Ata Aidoo

Esi Sekyi, a modern African woman with a successful career, divorces her husband and becomes a second wife to another man. The debate between who is a ‘modern’ African and who is a ‘traditional’ African continues till tomorrow. In this novel, Aidoo gives an excellent answer to the perennial question about African identity: it’s complicated, like every other identity.

So Long a Letter by Mariam Ba

I think of So Long a Letter and Changes as two novels that are in conversation with each other. In this novel, the tables are turned when the protagonist, Ramatoulaye, another ‘modern’ African woman discovers that her husband has taken a second wife. The novel is written as a series of letters to Ramatoulaye’s friend and the result is a slim novel that stays with you for a long time.

6 West African Books with Unconventional Approaches to Gender and Power

Creole by Jose Agualusa

Like many Anglophone readers, I’m behind on fiction translated into English but I do my best because I know how much I’m missing out on. Creole, first written in Portuguese, is one of those novels that is strange and new and exciting. In 1868, a Portuguese aristocrat sails from Lisbon to Angola and meets a decadent, slave-owning society. It’s an adventure story. It’s a love story and it’s just a very good novel.

A Stranger’s Pose by Emmanuel Iduma

This book isn’t out yet (the title is being published in the US in November), but judging from writer and curator, Emmanuel Iduma’s thoughtful essays about African art and culture, this is definitely one to watch. Iduma has travelled through several African countries and these essays are an exploration of his journeys.

Sweet Medicine by Panashe Chigumadzi

How to be a young woman in twenty first century Zimbabwe? What to do with your principles, when you’ve stuck to the rules of getting good grades and getting a degree, only to graduate and find you can’t get a decent job? Sweet Medicine a novel that speaks to our cultural moment now, no matter what part of the world you live in.

Remembering Ken Saro-Wiwa and Other Essays by Adewale Maja-Pearce

It is very brave to look at the murdered activist Ken Saro Wiwa through a lens that is critical. Yet this is what Maja-Pearce does in the title essay in this collection. Yes Saro Wiwa did much that was heroic in his life but he was also human. A writer’s allegiance is to their vision not to historical consensus.

Secrets of a Happy Marriage

The Big Sleep

He was meticulously rude. Sometimes profoundly nice. When we weren’t arguing, we’d snuggle under our effective sweat-box comforter, frayed from so many happy and sad years of sex and sweat and dog hair. Outside, the whole world seemed to be tanning and wrinkling.

The police popped in one night to see if our fights were murderous. We’d been arguing loudly in the kitchen about the texture of a birthday cake I’d baked for the twentieth anniversary of our sweet dog’s death. It was hard as a rock, and nothing had ever been different. Arguing was part of the cake-eating experience.

When I heard the doorbell ring, I tippy-toed from the kitchen into the bedroom.

“Hello sir, mind if we enter?” a cop-voice said.

“Do you own any weapons, sir?” he asked my husband. It sounded like there were fifteen people, like horses and villagers or showgirls. Lots of feet. A dog toy squeaked. “Whoops!” one of them said.

“With a chef like my bride? Weaponry with this woman here?” then a scratchy minute of silence, my ear to the door. “Where did she go?”

One of the cops let out a giggle. The talkative one sniffed the air, said, “Um. Interesting scent.” He was referring to the sweet smell of marijuana.

It was time for me to enter, so I idled into the living room wearing my “Munch Me” shortie night shirt, and my long-nosed barracuda slippers. Not much else. My legs were still shapely, and tan from bronzing gel.

“Hey! I recognize you! I think I knew your mom!” I said to the younger cop.

He was adorable, with dirty blond hair and an ape-like neck.

Clicking over to him with my vixen slippers, I looked him over the way Bacall checked out Bogie in The Big Sleep.

“You know how to whistle, don’t you?” I said, with my full, husky voice. And then I laughed.

He smiled sheepishly. “We didn’t mean to disturb your evening, ma’am, just doing our jobs.”

“Ha,” my husband said. “Who in their right mind would kill her? Would you kill her?”

After they left, my husband was in fine spirits. He put on Sinatra’s “Fly Me To The Moon.”

“You have such wonderful moves,” he said. Asked me to dance.

“The Big Sleep” is published here by permission of the author, Meg Pokrass. Copyright © Meg Pokrass 2018. All rights reserved.

The Rise of the Aspirational Divorcée

Imagine a woman in her mid-to-late forties. She lets her hair grow in grey. She is wearing a casual flowing dress, which represents her go-with-the-flow attitude. As she sips her chardonnay on the patio of an Italian villa, you get the sense that she has gone through a personal journey. No longer tethered to a marriage of circumstance, she is exploring what it means to be a woman of a certain age. She’s exploring what it means to be a divorcée.

This image, however familiar, is a new one. Many a Nancy Meyers film has cemented this cool, breezy, aesthetic of divorced women in our collective imagination. But it’s not that long ago that the predominant narrative of the divorcée was based in tragedy and social disaster. Historically, we’ve moved from women enduring beheading when divorce was not sanctioned by the Pope, to women legally being able to serve divorce papers through Facebook messenger. And the fictional image of the divorcée has changed in kind: from the tragic figure to the aspirational narrative. But which came first, the cougar or the egg? And what’s next for divorced women in books and film?

Many a Nancy Meyers film has cemented this cool, breezy divorced woman in our collective imagination. But it’s not that long ago that the predominant narrative of the divorcée was based in tragedy and social disaster.

The legacy of the tragic divorcée archetype is epitomized in the tale of Anna Karenina. Tolstoy’s epic Russian narrative explores the ups and downs of Karenina’s marriage and affairs. It also explores the opportunities and limits of divorce laws at the time. Having an affair and living with her lover, Anna finds her place in society turned upside down. Much of the story revolves around whether she and her husband Karenin should and could divorce. The legal decision-making lies primarily in the hands of her husband, who goes back and forth and at one point refuses the request on the advice from a French clairvoyant. The turmoil of Anna’s feelings, treatment in society, and legal limbo culminate in her suicide. Anna Karenina is a cautionary tale of morality: Tolstoy’s perspective offers us a male view that if a woman is unfaithful in her marriage and wants out, the end result is turmoil. It’s hard to reimagine a gender-bent version of this tale taking place in the same time period: men wrote the books about divorcées, and they also wrote the laws. As society evolved, divorce laws evolved too, and more women started telling their own stories of love and loss.

While the 19th century was full of suffragist and legal debate whether divorce should happen at all, the 20th century introduced the important milestone of legalizing no-fault divorce. Prior to no-fault divorce, a marriage could only be dissolved if “abandonment, cruelty, incurable mental illness, or adultery” took place. In theory, this would prevent “needless” divorces which were considered against public interest. In reality, it led to legal loopholes such as travelling out of country, or framing a partner for adultery. No-fault divorce also granted women economic and personal freedom. However, the media of the time reflects the very real anxieties on all sides of the divorce equations — what this meant for families, family law, and divorced women and men’s standard of living. While it was — and always is — easy to demonize those you don’t agree with, bringing in nuance to a complex issue are the stories that often remain classics. Kramer vs Kramer is a touchstone of divorce narratives, earning Meryl Streep an Oscar for her portrayal of Joanna. Initially, the film could have easily come off as cartoonish, the author’s initial intent was to combat what he viewed as “toxic rhetoric” from second wave feminists, and show divorced men as good guys victim to the whims of selfish women. It was Streep, while considering the role, who voiced a level of experience and compassion that led to a much more nuanced film; instead of painting her character Joanna as a villain, she advocated for her to be a portrait of the real struggle women were facing with marriage and motherhood. She would only commit to the role after extensive rewrites. Having women in the room and informing decisions gave us stories that were more reflective of our experiences—and our desires. Women authors of the time explored the intricacies of divorce in no uncertain terms. Without glamorizing the situation, writers like Nora Ephron and Joan Didion were able to share the messy, ugly, and sometimes liberating reality women — and men — were facing. And while this sense of freedom was explored, it also marked that there was a long way to go, as Didion’s protagonist contemplated in Play it As it Lays; “It occurred to Maria that whatever arrangements were made, they worked less well for women.”

Having women in the room and informing decisions gave us stories that were more reflective of our experiences—and our desires.

As women continued to gain cultural power and representation, the image of the divorcée continued to become more positive. The divorcée archetype of today is almost celebrated, and viewed as aspirational. Our narratives focus less on what happens to women during a divorce, and more on the newfound freedom they can find afterwards. Eat, Pray, Love — Elizabeth Gilbert’s memoir, and the subsequent Julia Roberts film — started a movement that trickled into real life. Divorce is the opening of the book and the movie, not the end; while sad, it acts as a catalyst for a middle-aged woman to “find herself.” We can look again to the queen of fictional divorcées, Meryl Streep, in Nancy Meyers’ It’s Complicated. We admire her character’s newfound energy, admire her large kitchen, see ourselves chasing our dreams despite our age, and maybe we buy a fashionable white linen pantsuit. Today’s divorcées are far from tragic; indeed, being a divorcée can be a lifestyle, albeit one exclusively accessible to affluent, white, heterosexual women. Not only does this demographic have the ability to embody this lifestyle, but they are also a demographic admired by marketers for their disposable income to spend on entertainment that reflects them. In these stories, divorce is just a footnote into finding yourself.

While it is fascinating to track the evolution of the divorcée stereotype from utter tragedy to lifestyle brand, there’s room to bring nuance and diversity into our growing narratives. In the age of Netflix specials, saving TV shows with Twitter, and Kickstarter self-publishing, there are more (and more varied) storytellers and fewer gatekeepers than ever before. Let’s smash the stereotype of what a divorcée looks like. Give us the stories of women who experience divorce differently, whether it be women of different socio-economic status, women of color, queer women, women for whom divorce does not equate with freedom, women for whom divorce was a milestone that does not define them, women in unconventional relationships, or women whose stories aren’t centered around their relationship to men. Divorce for women has been presented as a tragedy, a debate, and now a marketed lifestyle. It’s time for it to become just one of the many stories women tell.

Chelsea Hodson on Why Being a Writer Is Such a Slog

Readers go in search of stories for more than mere escapism. In fact, for most of us, to get lost in a book is to be found. The ones that change our lives take measure of the complexities of life. Chelsea Hodson’s debut essay collection, Tonight I’m Someone Else is one of these books.

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Her essays act like anchors for the themes — identity, sexuality, loss — we so often see reflected back at us. It’s this sort of honestly and deliberation that’s always drawn me to Hodson’s work — from as far back as 2014, when her chapbook, Pity the Animal was released by Future Tense books to her Tumblr performative project, “Inventory” — I found in Hodson’s writing as much mystery as there was meaning to being alive in this strange time.

Over email, Hodson and I chatted about the challenges of making it as a writer and how making art in the face of the future seems like its own quiet rebellion

Michael Seidlinger: Autofiction affords this sense of emotional integrity that can only exist after someone’s parsed the past; but I’m curious about how you view the often blurry boundaries between fact and fiction. What are your thoughts on reliability and memory?

Chelsea Hodson: I think nonfiction affords the sense of emotional integrity that you’re saying autofiction has. I’ve anchored my prose to the facts of my life, but beyond that I feel very free about exploring more surreal, imagined territory. In my essays, there’s a lot of this “what if” element — what if I were to do this, what if I looked like that. Even if those scenarios don’t play out, it still feels “true” to me. This dance between the real and imagined feels unavoidable — a memory is a memory of a memory and so on: All I can do is work with what I remember, and simultaneously trust it and react against it. How does one confront the worst parts of themselves? Perhaps by looking at their memories, and then looking away until they can stand to look again.

MS: Let’s talk about money, the idea of it, and the inevitable need for it: “Money can do that if you let it — if you close your eyes and enter its dream, the one where you are well dressed, fit, successful, in love with exactly the right person.” Do you think it’s possible to buy happiness?

CH: No, absolutely not. I think people take their misery with them no matter where they go or how rich they become. But I also never think to myself, “Ah, if only I was happy.” Life is very sad, and to able to make something beautiful in this sad life is enough of a reason to live. I don’t sit around longing for happiness, though I have sat around longing for enough money to live on while I finished my book. And then as soon as you get that money, you need more. It’s endless, which is why I wrote about it in the book — it seemed like a perfect parallel to desire itself.

How does one confront the worst parts of themselves? Perhaps by looking at their memories, and then looking away until they can stand to look again.

MS: What if we all collectively rejected the idea of paper currency and went back to, I don’t know, living under a rock? Could you imagine a modern or future society wherein value isn’t contingent on numbers, on the amassing of financial wealth?

CH: I stand by my idea I had when I was very young: everything in the world should cost one penny. That just… seems right to me. No, I don’t know, I absolutely cannot imagine a future that doesn’t depend on money, because money determines who gets power, and power determines the future. Making art in the face of that future seems like its own quiet rebellion. Every job I’ve had eventually gave me the opportunity to be promoted, but I’d usually quit shortly after that. I just never wanted a life that would put money before my writing. I remember I told an accountant that once and she laughed hysterically.

MS: In “Pity the Animal,” you disclose quite a bit from your struggling artist days. And I particularly love this sentence from “Simple Woman”: “I was miserable when I was too poor to go to the doctor, too poor to buy more than one meal a day. But, at the same time, everything I bought was accompanied by a new promise, a new possible version of myself.” There is indeed a sort of freedom, isn’t there? Did you find it easier to write, easier to center yourself creatively, more able to make use of the time you had since it wasn’t “owned” by the job(s) that often claim our best hours of the day? If so, do you miss it?

CH: Well, my dream was to magically have enough money to live on and have all the time in the world to write. For several years, I was fitting in my writing wherever and however I could around four part-time jobs, which was sloppy and messy, but somehow I did it. I don’t miss those days, because they were so lonely for me, but I did okay. I have some people now ask me how I wrote my book, hoping for some neat equation, like two hours a day multiplied by five days a week for four years. But the truth is I was scrappy and hungry and, though my writing was bad for a long time, I was actually writing. It seemed like a lot of people I knew talked about making things more than they actually made things, and I was determined to not be like that.

MS: Really, how does any artist survive in NYC, in LA, anywhere?

CH: Endurance. Quitting art is easy, so most people do that. Finishing anything is agony. But if you can train yourself to accept the agony, eventually you finish the thing you set out to do.

MS: How does your relationship with your work change over the course of its creation?

CH: Distance is really important for me — if I don’t have time to put it away, I just have to do something to feel further away from it. Typically, that becomes printing the essay out and manually cutting it up. That allows it to feel tangible to me, and I can look at it all at once to see its shape — something I can’t do with something that lives on my hard drive. My relationship with my works-in-progress usually goes like this over the course of writing an essay: I love it → I don’t know what to do with it → I hate it → I’m a failure → Oh, actually I came up with the solution → This solution is taking longer than I thought it would → OK, I think it’s done.

Quitting art is easy, so most people do that. Finishing anything is agony. But if you can train yourself to accept the agony, eventually you finish the thing you set out to do.

MS: In the essay, “The New Love,” you employ a compelling refrain, “I went to _____ and didn’t tell anyone,” to punctuate the liminal and subliminal spaces navigated throughout the essay. It recalls the liberating feeling of being truly independent, feeling like you could go anywhere, do anything, be anything, with no one searching, ever the wiser. Given the impending book tour, the influx of events impending, if you could go anywhere without telling anyone, right now, completely disconnected from reality, where would it be? What would be a theoretical 1–2 paragraph addendum to the essay?

CH: I was always annoyed by the cliche of the writer alone in the cabin in the woods, but I lived that exact cliche at MacDowell Colony last December, and I loved it. So, I would like the addendum to be, “I went to the haunted cabin in Peterborough and I didn’t tell anyone.”

MS: “I’m trying to identify what drew me to the people I’ve loved. I seem to thrive in a state of in-between, of wanting to love all the way but only receiving a portion of what I want.” Do you feel geography informs desire? Might the in-betweeness be something… reassuring, as though if things went sour you could easily disappear into another town, city, life, with minimal effort?

CH: I’ve never thought about geography itself informing desire, but yes — longing requires distance, whether that’s emotionally or physically. Something is out of reach, and that’s why you want it. I address this “in-between” feeling in the essay, “Near Miss,” when I elaborate on the beauty of waiting. In between one thing and another thing, the ending is still unknown, so that means anything can still happen.

I absolutely cannot imagine a future that doesn’t depend on money, because money determines who gets power, and power determines the future. Making art in the face of that future seems like its own quiet rebellion.

MS: You have experience with performance art and the exploration of the act, experience, and self: I’m curious to know a little bit about what led you to that corner of the arts. Do you have any specific exhibits that resonated and informed your own work?

CH: Encountering Marina Abramovic’s “The Artist is Present” at MoMA really affected me, which is why I wrote it in “Pity the Animal.” I began studying everything she had ever done, and started thinking about the possibilities of the female body as an art object. I sent my chapbook, “Pity the Animal,” to the Marina Abramovic Institute, and shortly after I was invited to collaborate with them, and later, to work on Marina’s exhibition, “Generator.” The endurance training I did for that exhibition really changed me, I think. It helped me understand performance in a new way, and it also made me interested in the limits of my own body. This led me to do more performance work of my own, but also led me to write about the body in a new way than I had before — suddenly I understood that everything I needed was already within me.

MS: In 2013, spanning 657 entries, you cataloged every item you owned alongside a picture of yourself with the item and a poem under the title, “Inventory,” on your Tumblr. It culminated with a 7 and a half hour marathon reading of every entry, without breaks, recorded and streamed live. It’s a daring piece of performance art that spans the digital and physical. Care to talk a little about Inventory, specifically how the experience affected your writing and creative interests?

CH: It began as a simple writing exercise for myself. I had been studying performance art and thinking about the body, so I wanted something that would combine the worlds of the physical, object, and digital. I decided to put myself in each photo with the object simply because I thought it would make the photos more interesting — who would want to look at an iPhone photo of an object on a table? Putting that human element into a photo always improves it. And I thought, if I put it online, then there’s at least the idea of an audience, which was motivating to me, even though I only had about ten followers when I began. The project began further informing my relationship with objects, and contemplating the ways in which the body can become an object, which helped me to complete “Pity the Animal.” By the end of the project, I had nearly twenty thousand followers. I felt very sad when Inventory was over — it became like a friend I talked to each day.

MS: You have worked for Marina Abramovic, for her exhibition, “Generator”; not to give anything away from what is disclosed in the book, what’s the first and most vivid memory from being part of the exhibition? What was it like, watching blindfolded people navigating a foreign space? How quiet was it in that room?

CH: It was extremely quiet — the only sounds were people bumping into the wall, or occasionally saying, “Oh!” in surprise. I loved the job, and often took on extra shifts when they were available. I had a strange relationship to time in the exhibition — in the beginning of the day, it would feel very slow, and then in an instant it would seem as if six hours had gone by. I hate how loud New York is, so I felt grateful to be in a place so quiet. You could feel the energy changing, which was exactly set out to do.

MS: Do you have any other desires or ideas to dabble in the performance art space again?

CH: I would like to someday. Finishing this book has taken all of my energy, so I feel very focused on that, but I can see performance becoming a part of my life again in the future.

MS: Last question: You’re a big supporter of indie authors and the community at large. You’re also a great lit citizen and have helped pave the way for others. Yeah, this is the shout-out prompt. Who showed you the way, made you realize we’re all struggling to get the words down and are less alone than we think?

CH: Sarah Manguso was my mentor for several years, and she changed everything for me. I never knew any working artists until I moved to New York, so the life of an artist was a mystery to me. She helped show me how I might make a life for myself, and also how I might start writing essays instead of poems. After working with her, I continued to seek out classes and workshops that might continue to challenge my writing, and I think that’s been very important for me. I don’t see workshops as a way of getting “better,” necessarily, but a space in which a writer can interrogate their own work and intentions.

8 Books About the Eerie, Awesome Connection Between Identical Twins

M y toddler twin sons seem to believe they might be the same person or copies of each other. For the most part, they only use one of their names interchangeably; it has taken some doing to convince one twin to recognize that the discarded name actually belongs to him and he should reclaim it. For months during infancy, when one twin looked in the mirror, I am fairly certain he believed it was his twin he was seeing and not a reflection of himself. He took great delight in the puzzle of putting his hand on the mirror, and watching his “twin” copy him from the world on the other side. Observing their constant companionship, their hugging and squabbling and tormenting of each other — all in stark contrast to memories of my own childhood — made me think about all of the literature featuring twins I’ve read over the years.

As a visual medium, films can be better equipped than novels to make something marvelous out of the mere image of twins — the playfulness, the uncanniness, and the potential dangerousness of doubles. You only have to watch Alfred Hitchcock’s dread-infused Vertigo or Krystof Kieslowski’s poetic The Double Life of Veronique or Stanley Kubrick’s frightening The Shining to see the immense power of a doubled image to convey meaning. But fiction is powerful because it can reveal what’s inside each twin’s mind, rather than create meaning solely from appearance. The following eight works of literature suggest that the paths we take in our lives are not inevitable, not fated, not wholly dictated by how we appear as an image from the outside, but more often the sum of the individual choices with which we all struggle and how the world reacts to them. These works serve as excellent companions, reminding us we always have something in common with others, whether it is our appearance or our emotions, and that we are not alone.

Twelfth Night, William Shakespeare

Twelfth Night isn’t the first of Shakespeare’s plays to use twins and doubles. But it’s better than The Comedy of Errors, which features two sets of twins. It’s deeper, less wacky, and shot through with magic and melancholy. Twins supply both plot and atmosphere: Viola and Sebastian are fraternal twins who are separated during a shipwreck. Viola washes up on the shore of Illyria and disguises herself as Cesario, a boy servant to Duke Orsino. In spite of being in love with the duke herself, Viola/Cesario must woo the duke’s love interest Olivia. Viola’s a little too good at courting and eventually Olivia falls in love with Cesario. Hijinks ensue partly because of doubling, but also because of the gender play made possible by fraternal twins who look nearly identical: men and women as dualist constructs rather than essential forms.

The Double, Fyodor Dostoevsky

The Double is Dostoevsky’s 1846 novella about a government clerk Yakov Petrovich Golyadkin, who is slowly going insane. He believes that his double Golyadkin Jr., also a clerk, has assumed his identity. As Golyadkin Sr. descends into madness it becomes clear that his double is far more extraverted and charming and capable. He believes that his double is going to ruin him. A strong thread of absurdity runs through The Double. Seeing a double — an alternate life and a more socially successful way of being for one’s physical body — becomes a symptom of madness.

A Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens

Charles Dickens presents more literal doppelgangers in A Tale of Two Cities, a novel roughly contemporary to The Double. British barrister, Sydney Carton, a dissolute drunk who has never achieved his potential, looks nearly identical to French aristocrat-turned-tutor Charles Darnay. At Darnay’s trial for treason, Carton realizes that their close visual similarity is the means by which Darnay’s lawyer can obtain Darnay’s acquittal, foreshadowing what happens at the conclusion. Carton as Darnay’s doppelganger is also what provides the moment at which we truly understand Carton as heroic and brave.

Lisa and Lottie, Erich Kästner

In Kästner’s 1949 German children’s classic Lisa and Lottie, identical twins separated at birth meet at summer camp, and are initially so horrified by the other’s existence that they can’t look at each other: “Lisa and Lottie did not dare look at each other the next morning when they woke up, or when they ran in their long white nightgowns to the washroom, or when they dressed at neighboring lockers… Only once did their eyes meet in a fleeting glance, and then, frightened, they looked quickly away again.” But in short order, Lottie and Lisa’s uneasy horror at meeting is replaced by delight and affinity. The girls’ twinness is the narrative engine of the novel, allowing them to switch places and try to reunite their estranged parents. Disney adapted Lottie and Lisa to make the 1961 film The Parent Trap, starring Hayley Mills as Susan and Sharon, but the movie amps up the pleasure of long-lost twins reuniting and shaves off the satirical edge of the original.

The God of Small Things, Arundhati Roy

Roy’s Booker Prize–winning novel The God of Small Things takes place in Aymenam, a village in the state of Kerala in India. Centering on fraternal twins Rahel and Estha, it starts with the funeral of their biracial cousin Sophie Mol who drowned one fateful night in 1969 while out on the river with them. At age seven, Rahel is dreamy and is perpetually reinventing the world with her original vision. Estha is silent. All the small things that led up to the drowning are revealed, including the molestation of one of the twins and their Syrian Christian mother’s affair with a Dalit. The novel culminates in a disturbing, but inevitable scene — the twins have grown up to be two lost halves of a whole.

Twins, Marcy Dermansky

Marcy Dermansky’s 2005 debut novel Twins is about blonde teenage twins Sue and Chloe. At the start of adolescence, Sue is obsessive, intense and determined to have her twin all to herself, to stay inside the mutual adoration and “golden bubble of happiness” she experienced with her twin as a child. Sue convinces Chloe to get a tattoo of Sue’s name on her back, while she gets Chloe’s name tattooed on her own. Level-headed Chloe reluctantly agrees, but secretly thinks: “The funny thing was, the tattoos made us different…After we got our tattoos, we were never really and truly the same.” And in fact, the tattoos kick off a chain of events in which the twins find that they aren’t quite who they thought they were. In many ways the novel feels like a startling adult remix of Jessica and Elizabeth from the Sweet Valley High series. If Elizabeth too often showed us that good girls are boring, Jessica rather often did what she wanted, and would, by today’s feminist standards, be something of an antihero, rather than a villain. The same dichotomy is complicated in Twins.

The Likeness, Tana French

In Tana French’s 2008 novel The Likeness, doubles are the source of a mystery. Detective Cassie Maddox is called to a murder scene, and when she looks down at the victim, she sees her double. Startlingly, the victim’s name is Lexie Madison, a handle Cassie had previously used as an undercover agent. Her boss has her pose as Lexie, a graduate student, to solve the crime. It’s a preposterous set-up, perhaps, but one that plays out in a rich, psychologically fascinating, and believable way if you’re willing to accept the terms of the game. Lexie’s roommates accept Cassie’s claim that she is Lexie and in her detective work, she infiltrates the group to such an extent that she could, conceivably, take over Lexie’s old life.

The Secret History of Las Vegas, Chris Abani

The Secret History of Las Vegas is a weird, riveting noir. It is partly the story of conjoined twins Fire and Water. Fire is talkative and snappy and much smaller than Water — he appears to be an appendage. Water is given to providing factoids instead of conversation. Most of their lives they’ve done an act called King Kongo in a sideshow just outside Vegas. When Detective Salazar finds them standing in a lake with a five-gallon drum of blood, they are brought in for questioning to determine whether they are responsible for the deaths of homeless men. They undergo a psychiatric evaluation with Dr. Sunil Singh who is haunted by memories of political violence and the loss of family and loved ones in South Africa. Sunil and the detective team up. The conjoined twins supply both the humor and sense of play, while also injecting the novel with archness and uncanniness, and ultimately subvert our expectations.

I Was Wrong About Junot Díaz, But That Doesn’t Change How He Inspired Me

Novel Gazing is Electric Literature’s personal essay series about the way reading shapes our lives. This time, we asked: What’s a book you misunderstood?

Two months before the #MeToo movement circled in on Junot Díaz’s mistreatment of women writers, I met him at a book store in Porter Square in Somerville. I told him, through my own stuttering, that I’m a graduate student, and a writer, and that his books encouraged me to imagine myself and my family in fiction. That because of his books, I have pursued a more ambitious and risky artistic career. Maybe because I was with my boyfriend, or perhaps because the store was crowded, or even because he had grown after all, he was nothing but kind and encouraging. After his talk, during which he was promoting his new children’s book, I sat on the train with my boyfriend and read aloud to him from the collection, trying to inject all of the flavor of the rich language of the text. On the train, several people put their phones down and listened too, so I wasn’t too careful to hide the verse, to cover up the swears, to be unapologetically loud.

Now, in the wake of the allegations against Diaz, I’ve felt compelled to revisit the words of the works I loved so much.

Perhaps if my favorite college English professor hadn’t suggested I read Junot Díaz’s work years prior, when I argued the canon was too white, I would have fallen in love with Edwidge Danticat or Isabel Allende first. But I read Drown in one day of busy travel, starting on the floor of Boston Logan airport by a tired outlet, then on the plane next to a snoring man, then in a taxi, and I finished it in my hotel room when I stayed up much later than I had intended before a conference. After my panel was over, I bought The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao and read it at the expense of my spring semester GPA. It wasn’t long before I picked up This is How You Lose Her and fell in love with Junot Díaz’s writing.

Upon hearing the allegations, I picked up my freshly signed copy of This is How You Lose Her (he kept it simple, For Brittany Paz) and flipped through its worn pages. Had I truly misunderstood its message? When I first read it, I thought it was a meditation on Black and Caribbean women, on Afro-Latinas, and on the difficulties they faced because of the men in and around their lives. Tracing over the lines of graphite I had carefully marked under my favorite passages, I realized the book was never for women. Take for example the very first story, “The Sun, the Moon, and the Stars.” In it, Yunior, Junot Díaz’s protagonist, takes his girlfriend to the Dominican Republic on vacation in the hopes of delaying their breakup after their years of cheating. Reading it now, years later, and with more experience with both men and literature, all I see is red flags. After doing something nice for Magda, Yunior explains to the reader, “For this I deserve something nice. Something physical,” as if his kindness itself deserved a sexual reward. In the same story, he also writes about how beautiful Magda is, how red lipstick was made for Latina women, and how her being comfortable in her bathing suit made him insecure. He says that men wanted to marry Magda, and that people hid their wallets from him. The anti-blackness coupled with misogyny is palpable throughout this description; his insecurity is tied to his black manhood in contrast to Magda, the fetishized beauty.

Tracing over the lines of graphite I had carefully marked under my favorite passages, I realized the book was never for women.

However, at the same time, I remember the passages I loved and that informed my writing. At one moment in this story, Magda is feeling conflicted about her relationship with Yunior, but she is on vacation with him already, so I imagine her feeling trapped, and she looks out the window in silence. Yunior explains, “She seemed tired and watched the world outside like maybe she was expecting it to speak to her.”

If I got a dollar for every time I sat in disappointed silence around men who I wished would do better, I could afford my rent in Boston. Truthfully, Black women, Caribbean women, and Latina women are often left to deal with racism like the men in their lives in addition to the sexism directed at them from the men in their lives. When you don’t know if the love you have is enough to overcome real obstacles and struggles, when it seems like the guy will never change no matter how happy you know you can be, and you’re trapped in a situation where you can’t have reprieve for a definite amount of time, that’s exactly what you’re forced to do. She waited it out. I’ve done this, I’ve sat waiting for anything, a sign, a message from beyond, for a man to finally cross the line to physical violence, for the courage to end it. I used to want a sign to tell me that it would be okay if I ended it, that my life would go on and it would go on and I’d still be happy. That sentence, more than any other in literature, has stuck with me through the years as being simple and true.

At the end of that story, Yunior explains that he is trying to tell you the story of the fool he was. He sets the collection of stories up for you to feel sympathy for him for his inability to treat the women he loves the way they deserve. Now, after Díaz’s essay for The New Yorker, we are to understand that sexual abuse prevents Yunior from processing his feelings in healthy ways. However, that wasn’t the understanding I had when I read these books, and I still loved them.

Despite what has happened, and how it has complicated my hero worship of Díaz as an author, “The Cheater’s Guide to Love” is still my favorite short story. In it, Yunior explains, over the course of years, how he managed to overcome the loss of his love. He explains the long, arduous, and twisted road to healing, through the use of second person. It opens with “Your girl catches you cheating. (Well, actually, she’s your fiancée, but hey, in a bit it so won’t matter.” Through the use of second person, you are forced into Yunior’s feelings, to sympathize with his point of view, and to feel the pain he feels (physically, emotionally) while trying to move on from what he wants you to understand was his worst mistake.

Now, reading it, I realize it is a long rumination on the perspective of the abuser. That even within this story, Yunior is found out by his writing, not through clear communication with his fiancée. You as the reader are being asked to read and empathize with the abuser throughout the collection’s last story, with little thought to the women he hurt.

You are being asked to read and empathize with the abuser throughout the collection’s last story.

I recognize that my feelings towards the story are warped by my own projections onto it. I spent years regretting my own relationship with a man, one who left me damaged, broken, and unsure of myself. That healing process was also tedious, and now I find it darkly funny that this is where I found solace: in the ruminations of an abusive character’s pain. That last story, in which you would expect to leave the collection without a doubt that Yunior’s macho perspective is wrong, also features a subplot in which his best friend discovers a woman in his life lied about the paternity of her son. Because, the implicit message is, women are the ones who can’t be trusted.

The story, and the collection, ends with Yunior acknowledging his ex was right to leave, before deciding that he should write a book about the experience. That it would make a good story. That the pain of the women in his life could benefit his career. It’s beyond metafiction. In the story and in life, the writer profits off of the damage he has done.

Here’s what I’m trying to say: This is How You Lose Her was the most formative book to my own writing career. I am trying to say that the worlds Díaz created allowed me to see myself in the predominately white literary landscape, that the characters on the pages looked like people in my own life, that the stories are deeply misogynist, and that they still deeply matter to me. The book that I thought was a love letter to women and girls like me is more of a rumination on male loss of women. Ultimately, Yunior is sorrier that he misses Magda than that he hurt her. But still, the book matters to me. Regardless of how I feel about it now, it encouraged me to seriously pursue writing, and to value the ways my family tells the story of our migration to the United States. Poet Melissa Lozada-Oliva’s collection Peluda features a poem, “Lip Stain Must Ache,” that explores her relationship to This is How You Lose Her. In it, she says, “It doesn’t matter if I can remember the passage correctly, because I remember the way it made me feel, which is seen, which is defined, which is loved.” While the poem was lovely before, it means so much to me now, in that it reminds me that even if book was written for me, it did a lot for my writing. Eventually, because of those works in part, maybe my own books will be loved by women and girls like me.

The book that I thought was a love letter to women and girls like me is more of a rumination on male loss of women.

Despite the stories not being for me, I still hope one day Junot Díaz reads my stories or poems and loves them. In the weeks since the allegations, many have been quick to discard his work, or to rush to his defense (“But it was because he was abused”). I’m not offering any easy answers or quick solutions. I’m angry and hurt too. It’s just also not true that I can pretend this book didn’t change my life. I’m just here, sifting through the pages of my favorite stories, hoping that he really has changed and grown, that he’s really sorry. That the women he has hurt, and that Yunior has hurt, have found some kind of healing.

Why Is America Obsessed with Dead Girls?

Dead Girls explores America’s obsession with women’s bodies as bright young corpses, from TV shows about fictional murdered women (like Twin Peaks, True Detective, or Veronica Mars) to news cycles about real murdered women. But these stories are rarely about women: “There can be no redemption for the Dead Girl, but it is available to the person solving her murder,” Bolin writes in her opening essay, “Toward a Theory of the Dead Girl Show.” “Just as for the murderers, for the detectives…the victim’s body is a neutral arena on which to work out male problems.”

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Bolin’s essays enfold a range of American obsessions: mass shootings, reality TV, dehumanization, LA noir, and witchcraft — and the ways women’s bodies inform all of the above.

One week before meeting in person at a conference, we negotiated the time difference between Memphis and Brooklyn to talk about the consumption of fictional Dead Girls, the dehumanizing of Britney Spears, and the ways women survive.


Deirdre Coyle: In Dead Girls, you say you find yourself wanting to apologize for the book’s title because it “evince[s] a lurid and cutesy complicity in the very brutality it critiques.” I can’t imagine it being called anything else. What made you decide to fully lean into that luridness?

Alice Bolin: I knew it was going to be called Dead Girls from the instant I knew that I was writing the book. It definitely did have to do with marketing; in my mind I was like, “people will buy a book that’s called that.” It’s a good title. I didn’t really think beyond that. But as I was finishing the book, I became more and more uncomfortable with the idea of selling it on Dead Girls, because I am critiquing all these other people who are selling their thing that is really is not about women or the struggle of girls at all. Quite often, Dead Girl stories are about men and their problems. But the dead girl is the selling point, or the way in. And I was like, well, am I doing that same thing? It gets to my overall discomfort with whether it’s possible to write a subversive Dead Girls story, or whether there’s a place for those stories at all. So I’m thinking, am I part of the problem, too?

DC: Where did you start in the collection? What was the first essay?

AB: Really, the beginning of the essay collection was when I moved to L.A. and started writing a lot about the noir, and about my experience moving to L.A., and literary L.A. That was where it started coming together because I kept coming back to these crime stories that fascinated me. Feeling lonely and bored and kind of morose, I was drawn to stuff that was really morbid: watching true crime shows and Twin Peaks and going to the graveyard and sulking around. My personal life and my more creative interests were dovetailing at that point.

Quite often, Dead Girl stories are about men and their problems. But the dead girl is the selling point, or the way in.

DC: Was this loneliness related to your renewed interest in the noir?

AB: Yeah, for sure. The famous L.A. noir In a Lonely Place by Dorothy B. Hughes typifies for me that sort of Los Ange-lonely thing. Of course, it’s a huge city, but the kind of loneliness you feel there is a bit perverse, because it’s so beautiful, and the weather is perfect. But there is a lot of dread inherent in the landscape and in all of these natural disasters, or the sort of man-made disasters of urban sprawl and drought. That personal loneliness that I felt I tied to this broader loneliness of the city.

DC: You write that Dead Girls is a “book about [your] fatal flaw: that [you] insist on learning everything from books,” which is very relatable, and probably relatable to most people reading Electric Lit. This seems to apply to your relationship to Dead Girl stories as well as your relationship to Los Angeles (you write about reading Khadijah Queen’s I’m So Fine and Joan Didion’s Play It As It Lays). Would you say that your expectations have been dramatically changed by literature in all aspects of your life?

AB: Absolutely. And not just literature. I grew up in Idaho, and in northern Idaho, which is the even more remote and isolated part of one of the most remote and isolated states in the U.S. I was always reading magazines, watching TV a million hours a day, because I was hungry for this world outside what I could see and experience, this world that felt more valid to me than the world around me. So this idea that I could learn everything from reading, or that I could learn about “real life” from reading, comes a lot from that. It’s not a bad thing, and I think that clearly has been my strength — now I’m a cultural critic. A lot of that comes from this voracious interest in the world just beyond my reach. But at the same time, I do think it is a flaw in a certain way, believing what you read more than what you see, more than what you experience, and subordinating my own experiences, or the experiences of the people around me, to the experiences people I consider more important or smart, like Joan Didion. That is how you start to buy into these dumbass myths and romanticized notions.

DC: In your essay “Black Hole,” you talk about two mass shootings in your hometown of Moscow, Idaho. It’s interesting how you can grow up in a place and feel that it’s not “real life,” and it’s boring, but — and you can correct me if you don’t feel this way — when something really horrible happens, it doesn’t make that place feel more like the “real life” that you aspired to.

AB: Right! And I think there’s always been freaky violence in Moscow for a town that’s so small. I mean, it’s a town of 25,000 people. But growing up, there were always murders that happened there, there were always things that you would read about in the paper. I didn’t realize at the time that that level of violence was beyond what would be normal for a town that small. There are lots of reasons why; it does have to do with gun control, it does have to do with it being a little bit of a hub because the University of Idaho is there, so there are lots of people coming in and out, and cultural things, and political things. It affects your self-esteem in a weird way, to be attached to a place where freaky, violent things happen. Where you’re like, what does this say about me? Why did this happen where I grew up? Once when I was living in LA, there were two murders at the laundromat that was thirty feet from my house. And in this very selfish, self-absorbed way, it made me feel terrible. It made me question everything that I was doing, because that kind of violence really taints your experience. I think it has a lot to do with this ambient dread that we experience in America today, with the level of random violence that can happen at any moment. It affects the way we think about ourselves.

DC: Do you think that being around that more than the average person in a small town channeled your later interest in consuming this type of media as well?

AB: Absolutely. I write about this in the book, but there’s a sense in popular culture that the Northwest is serial killer breeding ground. That’s where Ruby Ridge happened; there’s all of these crime stories, even Twin Peaks. There’s this moody, creepy sense that that’s what the Northwest is. I was very aware of that growing up, and was sort of like, “Oh, yeah, sure. There are serial killers everywhere.” It totally channeled my interest at a really young age in horrible crimes, because they were happening very close to home.

DC: There’s a passage in the essay “A Teen Witch’s Guide to Staying Alive” that I found particularly relatable: “I was afraid to make my darkness real by writing it; reading my own dark thoughts was embarrassing and rife with talismanic power. Revising my diary was a ritual to carve those feelings from myself, protecting my inner life even in a space that was supposed to be secret.” Did you ever feel this way writing Dead Girls?

AB: Definitely. When I was writing, I was very conscious of the witchy power of writing, or the sort of magical power or words and letters. You know, a spell is so interesting to us because it’s the words that make something happen. They aren’t just empty; they’re an action in themselves. I don’t know to what extent it’s just human, but in our culture, we do think of words as having this deep power. There’s a level where it feels like when you say something you make it real. And when you write something in a book, it feels more true than if you think it in your head. So I was thinking about that vulnerability, and the scary power that come with writing.

DC: Writing is a socially acceptable power. If you write something down, it changes the fabric of reality, even if it’s just your own reality.

AB: And I think when I first started writing, when I first started writing poetry, I would write poems about boys who didn’t even care about me or know who I was. But in the poem, we could be together, or there could be something going on between us. That sounds so psycho, but for me that truly was something that made me love writing as a college student. I felt empowered by that, that I could change my reality by writing it. And nobody could say anything about it, and nobody could do anything about it. Clearly I’m more interested now in writing things that are truthful, or discovering the truth, instead of slanting the truth or making a truth that I want to be real. But at the same time, I do still feel like you create a persona, or you craft a self, and that is empowering, being able to revise or revisit a past self.

DC: Throughout these essays, your concept of Dead Girls expands to encompass not only the fictional Dead Girls of shows like Twin Peaks or True Detective, but also living celebrities like Britney Spears and reality TV stars like Alexis Neiers. It’s obviously not a direct comparison, but how do you think public consumption of these celebrities relates to our consumption of fictional televised dead girls?

I think about Britney Spears as a ‘living Dead Girl’, somebody who was so coveted by the culture that essentially she became no longer human.

AB: The connection is metaphorical in some ways. I think about Britney Spears especially as sort of a “living Dead Girl.” Especially at the time of what we think of as her “breakdown,” there was truly this hunger for her, to know what she was doing, to talk and gossip about her, to follow her and document everything she did. It really was a dehumanizing process, basically. Somebody who was so coveted by the culture that essentially she became no longer human.

But the subtitle [of my book] is “Essays on Surviving an American Obsession.” I’m also really interested in stories of survival, and the ways that women outrun the Dead Girl, or the ways that women are actually able to become women, and no longer girls. Some of those stories, like about Britney Spears, or Alexis Neiers, or even Lindsay Lohan, are compelling to me because these women, despite all odds, didn’t die, didn’t succumb, and did find a way to survive. Even if it’s not how we would have wanted them to survive, or even if it’s not the story that we would have chosen for them. They did make it through.

DC: That’s one way that you make the book about women. There’s a line in your introduction, “I have tried to make something about women from stories that were always and only about men.”

AB: Yeah, I think so, too. And often, those stories that we make about women are not going to be completely satisfying, or they’re not going to fulfill our moral or ethical ideas about the ways that women should live their lives. But the fact of our culture, and the double-binds that women are put in, mean that survival often does take those dissatisfying paths.

DC: You also say in the witchcraft essay that “It’s clear that if both good and bad witches are going to find ways to survive, their methods will not always be ones we approve of,” which is a similar idea.

AB: That’s one thing that I’m thinking about in [the essay] “Accomplices” too. Like Patti Hearst, white women often survive because of the ways that we are willing to mercilessly cut off other people who we could be helping. So I want to think about the ways that women survive, and do that without judgment, while at the same time trying to encourage people to think beyond survival, to a more fair society.

White women often survive because of the ways that we are willing to mercilessly cut off other people who we could be helping.

DC: There were a number of meta moments in the text, where you step back and address your readers. To me, the most striking was in the essay “Just Us Girls,” where you write that the teenage girl characters in the movie Ginger Snaps, “in their transgressions and their transformations, are still participating in a narrative authored and perpetuated by a society that desires for girls to be wild, perverse, and ‘in need of the civilizing hand of man.’” And then — I gasped when I read the next line — “I am attempting to avoid these traps sprung in the narratives of female experience, like I’m winding my way through some sort of feminist labyrinth — how do you think I’m doing?” There were a number of moments like that in the text that I found really striking, and I wondered if that happened organically for you, when you were writing?

AB: I can’t remember exactly in that essay. That may have been a result of some back-and-forth with my editor, where I just decided to address the elephant in the room, which was, ‘I’m talking about how difficult it is to write it is to write a feminist story, and how difficult these constraints are of what is feminism and what are we allowed to do and not allowed to do.’ And so I was like, well, maybe I’ll just explain what I’m actually trying to do and let the reader decide. Because I’m interested in those negotiations that we have to make to make a feminist text. And to what extent I want to play with being transgressive, or push the envelope, or question received political notions, while also being ethical and appropriate and not just recreating stories that are satisfying but maybe, in the end, not empowering.

I’m speaking in a lot of abstractions, but in Ginger Snaps, two sisters have this suicide pact because they don’t want to grow up and become a part of this really gross, sexist society. But one of the sisters sees that if they kill themselves when they’re sixteen, they’re playing into this culture that wants them to be dead girls anyway. They have no option. It’s an impossible situation.

Writing this book, I came up against that problem many times, of having no way to be a “good feminist,” in Roxane Gay-speak. So I left it up to the audience to decide. It’s something I learned from poetry, too. I had a teacher in grad school who said, ‘Sometimes you should just write in the poem what your hope for the poem is.’ I’ve always found that in essays it works, too. Write what you’re actually attempting to do, and let your audience decide whether that’s what you’re doing or not.

DC: This is a selfish question, because it’s something I want the answer to. Maybe I’m just looking for recommendations. Do you still consume, or enjoy consuming, the conventional Dead Girl story?

AB: Not as much as I used to. My tolerance for violence has actually gone so far down, through writing the book. Even watching Killing Eve, which I think is great, I was like, “Ugh, I can’t do this.” At times I would have to turn it off because it’s so violent and horrifying. Analyzing my connection to some of those stories made me enjoy them much less.

I talk a lot in the book about our addiction to narrative, and that if something is a good story, we implicitly think that it’s true, or that its values are valid. And I think that’s totally wrong. Often a good story is feeding us really bad politics. It’s like a spoonful of sugar that helps the politics go down. That’s why I just watch YouTube videos of people putting on makeup. I can’t even deal with these stories anymore. I overanalyze them to death.