Paramount to Launch Marvel-Style Dickensian Film Franchise With Action Flick “Tiny Tim”

ETA: April Fools!

In the ever-interconnected cinematic money-making game, Paramount pictures recently revealed its plans to compete with the likes of Disney’s “Star Wars” films and the complex Marvel Cinematic Universe. Starting this Christmas, Paramount will release the action film Tiny Tim, which is only the first in a new mega-franchise linking characters from Charles Dickens novels into one unified cinematic franchise.

In the press release reportedly just leaked from a Paramount insider, the plot of Tiny Tim is implicitly said to be a “re-imagining/sequel to A Christmas Carol (the novel.)” A report at The Latino Review also has released a descriptions of the teaser-trailer for Tiny Tim. From their article:

“Viewers will see a bedraggled Englishman in Victorian-era garb being beaten by Victorian-era thugs. The thugs say “Mr. Scrooge wants ‘is money,” as the helpless man pleads for mercy. A jump-cut establishes the shadowed-face of a young man wearing a newsie cap and smoking a Victorian-era cigarette. This man says, “leave ‘im alone.” The thugs turn and the man (now revealed to be leaning on a crutch) flies into Crouching-Tiger-Hidden-Dragon action, dispatching the gang with a combination of martial arts and crutch-thwacking. When the dust clears, we see the man’s face (most likely James McAvoy) as he utters his the words “Suck My Dickens.” The screen then goes black for a moment until four words appear on the screen(each punctuated by a bullet sound effect): GOD BLESS US EVERYONE. After a large explosion, the words TINY TIM/Christmas 2015 appear.”

The new face of Tiny Tim?

The Paramount press release seems to confirm the Latino Review rumor and that Tiny Tim is indeed a grown- up version of the boy Tiny Tim from A Christmas Carol, only this time, cast as a kind of John McClain vigilante. Both the press release and the leaked trailer description corroborate the idea that Tiny Tim has two distinct catchphrases; “Suck my dickens” for the redband trailer and “God Bless Us Everyone,” for general release. The press release reportedly goes on to detail the fact that characters from future Dickensverse films will make either cameo appearances featured in Tiny Tim or will feature in a post-credits sequence. Specifically, one member of Tiny Tim’s gang will be the Artful Dodger, rumored to be played by Jack Gleeson of Game of Thrones fame. This gestures at a possible stand-alone film featuring either the Artful Dodger and Fagin, which could, of course, serve as a full-on-prequel to an Oliver Twist film. Some fans are already theorizing that this ambitious plan may eventually result in a full on team-up in which Pip (from Great Expectations) Fezziwig (from A Christmas Carol) , Sidney Carton (from A Tale of Two Cities) and Oliver join forces to battle a ponzi scheme perpetrated by Little Dorrit, Fagin and the now-evil, Artful Dodger. (Which all would of course be in line with the seldom-read Dickens sequence of stories, later collected under the title Full-On Team Up) However, some fans feel the connection between the stand-alone Fezziwig film is unlikely, since it’s thought to be a modern-day Wolf of Wall Street– film in which Jack Black plays a drunken Fezziwig who actually victimizes a version of Scrooge who is played by Jonah Hill.

Of course, because the all the Dickens heroes are in the public domain, Paramount’s plans for the Dickensverse is totally unconnected to the Wes Anderson reboot of A Christmas Carol, which will feature only actors from The Royal Tenenbaums, but this time, as their obvious Dickensian counterparts. (I.E. Gene Hackman will play Scrooge, Owen Wilson will play Jacob Marley, Gwyneth Paltrow as the Ghost of Christmas Past, etc.)

And while neither the press-release link nor the Latino Review report can be confirmed, look for the 15-second teaser trailer of Tiny Tim later this week.

Who do you hope plays The Ghost of Christmas Future in Tiny Tim?