Ted Wilson Reviews the World: A Comb


Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of the world. Today I am reviewing a comb.

Most people have hair as well as a desire to see that hair groomed, so this review will have very broad appeal. I came across a comb recently that was your standard black comb but with one exception: Even though it was new and right out of the package, there was a hair in it as if it had been used. I was grossed out but quite intrigued.

I looked around to see if I could match the hair to any of the other customers in the store. There were eight different possible candidates the but none of them would admit it was theirs. Without a DNA test I was out of luck.

I contacted the maker of the comb, Hotel Quality Hair Care Products International to ask if anyone working in their factory had lost a hair. The nice woman I spoke with explained that they do not have a factory and all their combs are made in China. I contacted China but have yet to receive a response.

Other than the errant strand of hair, it was a great comb! Comb technology reached its apex decades ago and no one has come along to disrupt it. There are no electric combs or combs connected to the internet to tell you when your hair is messy. Combs are just combs, simple and effective. If the comb doesn’t work, it’s your hair that’s the problem.

Even bald or slovenly people would enjoy this comb if only for the sensation of dozens of little teeth running along one’s scalp. It feels both invigorating and slightly sensual. It made me feel like an ace.

Unfortunately I lost the comb. That’s to be expected. Lost combs litter America. But when I purchased a new one, it was like the old one had never left me. The combs were identical in every way. Genius.

BEST FEATURE: The comb can very easily be turned into a shiv if needed.
WORST FEATURE: One of the prongs dislodged and got stuck in my ear canal.

Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing a wicker basket.


More Like This

The Famous Artist Wellness Plan™

Side effects may vary, and include (but are not limited to) addiction, bloating, and headaches

Mar 24 - Mina Manchester & Russ Rubin

On the Eighth Day God Attended a Writing Workshop

"God Joins a Writing Workshop and the Old Testament Critique Doesn't Go Well," flash fiction by RL Maizes

Sep 19 - RL Maizes

That Guy in Your MFA’s 10 Rules for Novelists

I have placed a short story in a very prominent literary journal that may or may not exist, so I know what I’m talking about

Nov 23 - Dana Schwartz
Thank You!