Ted Wilson Reviews the World: Hillary Clinton

★★★★☆ (4 out of 5)

Many people know Hillary Clinton as the former First Lady and former Secretary of State. After last night, a new generation will know her as the first woman to be nominated for President and as Donald Trump’s greatest enemy, after himself.

Everything Donald says makes him sound so afraid of her, but aren’t we always most afraid of the things we don’t understand? Not to imply that Donald doesn’t understand women. After having been married so many times, how could he not? What I suspect Donald is having trouble understanding is how he truly feels about Hillary. She’s a smart, powerful, accomplished woman. Just like Donald. For a man who loves himself so much, how could he not love someone who is so similar?

Hillary probably wouldn’t be interested though. Ever since her husband cheated on her, I suspect she may be too hurt to even consider another relationship. Some people thought she should have dumped her husband, but being able to forgive someone takes a lot of strength and courage. If she could have made a forgiveness album like Beyoncé did, it would have been harder to criticize Hillary for her difficult emotional decision.

(On a side note, why aren’t Beyoncé concerts called Beyoncerts?)

Hillary sure is busy, and that’s probably my biggest misgiving. When I ran for President in 2012 I was busy campaigning but I still had time to watch movies and take naps and do some gardening. For a candidate who had only one real competitor, Hillary didn’t need to work so hard. Hopefully now that she’s received the nomination she’ll take it easy on herself.

A Democrat friend of mine says he won’t vote for Hillary because she’s corrupt and he wants to make a statement. I’m no fan of corruption in government either, but it’s sort of like being fed up with corn syrup in Sour Patch Kids when you’re lost in the desert and it’s all you have to eat. It’s not really the time to complain, especially not when we have the chance to see a woman become President.

I’ve wanted to see a woman become President for so long that I actually voted for Newt Gingrich one year, because I thought that was a woman’s name. I’m still not entirely sure Newt isn’t a woman, even after seeing pictures of him/her.

BEST FEATURE: In college Hillary could bench over 200 lbs.
WORST FEATURE: I saw her at the beach once and she has a mole on her back I worry could be malignant.

Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing applesauce.