TED WILSON REVIEWS THE WORLD: MORSE CODE

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Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of the world. Today I am reviewing Morse code.

Of all the codes, Morse code is so easy to decipher that it barely counts as a code. You’d have to be at a real loss for codes to end up using it. I bet the inventor, Samuel Morse, was really disappointed when his code was deciphered so quickly. He probably regretted naming it after himself, because now the most useless code in the world is associated with him.

Just to show you how easy Morse code is to decipher, I’m going to reveal to you my deepest, darkest secret. If you decide you want to know it, you can decode it in about 45 minutes. I tested it on my paperboy and that’s how long it took him to decode it before he ran away.

— — -. -.-. . .. .-.. . — .- — .-. .- …- . .-.. .. -. — . …. .. . — . . — . .. . .-.. .. …- . .. -. — -. — — . .- .-. .- — . . .- -. -.. .. ..-. . -.. …. .. — -.-. .- — ..-. — — — — -.. .- … .- . — . .-. .- -. -.- .- -. -.. — …. . -. . -..- — -.. .- -. — …. . …- .- -. .. … …. . -.. .- -. -.. .. . — .- … . — — — .-. .-. .. . -.. — …. . ..-. — — — — -.. — .- -.. . …. .. — … .. -.-. -.- .- -. -.. …. . -.-. .-. .- . — .-.. . -.. — — ..-. ..-. … — — — . . — …. . .-. . — — — -.. .. . .. -.-. …. . -.-. -.- . -.. .- .-.. .-.. — -. — -. . .. — . …. -… — — .-. … — . .- .-. .- — . . … .- -. -.. ..- -. -.. . .-. — …. . .. .-. . — . — — .-. -.-. …. . … -… ..- — — …. . …. .. . — . . — . .. . . — .- … -. — .- -. -. — . — …. . .-. . .. ..-. …. . . — .- … -.. . .- -.. … — — — . . — …. . .-. . .- -. -.. — …. . -. — .-. .- -. .- -. .- ..- — — — . — . … -. — .- -. -.. ..-. — — ..- -. -.. …. . -.. -… . . -. ..-. . -.. -.-. .- — ..-. — — — — -.. .. — -.-. — — ..- .-.. -.. -… . — .-. .- -.-. . -.. -… .- -.-. -.- — — — — . … — — .. . — — ..- … — — — — …- . -.. — — — .- -. . . — — — — . — -. .. -. . …- . .-. …. . .- .-. -.. .- -. -. — — …. .. -. — . .- -… — — ..- — — …. .- — …. .. . — . . — . .. . .- — . .- .. -. . …- . .-. … .. -. -.-. . .- .-.. .-.. — …. .. … …. .- . — . . — . . -. . -.. .. — .- ..-. .-. .- .. -.. — — — — .- .-.. -.- — — — …. .. . — . . — . .. . … ..-. — — .-. ..-. . .- .-. — …. .- — .. — .. — . …. — . -. -.. ..- . — . .. -. — …. . … .- — . … .. — ..- .- — .. — — -. .. -.-. .- -. — -.- . . . — . — — — …- .. -. — . ..-. .-. — — — — — — . — -. — — — — — — . — -.

I’ve never heard anyone talk in morse code before although one easily could. Each line is represented by a long sound, and each dot represents a short sound. It’s one of the only codes that can be written and spoken.

After going back through all the newspapers in my town for the past 50 years, I could find no record of Morse code being used. No Morse code festivals, no Morse code stores. Nothing. It is clearly on the verge of extinction, which I’m sure must frighten Samuel Morse’s heirs who are likely still receiving royalties. This is exactly the type of reason why I didn’t want royalties for my work on Melrose Place — because I didn’t want to become dependent on it.

BEST FEATURE: If you turn the M in Morse upside down it says Worse code.
WORST FEATURE: There are no other shapes besides lines and dots. At least throw in a star or something. Pretty boring, if you ask me.

Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing Hydrox.

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