Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing The Dorchester Library.

Because my cell phone doesn’t get the internet, and my home computer is an electric typewriter, I have to go to the library to do my web-surfing. But the internet isn’t the only reason I go to the library. Yes, their computer gets all the websites — and according to the sign that asks patrons to please stop visiting adult websites, it gets those too — but the Dorchester Library is so much more.

It’s a great place to make friends. You’d think making friends at the library would be tough, because talking isn’t allowed, but a lot can be said with the eyes. In fact, some of my best conversations have been strictly via eye contact. I have friends I’ve met at the library who I’ve never spoken to with my mouth. I even undressed someone with my eyes once. It was consensual.

Some people make it very clear they don’t want new friends at the library. Instead, they want to keep their face buried in a book to escape to whatever world they’re reading about. That’s fine by me. I never try to pressure anyone into friendship. Not since the time I pressured someone into a friendship and it turned out we didn’t make good friends and then I had to admit my mistake.

There is a good selection of books in which to bury one’s face. And if the book you’re looking for isn’t at the library, they’ll order it for you. If they can’t order it for you, the book might not exist, or you might not be at the library. Check the sign first to make sure it’s the library you’re entering. You might be at the post office. There’s a lot of overlap with their customer base and it’s easy to confuse the two.

If books aren’t your thing, the library has a lot of DVDs of movies that used to be books. I don’t have a DVD player so I’ve never gone into the DVD room, but it looks nice. The crowd in that part of the library is a lot younger than me.

One great thing is the public servants (librarians) who will do whatever you ask if it is library related and legal. It’s like having your own butler if you lived in a house full of books. The only librarian who won’t do what you ask is Margo. She only does what she wants.

BEST FEATURE: Great spot to nap! I fell asleep there once and no one disturbed me.

WORST FEATURE: Unfortunately I slept for two days. I missed an appointment and several meals. When I awoke my wallet and shoes were gone.

Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing a jar of mayonnaise.

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