TED WILSON REVIEWS THE WORLD: VACCINATIONS

★★★☆☆

Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing vaccinations.

Recently, there’s been a lot of disagreement about vaccinations which I’ve learned about while researching the topic on Twitter.com. Twitter is like an encyclopedia that doesn’t take too long to read. It seems some people prefer to have their children vaccinated because they want to give them autism. Others avoid vaccinations because of Obama.

I never got vaccinated and except for the time I temporarily died from measles, I turned out fine. Those two minutes and ten seconds are gone forever though. Then again, my nephew got all kinds of vaccinations and he’s fine, too. So I don’t know, maybe vaccinations don’t really matter either way?

Jim Carrey would disagree. He’s not in favor of vaccinations at all. He’s so committed to this belief that he sent out a very stern tweet saying so. If that doesn’t show he cares, what does? And if there’s anyone who know’s about science, it’s a celebrity who quit school at age 15 and spent decades playing Stephen Hawking.

Who wants to get a needle stuck in their arm? I guess it depends on what’s being injected, but most people don’t. If vaccinations came in the form of a chewy candy, or a Paul Rudd doll you could just rub on your skin, I think a lot fewer people would object to them. Paul Rudd might object.

I’m excited for the day when genetic engineering is so prevalent that vaccinations are obsolete, and then people will stop arguing about them. Then we can argue about whether we should engineer our children to have bird wings. The pro-wing side will talk about the dangers of tiger attacks on land-dwelling children, and the anti-wing nuts will have something to gripe about I’m sure.

Vaccinations raise a lot of questions in my mind, but none of those questions are as pressing as one: Who stole my rake from my yard? I think it was there yesterday when I dozed off in my lawn chair but when I woke up I didn’t see it. Why would someone steal a rake in the summer? After I figure out the rake situation I can get back to vaccinations.

BEST FEATURE: Not contracting and/or spreading diseases to people.
WORST FEATURE: If you tell the wrong person you got your kids vaccinated, you’re likely to get punched, or at the very least, not invited to a party.

Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing Ted Bundy.

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