The Literary Canon of Carlos Danger Characters

Like Anthony Weiner, Electric Literature is no stranger to sexting or dick pics. In fact, we’re so proud of our salacious history, that if we ran for Mayor of the Publishing World, we’d base our entire campaign platform around sexting readers. But before we make any more campaign promises, it’s time to jump on the latest meme: mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner apparently used “Carlos Danger” as his sexting pseudonym. Now, thanks to the Carlos Danger Name Generator, anyone can have anonymous sext. Since we’re known for asking the hard questions, I ask, what would literature do?
Here are some of your favorite literary characters and their official Carlos Danger pseudonyms:

Hester Prynne = Narciso Jeopardy

Holden Caulfield = Gilberto Catastrophe

Huckleberry Finn = Carmelo Risk

Elizabeth Bennet = Mateo Smash

Humbert Humbert = Ricardo Smash*

Jane Eyre = Pascual Distress

Leopold Bloom = Julio Cesar Dynamite

Atticus Finch = Marcelino Covert

Eliza Doolittle = Lorenzo Gamble

Moby Dick = Alberto Death

*Let the record show that Elizabeth Bennett has found a new man, and Humbert Humbert is now into older women.

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 — Benjamin Samuel is the co-editor of Electric Literature, and he approves this sext. Find him on Twitter.