Nobody ever begins from where it hurts. Overcome with ache, have we not lived
our lives thinking ourselves whole? Have we not thought the echoes our hymn of being
complete? Look at the flowers. How they wait patiently in the morning for the red sun.
Listen to their threnodies, all that yearning. Because we have been nothing but bodies.
Nothing but wraps of skin waiting to be filled with music—and every time we
kissed, another chorus unfurled. I was lost to the symphony of our flesh and lips.
Because love greets a body soft like a finger seeking only to open. Soft like flowers
warming to the red sun. And did we not open? Did we not arise out of the earth
woundless and whole? We were slick, and the world was newborn. O, we were alive.
And there were hearts beating in us. In that night so white and verdant,
nothing mourned. Such sweet thing it is to be complete. And so what? If we be
but lambs running through love's vast fields, then let us run. I have tasted
the silence. I have tasted the song. I know now what is worthy of being kept,
what is worthy of being lived through. I know now the point where the music
begins to rain. Where we begin to sing
Anti—
The night trudges on. A father teaches his daughter, albeit feebly, to ride the bicycle.
Watch her dabble in her fields of joy. Full of glee, her wounds still empty of knees.
At some point, the father gets on the bike, and over the tarmac wings unfurl. His body
cutting into space—and she, stuck on Earth, staring. The longing soaking us like hot water.
A longing so forlorn. Like how I have stared at my life—this weak thing, aching for flight.
To escape the dark jungle of my country, my birthland. I do not wish to be devoured. Do
not wish to be yet another sacrifice to another abdominal god. At least the headlights held us
with mercy. All of that brilliance beholding flesh. No wonder the deer see them as
salvation, even as their bodies greet the metal. And are they wrong? What have we garnered
from all our years of living in the dark? What have we gathered if not these bodies clawed
and torn? I do not wish to be devoured. Our youth was not meant to be spent evading
wolves. Darling, I know you tire of my lament. You hope that someday I would
write a poem about this country. Sing of her beauty, praise her magnificence.
But are we not wounded? How much flattery can unlatch from the prey the predator’s jaw?
We will tell ourselves these lies tomorrow. But for now, sit, let us dwell on the blood staining
everywhere. Let us talk about our country, and her ferocity. Her howls, her sharp teeth.
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