No One Was Exploited in the Production of this Space Tea
Extrasolar Teas Box
Extrasolar Teas — Xenobiotic teas, grown where they grow, cultivated by their cultivators
Flower of Suhwill
Behold our oldest tea. A sharp, herbaceous cup with a smooth soothing finish sure to assuage your stress and awaken your yeetsu.
In 2438, Lee Paoder made the discovery of a lifetime. Studying the flora of the Suhwill archipelago, he observed a murmuration of 100,000 Suhwill people. This was the ceremony of Hushueeo, “Yearly Obeisance,” in which all the Queen’s subjects imbibe Flower of Suhwill tea and take flight in the throes of yeetsu.
Paoder fell in love with the tea, but knew it could never grow on Earth. So he founded Extrasolar Teas. Eighty years later, we stand by his belief that xenobiotic teas grow best in their native ecosphere, and machine harvesters are no replacement for our brilliant indigenous workers.
When traditional Suhwill tea masters lost their sight and flight, they would retire from growing tea to serving it. Follow their ancestral wisdom and brew a cup fit for ceremony.
1. Heat 6 oz. water to 90º C.
2. Place one Flower of Suhwill on the water’s surface.
3. When the flower sinks, the tea is ready. Sip tranquility.
The Flower of Suhwill tree is as ingenious as the Suhwill people themselves. The soothing effect it delivers is a natural pesticide which kills insectomorphs and causes an intoxicating addiction in larger, root-devouring vermin. But don’t worry—to humans, it only brings a gentle serenity.
The Old Masters …
Traditional Tea Masters dug tunnels beneath their groves to access the deep roots of the tea tree and gouge them with their beaks. This gouging mimicked the bites of vermin, inducing the trees to synthesize their tranquilizing pesticide in high concentrations.
At midday, when the flowers bloom, the masters would pluck the topmost blossom of each tree.
… And the New
Our daytime harvesters are equipped with protective eye gear, and our root gougers take flight breaks outside the tunnels every two hours. Unlike old tea masters who “lost sight and flight” after a decade of tending grove, our new master cultivators will enjoy long, healthy careers—some may even work their whole lives!
Ingredients: FLOWER OF SUHWILL, DUST ORANGE (A PRESERVATIVE).
Better End Certified • Member of Orion Arm Organic • 0 Profit Certified • Graded A+ by UNCEB • Trust in Us™ Verified • Signatory to the Jakarta Pact • We Hire Indigenous • Rated 3800 on the Orickson Equity Index
Extrasolar Teas is a founding member of the Better End Initiative. Scan here to learn more.
Extrasolar Teas is a proud MATCO company
The Extrasolar Commitment
We believe tea can’t be enjoyed if you’re worrying that the workers who grew it were mistreated. That’s why we founded the Better End Initiative, ensuring that indigenous workers always get the better end of the deal. Our indigenous employees are compensated for the full value of their labor +10%, as calculated by the UNCEB networked intelligence. Drink with satisfaction, knowing your money has gone to the right people.
Spotlight on Suhwill
Meet Huotseetsa. She’s a Suhwill mother of seven, and a master root gouger for Extrasolar Teas. Through our partnership with the Kingdom of Suhwill government, her children are guaranteed seats in the Queen’s University and premium healthcare. Not to mention, Huotseetsa is never short on Flower of Suhwill—all our Suhwill employees take home three flowers every day, culled from the most vital and potent flowers of the harvest.
Party all day
Though the Suhwill are nocturnal, they make special exception for ceremony days
For every thousand boxes of tea we sell, we donate one MATCO receiver plant to the Kingdom of Suhwill
Bigger than M-Day
The largest murmuration of Suhwill ever contained 537,000 individuals
Traditional tea masters plucked 400-500 flowers per day. A skilled Extrasolar harvester can pluck up to 800!
Yeetsu, meaning “surrender” or “docility,” is the state of carefree calm which millions of Suhwill achieve on ceremony days
Traditional tea masters were forbidden from drinking the tea they spent their lives growing and serving
The Extrasolar Bulletin
Mountain Centenar — We can’t get enough of our latest discovery. Grown only in the polar mountains of Centenar, this spicy, invigorating loose-leaf is your perfect morning wake-up, and a great mid-day energy boost too. Scan to purchase
Branch-dried Chat*a — The Ina’’grasa people have been perfecting this sophisticated fermented tea for millennia. Enjoy it cold and taste the secret delicacy the Ina’’grasa have hidden away all along. Scan to purchase
Orion Arm Medley — A new blend of our favorite dried-leaf teas, including smoky Black Chat*a, herbal Illi Long, and sweet floral Golden Tsee. Scan to purchase
This year we celebrate our 80th anniversary by giving back to the people who’ve brought us this far—our brilliant indigenous workers. Starting this Spring, all Extrasolar farmers will receive lifetime supplies of Flower of Suhwill and a MATCO Home Brewer to match. Drink up, Extrasolar family—you’ve earned it!
About the Illustrator
Leanne Renee is a Cuban American illustrator who has been telling stories for over a decade now and will continue to do so even with whiskers and wrinkles.