I Don’t Even Know What I’m Saying Goodbye To

a Comic by Esther Werdiger

I Don’t Even Know What I’m Saying Goodbye To

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Row 1, Panel 1: 
Disembodied lips: B... Bu... Bay... Bee...

Row 1, Panel 2
(Woman looking at pregnant belly in mirror.)

Row 1, Panel 3:
(Woman, in bath tub looking at pregnant belly) I'm having a baby. 

Row 2, Panel 1: 
(Woman, lifting up baby shirt)
 It could happen at any time!

Row 2, Panel 2: 
(Woman, looking at unused stack of paper and pen.) 
I'm disappointed at how little I drew while pregnant. 

Row 2, Panel 3: 
(Woman, sighing: Not a surprise: I am perpetually disappointed at how little I draw, always. 

Row 3, Panel 1: 
(Woman, tossing crumpled paper in trash bin) I WANTED to but nothing I started was any good. 

Row 3, Panel 2: 
(Woman, scribbling) I only managed to finish one comic. 

Row 3, Panel 3: 
It was mostly me complaining -- Waa, I'm so tired. Waaa, my pants don't want to fit. Waaa, this is confusing.

Row 4, Panel 1 
And about how I feel guilty complaining. 

Woman, thinking: You know, you're actually having a really good pregnancy. Some women have it rea-

Row 4, Panel 2 
And just general coming to terms with being pregnant. 

Woman: I get to wear overalls!

Row 4, Panel 2 
(Woman in bed, unable to sleep. Partner sleeping.) I will tell you, it takes every day of nine months to come to terms with it. 

Row 5, Panel 1: 
(Woman lying down, pregnant belly exposed.) Even if it's planned. 

Row 5, Panel 2: 
(Woman, walking.) Even if things are good. 

Row 5, Panel 3: 
(Woman shopping online) So yeah! About to have a baby. 

Row 6, Panel 1: 
(Door ajar.) I am sad about a chapter of my life ending. 

Row 6, Panel 2: 
(Nursery, with newly built crib) I don't even know what I'm saying goodbye to. 

Row 6, Panel 3: 
(Face of new baby.) Or why I'm always so fearful of losses. Even in the face of obvious gains.

Row 7, Panel 1: 
(Picture of woman and husband, just  married.) I tell my husband that I hope I never forget about when it was just us two.  

Row 7, Panel 2: 
(Coffee cups) And we could just do whatever and be so lazy. 

Row 7, Panel 3: 
(Pens and stack of blank paper, ready to draw.) And me thinking that I could always just draw tomorrow. 

Row 8, Panel 1: 
(woman, sleeping) I don't know what my life will soon be like. 

Row 8, Panel 2:
(Woman, holding her new baby.) And yes I'm excited but I'll never feel ready. 

Row 8, Panel 3: 
(Uncapped pen.) These are hard feelings to understand, maybe they will change quickly. For now all I can do is write them down.
Click to enlarge

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