Eat Your Feelings at These New Restaurants for Writers

A writer’s life can be maddening. If editors aren’t ignoring your submissions, your agent is telling you the first 75 pages of your novel are “throat clearing.” Stress getting to you? Eat your feelings at these restaurants designed for writers.

The Memoir Bistro. Every dish is bitter, just like your mother made it. The plastic daisies on the tables are the only flowers that grew in your industrial hometown. All around you, families are screaming, and the waiter is arguing with you about your choices. If this place doesn’t inspire your memoir, nothing will. Sharpened pencils and paper placemats provided so you can take notes.

10 Perfect Writer Gifts We Just Made Up

The Royalty Diner. Features ramen noodles, Kraft mac & cheese, and a variety of breakfast cereals. Dishwashing and bussing positions available for authors looking to improve their financial positions. Writers paid in exposure might want to try the Charlie Dickens Food Bank down the street.

Remembrance of Things Patisserie. Three-hundred-page menu describes baked goods in scrupulous sensory detail. The perfect place to come after an agent suggests trimming your two-volume epic novel by eliminating three subplots and four main characters, and changing the tense and POV. Have a Margaret Mitchell Macchiato or a scoop of Leo Tolstoy Lemon Sorbet while trashing the agency on Twitter. Patisserie’s Wi-Fi password: biteme.

The perfect place to come after an agent suggests trimming your two-volume epic novel by eliminating three subplots and four main characters, and changing the tense and POV.

Rejection Café. Send your meal back with comments like, “The chef obviously has talent, but the spice isn’t what I’m looking for right now,” “I’m sorry, but I just had a dish like this last week,” or “You might want to bring in a consultant to help with your menu.” Don’t worry about insulting the establishment. Having a thick skin is part of being in the restaurant business. Some chefs aim to have 100 meals sent back each year.

Submittable Soda Shop. You’ll have to pay to order, and the service is slow. Try sending the cook a question about the menu, and while you’re at it send one to the Tooth Fairy. On the bright side, the restaurant is open to all, unlike The Big Five Star Restaurant, which can be entered only upon proof of 100,000 Instagram followers or publication in the Paris Review.

Pizzeria al Prizes. You didn’t win a Pulitzer. You weren’t nominated for a National Book Award. And as far as you’re concerned, a Booker is the person who takes your reservation at the Atlantic City Motel 6. Find solace at this Italian eatery where the pasta is shaped like award statues and the napkins say, “Congratulations!” Eat your heart out, Colson Whitehead! Take that, Alice Munro! We hope you’re enjoying your lobster.

Eat your heart out, Colson Whitehead! Take that, Alice Munro! We hope you’re enjoying your lobster.

The Grill. Feel free to pepper the chef with questions like, “How’s that new dish coming along,” “Where do you get your ideas for recipes,” and “How much does the restaurant earn on a meal like this?” Tell her you have an idea for a banquet, but you just don’t have the time to prepare it. Maybe she’d like to do it for you? Don’t worry about the steam coming out of the chef’s ears. That’s just your hamburger cooking.

Bestseller Saloon. Of course, some writers prefer to drink their meals. Sample the saloon’s Kill Your Darlings Cocktail, made with bottom-shelf vodka and muddled scenes from your first draft. Or if your last novel bombed, celebrate your new pen name with a Nom de Plume Martini — we’re not sure what’s in it.

What to Read Instead of Watching the Super Bowl

I n 2016, Colin Kaepernick decided that he was “not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color.” The backup quarterback from the San Francisco 49ers took to sitting and then kneeling during the national anthem. Kaepernick became the face of a movement (and later Nike) protesting racial injustice—but at a cost. He hasn’t played a game since January 1st, 2017, and no NFL team has signed him.

Football is undeniably an intrinsic part of American life. So is racism. This Super Bowl Sunday, read these seven books on racial justice instead. From a definite history of racist thought to a manifesto on peaceful protest, this reading list serves a primer to understanding racial inequality in America.

This Is an Uprising: How Nonviolent Revolt Is Shaping the Twenty-First Century by Mark Engler and Paul Engler

This is an Uprising is an ode to the power of the potential of peace protest. Co-authors Mark Engler and Paul Engler reference movements spanning decades — from Ghandi’s 1930 Salt March and Martin Luther King Jr.’s 1963 Birmingham campaign to the more recent Occupy Wall Street protests — and offer a guide on how to successfully engage in nonviolent protest.

Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America by Ibram X. Kendi

Winner of the 2016 National Book Award for Nonfiction, Stamped from the Beginning explores the complex and insidious history of racist thought. Scholar and historian Ibram X. Kendi traces the development of anti-Black ideology through the centuries, evoking the biographies of such figures as Puritan minister Cotton Mather, founding father Thomas Jefferson, abolitionist William Lloyd Garrison, scholar W.E.B. Du Bois, and activist Angela Davis. In this meticulously researched piece of nonfiction, Kendi provides readers with both familiar and unfamiliar examples of racist ideas so that they have to the tools to recognize and expose racism even in its most nuanced forms.

How to be Less Stupid about Race: on Racism, White Supremacy, and the Racial Divide by Crystal M. Fleming

Crystal M. Fleming’s How to be Less Stupid about Race seeks to educate readers about the Critical Race Theory. Powered by a desire to overcome her own ignorance of systemic inequality, Fleming combines formidable scholarly texts with personal experiences to guide readers through the “social, political, historical, and economic realities of racial oppression.”

White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo

Written by race scholar and diversity trainer Robin DiAngelo, White Fragility works to debunk the notion that “only intentionally mean people can participate in racism.” DiAngelo explains the concept of “white fragility” — feelings of discomfort white audiences experience when presented with topics of race — and challenges her white contemporaries to reassess their own reactions, telling them that they must confront their discomfort to fully engage in necessary conversations about race.

When They Call You a Terrorist: A Black Lives Matter Memoir by Patrisse Khan-Cullors & asha bandele

When They Call You a Terrorist looks into the life and work of Patrisse Khan-Cullors, co-founder of the Black Lives Matter movement. From her childhood in the Los Angeles public housing system to the incarceration of her mentally ill brother to the mobilization of what would become a global movement, this powerful book tackles poverty, mass incarceration, and police brutality.

The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander

Civil rights lawyer Michelle Alexander’s The New Jim Crow is an in-depth examination of America’s prison-industrial complex that disproportionately incarcerates African Americans. Alexander explains how the War on Drugs, racial profiling, and overpolicing led to the mass imprisonment of black men even though white people are more likely to use drugs. Even after serving their sentences, it is legal to deny formerly incarcerated people civil rights like the right of vote and to access education and public benefits. Formerly incarcerated people also face discrimination when applying for employment and housing, relegated them to the fringes of society. Alexander’s compelling evidence-based book shows us that Jim Crow hasn’t ended in America, it’s only been repackaged.

Unapologetic: A Black, Queer, and Feminist Mandate for Radical Movements by Charlene A. Carruthers

Written by Charlene Carruthers, founder of the Black Youth Project, Unapologetic reimagines black radicalism through a queer feminist lens. Carruthers draws inspiration from past models of activism as well as her fourteen years as a community organizer, proposing an inclusive version of black liberation that incorporates feminist and LGBTQ movements. She also identifies several key strategies essential to the creation of a long-lasting, self-sustaining radical movement.

8 Fictional Books in Literature

In the Golden State, the alternative-universe version of California in which my new novel is set, the preservation and maintenance of objective reality is the paramount objective of civic life and law enforcement.

What this means for you and me is that it is illegal to lie.

Purchase the novel

So when the novel’s hero, Laszlo Ratesic, discovers a novel — a fat legal thriller called The Prisoner, hidden in a suspect’s apartment — he doesn’t exactly know what it is, but he knows it’s contraband. What is a novel, after all, but a big long lie? But Laz reads The Prisoner, and is moved by it, and this encounter with the power of story is a turning point in my story, the story of Golden State, and I will tell you confidentially that it was my favorite part to write.

I’ve always found something sort of magical about a book-within-a-book. Stories about stories; storytellers telling stories about storytellers. It is like the author is reminding you, as you are reading, just how extraordinary the whole thing is; what a strange and mystical conspiracy we are all engaged in, readers and writers together.

Misery by Stephen King

They do different things in different books, of course, these interpolated books. There are novels that feature authors as characters, so that an understanding of that author’s work is key to understanding the character, or propelling the plot. Stephen King has used author-protagonists once or twice — when you’ve written as many books as King, you’ve done everything once or twice — but never more powerfully than in Misery, in which a super-fan’s affection for a writer’s romance novels curdles into violent obsession.

Red Clocks by Leni Zumas

A different kind of writer-protagonist turns up in Leni Zumas’s brilliant and startling Red Clocks, a just-barely-speculative cautionary tale about reproductive freedom in America. One of the many frustrations for the high-school teacher heroine, Ro, is her inability to complete her biography of a polar explorer, who was herself frustrated by the constraints put on her, in her time. So the subject of Ro’s work in progress feels trapped, as if in sea ice, just as Ro does in her time, which is our time.

Dissertations Never Die

“Tlön, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius” by Jorge Luis Borges

What I’m trying to get across, in this description of a blurred, ambiguous shadowland between Main Book and Buried Book, is the kind of special power a sub-book can provide to the main one. Try reading, for example, the Borges short story, “Tlön, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius,” in which Borges himself (or a character with the same name and life as Borges) discovers a seemingly misprinted encyclopedia volume that includes an entry on a heretofore unheard of country, which leads him into a deep dive into the literature of that (fake? real?) country. The tale swallows its own tail in that sublime, delightful way that is distinctly Borgesian.

The Man in the High Castle by Philip K. Dick

Speaking of ouroboroses, I give you The Grasshopper Lies Heavy by Hawthorne Abendsen, who is not a real person but a character (the title character, sort of) in The Man in The High Castle by legendary science-fiction madman Philip K. Dick. High Castle is an alternate history in which the Axis powers won World War II; the characters end up searching for Abendsen, author of The Grasshopper Lies Heavy…an alternate history in which the Allied powers won World War II.

The Forgotten Works of Frederick Langley

Middlemarch by George Eliot

Metafictional mind games aren’t necessarily the point of books-within-books, of course; they can and do exist in more naturalistic form, as a mark of a character’s interests or ambition or, in the famous case of Middlemarch, his deep flaws. In that sweeping masterpiece by George Eliot (née Mary Ann Evans) Dorothea errs in marrying the dull Reverend Casaubon, who among his many flaws is obsessed with The Key to All Mythologies, the epic philosophical treatise he keeps failing to write.

The Intuitionist by Colson Whitehead & The Art of Fielding by Chad Harbach

Sometimes authors create a book-within-a-book as a source of authority or information to which their characters turn for guidance. Lila Mae Watson, in Colson Whitehead’s The Intuitionist, is a devotee of a famous text on the mystical art of elevator repair. Henry Skrimshander, in Chad Harbach’s The Art of Fielding, is a devotee of a baseball memoir also called The Art of Fielding.

The Godwulf Manuscript by Robert B. Parker

Last but certainly not least, an imaginary book can exist as a Maguffin, another version of the Maltese Falcon or microfiche or glowing briefcase or whatever that characters set off in search of. See, for example, The Godwulf Manuscript, the first of Robert B. Parker’s famous Spenser novels. An illuminated manuscript, supposedly of historical importance, has been snatched from a college campus and held for ransom.

In the decades since Godwulf, the tough-talking, gun-toting P.I. Spencer has gone searching for many things — even after Parker died and the series was taken over by Ace Atkins — but there is something fitting about his adventures having begun with The Godwulf Manuscript. What, after all, is more worth finding than a good book? Even — especially — if it’s hidden within another one.

Learning to Cook for One

I am standing in my mother’s kitchen, aggressively stabbing a sweet potato with a fork, when it occurs to me that I haven’t made a meal for myself in months.

The next day, I’ll make pasta from scratch for the first time. The day after that, broccoli rabe pesto and charred clementines smothered on a slice of crusty French bread. I will learn to enjoy cooking again. I will eat too much. I will feel something resembling pride, or maybe, satisfaction.

But for now, I am stabbing a sweet potato — much harder than I need to, really — in an attempt to nourish myself. I am stabbing a sweet potato because, after a terrible year of grief and loss, it is a weirdly therapeutic thing to do. And I am stabbing a sweet potato because I desperately need to figure out what the fuck self-care looks like.

Solo by Anita Lo

I’m not alone in this venture: I have a recipe. Underneath my nose, there’s a copy of chef Anita Lo’s latest cookbook, Solo: A Modern Cookbook for a Party of One. As Lo tells it, the idea came about while she was brainstorming punny cookbook titles with a friend on the phone. They cycled through everything from “Lo Country Cooking” to “Lo and Slow: The Braising Book” — until eventually, they landed on “So-Lo,” and something clicked.

For Lo, it was personal: In college, she ate most of her meals alone, a copy of Pierre Franey’s 60-Minute Gourmet close at hand. She didn’t mind the extra effort it took to cook a complicated meal for one — but few people seemed to understand why. “All of my life, I’ve been surrounded by people asking, ‘Why would you go through all of that hassle for yourself?’” she told me over the phone last November. “For me, it’s not that much of a hassle because it’s what I love to do, and I know how to make things easy. But even then, why wouldn’t you go through all that hassle?”

The most obvious answer is that not everyone has a résumé like Lo’s. As the former chef owner of the now-closed Michelin-starred restaurant Annisa, Lo is well equipped to cook up a beautiful meal, whether it’s for one person or one hundred. But she’s also well aware that not everyone shares her particular set of skills — which is why Solo is meant to be accessible for both amateur home cooks (me) and professionals who actually know what they’re doing (Lo).

This is how I find her recipe for twice-cooked sweet potatoes with mushrooms, kale, and Parmesan. It’s an easy enough recipe: After sufficiently stabbing the sweet potato, I wrap it in a damp paper towel and place it in the microwave for a few minutes. I scoop out the soft, fluffy center and mash it with ricotta and Parmesan, before putting it back in the skin to bake in the oven. I sauté kale and baby portabella mushrooms with garlic and thyme, and pile it on top of the sweet potato when it’s finished.

Then, I shovel it down my throat until I can’t eat another bite.

Can loneliness be taught? Can it become a habit? Can it be unlearned? I’m not sure — but for me, it has always been a safety blanket.

I grew up an only child: the sole daughter of a fiercely independent single immigrant mother. From a young age, I learned to keep myself entertained, to take care of things without asking for help. I learned how to be alone — and to enjoy it.

As I got older, the habit stuck.

In many ways, I’m Solo’s target audience: I eat most of my meals alone, and I can’t afford to eat out for every meal. Unlike Chopped, Top Chef Masters, and Iron Chef America veteran Anita Lo, however, I hate cooking for myself.

From a young age, I learned how to be alone — and to enjoy it. However, I hate cooking for myself.

So, I often don’t. Instead, I stock up on frozen dinners. I make a second meal out of my work lunch. I order containers of spicy pad Thai, or boxes of thin Neapolitan pizza, and stretch them out over the week. On special occasions, I venture out for the perfect bowl of cacio e pepe, or a basket of xiaolongbao, or tacos al pastor. I relish asking for a “table for one” — which has somehow always felt less depressing to me than eating alone at my tiny kitchen table.

Ordering delivery is easily my most financially reckless habit, and probably one of my most unhealthy. But I continue to do it anyway — in large part, because I don’t think cooking an elaborate meal for one is worth the time or effort. Whenever I do cook at home, it’s usually something simple, something I can whip up in a half hour or less.

This isn’t to say that I hate cooking. In fact, I love it — as long as it’s for other people. But to me, cooking for one has always felt like a game of patience and portions. When I’m alone, every meal feels like a math equation; every trip to the grocery store, an exercise in self-control. In the kitchen, the same soliloquy: Will I grow sick of this dish by Wednesday? Can I freeze it? Should I cut the recipe in half? Will it go to waste if I don’t?

As far as input versus output goes, solo cooking is a scam. After all, most recipes aren’t made for one person — and, as Lo explains, most food items at the grocery store are packaged to reflect this. The entire food chain is made for feeding families, for entertaining friends, for romancing significant others. It isn’t for solo diners whose only company is their empty apartment and a furry friend.

When I’m alone, every meal feels like a math equation; every trip to the grocery store, an exercise in self-control.

But in spite of this, for a lot of people, solo cooking also isn’t a choice. Everyone has to eat — and whether you’re partnered or not, most people have to eat alone at some point in their lives. The ability to feed yourself is an essential life skill, and cooking at home is as much a matter of nourishment as it is one of practicality. With Solo, Lo makes the case for learning how to do it properly.

From a cultural standpoint, what she’s tackling is far more complicated than what first meets the eye. Through a lifetime of film and TV and books, I have been taught that being alone is supposed to be a temporary ailment — that it’s something to be cured. I’ve been shown, time and time again, that eating by yourself is either the pinnacle of loneliness or an irrefutable sign of stubborn, foolhardy independence — particularly if you’re a woman.

This is a narrative that Lo hopes to help change with her latest cookbook. “Cultural shifts happen slowly, and they happen because more people become aware,” she says. “There’ve been studies about how more people are choosing to be alone, or are having to be alone because of what’s happening with how people work these days. I think it’s a natural shift. Eventually we’re going to have to come to terms with [it]: There are a lot of people that eat alone.”

An essential part of changing the narrative around solo eating, Lo argues, is to change the way we view solo cooking. Rather than think of it as wasted time and effort, or a boring necessity, we should instead view it as an investment in ourselves and our wellbeing. “Food is culture, food is identity,” she says. “It can be very self-reaffirming to eat what you love.”

She’s right, of course — which didn’t stop me from ignoring her advice altogether. After I talked to Lo, I continued down the same path, stretching out meals, rationing groceries, and turning one dinner into three. I continued pushing the most basic act of self-care to the side, and continued feeding myself the “easy,” financially irresponsible way.

And then, a couple months ago, someone I love unexpectedly died of a stroke.

And then, a few weeks after that, someone else I love ended up in the ER; then the next day, another hospital, and the day after that, another.

And then, the rest of my life fell apart — which is how I found myself in my mother’s kitchen, desperately stabbing a sweet potato with a fork.

A friend tells me that grief isn’t linear — that it ebbs and flows and carries us out to sea to drown, only to spit us out again (and again, and again). For weeks, I’ve been lost — caught in the tides of a difficult year, only to find something worse waiting for me on the other side.

Have you ever seen someone you love half asleep in a hospital bed? Their face, transformed — sallow, bloated, slick with sweat? Held their limp hand until, in dreams, they mistook you for something else and pulled away — their body closing into a tight fist?

Have you ever coaxed a stubborn arm straight so the IV will drip? Slept in the hallway of an overcrowded ER? Gotten food poisoning from the only restaurant open at two in the morning? Climbed into a tiny hospital bed under a thin hospital blanket, just to be close to someone who, hours ago, you could barely recognize?

Tell me: How did you recover?

(Tell me: Will I?)

As a child, I learned to take care of everyone but myself. I learned to prioritize and re-prioritize until I was at the bottom of every list — to give and give until I had nothing left. I learned to be helpful, to be selfless. And, in the process, I neglected to learn how to do anything other than the bare minimum to keep myself alive.

Because of this, I’ve always treated self-care as more of a casual hobby than an absolute necessity. It’s something I’ve dabbled in, like knitting, or ceramics, then ultimately abandoned. After the person I love ended up in the ER, however, people began to ask me — often — what I was doing to take care of myself. This question baffled me: From my point of view, it was obvious that I wasn’t the one who needed care (at least, any more than usual). But people kept asking anyway, until eventually, someone pointed out that what I was doing was unsustainable, that I was killing myself without reason, and that I couldn’t possibly give anything to someone else if I never did anything to replenish myself.

So I decided to make myself dinner.

After the person I love ended up in the ER, people began to ask me — often — what I was doing to take care of myself. This question baffled me.

Having Anita Lo as my imaginary sous chef certainly helped. As a cookbook, Solo is light-hearted and humorous, an approachable collection of decadent recipes featuring personal stories from Lo and whimsical food illustrations by Julia Rothman. (As a side note, I personally prefer a cookbook with photos — mostly because I need to know what the final product is supposed to look like — but still, the illustrations are lovely, and the recipes delicious.) It also makes the case that cooking for one doesn’t have to be stressful or tedious; and that, instead, it should be fun and rewarding. As Lo puts it, “There’s something very satisfying about the manual labor that gets you to deliciousness.” At some point, while adding salt and pepper to the kale, I start to see it. The next night, after making a well of flour and cracking an egg in the middle to make fresh pasta, I start to believe it.

We rarely discuss the less sexy side of self-care: cleaning your apartment, drinking enough water, remembering to shower. At a time when self-care has been marketed as a luxury and a commodity, the act of feeding yourself is, comparatively, less exciting. But it doesn’t have to be — and as far as self-care goes, cooking for one just might be the most accessible starting point.

By shifting the way we approach something as simple as feeding ourselves, Lo argues that we might just have the power to shift the way we approach treating ourselves in other areas, too. As she sees it, cooking for yourself can be empowering; it can be decadent. It can be methodical or experimental; formulaic or personalized. It can be a radical act of self-love, with the power to change your mood entirely. “It’s always been important to me to eat well,” Lo says. “If I’m not eating well, I get depressed.”

At a time when practicing self-care feels inextricable from abetting capitalism, the act of cooking for yourself — and only yourself — feels like a breath of fresh air. It’s a mindful activity, one that requires attention and care. And unlike other acts of self-love, its results are always tangible — and often, with enough cheese on top, delicious.

Rebecca Makkai and Lisa Gornick Discuss Memory, Trauma, and Roasted Peacocks

I first met Lisa Gornick in 2015, when we read together at Politics and Prose in Washington, D.C. Because I was in the middle of a book tour at the time, I’d only had a chance at the time to skim the opening pages of her novel-in-stories Louisa Meets Bear. But when I got home, ready to lie in bed for a few recuperative days and sink into something that (thank bejesus) was not my book, I discovered it was exactly what I needed: fun, trenchant, immersive.

I expected these qualities from her new novel, The Peacock Feast, and found them there — but on top of that I got historical and psychological mystery, art history, and several different lush settings (Louis C. Tiffany’s Oyster Bay, modern Manhattan, 1960s San Francisco). And once again, it was exactly the book I needed.


Rebecca Makkai: I was so grateful that this book came along for me just when it did because I’m grappling, in my novel-in-progress, with memory. Specifically, the lie that most fiction tells about memory, which is that people can recapture entire scenes with perfect clarity. A woman is slicing an apple in her kitchen, thinking about her past, and suddenly she’s there, and she can recall every line of dialogue, every fiber of everyone’s clothing. Which is ridiculous, of course. But I keep worrying that if I were to write memory the way it really is for us — fragments, detached moments, things repressed or conflated or misunderstood — the novel will be too frustrating to read.

You’ve found such elegant solutions to that here — and dissections, really, of what memory is. (Part of that is that you don’t rely only on memory for our jaunts into the past. The narrator has full access to events, and characters use newspapers and other aids. But part of it is that your characters, particularly Prudence, are honest about what they can and can’t remember.) I guess what I want to know is: How did you do it?

Purchase the book

Lisa Gornick: You’ve begun with the spongy questions of how does memory work and what can a novel do! To approach the first, we’d have to weed through a lot of wonky research about short-term vs long-term memory and false memories and narrative reconstructions — none of which is consistent with those cheesy flashbacks you’re describing: woman in kitchen slicing apple, dissolve to 30 years earlier.

To circle around the second: Part of what I find so gratifying but also challenging about writing fiction is the possibility for infinite innovation. With each book, we hopefully bring what we’ve learned from the last, and can then attempt something new — as you so clearly did with the leap in scale and literary approaches between the marvelous Music for Wartime and the very different but also marvelous The Great Believers. With my prior book, Louisa Meets Bear, I’d experimented with how one story can reverberate with another so that, like memory, what we learn later both fleshes out and alters an earlier understanding.

What I find so gratifying but also challenging about writing fiction is the possibility for infinite innovation.

RM: That was one of my favorite things, actually, about Louisa Meets Bear: the way it wasn’t quite a novel-in-stories, and it wasn’t quite a novel, and it wasn’t quite a story collection. The closest analogue I can think of is Jennifer Egan’s A Visit from the Goon Squad, the way each chapter moves sort of laterally into the next. You’re doing similar lateral moves in this novel, I think — giving us so many different perspectives and so many different time periods. Did it feel similar to Louisa, as you wrote?

LG: You’ve bored into my process: the lateral moves both within and between books. I really didn’t understand how Louisa Meets Bear worked until after I finished it — how, as Bruce Springsteen says, one plus one can equal three — but once I had a sense, I tried to carry that echo chamber of different stories and points of view into the new novel. With The Peacock Feast, though, I was dealing with a larger tableau — the residues of memory and fantasy and trauma across four generations of a family — and needed a sturdier structure. The image I had in mind was a braid, with three storylines that ultimately plait to form a single narrative.

Returning to your question about how I handled memory, each storyline employs a different strategy. The first, which serves as the frame, is a week-long encounter between a 101 year-old woman, Prudence, and her 43 year-old hospice nurse great-niece, who Prudence has not known even existed. Prudence is remarkably cognitively intact but, like all of us, her early childhood memories are recalled in fragments — in part, because it would be overwhelming to remember everything (though there are rare persons who do, moment by moment); in part, because very young children operate in a register where imagination and reality are blurred; and, in part, because we sometimes repress our most painful experiences. Grace has brought a box of her grandfather’s mementoes: newspaper clippings, beach stones, photographs, a packet of letters, the top of a peacock feather. Looking through these ancient items seems to Prudence, she tells Grace, like shaking a dandelion such that bits of her youth are now floating between them. Grace’s situation is entirely different: she too vividly recalls a terrible time in her life, and struggles with whether she will share her memories with Prudence — struggles both because she’s never fully shared them with anyone, and because she fears they may cause Prudence pain. As so often happens, the exchange of memories between the two women becomes a currency of intimacy and ultimately cements their bond.

The other two storylines are Prudence’s and Grace’s individually. Prudence’s starts with her earliest memory of an event she only later realizes was Louis C. Tiffany’s Peacock Feast, and then traverses the century until she meets Grace. By relating this storyline in close third-person through the younger Prudence’s point of view, I was able to depict scenes from Prudence’s past that at 101 she remembers only vaguely or not at all. Because there’s a mystery of sorts at the core of the book, I had to be judicious about what to include — laying the seeds for what is later revealed so that it hopefully feels as inevitable and credible to the reader as it does to Prudence, but not allowing the reader to have the reveal before Prudence.

The exchange of memories between the two women becomes a currency of intimacy and ultimately cements their bond.

RM: This was something else I loved: the way you could withhold information without it feeling like you were. I was only very subtly aware of it (and only then, the way a magician at another magician’s magic show is always looking for the strings) and I never felt manipulated.

I did see Prudence and Grace as the bookends of the story — not only because they’re the oldest and youngest living members of this family whom we meet, but because they’re our investigators, the ones standing in for us and our curiosity.

LG: What an apt analogy: most writers I know do read other writers’ work with a double consciousness — for pleasure, but also with an eye for how they’ve pulled off their feats. As for Prudence and Grace as readers’ stand-in investigators, you’re absolutely right, though their investigations and revelations are constrained by their empathy for each other — each aware that both their stories and their inquiries could cause suffering for the other.

With Grace, I was guided by the aphorism that our personal histories commence with our grandparents’ memories as well as by the awareness that Grace’s storyline would need to fill in what Prudence doesn’t know about Randall (Prudence’s brother and Grace’s grandfather) — which is essentially everything after he left New York at 14, stowing away on a train headed west. Here, as you’ve observed, the reader and Prudence are in the same shoes: to understand Grace and how she came to be born on a commune in northern California and why she was raised by her grandfather, Grace’s storyline has to start with Randall on that train and recount both his tale and his son’s. Many of those stories would not be known in any detail, if at all, by Grace and therefore had to be told through other points of view — though I did pass the baton back to Grace once the narrative caught up to her being part of it and of an age to sufficiently understand what was going on around her.

RM: You’re a psychoanalyst as well as a writer, and it seems clear, both in your writing and in your answers here, that you think about your characters through that lens. Is this conscious, or (oh God, sorry, no psychoanalysis puns intended) subconscious? In other words: As you write, are you thinking about these characters as an analyst would, or are you thinking more as your characters, going on instinct about the way they’d see themselves?

LG: My thinking as an analyst comes into play during the early stages of note-taking, while I’m fleshing out my characters. Then, I want to know about my characters in the same ways when I was in practice I wanted to know about my patients: early memories, fantasies, relationships. By the time I begin what I think of as the actual writing, all of that information recedes into the background and I let my unconscious (which we know from dreams is endlessly inventive and mischievous) play a role in guiding what characters then do on the page.

RM: And of course one of your characters, Dorothy, is a psychoanalyst. This is Louis Comfort Tiffany’s daughter, a real woman who worked with Anna Freud. I kind of hate asking origin stories (if only because I hate being asked about origins, when the origins of a novel are always so many and so obscure), but did your knowledge of the history of psychoanalysis lead you to Dorothy and then to this family, or did you discover her along the way?

LG: The origin story of a novel: such a lovely idea! Here’s a version: The Peacock Feast began on a snowy February day in 2007 — a long time ago — at The Metropolitan Museum of Art when I wandered into what turned out to be a magnificently curated exhibit about Tiffany’s fantastical Long Island estate, Laurelton Hall. There were room after room of extraordinarily beautiful objects — Tiffany’s own paintings, the stained glass windows he’d installed in his mansion, his vases and exotic collections of artifacts — but it was a photograph, published in 1914 in The New York Times and titled “Roman Luxuries at Tiffany Feast for Men of Genius,” that stopped me in my tracks.

Who were these girls with these horrifying roasted peacocks hoisted atop their shoulders? How did they feel parading in gauzy costumes in front of the 150 “men of genius” Tiffany had invited to his extravagant and bizarre event? When I later discovered that the center girl in the photograph was Tiffany’s youngest daughter — who I recognized from her married name, Dorothy Burlingham, as Anna Freud’s partner and an important figure in the history of psychoanalysis — I knew this was my novel to write.

Who were these girls with these horrifying roasted peacocks hoisted atop their shoulders?

RM: Some real historical figures, namely Tiffany, don’t always come off terribly well in this book. (Others, like Dorothy, come off much better — but you’re still manufacturing details about their lives.) Did you have qualms about representing real people on the page? Did you feel that there were limits to what you could invent?

LG: As I say in the acknowledgments, my rule of thumb for characters who once lived and occasions that actually took place was to hew as closely as possible to the historical record. My depictions of Tiffany’s wide-ranging career (from painter to decorator of the Presidential Palace in Havana to inventor of new glass techniques), his phantasmagorical Laurelton Hall, the performance art Peacock Feast, and his behavior as a parent derive from the rich body of material on his life and work that I extensively studied — and I think accurately portray the scale of his genius and the complexity of his personal relationships. Surprising as it may seem, Tiffany appears in the novel in only one scene when, without saying a word, he peers briefly into a room where Prudence’s father is working. Most of what is recounted about him is through the stories of invented characters or through imagined conversations between historical and fictional persons in the fictive world of the novel. As for the potentially incendiary part of the novel, the implied accusation of Tiffany by Prudence’s mother, it’s left to the reader’s interpretation if what Prudence’s mother hinted really happened or is a laudanum-induced fantasy: a transformation of the powerlessness she felt as the employee of a very wealthy man into a concrete trauma.

RM: That’s indeed what I was referring to, but wow, wait a minute — it really hadn’t occurred to me that we just glimpsed him that once! He looms so large here, and of course maybe that’s precisely because we never get up close to him. Were you tempted to put more of him on the page?

LG: No. The novel is really not about Tiffany: it’s about the legacy of feeling dehumanized that spans four generations. Of feeling, as Prudence believes her immigrant servant parents had with their wealthy employer, moved around like pieces of furniture. As the poignant account of the undocumented Guatemalan housekeeper who worked at Trump’s New Jersey estate demonstrates, it’s a story that’s very much alive today.

RM: I love what a well-populated novel this is, and I don’t just mean in terms of the number of characters. It feels like there’s a narrative commitment to following all the characters, and this means we get a look at the lives of immigrant servants as well as the working class and the well-off and the extremely wealthy. I wonder if you could have written such a class-conscious book if you didn’t have such a broad cast, or if novels that deeply explore class must, by definition, be ensemble pieces. Did following those lives feel like character-led diversions, or did it feel like you were assembling these stories for a greater narrative purpose?

LG: I love what a well-populated novel The Great Believers is! And, the same could be said about the narrative commitment you made to the worlds you bring to life: the gay community of Chicago in the 80s during the AIDS siege, and the community of survivors for whom those losses remain alive thirty years later and across a sea. It’s interesting to me that we both turned from stories to multi-generational sagas. I am a great admirer of the spare prose and clean narratives of Rachel Cusk’s Outline trilogy and Sigrid Nunez’s The Friend, books with constrained casts of characters and tight time frames. But I also love books, like Alice McDermott’s novels and Jennifer Egan’s Manhattan Beach, that tackle wider swathes of society and history — and, as their many admirers demonstrate, I’m clearly not alone.

As for “narrative purpose,” I’m only now beginning to see how I might define that more clearly from the outset (a goal, in fact, for the novel-in-progress) rather than discovering it post facto.

RM: If the you who started this book could have read the finished product, what do you think would have surprised you the most?

LG: Certainly the gorgeous cover that reflects so many of the novel’s motifs. I’d always imagined using one of the black and white photographs from the actual Peacock Feast, but my whip-smart editor, Sarah Crichton, nixed that idea: it would telegraph “historical fiction,” which she pointed out would be misleading since a third of the book is set in 2013 and, of the rest, a good portion takes place from the ’60s forward. I imagine that you faced the same question about whether The Great Believers, which toggles between 1980s Chicago and Paris in 2015, should be viewed as “historical.”

I would have been surprised, too, by some of the recurring themes: art vs. decoration, the bond between brother and sister, what makes a home, what constitutes a good death. Most of all, though, I would have been surprised by how damned hard this book was to write, how many characters and scenes were left on the cutting room floor, and the number of drafts it took to complete.

Lisa Gornick is the author of Louisa Meets Bear, Tinderbox, and A Private Sorcery. Her stories and essays have appeared widely, including in The New York Times, Prairie Schooner, Real Simple, Salon, Slate, and The Sun. She holds a BA from Princeton and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from Yale, and is on the faculty of the Columbia University Center for Psychoanalytic Training and Research. A long-time New Yorker, she lives in Manhattan with her family.

R.O. Kwon Picks 5 Books By Women You Should Read

If you didn’t hear about R.O. Kwon when her debut novel The Incendiaries blew up last year, you may know her from the latest installment of her “books by women and nonbinary authors of color to read this year” series, published earlier this month in Electric Lit. This year there are 48 recommendations, more than ever before—but Kwon also did a list of 46 highly anticipated books by women of color in 2018, and 34 in 2017. Not only that, but she convened a roundtable of prominent Asian American woman writers for a fascinating discussion about race, politics, and publishing.

So you might think Kwon has already done enough to promote the cause of reading more non-men. But she’s not resting on her laurels. In the latest installment of our Read More Women series, presented in collaboration with MCD Books, she offers five ways to expand your reading list—not just to include more women, but also to include more Korean American writers.


Last year was an extraordinary year for books, movies, and television by and centrally featuring Korean Americans, a group not at all used to seeing itself on the page and screen. I’m Korean American, and a writer, and it wasn’t until after college that I first encountered the published work of other Korean American writers. This means that, until I graduated from college, I was obsessed with an art form, literature, in which people like me did not exist. I keep talking about this, it seems; I can’t stop talking about it, in part because I’m still aghast. No one should have to grow up that way, and nowadays, it’s becoming increasingly, spectacularly possible to avoid such a lack.

All You Can Ever Know, Nicole Chung

2018 was lit up by new work from, among other luminaries, Alexander Chee, Jenny Han, John Cho, and Sandra Oh, but since this is a series about reading more women, I’ll start by talking about Nicole Chung’s All You Can Ever Know. Have you read this book yet? It’s a memoir about Chung’s adoption, powerful and generous and wise, and it will crack your heart open.

If You Leave Me, Crystal Hana Kim

The fact that the Korean War is commonly referred to as “the Forgotten War” sometimes has me nearly levitating with rage and sadness. Forgotten by whom, fuckers? You know who has not come close to forgetting that imperialist, country-dividing war? Every Korean person I know. Kim’s debut novel is inspired by her grandmother’s experiences as a war refugee, and it’s as devastating as it is unforgettable.

Crystal Hana Kim Thinks Worrying About Publication Kills Creativity

Emergency Contact, Mary H.K. Choi

Emergency Contact is one of the smartest books I’ve read in some time,” said my husband, one of the best readers I know. (I’m biased, but hey.) This novel is about two people, Penny and Sam, who fall in love over texts. In addition to its aforementioned intelligence, the book is exceedingly charming. Just go read it.

The Kinship of Secrets, Eugenia Kim

Back to that not-at-all-forgotten war: The Kinship of Secrets is centered on two sisters separated by the Korean War and its repercussions. It made me cry, and it reminded me to call my own sibling. The Kinship of Secrets is based on Kim’s family’s experiences.

The Way You Make Me Feel, Maurene Goo

In this engrossing novel, Clara Shin has a summer job she doesn’t want at her father’s Korean Brazilian food truck. I first came across the book by reading an interview of Goo in which Steph Cha says, “I read Maurene’s latest, The Way You Make Me Feel, with great joy and a sense of recognition I never got to experience as a young adult reader,” to which I say hurrah and manseh.

Life Is a Joke and Death Is the Punchline

“Predestination”
by Trevor Shikaze

A popular theory of the moment, around the time of Ronan’s predestined end, held that death comes as a culminating thought. Your death, according to this view, makes perfect sense to you when it happens because it ties up the main themes of your life. You basically say, “Oh, of course this is how I go!” and then you go, having learned whatever it was you came to this plane of existence to learn. Your final thought is then entered as a line in the Great Book of the Universe, preserved there for the edification of the angel masses.

Absurd, of course, yet Ronan did sometimes find himself wondering about the mechanics of it all, now that his time was drawing near. He would find himself in the copy room, listening to the machine arrange itself within, and in the idle moments while his job still pended, while the toner cartridge warmed to a hum, before he could do much of anything but wait, he would wonder. What would it be like to die?

Of course people had wondered about this since forever, but knowing just when you were due to expire lent the matter a certain vividness. Not that there was much point in wondering, since you had no way of knowing until it happened, and then, if you were a rational materialist agnostic like Ronan, you had to assume that when the event rolled around you probably wouldn’t know, because that’s probably how it went, this life and death business: lots of wondering and then nothing.

Ronan glared at a motivational poster tacked up above the copy machine. Today was the first day of the rest of his life. That was true — and as hackneyed as ever. Yet in recent years the slogan had seen a resurgence. It was everywhere now. In fortune cookies, on bus shelters, on banners at the mall. The copy machine sucked papers through itself and spat the job out.

“It’s the foreknowledge, Mom, it’s the foreknowledge that grinds at me.”

He spoke to her softly in his cube, on the phone.

“Oh, honey, think about how we feel. If only there were something we could do.”

“How you feel? Think about how I feel!”

“I know. It isn’t fair for any of us. A parent should never have to outlive their child.”

She was not the right person to talk to about this. But who else could he talk to? Ronan had noticed that people just didn’t like to discuss it. Oh, they loved to talk in the abstract about death, especially if theirs was far away, off in their seventies or eighties. But Ronan’s was coming right up. He would die young, at thirty-four, just three months from now. Try bringing that up at a party.

“I wish I had never entered my name into the stupid system!”

“Oh, Ronan, we’ve all done it. Everyone’s curious.”

He grimaced at the ceiling tiles and sighed loudly.

“What difference does it really make, honey? You die when you die. I don’t see why it should matter whether or not you know in advance. Why don’t you quit that job and come out and spend the rest of your time with us? There’s a whole basement here — you’d practically have your own suite.”

He stared at the cube wall. It was a generous offer, but moving back into his parents’ basement was not, to his mind, an instance of living your best life. He’d never been to the Grand Canyon. He’d never been to Paris. Mom and Dad’s basement was not on his bucket list — and this bucket, by the Engine’s calculation, was very soon to be kicked.

“Of course there’s a possibility it won’t happen. At least not on the day the Engine says it will.”

The nurse taking his blood pressure gave him a pained smile.

“I mean,” Ronan continued, “this whole thing, it’s all averages and analytics. Big data. The Engine’s predictive model says I’m going to die in two months — but only predictively. You hear stories. You know, someone’s waiting for it, and then their time comes and goes and they don’t die. What’s the statistic? It’s like some fraction of one percent, right?”

She forced that smile. He realized even as he spoke that she must hear this all the time.

“I mean, someone has to slip through. Why not me? All the Engine can do is model. It can’t know.”

She jotted a number on his chart and asked him to put his pants back on.

“I just have a very strong feeling about it,” he said. “That I’ll slip through.”

The nurse told him his levels looked normal except for slightly elevated blood pressure, and that if she had to guess, she’d wager on him dying in an accident. Maybe a car crash. But she was no fortune teller. He thanked her and she hurried off to her next patient. In the waiting room, a man looked quaveringly up from the lifestyle magazine draped on his knees.

“Probably an accident,” Ronan said to the man.

The man blinked and his eyes fell back to the magazine.

On his way home Ronan stopped at the liquor store and picked up a three-liter plastic jug of vodka.

“I’m having company over,” he said to the indifferent youth behind the counter.

“Always good to stock up. Are you a member?”

“What, here? No. I brought my own bag.”

In his apartment building’s lobby, he ran into Lynne, a neighbor who lived two floors down. Ronan was standing by his mail cubby — which was empty — when he felt the unmistakable breeze that Lynne’s body made whenever she glided past. The breeze smelled like Herbal Essence and the meaning of life. He glanced toward his feet, at the organic grocery store bag and the jug of vodka within, which he told himself Lynne might mistake for a jug of laundry detergent if she wasn’t looking too closely.

“Hi, Ronan.” She made the face. He hated to see this face, yet he was in love with Lynne so he’d take what he could get. The face said, I am so, so, SO sorry. She tried to sound cheerful: “How are you?”

“I’m okay.”

She gripped his arm and gazed earnestly into his eyes. “Stay strong,” she whispered, then she left him.

He rode the elevator to his floor, got in and set the vodka on his kitchen table. Mr. Butts came charging out of wherever he’d been sleeping and meowed plaintively.

“If only you knew, Mr. Butts,” Ronan said. “I’m going to die. Who will feed you then?”

He wept as he spooned low-fat cat food into Mr. Butts’s dish. He crushed up one of the pills the vet had prescribed to manage Mr. Butts’s heart condition. He mashed the bits into the food. Mr. Butts ate happily. Ronan sat at the table and opened his breadbox. He ate a slice of bread just to put something in his stomach, then he poured himself a nice big mug of vodka.

“Statistically,” he said to Mr. Butts, “it’s not a sure thing. And I got a feeling. But . . .” He pressed his fingers to his temples and kneaded. “You know, you hear them interviewed — the people who didn’t die when the Engine said they were supposed to. And they always say, I just had this feeling.”

Mr. Butts jumped up on the chair across from Ronan and looked at him contentedly.

“But the thing is,” Ronan continued, “everyone must feel that way. Everyone probably thinks they’ll slip through. It’s just that for the vast majority of people you don’t get to interview them after the date. Because they end up being wrong. Being dead. Dead wrong. Ha.”

Mr. Butts yawned and licked his paw. Ronan drank and called his best friend Tom.

“How are you?” Tom said.

“Why does everyone say it like that now?”

“Say what like that?”

“How are you. They emphasize the are. Why?”

Tom sighed from far away. He lived on the coast, one hour behind. Ronan was getting wasted and Tom hadn’t even put dinner on yet.

“Let’s talk about something else,” Ronan said, beating Tom to the punch. “Remember Jill’s sister?”

Jill was a girl who used to go to the same all-ages shows that Ronan and Tom went to when they were teenage punks in the suburbs. Jill’s sister had had a crush on Ronan — or so Jill had told Tom one night while they were making out. Ronan never tested the claim.

“She’s an accountant now,” Tom said. “We’re friends on Facebook.”

An accountant, Ronan thought. But she’d been so young and pretty and antiestablishment. Aloud, he said, “How does it happen?”

“How does what happen? Are we talking about death again now?”

“Do you think I should get on Facebook?”

“Ronan. Don’t. It’s too late.”

That night, after looking at porn on his tablet, Ronan got on Facebook. He’d always made fun of Facebook before, but he was desperate for connection. He created a profile, friended everyone he could think of, and blacked out.

“I’m on Facebook,” he said to Lynne from downstairs as she passed him in the hall.

She gripped his arm. “That’s good. Good for you.” She made a good-for-you fist and shook it at him in solidarity. “Good for you.”

“I’m on Facebook,” he said to Yeudall at work. Yeudall’s print job was queued after Ronan’s. Ronan was printing a long document.

“Oh,” Yeudall said.

“Are you on Facebook?”

“Yeah, of course.”

Yeudall wouldn’t look him in the eye. No one at the office would. Why were they suddenly treating him like a leper? Death wasn’t contagious . . . well, sometimes it was, but if they were all about to die in a group — some horrible outbreak situation — the Engine would have warned them beforehand. No one else in the office was slated for immediate death. Yeudall was in fact destined to live another forty years. Ronan had looked him up.

“I thought you hated Facebook,” Yeudall added.

“I just never really got it before. Now I get it.”

“You mean now that you’re — “ Yeudall broke off and glared at the floor. Beads of sweat glistened on his upper lip.

The machine finished printing Ronan’s job and switched to Yeudall’s. The fire alarm went off. In the hall, someone called out that it was probably just a drill or some kid had pulled the thing again, and they might as well stay in their cubes.

“No one’s dying today!” the person yelled. “Per the Engine!”

Everyone laughed and then collectively they stopped short, and Ronan knew that his co-workers now sat flushed, cringing in their cubes, worried that they’d offended him by mentioning death. He popped out into the hall.

“That’s right!” he joshed. “No one’s dying today!”

No one laughed. Silently, mournfully, they filed out to their building’s desolate courtyard.

“Everyone treats me like I’m already dead!”

“Well, dear, you are predestined — “

“That’s not the point, Mom! If you think about it, we’re all predestined! Every single person is eventually going to die someday! So my time’s coming up a little sooner! So? So what!”

He paced drunkenly around the kitchen. Mr. Butts dashed between his legs, trying to play.

“Not now, Mr. Butts!”

“Oh, honey, what kind of a name is that for a cat?”

“It suits him, Mom! You have no idea!”

“Are you on your cell phone? You always shout when you’re on your cell phone.”

“I only have a cell phone! This is my phone! Mr. Butts, get off the table!”

Ronan looked at porn and collapsed on the futon in his living room. He wondered why he called it a “living” room. What made it a quote-unquote living room? Nothing that Ronan could see, except that it wasn’t a room equipped for any other definable purpose, any real purpose, like cooking or crapping or sleeping. In the old days, you always had a TV in a living room, but Ronan didn’t own a TV — the only TV he ever watched was the one at the gym. How long has it been, he asked himself, since I went to the gym? A long time. The treadmill, for some reason, had started to give him the existential creeps. Running in place — ugh. It seemed like a metaphor for something. But exercise was good for you; exercise was pushing back at death, and that was good. He wondered if maybe he should go to the gym. At the very least, it might offer some distraction. He could use some distraction. He’d already looked at porn. What was left?

“Oh, hey,” he muttered to himself, “Facebook.”

He went on Facebook. His friends were all there. Everyone wanted to reminisce. Everyone wanted to tell him how much he’d meant to them. Everyone wanted to memorialize tearfully while they still had time. He barely even knew some of these people. And Doreen? What was she doing here? He hadn’t spoken to Doreen in fifteen years. Who invited Doreen?

He logged out, logged off, logged into bed. He lay there like a log.

What could this stupid life of his possibly add up to?

“I’m going on a round-the-world trip!”

Yeudall seemed to want to escape from the copy room, but his job was still pending and Ronan had blocked the door.

“Good for you, man. Good for you.”

“Yeah. No more dicking around for me. It’s time to live!”

In the apartment lobby, Lynne asked him when he planned to leave.

“Soon! I booked it so that I’m in Paris when I die. Paris!”

At the mention of death, she stared askance. Her forehead buckled and her lips began to quake.

“I’m sorry,” she said, backing away. “I’m so sorry! I’m so happy for you!”

She covered her face and ran for the elevator.

“Mr. Butts? Mr. Butts, where are you?”

Ronan pulled the place apart before he found Mr. Butts curled up dead under the dresser. The discovery caused him to bawl uncontrollably for three hours. Too bad there wasn’t an Engine for housecats. Ronan could have used a warning. He called the airline and canceled his flight.

“Mom? You know that suite in your basement?”

“Oh, honey. You’re coming home?”

“I just don’t know what else to do with myself. I don’t know what I want. I quit my job. They threw me a party. I didn’t go.”

“It’s a confusing time for you. I’m sure they understand.”

But they didn’t. They didn’t understand. How could they understand? Tom met him at the airport and drove him to the suburb where they’d grown up, and the whole way they talked about everything but death.

Because what could they say? No one, really, no one understood. Certainly not Tom. Certainly not Ronan. So even though they wanted to talk about death, they didn’t. Not as they sped by chugging smokestacks, or toxin-bright rivers, or Jesus billboards that asked if they were ready to see the light. Not even when they ran over a skunk. They just laughed about the smell, and the fact of an animal where evolution had said, “Okay, for this one we’re gonna focus on the ass!” And though the predictive models had foreseen it, and the Engine had told him when to expect it, when the aneurysm hit, as he sat glumly masturbating to porn on the morning of his last day, Ronan’s final thought, the one that supposedly summed up his life, was, No, not YET —

The New Literature of the Midwest

There is a moment in Meghan O’Gieblyn’s Interior States in which the author, a lifelong Midwesterner, stands inside the physical embodiment of nostalgia. She’s in a place called Greenfield Village, a Michigan theme park created by Henry Ford in the 1920s. Envisioned in the vein of colonial Williamsburg, Greenfield Village is devoted to preserving small town, rural America as it was, before Ford’s own technologies transformed the country into a bustling hive of modernity. According to O’Gieblyn, Greenfield Village was Ford’s corrective to the historical narrative. “It was a place designed to celebrate the inventor, the farmer, and the agrarian landscape that had given rise to self-made men like him,” she writes. On its grounds stand a number of historical buildings that have been transported from across the country, such as Thomas Edison’s laboratory and the Wright brothers’ cycle shop, along with Ford’s own boyhood home. “But the park was never really about history,” writes O’Gieblyn. “It was a sentimental recreation of the landscape of Ford’s boyhood.”

Sentimentality seems to be the main feeling embodied by the people who visit the park in droves every year. Since the great recession, the park has seen a spike in numbers, visitors looking for nostalgic comfort amid the uncertainties of the present. Situated in the shadow of Detroit, a city that has recently become America’s shorthand for its own fear of manufacturing descent, Greenfield Village offers the opposite of blight, a view that eschews the ruin porn popular on Instagram in favor of the quaint, hardworking ethos of small Midwestern towns. It’s hard not to see the two visions as intertwined. If Detroit offers a voyeuristic experience of the decline of the post-industrial Midwest, then Greenfield Village is the willful abnegation of that dark underside of Modernity — a vision of the Midwest as we’d prefer to see it. As O’Gieblyn dubs it, “Midwestworld.”

You know the characters of Midwestworld. There’s a man, let’s call him Ron. He drinks non-craft beer, voted for Trump, and probably works in heating and cooling. His wife, Janice, organizes hot meals for the homeless shelter run by the local evangelical megachurch. They boast often about the mission trip they took to El Salvador (“all the good work we did”) and their son Mason’s ability with a .22 shotgun, while also being wistful about the good old days when the factory in the neighboring town still had good jobs. They are a little downtrodden while also blissfully ignorant of the world outside their purview of God, guns, and outlet malls. They still eat Jell-o.

After the election of Donald Trump, writers descended on the heartland, looking for people like Ron and Janice, asking What happened? Wondering how usually Democratic states like Wisconsin and Michigan had been driven into the hands of Donald Trump, they sought to understand the people of the region. The results of these efforts were a number of articles and books, journalism that sought to describe the inner workings of the middle of the country and decode them for readers presumably stationed in the large coastal cities. Books that could be marketed as an answer to the Trump question saw their stock soar — White Trash, Strangers in Their Own Land. All of these bestsellers fed a growing interest in the center of the country to perpetuate a view of a monoculture: white, working class, a culture in decline, susceptible to nationalism by way of nostalgia. Hillbilly Elegy, the bestselling memoir by J.D. Vance of growing up in rural Ohio, stands out as the ur-text of this genre, an apologist’s explanation of how decades of industrial blight and policy neglect created a class of people vulnerable to strongman politics, nostalgic for the past, eager to reinstitute the power structures of an earlier time.

All of these bestsellers perpetuate a view of a monoculture: white, working class, a culture in decline, susceptible to nationalism by way of nostalgia.

Is this the essential condition of people in the Midwest — nostalgia for a bygone era amid the decay of a once-great manufacturing region? As voters moved to the left in midterm elections in Wisconsin, Illinois, and Michigan, it’s become increasingly difficult to hold up this explanation of things. The idea that economic downturn led people into the arms of false promises has proven less believable than it did in 2016, and the Midwestern states now seem more mystifying than before, harder to pin down with any one theory. This is always the burden of place for writers — how to describe setting that informs the story while avoiding tropes and sentimentality. How to offer fresh details, ones that tell the whole story of the place, opening it up to greater depth and breadth of interpretation?

Interior States offers an implicit rebuke to the idea that the region is defined by sentimentality for the old days when “America was great.” It’s one of the most idea-rich collections I’ve read in recent years, its title indicative of O’Gieblyn’s ability to straddle both analysis of Midwestern ethos and a far more cerebral excavation of modern thought. Raised in a devout Evangelical household, homeschooled, and a graduate of the Moody Bible Institute in Chicago, O’Gieblyn draws on her experience as a former believer to investigate the structures and messages that perpetuate beliefs both religious and secular. The Pure Michigan state tourism campaign is a meaty subject for dissembling, as is the branding of the Creationist Museum near Cincinnati, and the corporate marketing of Christian rock to teenagers in the ’90s. While the book is ostensibly about Michigan, Illinois, Wisconsin, and the other places O’Gieblyn has lived, underneath all that is a careful consideration of the relationship between truth and representation. Interior States is as much a book about branding as it is about politics or place.

An unfailingly logical thinker and sentence stylist, O’Gieblyn is the rare writers as well-versed in the lyrics of Christian rock band DC Talk as she is in the works of philosophers, from early ecclesiastical thinkers up through modern transhumanists like Ray Kurzweil. She backloads her essays with an ongoing analysis of the culture’s relationship to truth. “Ours is a culture that has lost faith in objective authority,” she writes — “one where opinions are swayed not by the integrity of the argument but by the pyrotechnics of its presentation.” It’s a sticking point for her, the line of inquiry that seems to echo personally for a former believer: What happens we confuse the message for the truth?

In attempting to pin down Midwestern literature, definitions become hazy. What are we even talking about when we talk about “the Midwest,” or that more nebulous term, “The Heartland”? The region surely includes the rural parts of Minnesota, Nebraska, and Ohio, but can also stretch as far east as Pennsylvania and upstate New York, and as far west as Montana or Idaho. It’s a phrase that’s mutable depending on one’s purpose. In Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl, by Andrea Lawlor, this mutability is extended to its main character, Paul, whose ability to transform from male to female (including states in between) is the central conceit of the novel. Paul begins a man, then morphs into a woman, as he leaves the University of Iowa one winter in the early ’90s, going first across the Midwest, from Iowa City to Chicago, to the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival, to the East Coast, and finally to San Francisco. (The novel maintains “he” as a pronoun, even as Paul morphs).

In attempting to pin down Midwestern literature, definitions become hazy. What are we even talking about when we talk about ‘the Midwest,’ or that more nebulous term, ‘The Heartland’?

It would be easy to judge Paul’s gender shapeshifting as simply a not-so-subtle plea for acceptance of the trans and non-binary community, but as a plot device, it also allows the novel to roam adventurously from place to place, with the constant change in setting reflecting Paul’s own physical and mental mutability. With Lawlor’s eye for the details of coffee shops and bars of queer ’90s America, he moves around the country, abusing and exalting himself. Like Kerouac’s On the Road, Lawlor’s novel is a celebration of America’s countercultural spaces, reveling in both the pleasures of their anticipation, and the disappointment of finding them flawed. Through Paul’s eyes, the Womyn’s Music Festival is oppressively exclusive, and the queer folks who people ’90s San Francisco are sometimes exciting, but just as often “lotus eaters” adrift in the spoils of the queer capital. As he finds that his changing body offers him limitless opportunity to reinvent himself, so does he recognize the limits of change, of being constantly in flux, never really tied to anything. Constant reinvention becomes tiresome, yet to stay the same is boredom. Smartly, the novel holds both truths at once, rather than condemning one and exalting the other.

It’s possible that Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl is not so much a Midwestern novel as a novel about leaving the Midwest. Though perhaps this is actually a requirement for a truly Midwestern novel — that characters from the Midwest must leave in order to be tested by the coasts. There is a long tradition of the Midwest as a place from which regular people originate before they are corrupted by worldly forces elsewhere. They get mixed up in all sorts of nasty business before looking back longingly, nostalgically, on a more idealized version of what they left behind. The Great Gatsby may be the most canonical example of this, a template for the American morality tale in which the center of the country is synonymous with a kind of moral centering, a paradise lost. What then, we might ask, could bring anyone back here?

There is a long tradition of the Midwest as a place from which regular people originate before they are corrupted by worldly forces elsewhere.

The answer might be found in novels that see the region not as a monument to the past, but as a site for the future. Given the threat climate change poses to the coasts, its distance from rising oceans and access to freshwater lend it a sense that it might be the only safe place left once the world is gone. In Ling Ma’s Severance, an apocalyptic novel of white collar New Yorkers making a pilgrimage to Chicago after an outbreak of a zombie-making disease from China, Ma’s narrator describes the Midwest as an antidote to the ills of modernity, an “even-keeled, prairie center…it’s long, hardy winters rife with opportunities for canning root vegetables and stone fruits.”

The idea that Americans will one day come back to the Midwest and live picking fruit and milling grain is certainly an appealing one, and one that resonates among apologists and progressives alike. Who would not like to see the region rise again, preferably purveying local, organic, farm-to-table living instead of cars, and this time including the historically marginalized groups that were exploited and excluded the first time around? “Such an environment could only benefit our better natures,” writes Ma’s narrator, sounding like either a shepherd or a marketing expert branding the Midwest as a bucolic destination to weary New Yorkers. “We would set up camp in the lake breeze, lay down roots for our new lives, and procreate gently among ourselves.”

Ma’s novel points perhaps to how the Midwest is being remade in the public consciousness — not as a place at all, but as a product, a lifestyle “destination” designed to satisfy the nostalgia that all Americans have now for a time past. As the empire seems more precarious than ever, deeply unequal, assailed by economic competition from overseas, and increasingly prone to authoritarianism, then perhaps that nostalgia — presumed to be Midwestern — is actually a national affliction. It’s no accident that the mysterious disease that has turned everyone to zombies in Severance originates in a Chinese manufacturing plant. If the fear of national decline can be personified in the hollowed lifelessness of the human body, then the trip back to the center of the country, to simpler times, is the return the fullness of life before modernity. It sounds a lot like what Henry Ford had in mind.

9 Books About Coming of Age in a City

Cities make for the loudest, messiest, politically dirtiest, most amoral settings in literature. It’s no wonder, then, that characters who come of age in cities are often the most precocious and cynical. They are only reflecting the personalities of their home towns.

Purchase the novel

In my novel The Falconer, 17-year-old Lucy Adler hurtles through early 1990s New York during her senior year of high school, allowing all she sees and experiences to shape her world view — the drugs, the sex, the injustices, the art, the energy, the homelessness, the money, the music, the inequality. Her development as a character has as much to do with what she observes in New York as the choices she makes in her life and her relationship with other characters. Because of the incredible variety of life in New York, she’s able to use the city’s atmosphere to help express the roiling emotions she is grappling with at any particular moment. New York is her mood ring: dirty, dingy and depressing when she’s down; beautiful, hopeful, and alive when she’s up.

The best coming of age novels detail the moral, philosophical, and sometimes poetic journey of one character as he or she grows, while at the same time illuminate something important about the time and place in which the character lives. Here are a few of my favorites featuring kids or young adults coming of age in cities. Some are joyous, some nostalgic, some heartbreaking, some angry. None of them could exist without the city in which they take place.

Gorilla, My Love by Toni Cade Bambara

Gorilla, My Love is an unsung classic. It’s a triumphant short story collection that centers on a few African American girls and women in Harlem and North Carolina in the 1960s. The characters in this collection are self-possessed, whip smart, New York City kids. Hazel speaks her mind and doesn’t pull punches. Sylvia can fart with her armpits and is the fastest runner in her public school and curses like a sailor and is all sorts of charming and wonderful and crass and observant. The whimsical and wild Kit spends a summer hanging out on her tenement’s fire escape, falling for and losing her first love, all the while refusing to stop “singing her own song.”

All of these girls speak in the language of Harlem of the time — the dialect, the pulse, the toughness. Every story sounds like New York. Here’s another key thing: Nothing bad happens to the women in this collection. No one is raped. No one is beaten. No one is cruelly abandoned. None of the horrific things black girls are often subjected to in literature happens here. But these characters are not living in some kind of fictional American utopia either. It’s just that Bambara gives them the space to become fully realized people filled with longing and romance and curiosity and poetry. It is a masterpiece of voice and place.

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith

It’s hard to imagine now that there was once a Brooklyn where a tree struggling to grow on the street was a metaphor for a young woman’s desire to branch out and be a full person, but Brooklyn wasn’t always the built up, hipster, intellectual, wealthy enclave it is now. For most of its existence, it was a borough of immigrants, crumbling and ignored, and everyone in it longed to get out.

The novel centers on Francie Nolan, a young Irish girl in the slums of Williamsburg in the early 1900s. Through her, readers from every time, place, and circumstance are given a lesson about the cruelty of the world, the importance of relying on yourself, and never allowing darkness to dampen your spirit. This may seem like a trite sentiment to an adult, but it shouldn’t. My mother gave me A Tree Grows in Brooklyn to read when I was 11 during a tough period in my youth and I devoured it in one sitting. It was the first book that really introduced me to the transformative power of literature. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn is the kind of book that will get handed down from mothers to daughters until the end of time like a folktale or a wilted heirloom, its weathered appearance all the more meaningful because of how many women’s hands it has touched.

Sag Harbor by Colson Whitehead

While this Colson Whitehead novel only partially takes place in New York, it stars a set of instantly recognizable New York City kids. Every summer Benji and his brother and their friends vacation in Sag Harbor, a middle-class African American enclave in the exorbitantly wealthy, white Hamptons. Benji tumbles through the usual coming-of-age milestones over the course of one summer (his first true taste of independence, his first job, his first brush with violence, his first kiss), but his observations are so sharp, so witty, and so germane to that time and place — late 1980s New York, when hip hop and its abundant slang and neologisms had taken over the culture, the drinking age was 18, and everything cool on the planet was just a short subway ride away — that it doesn’t matter that some of this is well-worn territory.

Benji and his Manhattan friends are emblematic of the exact kind of kid who was going to private school at that time — children of nouveau riche hippies who didn’t expect to make it rain and felt a little guilty about it, offspring of old money prepsters who summered in the tony parts of the Hamptons and wore cable knit sweaters in pastels draped over their shoulders, and the children of Jewish, Asian, and African American middle-class strivers like Benji’s family. On Sag Harbor, though, Benji mixes with black kids from all over New York and the tri-state area and he finds himself posturing as he tries to fit in. The novel is ultimately a meditation on code-switching and being the first generation of wealth-adjacent, upwardly mobile black kids in white America. It’s also really deliciously funny.

The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros

Mango Street is a fictional street in an immigrant Latino community in Chicago, where America and Mexico and Puerto Rico mix to create something new and hopeful and confusing and haunted. American words like Kool-Aid and Cadillac and Buick mix with Spanish words like tortillas and los espíritos and muerto. The vignettes that make up this novel are told from the perspective of the adolescent Esperanza Cordero who suffers from the dual calamities of nostalgia for the present and an immediate longing to escape. She spends her time watching the women on Mango Street sitting in their apartments looking out windows wondering what else is out there. It’s a novel written by a dreamer about a dreamer for a dreamer.

The Feminist Mantra I Learned from ‘The House on Mango Street’

Just Kids by Patti Smith

Just Kids, the rock legend Patti Smith’s memoir of her relationship with the artist Robert Mapplethorpe in New York in the 60s and 70s, is a symphony. It’s the story of falling in love for the first time with that part of your heart only accessible during youth. It’s a story of a young woman determined to create the right life for herself. It’s the story of a city at the epicenter of a movement, when there wasn’t much of a difference between the average beatnik and the one who got famous — a city run by kids. It’s a story about two people discovering and cultivating their art. It’s a story about choosing poetry. Just Kids should be required reading for everyone aged 20, on the cusp of everything. It’s a manual for navigating the pain and the reward that comes with being fully open to life.

Less Than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis

I have no idea if Los Angeles in the 1980s was truly as depraved and drugged out and steeped in nihilism as Bret Easton Ellis made it seem in his first novel, but I will never be able to think of L.A. as anything other than a city populated with Clays, Blairs, Julians and a bunch of other sad, rich kids hanging out on beautiful balconies, doing drugs, having meaningless sex, and talking past each other. Less Than Zero was the first novel that exposed adults to what was really going on behind their kids’ closed doors. “This is one of the most disturbing novels I’ve read in a long time,” Michiko Kakutani wrote in her review for the New York Times and it has become a modern classic not just because 34 years after its release it still has the same power to make grownups squirm, but because the apathy, the gross consumption, the excesses of America’s one percent is still as frightening as it was in the 1980s, what we naively used to think of as the heyday of excess.

Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

Look, there’s nothing more to say about that phony bastard Holden Caulfield that hasn’t already been said. But if there were a definitive coming-of-age text, it would have to be Catcher in the Rye. It certainly is the quintessential coming-of-age in New York novel. In the last fifteen years, there’s been a Catcher backlash. Younger readers are finding Holden’s complaints annoying instead of universal. I understand that Holden hasn’t aged well — his musings and anger are sort of the epitome of “first world problems” — but I’ve always felt that Salinger pokes fun at Holden’s self-absorption quite a bit. And credit must be given to Holden for being the first of his kind. Without Holden, would there have been the counterculture of the 1960s? He gave a voice to a generation of kids who were pushing back against the limiting post-war American dream. And, besides, no one writes teenage dialogue like Salinger. Even though the verbal tics and idioms have changed in the last 70 years, the drum beat of teenage conversation and worries and angst have not. No matter how you feel about Holden in 2019, his rebel yell and the stale 1940s New York world he captured is perfection.

Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie

Midnight’s Children is a picaresque, bildungsroman, magical realist, political, satirical, philosophical epic novel all rolled into one. It can be analyzed and marveled at from any one of its prism’s infinite sides, but for the sake of this piece, let’s look at it as a tale of a boy coming of age at the same time as his nation.

Saleem Sinai was born at the stroke of midnight, August 15, 1947, the exact moment of India’s independence. As a child, Saleem discovers that he has a secret power: the ability to communicate telepathically with every child born on the day of India’s independence. Though he goes through the same growing pains every young person does — heartbreak, humiliation, disappointment, discovery that his parents are not who he thought they were (in this case both literally and figuratively) — Saleem’s telepathy makes him a conduit for all of India as he is able to communicate with the disparate voices and personalities of his generation across the entire country, none of whom can agree on anything. Through them, we see the vastness of the country, the impact of colonial rule, the in-fighting between all of the religious and political factions and the roiling, exuberant, violent city of Bombay. Midnight’s Children is a novel born out of India’s independence told in the voice of a child of Bombay, in the same polyphonic register. It is, in Saleem’s own words, a “rainbow riot.”

Salman Rushdie Helped Me Recognize Myself—and the Love of My Life

A Tale of Love and Darkness by Amos Oz

Thousands of miles away from Bombay and less than four months later, another partition. This time, the corner of the world is Jerusalem, and the story is memoir, told by Israel’s most beloved writer Amos Oz, who recently passed away. Oz, born in Jerusalem in 1939, tells the story of his youth among the polyglot, intellectual Eastern European and Russian ex-pats who had been expelled from their homes or who had left of their own volition, beginning to sense the nationalist, anti-Semitic fervor brewing in their home countries and to seek refuge in Palestine with the heady, hopeful idea of a free nation. In doing so, they left behind everyone else they’d ever known, who were ruthlessly slaughtered, their entire culture eradicated, and took a land from an already established people.

The only child to an emotionally distant father and a quixotic, depressive mother, Oz grows up in kitchens and living rooms in Jerusalem swirling with language, politics, arguments, ideas, kindness, sadness and literature. And then in 1952, when Oz is 12, his mother commits suicide. At 15, he breaks with his right-wing father, changes his name from Klausner to Oz, and moves to a kibbutz. A Tale of Love and Darkness is a memoir about a boy excavating his mother’s life and death and the tale of Israel, from its beginning promise as an egalitarian, socialist nation to the painful, military state it has become. While Jerusalem is supposed to be the shining city on a hill, through Oz’s eyes, it is a city steeped in melancholia, the shops and apartments buildings and streets built on the lost dreams of castoff European and Russian Jews, a home that squandered its moral and humanistic founding principles. And because she was exiled there from the European life she loved, it was the city that destroyed his fragile mother.

Bridgett M. Davis Explores a Family Secret: Her Mother’s Illegal Lottery

“I’m playing the numbers” is a phrase I heard from my elders many times in my childhood. It meant a quick run to the store for a scratch-off, or playing a combination of birthdays and lucky numbers in the hopes of striking it rich. Huddled on the living room floor or in the dining room over Hungry Man, dinners my family held out hope that this would be the day they’d taste Lady Luck. Needless to say, this didn’t happen for us, and the true ascendency and utilization of the lottery system, especially within Black communities, was lost on me. In reading Bridgett M. Davis’s new book — part memoir but mostly a biography of her mother Fannie Davis, who made her own luck by running a numbers business, a kind of illegal lottery, out of her Detroit home — I gained a clearer understanding of what the phrase really meant and how the lottery’s existence was embedded in the livelihood and welfare of Black lives especially.

The World According to Fannie Davis is Davis’s third book, the first nonfiction, and it’s a kind of love letter to her mother, recognizing the extraordinary woman that Fannie Davis was. Often Black women are pushed to do that much more to keep their families afloat and Fannie’s intrepidness, luck, and all-around good nature kept her and her family more than afloat but living a solid life post-Depression as they migrated and settled in Detroit. I was happy to talk to Davis about not only Fannie Davis but Fannie Davis, about the revelations that came in reflecting on her childhood and what her mother carried, as well as what stories we tend to hold in and why.


Jennifer Baker: I wanted to talk to you about this whole process. Was there any hesitation during the process? Were there thoughts of “Maybe I shouldn’t do this even though I have my aunt’s blessing”? Was there any kind of stumbling blocks that may have occurred before you brought Fannie’s story to the fold?

Bridgett M. Davis: I think my journey is a little unique in a couple ways. First, our secret was not traumatic. It was not a dark secret, but it had to be kept secret because what my mother was doing was illegal. So I think that was both the reason I didn’t feel I could tell anyone and also interestingly what made it complicated for me. I felt no shame around it, but felt I couldn’t tell it. The other thing that was unique for me was I waited decades until I simply couldn’t not tell. Until I simply couldn’t not not tell. I think I am suspecting that when it’s traumatic it really eats at people and there’s this great need to share because that’s part of releasing the shame. But for me it wasn’t that. I could suppress the desire much longer because it didn’t have any shameful attachment to it. But still, even still I did reach that point where I thought, “This is wrong. I’m being remiss in not telling.” Because now I’m acting like it’s shameful and it’s not.

When I finally reached a milestone age and my children were reaching a certain point in their lives I thought “They don’t know who their grandmother is.” So that’s what really lead me to talk to my aunt. And I don’t know what I would’ve done if she had said “don’t tell anyone.” I was fortunate that she instantly responded positively. She really said right away “Oh, you wanna tell Fannie’s story? Yeah you should tell. Because what she did was amazing and people should know.” And I said, oh my god, all these years I was worried about what my mom’s sister would think and in fact she had none of those issues around it. Because remember now my mother has been dead over two decades and it’s like telling would get us in trouble with the law. So, you know, the only issue was is this fair to her memory and legacy? And my aunt answered that.

JB: You’ve written two novels and come into this project with a respect for Fannie. As a reader, I know she’s a person but reading her as character in this space, it’s very interesting to see the way you navigate that. Throughout the book it is: let me tell you about the numbers, let me tell you about my mother, let me tell you about the environment and the world we’re living in right now. Because that’s so essential to bringing it all together.

BD: And I had that understanding before I had the actual research done, before I had any confidence that I could pull this off. I need to provide this story in a context. Some fortuitous things happened to help me tell it with that kind of context and also the more I learned about her story the more excited I got about those pivotal moments in her life story that dovetailed with these critical cultural moments. And that’s what has to happen with nonfiction for it to read as an engaging narrative. You know you can’t make up anything. I knew from novel writing that there are moments where you can adjust the plot to do what it needs to do. I didn’t have that on my side and I knew that going in, so I didn’t have the gumption of knowing the story going in. I knew I was going to find out that story as I found out more about her from the family and I as began to do the research around the stories I had heard all my life. I found it funny, I found that I love this form so much.

I knew from novel writing that there are moments where you can adjust the plot to do what it needs to do. I didn’t have that on my side.

JB: Oh yeah?

BD: It’s crazy that I love this form so much. It’s crazy that I trained as a journalist and had never written a nonfiction book.

JB: But you needed that subject matter to want to write the long-form?

BD: Exactly. I needed something I cared enough about to want to apply it to a nonfiction book also. It was good that I got the novel writing desire or the novel writing bug out of my system. And, you know, I also spent the entire decade of the ‘90s writing screenplays, which a lot of people don’t know and that is amazing skill set also. It’s dramatic writing and it’s really like a coupling of fiction and nonfiction. And so to me, the way I spent years and years learning my craft in each of those genres totally prepared me for this moment when I could draw on my journalistic skills to tell this story.

JB: When you’re talking about telling the story, getting the research, recounting the perspectives then with the realizations now and the material available to you. Was there consistent reawakenings of your childhood or re-examination of your childhood?

BD: It was shocking. It was shocking more than once. First, for me to have had this great 10th birthday party, I’m so excited. It was fabulous. It was huge. My whole class was invited. We were in the new house and so it was just a celebration of so much, you know, that stayed and resonated with me. I did not know that two weeks before J. Edgar Hoover had made it his business to wipe out the numbers in Detroit, and had orchestrated a huge FBI lead bust on the number runners. And confiscated millions of dollars in the process. Or at least claimed to have stopped that business worth multi-millions of dollars. Two weeks before my party. And I never knew it until I started doing the research. One moment you’re like “Wait a minute, let me check this date again.” I’m like what? Now I respected my mother on another level. I just couldn’t believe that she pulled that off with such seeming calm when of course she knew people who had been busted.

Another one is our family home. I did not know, literally until I read an article, I read that seminal article that Ta-Nehisi Coates wrote, “The Case for Reparations.” He was talking about people buying houses on contract in Chicago and they were really shady deals. Basically you got to buy a home, but you had none of the benefits of homeownership. It was like renting really except you had invested your life savings with it. And it wasn’t involving a bank, it was just the seller. And people got ripped off. It was a business to rip people off. I knew my mother had gotten her home through a land contract with the seller. I always knew that story, so you see how I knew a story my whole life but then I didn’t understand it because she never told me. I didn’t know she couldn’t get a house any other way. I didn’t know laws were keeping Black folks from qualifying for mortgages because the U.S. government would not secure loans for Black folks in certain communities. Basically, if a Black person lived in that community at all then it was not going to be insured. Those loans, those home mortgages would not be backed by the federal government, so realtors didn’t loan, banks didn’t loan, sellers didn’t consider those homes for Black folks, etc. So how did Black people buy homes? Through these shady contract deals. That was another moment that just exploded my head.

JB: And you relay in the book these kind of revelations, but at no point did you ever see any kind of crack in the armor that your mother kind of —

BD: I say no, but I also remember she had headaches. She had to spend whole days resting sometimes. I know she was sometimes in a bad mood. We used to say “Oh, Momma’s feeling a little evil today.” Those were the things I saw and then with distance and maturity and context, I now know those were cracks. But she didn’t say —

JB: You mean she didn’t say what was happening?

BD: Right, she didn’t say “This is what’s happening” or “This is rough” or anything like that.

JB: I think about the Black woman’s burden. Especially when you have kids. I feel like I saw that a lot in my childhood with the women. Them gathering alone while the kids were off doing whatever not worrying about the election or Reagan’s oppressive tactics or drug usage. But you write very thoroughly about the crack downs then the Lotto. But this kind of essence we’re not seeing — and this can also be of course children are kind of, “well does it involve me? No? Then whatever.” But I think when there’s a hardship children do feel that. You can feel that kind of tension at any age.

BD: Yes, absolutely.

JB: And the fact that you were imbued with love and Fannie was all “don’t worry about it” and taking calculated risks. The way you wrote about it was something I connected to as the job is to take care of everybody.

BD: It’s a lot of work for a Black woman to take on and it’s not even unique. I’m sure a lot of people could say there’s no moment when my mother thought, “Why should I have to do all this?” I don’t think she ever asked that question. I remember she used to say “A child should never have to worry about the light bill.” And that was her way of saying she knew too many stories of kids who were also engaged in the process. Of “oh we gotta keep the lights on” and “oh we gotta pay that bill.” And she was like, “I don’t like that. I don’t think that’s fair to a child.”

JB: We know the term “I’m gonna play the numbers this week.” But I didn’t realize the impact it had on so many people’s lives who relied on it as a source of income, as sustenance. So it kind of showcases again the issues within the community. “Once we find something, boom, the feds need to come and get it.”

BD: Yup, put their hands in it.

JB: “Wait, we can legalize this!”

BD: And I didn’t know either. I lived it, the sort of tactile experience of being around the numbers but I had no idea of the history. I didn’t know lotteries used to be legal in this country. I didn’t know that the thirteen colonies used lotteries for their capital projects. I didn’t know that Denmark Vesey bought his freedom in part to a lottery ticket, to the lottery that he won. So, from the beginning it’s rooted in American history and in African American history because the first time the state decided to make lotteries illegal it has a lot to do with the fact that they didn’t want former slaves gaining any financial advantage.

The first time the state decided to make lotteries illegal it has a lot to do with the fact that they didn’t want former slaves gaining any financial advantage.

JB: And then that translates to the Lotto? It’s a similar process.

BD: They were like “we’re going to make it illegal” for decades and “we’re gonna castigate Black folks for playing any kind of lottery or certainly illegal lottery.” But now, fast forward to mid-20th century “Oh my god there’s so much money.” So we’re gonna take this over and we’re gonna change the perception of what it means to be a lottery player. Clean it up. And at the same time usurp this business — this multi-million dollar business that Black folks found and created and sustained. We’re gonna take that from them. Because guess what, White suburbanites, this way you don’t have to pay any taxes. You don’t have to pay for your public schools taxes. We’ll use lottery money for that. So see how it was never untied from racist policies?

JB: And you wanted to make sure to clarify that in this book, too? It’s the story of Fannie, which is a very intriguing and engaging story. Add the elements of “now I recognize what we had to rely on in this form of income.” One necessitates the other.

BD: I always thought it was the quintessential American story. And I always thought it was about the “American Dream.” Once it was really time to sit down and really tell I always knew I wanted to do more than just tell her story. I feel like I heard her in my ear. My mother was not vain and glorious, as they say. I felt like I heard her say “Do it right and help people understand the ways in which I was just making a way out of no way.” That’s the voice I was hearing.

JB: How would you like readers to see Fannie?

BD: I would love for people to see her as a woman who worked hard and also thrived. And through it all gave freely. That whole idea that the more you give the more you receive, you’ve got to believe that. I think that was the impression she left. She really enjoyed all three of those: She enjoyed working hard for herself. She enjoyed thriving. And she enjoyed giving.