The Slow Apocalypse and Fiction

1 — Descending into the Substrata

The Geologic Imagination

The Sonic Acts Geologic Imagination Festival (Amsterdam, February 26 — March 2) as I experienced it was less festival than upbeat funeral march conducted in bright light, set to a soundtrack of experimental music, and festooned with colorful Power Point graphics like ornaments on a post-apocalyptic Christmas tree. According to the pocket guide, a fundamental starting point for the festival “is the thesis that we live in a new geological epoch: the Anthropocene. Human activity has irreversibly changed the composition of the atmosphere, the oceans, and even the Earth’s crust…humans have become a force on a geological scale.” The festival brought together “scientists, philosophers, theorists, artists, and researchers” to talk about ways to rethink “our attachments to the world, our concepts of nature, culture and ecology.”

To experience this in person for more than two hours at a time is a sobering experience, since you’re entering a place that’s trying to stare directly at the supernova known as global warming. You oscillate from finding it worthwhile to wondering if you’re inviting depression and anxiety to take up residence in your brain — and for what purpose? To tell people what they already know? Except, in my case participation consisted of the even more useless context of a presentation entitled “AREA X: The Fictive Imagination in the Dusk of the Anthropocene,” about what types of fiction are likely to go extinct before we do. This included thoughts about reactionary post-apocalyptic fiction, revisiting the way we write about our fellow animals, and interrogating the inefficiencies of so-called “smart” tech. If you were standing in a hideous post-apocalyptic landscape, would you want me to tell you a story or would you just want me to shut up long enough so you could convert me into edible protein?

If you were standing in a hideous post-apocalyptic landscape, would you want me to tell you a story or would you just want me to shut up long enough so you could convert me into edible protein?

Still, it was hard to be too glum, with my family in attendance as a slideshow of my favorite wilderness places ran on the screen behind me and I muttered on about: deliberately misunderstanding philosophy as a fictive strategy; how even in a Terence Malik film about the New World, the lack of biodiversity in the backdrop is a kind of lie we tell ourselves (it was always this way, except it wasn’t); and suggested mash-ups of Girls and The Walking Dead as a way to bring some frisson of the shock of the new. My grandson drew me as a bearded smudge and my audience as cats. Later, back at our daughter’s place, he surprised us with the smiling piles of plastic skulls he’d arranged for us, promptly followed by marathon bouts of watching Adventure Time (which seems rather more on-point than I understood then).

In this context perhaps you can forgive me for wondering at times if the festival was in the least bit important or was instead impotent and useless, a death ride at the end of a death ride, all of us having arrived on death planes and going home on death planes, and in between trying to figure out a life based on the certain knowledge of impending doom. I say “wondering” because anyone invested in science, and thus in noncontroversial concepts like gravity and inertia, knows we’re all just atoms anyway and forever about to return to atoms.

Yet any qualms I had about what could be accomplished, or at least articulated, dissolved when I explored the Sonic Acts book The Geologic Imagination. This fascinating tome represents an act of radical imagination, an attempt to wrench our thinking out of the same tired old tracks. There’s heft to the book, and perhaps the juxtaposition of cutting edge content with solid, sturdy precision in the object reassures as well. Things that matter in the world have weight. Is that too human a reaction in these post-human times? I don’t know. I don’t care. But I do care about how the book and festival made me directly confront themes and issues that had previously come out organically in my fiction. When that happens, the way forward changes irrevocably.

2 — A Chronicle of Our Science-Fictional Present

Aral Sea

Aral Sea

The cover and immediate interior of The Geologic Imagination are dominated by photos of the barren Aral Sea, destroyed by the Soviets and their successors for the sake of cotton crops — an ecosystem snuffed out by a fanatical devotion to ultraorthodox ideologies — and the photographs within are also alive with the ways in which human beings still try to grapple with our own destructiveness and understand the humiliations of our particular moment. Images from abandoned industrial zones in Russia might in another context scan as disaster porn, but here, foregrounded by the idea of viewing life at “Earth magnitude,” are oddly melancholy yet redemptive. Visual elements like “Human Nonhuman,” mostly blurred photos, require the full festival presentation to appreciate, but then you turn the page and something like Kurt Hentschlager’s “Sublime Landscapes 3.0” confronts you. Fifteen pages of texture triptychs from his recent audiovisual installation “Measures” filter nature “through communication channels and media.” This focus on environments in juxtaposed layers of strata is interesting even without the audio component and begins to hint at fresh ways of seeing the detail-work that goes into our world.

The essays and interviews in The Geologic Imagination are similarly provocative, smart, and uninclined to engage in melodrama. For example, rather than exist in the realm of the polemic or the abstract, Liam Young and Kate Davies traveled the world charting the path of the components that we use to create smart phones. Young and Davies, interviewed by BLDGBLOG’s Geoff Manaugh, run the Unknown Fields Division, a “nomadic design studio” that explores “unreal and forgotten landscapes.” That could be double-speak for something insufferable, but it’s not. Their account of trekking “back up the global supply chain of consumer electronics” is not just fascinating and necessary but almost revelatory in its devotion to specific detail and understanding the consequences of that detail. (If you’re reading this on a smart phone, don’t worry — your minor discomfort will end…now.)

Essays like “Poetry and Bookkeeping” by Michael Nelland examine the role of the imagination in science, making by association a link between science and philosophy. The visual representation of a “tree of life” with Mankind at the top — sometimes mistakenly thought to have been endorsed by Charles Darwin — is juxtaposed with a “wheel of life” that shows human beings as just a creature between the common chimpanzee and the Norwegian rat, with no special significance. If the decentralization of humanity’s place at the center of the universe begun by Copernicus had found its way to the wheel instead of the tree, would our cultures, our society, our science, look fundamentally different?

Tree of Life

Tree of Life

Another essay, Timothy Morton’s “Human Thought at Earth Magnitude” surprised me in the giddiness of its tone and shifting emphasis. The most interesting parts involve an argument that ascribes imagination and intent to the decision-making displayed by social insects and other animals. “It’s been shown,” Morton writes, “that ants, while climbing up little ladders, look around them rather than walk up automatically. They weigh options,” which suggests they “anticipate and assess situations,” and in other cases “rats experience regret” while “bees build mental maps to find their way home.” Morton compares these findings to, for example, an architect’s decision-making process, suggesting similarities. In putting forward this evidence, Morton asserts that too many scientists have gone into study of animal behavior already believing they knew the cause and effect: “Scientists are now beginning to figure out something we’ve known in the humanities and arts for ages and ages. Namely that you are entangled in what you are seeing.”

Morton’s argument is a way of saying that if you believe this kind of animal behavior is automatic, then what about manifestations of the human imagination? Are they perhaps being influenced by factors other than free will? This is an important thought experiment given how science is beginning to suggest that more of what we do than previously believed is reflexive rather than the result of conscious decision-making. Whether you believe humans have less free will than we previously thought or that animals have more, meeting in the middle brings us closer to accepting that we exist in close proximity to our fellow animals. And although it’s possible to think of Morton’s approach as substituting one type of human gaze for another, I prefer to believe that his ideas push back against animals’ existence only as a reflection of our own making — in spiraling, multi-directional ways that include how animals perceive (in whatever way they perceive) our actions and the often non-logical systems we ourselves impose on animals due to our misunderstanding of them.

Alas, our world contains too many counter examples, on a daily basis, of casual cruelty and thoughtlessness codified as practical or reasonable behavior — or even an “empathy” regarding animals that twists the meaning of the word. Some of these unanalyzed meta-narratives exist at the LOLCats level, like the much-shared “cute” photograph of an otter imprisoned in a cage, with holes in the glass so you can shake hands. Mass media also flattens and simplifies animals into possessors of one human trait — for example, propagating the idea that sharks are dangerous solitary creatures, despite evidence of complex social systems and unique patterns of communication. Adding to the problem, the New Yorker blog reported recently that some dictionaries are being purged of words about the natural world in favor of words about the human-created world. (Acorn being replaced by motherboard is perhaps the saddest trade-off I can think of.)

Some dictionaries are being purged of words about the natural world in favor of words about the human-created world. (Acorn being replaced by motherboard is perhaps the saddest trade-off I can think of.)

Morton, then, challenges us to bring new complexity to bear from a particular angle, and, much as in the essays of John Gray, to question some of our most basic ideas. Given that most traditional systems and institutions created by the human imagination have contributed to ecological devastation and that even with some triumphs by conservationists we’ve been unable to stop the reduction of total animal biomass by almost 50 percent since 1970…don’t we need a new way of seeing?

*

The concepts in Morton’s essay verge on science fiction in terms of extrapolation, and throughout The Geologic Imagination science fiction is heavily referenced, although with an optimism and reverence that may, upon reflection, be unearned. The subject comes up again in Kodwo Eshun’s interview entitled “Geologic Time, the Anthropocene and Earthquake Sensitives,” in which he discusses the aftermath of the meltdown of the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant. Eshun says that “our notion of the SF of the present is inspired by the work of J.G. Ballard,” in the context of a “speculative fiction theory of the present.” Ballard was a genius, and genius doesn’t come around that often, but isn’t this more or less an admission about contemporary SF? That it has either failed to take up the challenge of grappling with our modern condition or that interesting approaches have failed to register in the popular imagination? (Cyberpunk arguably represents a turning away from these themes.)

Science fiction is explicit, too, in contexts that you might not expect — for example, in the Center for Land Use Interpretation’s “Terminal Atomic: Technographic Mounds,” which features photographs from the air of underground catacombs built to store nuclear waste, described in the accompanying text as “uncanny monuments.” These are rarely seen images for most people, especially from this perspective, and have the appearance of alien outcroppings, of alien beachheads on terrestrial soil. Which of course they are, since we have become alien to ourselves and continue to render natural settings unfamiliar by imposing a context that is uncanny at its core. The true alien quality of these uncanny monuments is that they, for a moment, bring to light all of the uncanny things that surround us daily, rendered invisible to us because we have made them mundane and overly familiar.

In all ways, then, the content, focused in part on “dark ecologies,” should bring home to readers those specific facts, experiences, and ideas that might allow us to dream better, to create a world that has less of us in it, and more of something else.

3 — “Hyperobjects,” Global Warming, and the Invading Presence

Hyperobjects

In examining The Geologic Imagination, I haven’t brought up one important subject, in part because it requires a fair amount of unpacking. A concept that lurks behind almost everything in The Geologic Imagination is the idea of “hyperobjects,” a term that Timothy Morton created and explored in his recent book Hyperobjects: Philosophy and Ecology After the End of the World. Morton’s term is a way of using a word as an anchor for something that would be otherwise hard to picture in its entirety. For example, global warming can be considered as a hyperobject. Why? Because per Morton’s definition a hyperobject is something viscous (they stick — to your mind, to the environment) and nonlocal (local versions are manifestations or hauntings from afar). Hyperobjects have a unique temporality that renders them invisible to human beings for stretches of time and they exhibit effects through the interrelationship of objects that may not seem to be connected at first.

Even with just this bare context given, I hope it’s clear why the term is of use. Because a hyperobject is everywhere and nowhere — cannot really be held in one place by the human brain — reaction to it by the human world is often inefficient or wrong or even directly antithetical to the stated objective. For one thing, we are unable to hold in our minds the necessary number of variables and the connections between those variables; thus immobilized, sometimes also misled by disinformation, we rationalize or compartmentalize. In a sense, the enormity of the situation renders us irrational, could also be said to act as an invading agent or alien presence in our thoughts that destroys the impulse toward necessary autonomous action.

“Carbon Capture,” a recent essay by Jonathan Franzen in The New Yorker, exemplifies this condition of being contaminated or undermined by a hyperobject. In brief, Franzen suggests that too great a focus on the fight against global warming threatens biodiversity in the short term by making conservation efforts of secondary importance. The essay contains a fair number of flaws, rightly pointed out by the Audubon Society and in David Robert’s rebuttal over at Grist. I empathize with the outrage of scientists and naturalists who are doing hard work, in the face of powerful special interests and don’t need an ally who discounts their efforts. But Roberts provides a wider context: “Jonathan Franzen is confused about climate change, but then, lots of people are,” which drives home the point that hyperobjects deceive us.

Yet, in the spirit of Roberts’ call for “better storytelling” about the slow apocalypse, I also have to note that in isolation — extricated from the faulty supporting evidence — some of Franzen’s ideas seem reasonable in a certain context. If you don’t accept the premise that the Earth’s biosphere is now doomed, then I guess Franzen seems a bit deranged, albeit along with a number of climate scientists. But if you do accept the premise, one of the most ethical acts individuals can perform is to try to preserve every last bit of biodiversity for the present moment. In addition, although Franzen may create a false opposition between capping emissions and conserving wildlife and habitats, it seems not unreasonable in the era of Koch & Co. to guard against the possibility of cynical elements creating the appearance of such an either/or for their own short-term material gain. Franzen may also have read Rebecca Solnit’s editorial in the New York Times that in certain paragraphs seems to pit conservation against global warming, although that isn’t the ultimate message. (If you hate Franzen on principle, your discomfort at my partial defense ends…now.)

If you don’t accept the premise that the Earth’s biosphere is now doomed, then I guess Franzen seems a bit deranged, albeit along with a number of climate scientists.

It’s not as if there aren’t odd ideas amongst members of the very core of the conservation movement, either. As Brandon Kein writes about in “Earth is Not a Garden,” some environmentalists are capitulating to what amounts to end-stage Capitalism with a bizarre form of corporate sponsorship of gentrified “nature.” Further confusion occurs when considering books like Elizabeth Kolbert’s Pulitzer Prize-winning The Sixth Extinction juxtaposed with articles that seem to refute parts of her text, like “Rethinking Extinction” by Stewart Brand. Meanwhile, the Dark Mountain not-romanticists who advocate a pre-industrial human footprint are probably fuming at Solnit’s Harper’s essay “The War of the World,” which suggests that if we had just kept to pre-World War II technology and population levels, global warming wouldn’t be an issue. Is that true? I’m sure most of us hope so. Still others ask “Should We Be Suspicious of the Anthropocene,” making assertions that don’t match my impressions of the ways scientists and philosophers used the term at the Sonic Acts festival.

To be honest, such conflicting storylines can freeze me and, yes, confuse me. The flurry of points of view also brings to mind an interview in the Geologic Imagination with Dipesh Chakrabarty in which Chakrabarty grapples with the disconnect between “the issue of injustice between human beings” and the issue of “the environment and the collective human footprint.” Chakrabarty suggests that neo Marxism, like Humanism before it, has failed to understand that the well-being of the planet, and thus humanity, depends on so much that is not human or connected to human ideology. A global approach that integrates earth systems science and evolutionary thinking with thinking about Capitalism and postcolonial studies is still in its infancy.

Paralysis, then, can occur due to competing or insufficiently interwoven ideological stances. Beyond that, the very real senseless slaughter we impose upon animals and the myriad ways in which we destroy ecosystems without understanding the complexity of what’s been lost also creates stasis because it becomes so brutal and visceral that it’s unbearable to think about.

Can “hyperobjects” help unfreeze us from all of this? Usually, I feel writers should be wary of pat terms, should interrogate and push back against them. The easier it is to transform a label into a marketing category, the more useless it tends to be. But I find “hyperobjects” interesting in part because I doubt there will ever be a “Hyperobjects” category in the bookstore — and for this reason I think it’s worth exploring. This is not true of, for example, terms like “Cli fi” or “Eco-fabulism,” which strike me as potentially compromised, even if many who enact the ritual of enshrining these categories seem to think that the Will will follow the name, or that, talismanlike, the enshrining of the word means the war on the War on Ecology will be won. In fact, the terminology as enshrinement usually just shortens the time before the enshrined takes its slotted space on the shelf in the Wal-Mart of Ideas: identified, commodified, ritualized, and digested like a capsule that makes us feel better for a short while but turns out to be a placebo.

A hyperobject so carefully defined, catalogued, stacked, and numbered is either messing with you or not a hyperobject at all, but a human being in a hyperobject costume trying to sell you a term of art.

4 — Why Fiction?

Because of both an explicit and implied complexity, The Geologic Imagination is a humbling affair for a fiction writer to read. It suggests ever more strongly that what you do is irrelevant, perhaps even counter-productive. Even in leafing through the pocket program guide for the festival, the thumbnail panel descriptions — for example, fresh perspectives on both light pollution and noise levels in the human era — suggest fascinating entry points to fictional narratives, few of which I’ve come across in my reading. It is impossible after this perusal not to conclude that fiction is languishing behind other disciplines in grappling with these issues. Yet, the entire time I’m writing this the hyperobject of global warming looms over me and shines through me and is all places and in all ways is shining out and looming over. How can it not be in the subtext of much of what we write?

Reading The Geologic Imagination, too, certain kinds of escapism or simplifications in near-future fiction begin to seem morally, ethically wrong. This thought, like the trickle and gush of oil from the BP Gulf Oil Spill, infiltrates your head and once an aspect of a hyperobject is in your head, once you are aware of it, even as a black dot at the corner of vision, fast approaching, you cannot get it out. Speck. Dot. Death Star. Well. Tunnel. Tower. The manifestation does not matter.

BP Oil Spill

BP Oil Spill

In theory, the near-future mid- or post-apocalyptic scenario, even in the context of commercial fiction plots (or perhaps especially, as these are efficient and familiar delivery systems), should still allow for extrapolation and exploration of Morton’s “Human Thought at Earth Magnitude.” But few of these novels really deal with the issue of ecological devastation, using a magician’s sleight of hand to make you think you are experiencing one thing when you are actually experiencing something else — i.e., a post-apocalyptic novel rather than nostalgia. There’s a headache after or a kind of rush of disconnect, that the world you live in seems substantially less nice than the world you just read about thirty years hence. Ironically, this kind of fiction still becomes agitprop on behalf of the hyperobject, because what we are allowed to forget we only remember more vividly after putting down a Nostalgia Book.

Given our modern predicament, readers may soon reject myths that aggregate as they do in many near-future novels as wistfulness for car commercials, for Starbucks lattes, or for a thousand trifling conveniences. On the other hand — suspended in this slow apocalypse as we are, neither raw nor fully cooked — we may soon not accept these things in novels set in the present-day, either. We may begin to see novels of the mundane and modern that seem like they could be written thirty years ago, give or take a smart phone or two, as symptomatic of a failure. The only form of nostalgia not seen as grotesque may be a yearning for that moment in time before we had set upon a course that would ultimately require radical change to ensure human survival or the survival of the planetary biosphere. Who, sane, ethical, would wish for a time like ours of unrelenting animal carnage, for example? For the dead wreckage of our systems being sold to us as the height of technological evolution?

We may begin to see novels of the mundane and modern that seem like they could be written thirty years ago, give or take a smart phone or two, as symptomatic of a failure.

Another question I ask myself is this one: If sharp, intelligent fiction from the 1960s and 1970s by Ballard, Ursula K. Le Guin, John Brunner, and even T. J. Bass (Godwhale) did not create sustained change then why should we think our fictional efforts now will result in a different effect? I don’t have an answer, but perhaps it is because the opportunity remains so open. Only a handful of recent writers, like Margaret Atwood and Kim Stanley Robinson, have made any real impact in this area, in terms of the ideas behind their novels pushing into the public awareness.

A number of what ifs come to mind that seem not to have entered the popular consciousness, but foremost among them is a radical reinvention, at the subatomic level, of how we position animals in our fiction. Animals still exist as inert objects, aspects of setting, in much of our fiction, or exist only in what is projected onto them personality-wise by us. They are in a sense, lost narratives, and lost lives or minds — in a context in which even a simple broach on a bedroom mantel can contain an entire series of stories both in real-life and fiction.

For living creatures to be less animate than the inanimate speaks to lapsed chances for interconnectivity, and a rebuke to the idea that we house a particularly deep imagination. Somehow we need to be humble enough to finally admit to the true complexity of and importance of animal life — not just some anthropomorphic and patronizing sympathy — and in the process continue the necessary step of de-centralizing the human experience within a universe that clearly sees us as simple atoms like everything else.

Portrayals of a thousand, a hundred thousand animals, in prior novels and stories wait like sleeper cells to be activated by new understandings of animal intelligence and behavior, the erosion of our human gaze, our hopeful new awareness of the truth of things and the value of minds not like our own. If that time ever comes, the ghosts of living things will stare back at us from the page, will rise up to destabilize both our fictional and real-life narratives. Because they were always this way despite our fatal lack of recognition.

If that time ever comes, the ghosts of living things will stare back at us from the page, will rise up to destabilize both our fictional and real-life narratives. Because they were always this way despite our fatal lack of recognition.

*

A true hyperobject for a fiction writer, then, might manifest as both all-encompassing metaphor that helps break through received ways of perceiving the world and also a localized phenomenon at the sentence level — both literal and figurative, here and there. Engaging with the concept could become an important jumping off point for storytellers wishing to engage with the slow apocalypse. This perspective even provides a very different point of view on basic elements of fiction, like how writers should think about their characters — from motivation through to ideas of effect and agency. The major attribute of human beings who come into contact with a hyperobject is ineffectiveness, according to Morton. How do we more effectively convey ineffectiveness?

The wallcreeper book

And if we must talk about categories, is science fiction up to this challenge or is mainstream realism better suited? At this point, with a science-fictional reality impinging on our day-to-day, science fiction doesn’t have a lock on prediction or on conveying an experience of the future, which means any fiction writer can find an entry-point. Certain strands of lauded mainstream literary fiction have less of an issue with “loose ends” and tend to generate plot through close observation of characters, an approach that may be more suitable to capturing this moment and this moment, and the next. I think of novels like Submergence by J. M. Ledgard, which contains more science-fictional ideas per page than many actual science-fiction novels — or Wallcreeper by Nell Zink, which does a great job of showing us ecological efforts at the tactical, neighborhood level, along with the attendant human folly. And what does it tell us that the most interesting fictional take on our future in 2014 came in the form of a fiction pretending to be nonfiction, Naomi Oreskes and Erik M. Conway’s The Collapse of Western Civilization: A View from the Future? (Although even in that context, the authors have to resort to a random act of luck so that their narrator isn’t actually a future ghost rather than a future survivor.)

To extrapolate further, is poetry perhaps even more aligned to what I’ve been reading in philosophy and science? Perhaps, as suggested by Nelland’s “Poetry and Bookkeeping” essay, poetry is also more attuned to the subtlety required to meet the challenge of reflecting, refracting, and projecting — internalizing — the necessary sedimentary layers while still creating art not agitprop or didactic sermon? If ordinary extrapolation by definition is possessed of a very human logic, is it too limiting as a method of exploration? What simplifications are useful and which are harmful? Does dependable old logic get it wrong? Does it conflate the wrong things, put into contact too small a set of variables? Want the wrong things. Empower the wrong things. Place the wrong actors in the wrong context.

I don’t know the answers, and, unlike some, I am not ever certain enough or rigid enough or authoritarian enough in my thinking to suggest all writers need to grapple with these issues. I also know that some questions fiction writers ask are always more useful if they remain as questions, without definitive answers. I just believe that the questions should be asked more often and that, despite my own failings, I have irrevocably turned toward this particular examination of the geologic imagination.

Many thanks to Matthew Cheney, Eleanor Gold, Ramez Naam, G. Eric Schaller, Cat Sparks, and Ann VanderMeer for conversations and emails about these topics, which helped clarify elements of this essay in rough draft form. Many thanks as well for insightful edits by Lincoln Michel and Halimah Marcus. Any mistakes, however, are my own. Much of this text is also part of a book in progress.

The Edge of the Imaginable: The Dead Mountaineer’s Inn by Boris and Arkady Strugatsky

What happens to a detective story when no solution is too implausible? Arkady and Boris Strugatsky’s The Dead Mountaineer’s Inn is subtitled “One More Last Rite for the Detective Genre,” and it’s a telling choice of words. It’s an absurdist mystery, a critique of certain genre tropes, and a deeply strange narrative all at once. The story is almost archetypal: Glebsky, an inspector by trade, begins his stay at an isolated inn in the mountains. Also staying there are an odd assortment of characters, including a researcher, a hypnotist, a very intelligent dog, and quite possibly the ghost of the mountaineer for whom the inn is named. A body is found; mysterious letters are left, and it’s clear that at least one of these characters is not who they appear to be. It’s a familiar enough outline. But early on, the inn’s owner tells Glebsky, “I believe in anything that I can imagine.” It might as well be a manifesto for the story that follows.

The Dead Mountaineer’s Inn is the third of the Strugatskys’ novels to be released in a new stateside edition since early 2014. They’re probably best known for their 1972 novel Roadside Picnic, famously adapted for film by Andrei Tarkovsky as Stalker. But they’ve left an impression on writers both in Russia and abroad. Hari Kunzru wrote the introduction for Chicago Review Press’s new edition of Hard to Be a God. Sergei Lukyanenko, author of the Night Watch series, has named them as an influence. In his enthusiastic introduction to Melville House’s new edition, Jeff VanderMeer dubbed it “a novel that revels in every kind of tension, that inhabits every available transitional space.”

Uncertainty surrounds the events and characters in the novel. Initially comic, it becomes more and more philosophical, the juxtaposition of the narrative’s procedural elements recalling a scene from late in the Coen Brothers’ The Man Who Wasn’t There, where a defense attorney makes use of Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle to confound the lines between guilt and innocence. A romantic liaison between two characters is halted when one appears to be lifeless–but said character is later seen up and about, seemingly none the worse for wear. Characters are mistaken for each other and take part in subconscious conspiracies. The true identities of a number of characters are thrown into question. The theme is advanced even further via a subplot that unfortunately hasn’t aged quite as well. Glebsky attempts (with little success) to determine the gender of one of the guests at the inn. The focus here is generally on Glebsky’s haplessness as opposed to an authorial criticism of characters that don’t conform to binary gender roles; still, some of his brusqueness can make him seem more boorish than sympathetic.

That may be the point, though. As the larger picture emerges, so does a fascinating reveal of the structure. Glebsky is a fine detective-story protagonist, but he’s in the wrong narrative; he’s trying to make sense of events based on a certain style of interpretation that isn’t suited for them. Or, as he’s told at one point.

You’re exploring alibis, gathering clues, looking for motives. But it seems to me that, in this particular case the usual terms of your art have lost their meaning, the same way that the concept of time changes meaning at speeds faster than light…

That sense of wrongness and displacement takes on an almost metafictional level. It’s also a quality that’s featured in some of the Strugatskys’ other works. Hard to Be a God, for one, is a story of medieval adventure and palace intrigue set in a world where the dashing, roguish hero is an explorer from a future Earth. And Definitely Maybe is a kind of domestic farce laced with sinister conspiracies and philosophical musings on the nature of existence. Among the Strugatskys’ protagonists, Glebsky is a particularly flawed one, bound by rules and codes that place him at odds with the righteousness that he ostensibly craves. There’s plenty of humor to be found in this novel, and the way that the plot gradually expands is intricate and constantly entertaining. Yet there’s also a sense of regret here. For as much as this book can leave the reader with a sense of delight, there’s a queasiness that accompanies its conclusion–that sense that unexamined values can leave you on the wrong side of history.

The Dead Mountaineer’s Inn: One More Last Rite for the Detective Genre

by Boris Strugatsky and Arkady Strugatsky

Powells.com

Blurring the Boundary, an interview with Heidi Julavits, author of The Folded Clock

The breadth of Heidi Julavits’s career is sometimes hard to believe. Julavits is a founding editor of The Believer, an associate professor at Columbia University, a recipient of the PEN/New England Fiction Award and a former Guggenheim Fellow. From experimental fiction to influential essays to meditations on personal style, she seems comfortable in almost any terrain. In fact, part of the great pleasure in reading Julavits’s work is in seeing her land in new territory and make it her own.

We know Heidi Julavits as many things: novelist, essayist, sartorialist, experimentalist. With the publication of her latest book, we can now add that she is a diarist. The Folded Clock consists of diary-style entries, each beginning with the same constraint: ‘Today, I…’ True to diary form, the entries are records of daily events, but they are also meditations on loss, on memory and forgetting, on the passage of time. The Folded Clock is evidence of Julavits at her finest — an incisive and penetrating thinker, as exacting as she is forgiving in her observations about the self and the world.

I met with Julavits last month at Two Hands Café, an Australian-owned sandwich shop on Mott Street. We sat near the door, by a group of young women wearing unseasonable crop tops. Over coffee, we talked about plot traps, unideal readers, good and bad reviews, and that nebulous boundary between the social self and the written one.

Elysha Chang: Let’s start by talking about the impetus behind the new book. What made you start writing The Folded Clock?

Heidi Julavits: I’d recently been misdiagnosed with an incurable autoimmune disease, and even though what I actually had was treatable, I was still in a great deal of pain. I became very aware of when I was ‘being myself’ and when I was not being myself, physically and emotionally. I don’t want to get too deep or morbid, but I suddenly became aware of my body as an unreliable container. There’s always a great distance between the internal and the external selves, but this distance, when I was in pain, seemed scarily unbridgeable.

EC: This is a common thread in your fiction too, isn’t it? A lot of The Vanishers is spent parsing out what it means for a person to be ill and what it means to lose control of the body you live in.

HJ: This happened maybe about two months after The Vanishers was published. I felt like I had brought a fictional story to life in my own body. I’m not kidding! After I recovered, I wanted to make a record of myself before my body malfunctioned again. But I also wanted to step away from the plot traps I had been falling into with my novels.

EC: That’s interesting. Your novels are certainly known to have intricate plots. That was something you felt trapped by?

HJ: I just wanted to figure out a new way to move through a story space or a different way to understand how a story hangs together. I had repeatedly tried to outwit myself, but I kept returning to the same patterns. I’d be thinking of a story and suddenly find myself in the midst of an intricate plot about plastic surgery and performance artists impersonating dead people. I felt almost incapable of not doing it. It was like I had this one big muscly bicep and then this other really weak one, and I just needed to even things out somehow.

EC: I love the idea of changing up your style and making up new challenges for yourself as a writer.

HJ: Just before I started writing this book, I went to see my friend, Kristen Beinner James, who is an artist in LA. She took me to her studio and talked me through her recent discoveries, which went something like, ‘Oh, here I was really interested in pushing paint through the canvas and out the other side. And what emerged, when it dried, looked sculptural to me, so then I made a ceramic replica of the shapes.’ I was so struck by the fact that she would start working without any preconceived notion of what it was she was ultimately trying to create. Never in my life have I started a book without deciding ahead of time what it would be.

EC: As in planning and outlining?

HJ: I more mean, as a writer you usually decide the final form before you’ve written a single word. This is going to be a short story, this is going to be a novel, this is going to be an essay. After visiting my friend’s studio, that mindset suddenly seemed so limiting. I was cutting myself off from all sorts of accidental discoveries along the way. I was limiting my opportunities for play. To that end, I wanted to return to a formulation I’d used as a child. I’d kept a diary every day and each entry started with ‘Today I.’

EC: Did you find it difficult to get back to that childlike, diary style?

HJ: Actually it was totally freeing. Which sounds counterintuitive, because you would think using your imagination would be way more liberating. But there was something about ‘Today I’ that provided an instant mainline into something bigger. I felt like I could have fun but also exercise a lot of control. I didn’t even realize I was writing a book.

EC: When did you realize you had a book on your hands?

HJ: There was never one instant of realization. Normally, I have a first draft, then a second, then a third, and then I want Ben [Marcus], my husband, to read it. But in this case, it just kind of accrued until it was done.

EC: And you usually show him much earlier.

HJ: Oftentimes I really need his help. He is such an incredible reader. I’m very conscious of saving him for exactly the right point in a project — be it a book review or a novel — when I know I’ve done everything that I can possibly do.

In the case of The Folded Clock though, I didn’t need help in the same structural sense since there’s no plot. Really, I just needed lots of outside eyes because I wanted to make sure no one’s feelings were hurt. I wrote about my family and about my friends, so I asked a lot of people to read it before it was published. I wanted them to feel comfortable telling me if certain parts were off-limits, so that I could change or remove them.

EC: I did wonder about that — how detailed the book is in its description of other people. Was anyone offended by what you had written about them? Did anyone ask you to take anything out?

HJ: I obscured any clues I thought would point to a specific person, so sometimes the blast radius of fictionalization would have to extend pretty far.

EC: Oh? But you still consider this book a work of non-fiction.

HJ: Yes. To me, this book does not count as a novel because the impulse to write it was non-fictional. By which I mean I do not think this was an exercise of my imagination in any way. I certainly had to be creative about thinking through situations. But that is different to me than using my imagination. Because when I use my imagination that’s when I start tripping those plot wires I was trying to avoid. You know, people getting plastic surgery to look like dead people, et cetera.

EC: The idea of many or competing selves is something that comes up a lot in your fiction, and The Folded Clock seems to give you a way to talk about this more directly — how many selves a person can have, how to present certain ones and hide others. Can we talk about that?

HJ: I taught a class last semester called Exercises in Style, and we ended up discussing styles of personal presentation; you appear in the world a certain way, and you invite certain interpretations based on that appearance.

EC: Your collaboration with Leanne Shapton and Sheila Heti, Women in Clothes, certainly touches on this.

HJ: Right! And then add to that social presentation. As in, how do you present yourself in person, and when do you present yourself in this way vs. in that way? In what realm of your life are you serious? And in what realm are you jokey, self-deprecating?

It’s interesting because, for writers, all of these typically more clearly separate ‘realms’ often mix together. Social, professional, personal. We don’t have work clothes and weekend clothes.

EC: Do you try to separate the two? If anything, it seems like The Folded Clock does quite the opposite. I can’t imagine more of a melding of professional and personal life than publishing a diary!

HJ: I’ve realized that in some ways I do. But if I were to name my social style, it’s probably that I tend to be extremely accommodating and conflict-averse. That said, there is something about being in my forties that makes me just not care so much anymore.

EC: Care about avoiding conflict?

HJ: There was a time when I would have done anything to avoid conflict. I just have a deep psychological distaste for confrontation. It has always made me uncomfortable; it has always stressed me out. But maybe I’m realizing I’m not as conflict-averse as I thought; I just approach conflict in a different way.

EC: How so?

HJ: Maybe this is a way to talk about it: Someone wanted me to sign an online petition last summer, and when I didn’t, she wrote to me and said, ‘You are the least political person I know.’

It offended me (which I told her), because I feel like I speak out when I think a certain system needs to be addressed or fixed. I wrote about book reviews when I thought that system was failing writers and publishers. And readers! I recently wrote a piece in Harper’s about the way the medical establishment diagnoses and treats patients; I have written about women’s issues in every book that I’ve published.

EC: Seems like that person was thinking of politics in a very particular way.

HJ: For me, all of these things feel political, even when there’s no petition-signing involved. It just so happens that the zone where I feel most comfortable behaving in a political or confrontational manner is on the page. I want to be able to do research and think about something for a long time and then present what I have found and what I have come to believe or wonder as a result.

So in that sense maybe it’s wrong to classify myself as non-confrontational or conflict-avoiding. Socially, yes. But, in general, no.

EC: Maybe that is the divide between the writer’s ‘professional’ and ‘personal’ self. As in, what’s going on socially versus what’s happening on the page.

HJ: I guess maybe the inverse is worse, right? The person who thinks he’s avoiding conflict and being nice, but people are still afraid of him? I feel like that’s the topic of every other children’s book. The big scary monster comes to town and wants to make friends, but everyone runs away from him. And all he wants to do is give people hugs!

EC: There’s no winning!

HJ: Exactly. And this maybe gets even further into what interests me about having any kind of social style or control over how you present yourself socially. How much control do you really need or actually want? It could, in the worst estimation, end up feeling so calculated. There’s a point at which it is no longer organic and just becomes a premeditated attempt to be perceived as something. But maybe, too, that’s the place where the self becomes most intriguing, and inside-outside. That’s where it starts to blur that boundary between a social self and a written self.

EC: How does this play into how you feel about reviews, or how critics perceive you and your work? What’s your approach when it comes to reading (or not reading) them?

HJ: I don’t have a firm policy. I published my first book in 2000, and it need not be said that review culture has changed wildly since then. I actually think it’s pretty great right now. There are lots of online publications that give in-depth attention and serious critical space to people’s work.

Back to your question: I do want to respond to and learn from valid criticisms of my work. Of course, validity is subjective. But when I wrote that we needed better reviews and a better review culture in 2003, I think I was dreaming of a review like the one Sarah Kerr wrote of my novel Uses of Enchantment in the NYRB. She essentially surveyed my career and read Uses of Enchantment and concluded at the end that she felt I had it in me to do better. It wasn’t ‘you failed;’ it was more like, ‘I have faith that you can do more than what you’re currently doing.’ That, to me, was a really honest, frank and respectful review. I took it as a very real challenge.

So I will say that reading certain reviews has helped me conceive of what I want my next project to be, and gives me a sense of what I’ve already done and maybe what I don’t want to retread. A review doesn’t have to be positive or even constructive to be useful or enlightening.

EC: Why? What’s the worst review you’ve gotten and still learned from?

HJ: Janet Maslin wrote such a negative review of my third novel in the New York Times that people came to my reading the next night saying, ‘I read that review and I thought I should come out and support you.’ They were coming because they felt so bad for me!

EC: It was really that scathing?

HJ: I mean, she just really didn’t like it. My novel had a very ambiguous ending, and I think she made it clear she didn’t like those types of endings. In a lot of ways, I didn’t disagree with what she had to say. I love ambiguous endings, but at that point I had already done so many that I was starting to get tired of them myself.

Certain reviews bring up issues you’ve already been grappling with but that you haven’t been able to pinpoint or that you just haven’t wanted to admit. It can be the last little nudge that you need in order to change.

EC: Do you ever consider the possibility that she just didn’t ‘get’ you?

HJ: Sure, Maslin was not my ideal reader, but I also believe there is a lot to be learned from your least ideal reader. It’s sort of like when someone is so politically right that they’re politically left again. Someone can be so un-ideal as a reader of your work that they actually are your ideal reader, you know?

Part of being a writer and getting critical feedback is learning how to translate it. It’s not about deciding who ‘gets’ you and who ‘doesn’t get’ you. It’s not about deciding who you should or shouldn’t listen to. Often your least ideal reader can see things in your project that someone who ‘understands’ your project can’t see.

EC: This is very scholarly of you in a way. The idea that you can repurpose anything to make it into something you can learn from.

HJ: Well, it is definitely something I stress a lot when I teach: the practice of listening to everything and figuring out how it can be useful to you. You won’t always get your ideal reader or a list of actionable instructions, but any feedback can inform the next project if you’re translating it to meet what you need.

EC: That’s a generous way of looking at the world.

HJ: Ultimately, it’s just more productive. It prevents calcification, and it’s a reminder that your ideas about your work should be constantly reinvestigated, or turned over, or rejected even. Also, I think it can give you a kind of focus. When you keep yourself open, you can get to this place where suddenly everything that’s happening feels useful to your work. Like it’s centrifugally connected and spinning toward the same goal. And that’s an amazing place to be. Where you can think: oh yeah, my daily life is actually very useful and applicable. It makes you feel very whole.

Not a Real Writer: How Self-Doubt Holds Me Back

When I was in high school back in the late ’90s, I had so much confidence and ambition that I got myself a copy of Writer’s Market, studied it from cover-to-cover, and started pitching a manuscript of poetry to big-name publishers. It was a silly, naïve thing to do. Who would publish some teenager’s drivel unless she’s the daughter of someone famous? Even that’s probably not enough to get one of the big five publishing houses to select a book of poetry. But my parents thought it was a great idea and promptly bought me lots of stamps. They didn’t know anything about publishing. Plus, I had attended summer writing workshops where kindly and experienced teachers encouraged me. I was a finalist at a youth poetry competition in my home state of Connecticut. (To attend the try-outs, I skipped the SATs, with Mom and Dad’s approval.) I was the first junior high school student at my grade 6–12 school to publish a piece in the high school literary magazine. An admissions counselor at Bennington thought my 50-page stream of consciousness “novel in progress” was brilliant. Regarding the reflection of the moon from the little puddle in which I swam, that big white rock seemed entirely within my reach.

Then I got to college. After my first poetry workshop at Sarah Lawrence, I realized two things: 1) I did not know how to pronounce “dilapidated” and 2) my poems were terrible. I promptly switched to writing solely fiction. My ambitious scribbling continued and I applied to MFA programs my senior year, once again motivated by a belief in my own talent. I ended up at Brooklyn College in a program run by Michael Cunningham. He himself left a message on my voicemail congratulating me on my acceptance. That phone call was the single greatest moment in my literary career thus far.

I’m now in my thirties. Those of you reading this have probably never heard of me, unless you’re my friend or family member, in which case I’d like to say Hi! and Thanks for your support! I have yet to publish a book. The reason for that is, in part, life gets in the way. There’s work and love and art and art usually comes last, (especially for we women writers). But for me, part of what weighs art down and keeps it in last place is overwhelming self-doubt.

I remember the precise moment when I first realized I was not The Shit. It was my first semester of grad school and I was reading for my MFA program’s literary magazine. Staff readers were allowed to submit, as long as they did so anonymously. Among the submissions was a story of my own, one a beloved college professor had praised. Not realizing it was mine, my classmates tore it to shreds right in front of me. The story I had thought would blow everyone away did not even make it through the first round. I had always known I was going to have to work hard at this writing thing, that I would face a lot of rejection, but I hadn’t quite realized how untalented I would feel, how much rejection from my peers would push me to question myself.

The more involved I became in the literary world, the more my self-doubt grew. Though teachers in my MFA program recommended submitting to magazines like Tin House, The Paris Review and Glimmer Train, I quickly learned to aim much lower. To say I believed I wasn’t “good enough” is only a partial truth. My college professor Brooke Stevens told my class it was not the best writers who succeeded, but the most persistent ones, and I have reminded myself of that advice again and again. What he left out is that in addition to trying really, really hard, you also need the chutzpah to promote yourself and make the right connections. But that becomes challenging, if not impossible, when you’re constantly questioning your value as a writer.

Over time, my self-doubt has morphed into a kind of self-pity. I’ve watched people who were next to me at the starting line cross over into Multiple-Books-Published and Award-Winning territory while I lag behind, sweating and panting. When they are nice people, I am truly happy for them. When they are not, I hate their guts. But their success or failure has nothing to do with me personally. It’s not like there is a finite amount of books humanity can ever produce and every time one is published, my chances diminish. If anything, other people’s success should only encourage me: if they did it, so can I. But that’s where the self-doubt steps in and says, They can do it BUT YOU NEVER WILL BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT A REAL WRITER. It’s the same voice that tells me submitting to writing contests is a waste of money. (It really is, though). It’s the same voice that says, You will never be anything other than what you are at this very moment. Which is probably true, the truest thing a voice in my head could ever tell me. No matter what accolades or publishing credentials I accumulate, I will be myself and the work will be the work. It will be great or garbage regardless of whether or not other people want to publish and honor it.

After I got my MFA in 2006, I took a teaching job in South America. That first year, I didn’t write at all. Sometimes the most important work you can do as a writer is just living. Though I lacked a literary community, I eventually returned to short stories and continued submitting. Since then, my resume has steadily grown to include publication in fifteen or so journals, as well as a Pushcart Prize nomination and other near-misses. Sometimes when I’m asked to write an author bio for a magazine and feeling especially punchy, I add in “Lindsay Merbaum has been nominated for numerous awards she didn’t win.” Zing.

During my fourth and last year in Ecuador, I wrote a novel, which, after going through several drafts and the hands of multiple readers, is now entombed in my computer’s hard drive. Though I could’ve wrestled with that book till it took on a shape the reading public could swallow, I ultimately concluded that was not the story I wanted to be my first novel. I decided being book-less was better than publishing for the wrong reasons and I feel confident that my next manuscript, which has been in the works for the past couple years, will be a stronger, more mature story that will benefit from the mistakes I made the last time around.

There have been moments where I have considered giving up on writing altogether, but those moments are fleeting and usually born of exhaustion and the frustration that comes with never feeling like there’s enough time for writing, that no matter how many pages I produce, I could’ve written more. Deep down, I know I’ll never quit because I feel a compulsion to write. It can be a torturous, thankless process, but the act of storytelling is so essential to my identity that I’m not sure who I would be without it.

I’ve come to accept that my writer’s doubt is something I will probably never get over. Friends of mine have described the letdown they’ve experienced after publishing their first book. Each accomplishment is supposed to be IT, and yet there’s always another rung to climb, accompanied by the worry you’ll slip, or that you just can’t climb any higher. What I struggle to do now is to put writing first, which can be hard when you don’t already have a celebrated book or major award under your belt. How do you justify the time devoted to writing when it doesn’t put food on the table, when you don’t receive much recognition for your efforts? It’s easier to just binge-watch Netflix and not think about it. I’m fortunate that my husband, who is also an artist, understands and supports my creative endeavors and pushes me to keep at it.

Sometimes I marvel at that girl who thought she could publish a book at sixteen and was undeterred when that didn’t happen. I’ve seen that kind of ego drive some young writers towards success. But in my case, I wasn’t fueled so much by hubris as naïveté, which set me up for a rude awakening. The adults who coached me meant well. It was their job to encourage privileged kids, but they did me a disservice when they led me to believe I was far more special than I really was, that success would come easily to me.

Still, I think my high school self deserves some credit. She had her flaws, but she was hopeful. When you have a better chance of getting into Harvard than a top-tier literary magazine, hope is no small thing. Hence my writing mantra I stole from Cabaret and revive for small victories, near-misses and milestones. Feel free to borrow it:

All the odds are in my favor

Something’s bound to begin

It’s got to happen, happen sometime

Maybe this time I’ll win

Electric Literature Seeks an Editorial Intern for Summer 2015

Electric Literature internships introduce undergraduate and graduate students, and emerging writers to digital publishing and the New York literary scene. Because we are a small, not-for-profit publisher, we provide unique opportunities for professional development and resume-building.

As an Electric Literature intern, you are encouraged to become involved in any aspect of our work that interests you. Sure, you’ll go to the post-office, but you’ll also do things like contribute to editorial decisions, interview authors, and attend cool literary events.

Responsibilities:

  • Read submissions and participate in editorial discussions
  • Comb the web and social media for breaking literary news
  • Copy edit
  • Migrate the Recommended Reading archives
  • Contribute content to electricliterature.com
  • Staff events
  • Select images to pair with articles
  • Update contact databases

Skills:

  • Knowledge of WordPress, Tumblr, and social media platforms
  • Familiarity with HTML
  • Basic understanding of Photoshop and inDesign
  • Firm grasp of grammar and spelling, with a hawkish attention to detail

The ideal candidate:

  • Has an educational background in literature or creative writing
  • Participates in the contemporary literary scene
  • Regularly reads literary magazines and literary websites (including but not limited to Recommended Reading and electricliterature.com)
  • Believes strongly in the Electric Literature mission: To amplify the power of storytelling with digital innovation
  • Is hard working, pays great attention to detail, and can work independently
  • Writes clearly and with personality
  • Has an eye for design and knows what images will grab reader’s attention

This is an unpaid, part time internship (10–20 hours/week), with opportunities for hire. Candidates must be able to come to our office in the Flatiron district of Manhattan at least 3 days/week. We are happy to work with universities and MFA programs to provide course credit, though do not need to be a student to apply. This 3 month internship runs from late May through August (exact dates are flexible). To apply, please send a cover letter and resume to editors@electricliterature.com by May 6, 2015.

The Most Overused Short Story Titles

Clarkesworld magazine, one of the great SF/F literary magazines, recently reached 50,000 submissions and editor Neil Clarke decided to run an analysis to see what the most common titles were. Here were the fifteen titles most frequently submitted to the magazine:

  • Dust
  • The Gift
  • Home
  • Hunger
  • Homecoming
  • The Box
  • Monsters
  • Lost and Found
  • Sacrifice
  • The Hunt
  • Flight
  • Heartless
  • The End
  • Alone
  • Legacy

You can see the full list here and the Worldle image, shown above, of all titles. Clarkesworld is a SF/F magazine, but an analysis of literary magazine submissions would probably look pretty similar: a lot of one or two word titles that list one central element or sum up the feeling with an abstract noun — “The Game,” “The Child,” “Memories,” “Choice,” “Patience.” The title is the first thing any reader, including a submissions reader, will see, so the next time you submit make sure you aren’t sending a title that’s been used a million times before.

(h/t io9)

Midweek Links: Literary Links from Around the Web (April 22nd)

Looking for some interesting reading to get you through hump day? Here are some literary links from around the web to check out:

Ryan Britt on how science fiction sees the future of reading

An argument for why we still need physical books

Has US literature woken up from the American Dream?

Anthony Doerr won the Pulitzer Prize in Fiction

Making typos? Blame your brain

Flavorwire picks the 50 greatest American poetry books of the last five years

Robert Freeman on Lovecraft’s great monster Cthulhu

Courtney Maum explains why it’s not necessarily so great to be a debut author

Evidence of Fatherhood

Dad Thing

My first night back in L.A., I went to Neal McDonagh’s house because he said he wanted to talk. Neal is a sports agent now. He handles celebrity athletes, spends his days dealing with all these celebrity concerns. I wasn’t planning to visit him, but he found out I’d be in town to see my dad and dropped me a line. So I had to go over. Neal and I grew up together. We’ve known each other too long for me to slip in and out of L.A. without stopping by.

The two of us stood around his kitchen island drinking scotch. The kitchen island was draped in tarp and the floor was covered with brown paper. He had a TV crew in to renovate his house, the one he owned in the Palisades, and everything in there crinkled to the touch. It was a beautiful place, a white modern box with frosted-glass picture windows, blonde-wood accents in the interior. I know; I’d seen it before. After he and Heather first moved there, I flew in for the housewarming party. But that was five years ago. Neal and I weren’t as close anymore. New York kept me busy. I hadn’t even sent him a note when he and Heather had their boy. I found out about Max the same as strangers did: Facebook.

“Wait until you see him,” Neal said. “You’re going to think Max is so handsome. He’s such a good-looking kid.”

“I hope I get to,” I replied.

“I hope you do too. How long are you in town, Bill? How long can you stay?”

“Don’t know yet. Maybe a week.”

“I wish you were here longer. But I get it. I understand. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. How is your dad?”

I rubbed my mouth and hoped whatever I said sounded believable. I didn’t want to get too far into that conversation. The hospital smell still clung to my fingers, sweet and heavy, like bad fruit. “Better,” I decided to tell him.

“That’s good.” He nodded deep as though he believed me, as though encouraging me to go on. But between the delay at LAX and traffic on the 405 and then spending the afternoon with my father, I didn’t feel much like expanding. I didn’t even want to be in California. I looked around his kitchen. I saw the holes in his walls, the insulation stuffed up against his baseboards.

“So when did all this happen?” I asked.

Neal grinned. “Wait until you see what they’ve done.” He began to pace, tracking plaster dust across his brown paper floors. “You won’t believe it. This house is going to be famous. This house is going to shine.”

Neal’s tall and thin, with thick black hair cropped tight at the temples. He hadn’t changed much since high school. He still liked sports watches with gold links and playing around with stereo equipment. He’d wired his duplex so he could use his phone as a remote. Right then we were listening to hits from the nineties, all these rappers I barely remembered. He commented on them, what happened to Eazy-E and ODB and Tupac and Big Pun — how hard they’d all been, how sad they’d all turned out. Then he started in about fatherhood. Neal said having Max saved his marriage. He said since he’d become a dad he and Heather were better than ever. They’d quit the drugs. They weren’t trying to kill each other with good times anymore.

“You’re going to love Max’s room,” he continued. “It’s probably the size of your whole apartment.”

I laughed. “Probably.” I drained my glass and set it down on the tarp.

“You’re going to wish you had a room like it when you were a kid.” He stared at me. It took him a while to blink. “I’ve been dying to show it to you. I’ve been dying to show you everything they’ve done.” Neal pointed at my tumbler. “You want another?”

I said yes even though I didn’t like this scotch. It was full of peat and smelled like sore-throat medicine. But Neal said he bought it to celebrate my being home. I couldn’t turn him down.

“You know you’re welcome to stay whenever you like. Whatever the reason.” Neal inhaled. “Soraya’s slept over a few times.”

“She always liked to hang with you,” I said.

“I never let the good ones go.”

“Heather’s all right with that?”

“God, yes. They’re close.”

“What does Heather think about the renovation?”

“She’s going to love it.” Neal pursed his lips. “It’s my gift to her. Sort of.”

“That’s nice. Must be expensive.”

He shook his head. “It’s paid for. Besides, it’d be more expensive if I didn’t do it.” He laughed. “You don’t even know. Soraya’s been helping me out with the décor. She’s been helping me decide what Heather would like.” He tossed back the rest of his drink and his face went tight. “Soraya wants to see you, by the way. I invited her over. But don’t worry. I told her you were in rough shape.”

I knew Soraya from high school too. She was pretty and dark and even at seventeen had the husky voice of someone who was used to telling people no. Her mother lived in Riyadh and her father managed shopping malls in the U.A.E. He was always away on business. Growing up, Neal and I spent a lot of time at her house. We smoked cigarettes together. We did a lot of cocaine. Then I went to school out east. They kept the party going back here.

“Where’d she sleep?” I asked.

“The guest room. Your room.” Neal thrust his hands into his jeans and cocked an eyebrow at me. “That’s what Soraya calls it: ‘Bill’s room.’ I designed it with you in mind.”

“Neal, you’re too much.” I laughed again, expecting him to laugh also. When he didn’t, I went on. “You didn’t have to do that.”

He put his scotch on top of the fridge and came right up to me, close enough to smell the peat on his breath. He placed his hands on my shoulders. “You know I’ve missed you, right?” There was a slushy look in his eyes.

“Sure,” I told him. His hands were hot.

Neal grinned again. “Okay, then. Come on.” He tilted his head toward the foyer. “Don’t bother taking off your shoes.” We walked single file into the heart of his home. Neal led the way. His sneakers left prints in the plaster dust for me to follow.

As he started the tour, Neal explained it like this: one of his basketball players owned a piece of a production company. The production company had been developing a pilot called Renovation Revolution, a design show where a TV crew turns a regular place into somebody’s idea of a dream home. Anyway, last March, the basketball player brought a producer over so Neal could help them with a contract. One thing led to another and the producer pitched Neal on renovating his house. Neal’s house was already most peoples’ idea of a dream home, but the producer said there was always room for improvement, and the basketball player assured him that if the producer was involved, the house would turn out to be fly. Neal told them that sounded good to him. He wanted to live in a house that was fly. He said he had to convince Heather, but it didn’t take much. Who wouldn’t want their house renovated by a professional television crew?

“I have no idea,” I said, following him up the stairs.

The basketball player and the producer sold the concept to HGTV. If the network picked up the series, Neal’s house would air on the first episode. The Renovation Revolution crew had been filming for most of the summer. They were pleased because the property had good bones, or that’s what they said. They liked the floor-to-ceiling windows and complimented Neal on his backyard, which sloped upward at forty-five degrees. I was lucky enough to be there the weekend before the big reveal.

“Heather’s going to be shocked,” Neal said. “I owed her this. I didn’t think it would turn out this well.”

Heather and Max were with her parents in Calabasas. They’d been up north for the past few months and hadn’t seen any of the work, which was as it was supposed to be. Even if she knew about it in theory, the TV people wanted to capture Heather genuinely surprised when Neal showed her what they’d done. They wanted tears, is what Neal said.

“Did I tell you about the night Heather fell? That’s where she landed.” He stood above me, pointing at a stair midway up. “God, what a mess. She slipped and cracked her face open on the way down.”

“You didn’t mention it.”

“There was so much blood. I’ve never seen anyone bleed so much. She left a dark mark there we never could get out of the wood.”

I couldn’t see any mark. The stair was covered in brown paper. “They redo the stairs?”

Neal smiled. “Stained and varnished.” He shook his head. “What a crazy night. I thought she broke her jaw.”

At the top of the staircase, beyond Neal, I could see more of the work they’d done. Fresh paint on the walls, new crown moldings, coach-lamp fixtures drilled at intervals into the hallway. Beyond that I could hear the TV crew. There was murmuring and shuffling around and some hammering now and then.

“I tell you what, Bill, I am just so thankful.” He held the bridge of his nose and sniffled. “We’re really moving ahead here. You should have been around last week.”

“I can’t believe Heather hasn’t seen any of this.”

Neal glanced down at me and started to say something else, but his eyes narrowed and he swallowed it back. He ran his hand along the bannister, leaving tracks in the dust. “Things are really different. I’ve never been so well. I wish you’d visit more often. It’d be a help. I’d like you to be part of Max’s life.”

“Sure,” I said. “I mean, we’ll see. It depends on the hospital.”

“Did they figure out what’s wrong with him?”

I stared at Neal’s sneakers and thought about how to answer that. My skin felt greasy. I hadn’t had a chance to wash up. I hadn’t even checked into the hotel. If we kept drinking like this I’d need a lift later on, and it was already hard to shape my thoughts into words. What could I tell him that would make him understand? But the silence went on too long, and the dust in the house was making my throat swell, and there was an ache in my lower back, and I didn’t want Neal looking at me with his wet brown eyes. I opened my mouth, to say what I don’t know. As I was about to talk, something upstairs crashed and shattered and exploded all over the place. From the noise you could tell there would be thousands of tiny pieces to clean up. Whatever it was, it was ruined.

“Fuck,” Neal said.

“That’s not good,” I replied. But he’d already turned away. He bounded up the stairs two at a time.

I found him in the master bedroom at the end of the hall. A couple of workmen were by the foot of the bed, standing over a downed TV light. There was a cameraman in the far corner. He held his camera up on his shoulder and chewed his lip. Neal stood in front of them with his hands on his waist. The crew had already removed the paper from the floor, and the bedroom looked empty but finished. I could see they’d done a good job. The walls were cream and the floor was dark and glossy, this rich chestnut color. Shards of glass were scattered everywhere all over it. The smell of varnish was so sharp it stung.

“You’ve got to unplug that light,” Neal told them. “It’s going to burn the wood.”

One of the workmen bent over the cord. He took his time pulling it out of the power strip. Neal’s face went red.

“What’s your name?” he asked. “Tell me your name. I want the network to know what kind of assholes they hire.”

“Hey.” I touched Neal’s back. “Hey, man.” That workman glanced at the two of us in a way that made me understand it had been a long couple of months. His T-shirt and khakis were loose and wrinkled. His hair was patchy, scalp gleaming through in parts.

“Just clean it up.” Neal’s back shook under my hand. “Do it now.” He looked at me from over his shoulder. “How much time do you have? Can you stay? I want you to see the rest of what they’ve done.”

“I’m here now,” I said. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Great.” He took my hand and pulled me across the hall.

They’d done a good job with Max’s room too. There was an area rug with an airport design woven into the fabric. I stood in the middle of a runway and tried to take it all in. I could feel Neal behind me waiting for a reaction.

The walls were painted charcoal gray. There were wooden bunk beds in one corner with a strong wooden ladder connecting them, both of the beds made up with gray duvet covers. The window seat was a plush gray cushion. It was growing dark outside, but I could still see Neal’s yard out there, palm trees and Japanese maples rustling around in the evening breeze. The light fixture above us was glass, shaped like an airplane. The bulb went into the nosecone. The ceiling was a deeper gray than the walls, spattered with white paint. At first I thought the paint was a mistake but then I realized the spatters were supposed to be stars.

“How old is he?” I asked.

“He’ll be three in May.”

“That’s amazing,” I said, staring up at the light. I’d meant to sleep on the flight in but hadn’t been able. I kept hearing my father’s voice whenever I closed my eyes, the dirty, throaty sound of him over the phone. I was the only family left my dad could talk to. My mom was living in Phoenix with her boyfriend, and she decided not to come. I asked her to, pleaded with her, but she changed the subject. She didn’t want to hear about my dad. He’d been in finance for the studios. The way he used to work — long days, over weekends, whatever he was doing when he wasn’t home — my mom used to yell at me that he treated us like a hotel. He was the kind of man you could count on never to get sick, even if you hoped he would. But he did get sick. Eventually.

“You missed some good times out here, Bill. Ever since Max it’s been better and better.”

“I’ll bet.”

“It was touch and go for a while, though. That night Heather fell, Soraya came over. She accused me of pushing her. Unbelievable. Down the stairs! Like I’d hurt my own wife. Soraya said she was going to call the cops. ‘You’re going to jail this time, Neal,’ that’s what she said.”

“But you didn’t.”

“It turned out all right. Soraya helped me clean her up.” Neal laughed. “Heather kept saying, ‘Hit me, motherfucker. Break my mouth, I love you so much.’ Things like that. God, we were so high. It was like high school.”

I let my eye trail across the spatters on Max’s ceiling, not counting them, not doing much of anything. High school was twenty-five years ago.

“But enough of this depressing talk,” he continued. I heard his keys jingle. “Tell me about you. I want to know what you’ve been doing. Are you seeing anyone?”

I fixed on one of the larger spatters. “Not lately,” I said. I didn’t tell him that I kept long hours at the editing studio. I didn’t tell him I worked most weekends. There wasn’t time to see anyone with a schedule like that, which was okay with me. I do detail work, things that require focus. I keep distractions to a minimum. There are times when I’ll leave my phone in my bag all day without checking. The way I look at it, anyone who needs me will keep trying until they get through. The hospital had to call four times before I picked up. I didn’t know the number, but I recognized the area code. Whoever it was, I figured they’d have bad news. I was right.

“You’re a catch, Bill.” Neal’s keys kept on jingling. “Heather always says that about you. ‘Bill’s a dream.’”

“I don’t know about that.”

“It’s enough to make a guy jealous.”

“That’s sweet of her.” I liked Heather, but I didn’t know her too well. She and Neal started dating after I left town. I turned to tell him how I’d like to see her whenever she returned, but Neal wasn’t paying attention. He was holding a glassine bag in his left hand, digging into the powder inside it with a key he held in his right. He leaned over the key and sniffed. He rubbed his nose. Then he held out his works for me.

I said thanks and took the bag and his keys and considered Heather’s comments while he asked if I’d rather hear Liquid Swords or The Chronic. I said I was fine with whatever. He pressed play on his phone but kept the volume low enough for me to hear everything else in the house. Across the hall the TV crew shuffled around, setting up shots. I did a polite little bump and stared up at the light fixture, thinking about booking my return ticket. I didn’t want to have to take the red-eye, but I would if it came to that. I’d fly out on whatever.

“Max is going to be a real heartbreaker,” Neal said. “He’s already got two girlfriends. He reminds me of us, the way we were when we were kids.”

“Sure,” I told him, tasting the chemical drip at the back of my tongue. My throat stung, went numb and roughened on the inside. I didn’t really know what Neal was talking about. We met at baseball practice in ninth grade. He’d been a good hitter, a good pitcher, talented at all that stuff. I was terrible, one of those kids so lost in his thoughts that the safest place to be parked was deep in left field. Even so I fumbled every ball struck my way. Neal could have made fun of me, but he didn’t. He spent time after games and on weekends showing me how to hit, giving me pitching lessons. I never became good, but I got to a place where I could hold my own. The other team wouldn’t cower when I was up at the plate, but they didn’t laugh either. Neither did the guys in my dugout. All that stuttered through my head as I gave him back his bag and his keys and told him how much I was enjoying the tour of his house.

“Look at this, Bill!” He threw his arms out wide, as if presenting the room to an audience. “It’ll make the girls weak in the knees. I’ll have to supervise when his girlfriends come to play. ‘No sleepovers until you’re eight,’ that’ll be the rule.”

I clasped my hands and ground my teeth. I ground them so hard I thought Neal might hear. But he just paced the airport rug and talked about how he’d help plan the décor of Max’s pad, and then he described Max’s gorgeous four-year-old girlfriends. I listened to him for a while, and then I listened to Dr. Dre whisper about big dicks and murder, and then my thoughts turned to the electrodes attached to my father’s chest, the hair stuck underneath them, how much they’d hurt him if the nurses ever pulled them off. Fine, I thought, let them hurt. Sweat popped out along my hairline.

“It would be such a treat if you were here when Heather gets back,” Neal said, nodding at me. “She’d love it. You wouldn’t have to be on camera. I don’t think they’d want you on camera. But I’d like you to see it. Can you be here?”

“When is that going to be, exactly?” I asked in a thick voice.

“We haven’t settled on a — ”

Downstairs a door slammed. I heard a person crinkling around down there, calling out his name. Neal grinned. “Soraya.”

We found her sitting on his kitchen island. She was half-lidded and shiny, leaning back on the tarp, supporting herself with her hands. She swayed slightly. Neal bent over to kiss her on the cheek. She rubbed his back. I kissed her too, which was more difficult than it sounds. She was a moving target.

“You’re looking healthy, Bill,” she said. “How long are you here?”

“I don’t really know,” I answered. Soraya was prettier than I remembered. Her face was thinner, cheekbones more pronounced. She wore a cropped black jacket and light jeans tucked into black leather boots. Neal moved around us and uncorked his scotch. My eyes felt too hot for my head and I couldn’t stop clenching my jaw.

“You ought to be here when Heather gets back,” Soraya said, watching Neal pour a couple of drinks. “You wouldn’t want to miss the big show. Neal told you about everything?”

“He did. I want to. I don’t know if I can.”

“It’s going to be pretty emotional.” She tossed her hair off her shoulder. “I’m expecting fireworks.”

Neal handed me a tumbler. I sipped at the scotch. It loosened up my throat, which I was grateful for. Neal took a drink from his and licked his lips. “If they’re not finished, there’ll be fireworks. Count on it.”

Soraya stared at him, crossing her legs. The big muscle in her thigh bulged under her denim. “They’re almost done, Neal.”

“They’ve been almost done for two weeks.”

“That’s how it goes,” she said. “You expect too much from everyone.”

“They promised.”

“Contractors. What can you do?”

Neal’s face went red. “Heather can’t come back to this. It’s not finished. What happens if they don’t finish?”

Soraya rolled her eyes at him and shrugged. To me she said, “You should come home more, Bill. He’s no fun without you.” She shot Neal a look. “Where’s my drink?”

“I didn’t know you wanted one.”

Soraya peeled herself off the kitchen island tarp and wobbled to her feet. She nearly turned over on her ankle, then righted herself and stumbled a little as she walked to his cabinet and got a glass. His brown paper floors crinkled under her heels.

“You’re driving,” Neal told her, standing between her and the scotch.

“So?”

“You’re already drunk.”

She leaned around him and picked up the bottle. She poured herself a tall one, a good double, maybe more. The scotch slapped the inside of her tumbler. Some of it spilled, making dark spots on the paper beneath us.

“God, you’re sloppy,” Neal said. “You’re the sloppiest girl I know.”

“Please.” She smiled at him and winked at me. “That’s not true. Everyone knows wives get drunker than girlfriends.”

“Not me,” he said. “I don’t know that.”

Soraya walked my way and draped an arm around my waist. She curled her fingers over my stomach but looked at him when she spoke. “Really, Neal.”

“Heather won’t touch the stuff.”

“And whose fault is that?”

Neal’s face darkened another shade. “That’s enough.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I haven’t told Bill. I haven’t told my parents. I’ve barely told anyone.”

“Told what?” I asked. Soraya leaned against my shoulder. Strands of her hair, thick and black, caught on my lip. Her hair product tasted like hand sanitizer.

For a moment I didn’t know if Neal was going to respond. He squinted at her and he squinted at me. His face went blank, as if whatever was going through his head was caustic as turpentine. Then he said, “Heather’s pregnant.”

“Hey, congratulations,” I told him.

“She’s not even twelve weeks.”

“How’s she doing?”

“Okay. Max is excited. He wants a brother.”

“That’s a good thing.”

“Yeah, very good. I’m happy about it.” But he stared at Soraya with that erased look, and his shoulders shook a little, and his mouth was thin and white.

Soraya ignored him and began shimmying against me in time to the music. She raised her drink in the air and sang along with Dre and Snoop, dancing as though she was mugging for a camera, like she was hard, like all of us were hard as hell:

It’s like this and like that and like this and uh

It’s like that and like this and like that and uh

I pushed her away and picked her hair off my lip. “It’s a boy?”

“Too early to tell. We’re just hoping it’s healthy.”

“That’s very cool, man.” I meant it. I was an only child. I’d always wanted a brother or a sister, someone I might have been able to talk to when things went dark, when my parents were screaming at each other, slamming doors, keeping gin and whiskey on the bureau in their bedroom. One time after school my senior year I came home and found my dad’s Audi parked in the driveway, my dad sitting behind the wheel. I waved at him but he didn’t wave back. I went inside and did some homework and screwed around on Nintendo and called people on the phone. Then Neal came over to pick me up in his Jetta so we could go cruise Melrose or Sunset and talk to girls the way we always did, and when I left the house I saw my dad sitting there, still belted into the driver’s seat of his convertible, hands on the wheel at ten and two like he was thinking hard about driving someplace else.

“It’s awesome,” said Soraya.

“Yeah.” Neal dug around in his pocket. He wagged the bag in front of us. “You want?”

I told him I was fine. He opened the bag and shook some out on the tarp and cut himself a rail and cut Soraya a rail too. He asked me again and still I said no. So he did his and she did hers and afterward she watched me with red and bulging eyes while Neal licked his thumb and pressed it to the tarp. He put his thumb in his mouth. Then he spat and spat again and rubbed his tongue with his fingers. “Tastes like plaster.”

Soraya laughed. It took Neal a second, but he laughed also. The two of them were always so close. One time when Heather and Neal were visiting New York and we were out for dinner, he excused himself to go to the bathroom and Heather told me she was mystified by how close they were. She said it was the kind of thing that could make you crazy if you thought about it long enough.

“I showed him Max’s room,” said Neal.

Soraya grinned at me. “Beautiful, right? Max is such a little hottie.”

“You bet.” I cleared my throat and sipped my scotch. Then I said, “What are you going to do about a nursery?”

“You’ve got to show him,” she said to Neal. “I can’t believe he hasn’t seen it.”

Neal bit his lip. “Here’s the thing, Bill,” he started. “It’s only temporary.”

Soraya slapped him on the back. “It’s a baby, asshole.”

“The nursery is temporary.”

She crooked a finger at me. “Come on. I’ll take you.” She walked toward the vestibule. As she passed she held my elbow. “I heard about your dad.”

The nursery was on the main floor, past the staircase, behind the sunken living room. There was a door in the living room wall that allowed access. Neal said that at one point he’d been using it as an office, but the TV crew had redesigned it to have a housewares-catalogue feel. They’d painted it light steel gray and put up taupe linen curtains. A white daybed, still wrapped in plastic, rested against the far wall.

“Obviously it’s not done yet, but I had you in mind,” Neal said. “ I have a set of speakers picked out. I’m going to wire it so you can control the music in here yourself. You can listen to whatever you want.”

“I don’t understand,” I told him. “This is the nursery?”

“Like I said, it’s temporary.”

“This is going to be the nursery,” Soraya said, “whenever Heather gets back. They’ll have to do some work in here before the baby comes.” I felt the bloodshot weight of her eyes on my chest, my chin, my forehead. “You really should have come home sooner, Bill. He’s been planning this guest room for you for a while.”

“Bill will be able to stay here.” Neal nodded at me. “Don’t worry, Bill. I’ll keep this room open for you. This isn’t a one-purpose room.”

Soraya laughed. “It sure isn’t.”

“Enough.” Neal’s face blanked out again. “That’s plenty from you.”

“Don’t you think Bill should know what happened in here?”

“Is that something you should be talking about?”

“I don’t know,” Soraya replied. “I think it’s interesting. I think it’s a real conversation starter.”

“Can you even remember?” Neal asked. “Because here’s what I remember. You were drunk. You were so drunk you could barely stand.”

Soraya frowned at him, twisting her mouth to the side of her face. Then she turned to me. “You heard about the night Heather fell?”

“Yes. I heard everything turned out all right.”

“Keep it up,” he said. “See what happens.”

She took my hand and pulled me toward the daybed. “That’s where she rested after. Well, not there. That’s a new couch. She bled all over the old couch.” Soraya pointed at the floor. “There were teeth everywhere. She spat them out and I picked them up. I saved them for her, but the doctors couldn’t do anything with them. You can’t do anything with broken teeth.”

Neal held the bridge of his nose.

“I wiped her face. I cleaned the blood off her chin. We went through towels. Neal was — actually, where were you, Neal?” When he didn’t answer, she continued. “So I’m holding her hand and Heather goes, ‘He doesn’t want it.’ And I’m like, ‘What?’ And she goes, ‘The baby.’” Soraya shook her head. “I thought she was talking about Max. But she wasn’t talking about Max.”

I tried to take my hand away, but she held firm, smiling. “Bill, you should know these things.”

“I think you ought to go,” Neal told her. He used a quiet voice.

Soraya laughed again. “What do you think?” she asked me, her eyes hot and dry. “Do you think Heather’s going to come back to this?”

Neal walked over to us. He yanked Soraya’s hand out of my hand. He spun her around and held her by the shoulders and put his face right up to her face, so close he looked as if he was going to try to chew it off. But he didn’t. He screamed instead.

“You don’t know what it’s like for us. You have no idea.”

We three went silent. Upstairs the shuffling stopped. One of the crew called down, making himself heard over Dre and Snoop and all that breathing we were doing in the nursery. “Everything okay?”

Soraya glared at Neal until the rage began to leave him and the flush drained from his face. “No,” she whispered, so that only we could hear. “Everything is not okay.” She looked at me. “Or what do you think, Bill? Am I wrong?”

Neal dropped his hands from her shoulders while Soraya waited for me to respond. When she understood I wasn’t going to, she went on. “I think I’ll have another drink. Want one? I’d like to know what’s going on with you. I’d like to hear about your father. I’m sure Neal would too. I’m sure Neal would love to talk about anything other than this.” She walked out of the nursery straight and true, high-heeled boots clipping against his crisp paper floors.

Neal slumped a little. I saw the sweat on his neck, the wild and electric hairs on his arms. “Tell me something good,” he said in a thin, crumbling way. He was staring at the floor, so at first I couldn’t tell if he was talking to me at all. “I need to hear it, Bill. One good thing. Just one.”

I thought about responding quick, before one of the crew shuffled downstairs to check on us, but all that came to mind was my father’s private room, the needles in his veins. The monitor at his bedside. The beeps it made. The old-fruit smell of him. The thin and patchy look of his hair, stuck up at all angles, greasy against his pillow. It took a long moment, and then something in me felt ready. “Okay,” I said. “Here’s what I know.”

The Game of Totes Has Been Won!

Over the past few weeks we have asked a simple question: who will win the Game of Totes? Last night, during the tournament of Housingworkshall, a victor emerged from the slaughter: Tin House. We congratulate Tin House on what will surely be a long and glorious reign! And we say farewell to the runners-up: Riverhead (second place), The New Inquiry (third), Lit Hub, Melville House, Gigantic, BOMB Magazine, and Litographs. (Click on their names to view and/or purchase their fantastic yet ultimately untriumphant totes.)

The victor was picked by our panel of expert tote judges: Camille Perri, Saeed Jones, Bev Rivero, and Dan Wilbur. We want to thank them as well as Housing Works, our readers Jen Doll and Kyle Chayka, the judges for round two, everyone who voted in round one, and everyone who came out last night!

Lincoln Michel and Jason Diamond

Hosts Jason Diamond and Lincoln Michel

Hosts Jason Diamond and Lincoln Michel

the merciless judges

the merciless judges

the crowd howling for blood

the crowd howling for blood

The competing knights

The competing knights

the final four

the final four

Ser Rob Spillman takes the canvas crown for House Tin House

Ser Rob Spillman takes the canvas crown for House Tin House

Occasional Glimpses of the Sublime, a conversation with Mary Costello, author of Academy Street

by Johanna Lane

Earlier this month, Mary Costello’s debut novel, Academy Street — winner of the Best Novel Prize at the 2014 Irish Book Awards — was released in the US. Academy Street is a portrait of Tess Lohan, a single mother come from Ireland to forge a life in New York. We asked Johanna Lane — who moved from Ireland to New York in 2001, and whose own debut novel, Black Lake, will be released in paperback on May 5th — to talk with Costello for Electric Literature. They discussed emigration, the Irish in New York, J.M. Coetzee, and the different demands of a short story and a novel.

Johanna Lane: I love the work of J.M. Coetzee and in my mind you and he are closely aligned. Not only do you share the last name of one of his characters, Elizabeth Costello, but you mention another, Michael K, in your novel, Academy Street. Some of his novels are elliptical, as is yours, which was one of my favorite things about it, but another writer might have chosen to tell the story of Tess’s life in 500+ pages. You took less than 150; why?

Mary Costello: Thank you, Johanna. Coetzee is one of my favourite writers, so this a great compliment. It’s the integrity of his work that so impresses — the sensitivity, the refined feeling, the constant endeavour to imagine the lives of others, human and non-human. The way his characters cogitate on life and death, suffering, salvation…and are unafraid to face awkward truths. With Coetzee there’s no escape from the self. And yes, the coincidence of the Costello surname sort of floored me when I first came on it!

I never set out to write a short novel — I thought Academy Street would be longer. I wrote it in a fairly linear fashion over one year, although it had been incubating for several. I found Tess’s voice early on, and tried to keep tight to it. She dictated the tone and pace and duration and led me across those bridges from one period of her life into the next without too much fuss or detail. She’s an introvert — an intuitive introvert — so things don’t need to be spelt out or laboured over; they can be gleaned.

I’ve always written short stories — my first book was a collection of stories — so I’m probably naturally inclined towards brevity. Plus, when I speak I have an almost pathological fear of boring people and this might, unconsciously, have a bearing on the writing too. The writing self won’t tolerate loquaciousness!

JL: I was having dinner with another writer the other night and we were discussing tone. I find that I very often forget what happened in books, but I remember the tone of novels I read ten or more years ago. Speaking of Coetzee, though I haven’t read In the Heart of the Country in a very long time, its tone still settles on me now when I think of the book- the same goes for Waiting for the Barbarians. You mentioned in your last answer that Tess dictated the tone of Academy Street; how do you understand the concept of tone? How does it affect your work and your response to the work of others?

MC: I think of tone as a kind of force field around the character that has agency over the narrative. I find it difficult to talk about tone without referring to character and voice. In the case of Tess, there’s an air of quiet trepidation attached to the way she lives. I had to convey this trepidation, this quietude, in language that is apt for her. The way she thinks and moves and has her being needed to be reflected in the language and syntax — and in the point of view, too. Without ever deciding, I employed close third person point-of-view, so the tone that emerged is intimate.

Getting the tone right is very important. It’s not something that can be forced or rushed — it seems to come almost involuntarily. And it can be easily lost too. At times during the writing of the novel I felt it slipping and I grew very anxious. But there was nothing to be done — except step away and wait. Without the right tone, the writing always feels false.

You mention In the Heart of the Country and how the tone still settles on you. I find that most of Coetzee’s books cause a pall to descend — and just the thought or the sight of them can evoke this feeling. Denis Johnson’s Train Dreams has that effect on me too. And speaking of palls, Marilyn Robinson’s novel Housekeeping comes to mind. The tone is delicate, elegiac, conveying the ethereal quality of Ruthie and Sylvia. And alongside this delicate tone is an atmosphere of endangerment and doom that’s felt by the reader in the very act of reading the book.

JL: How does being Irish shape your fiction, either in terms of form or content, or both?

MC: There’s no doubt that being Irish has a huge bearing on how and what I write, just as being Canadian or American has a bearing on what Alice Munro or Marilynne Robinson write. Ireland is where I landed on earth, and so it’s part of my literary landscape and heritage through story, myth, song, poetry — it’s in my DNA. The particular rhythm and cadence of the language as it’s spoken here is present, so my writing voice is Irish. How could it not be? But I don’t intentionally write about Ireland or Irishness — it’s just there, natural, not something I’m conscious of or that needs to be inserted.

As regards content, I write about love, loss, death, fate, men and women, the interior life — subjects common to all nationalities. The settings and the outer landscapes of my characters’ lives are mostly Irish — though most of Academy Street unfolds in New York — but these matter less to me than their inner landscapes — what Robert Musil called ‘the floating life within.’

I don’t think being Irish has a huge bearing on the form I choose to write in. I started writing stories in my early twenties because I had lots of isolated characters and disparate images and ideas and the short story was a form that could accommodate them. I’ve written stories for years but then the reach of Tess’s life in Academy Street needed a longer form. The Irish have a great reputation for short stories — the Irish short story travels well — and it was the Irish writer Frank O’Connor famously coined the term ‘the lonely voice’ to describe what is essential in a short story… that ‘intense awareness of human loneliness’. And the short story is particularly suited to depicting isolation, melancholia. But loneliness and isolation are universal and short story writers from all over the world, not just Ireland, do these very well.

JL: What’s the most difficult aspect of the writing life for you?

MC: Fear, self-doubt, anxiety that I won’t be able to realise the characters and the story as I ‘hear’ them. Holding my nerve. Finding the exact words — which is usually impossible. Finding the voice, too. I feel great relief and gratitude when I find the voice — though of course it can be difficult to hold onto.

JL: Can you tell us a little of how you came to writing?

MC: Writing was never on my radar when I was growing up — I never dreamt of being a writer. I grew up in the west of Ireland and came to college in Dublin when I was 17. I studied English and was always a reader. When I was 22 something began to gnaw, something I couldn’t put my finger on. During a period of insomnia the thought just dropped down me out of the blue one night: I want to write. I have no idea where that came from. My first two stories were published, one of which was shortlisted for a well-known Irish prize, the Hennessy award.

I’d gotten married when I was 23 and moved to the suburbs, and I was teaching fulltime. Then somehow, writing began to slip to the margins of my life — I couldn’t seem to accommodate everything. I wasn’t part of any writing community either. Writing felt like a burden, a secret, an interruption to life, and I tried to give it up — six months or more would go by when I wouldn’t write. But it never went away entirely. Stories would push up and plague me until I had to write them.

My marriage broke up after ten years and I continued to scribble away. And then in 2010 — I was well into my forties by then– I sent two stories to a literary magazine called The Stinging Fly here in Dublin. The editor liked them and published them and asked if I had more. And I had, and he wanted to publish them — he runs a publishing house — which is how my collection, The China Factory, came about.

JL: You’ve worked successfully in the short story form and in the novel form; what are the different demands they make on you as a writer?

MC: For me, the challenge in both forms is to keep the story in the air; find the precise language, the right voice. I’ve written stories for longer and I’ve a great love for the form — its claustrophobic feeling, its intensity. There’s an intuitive quality to stories and less transparency — something always lurks beneath the surface.

Pacing is different in a novel, obviously, and one needs to be more patient. But there’s more breathing space. When I was writing my novel I wrote each chapter in much the same way as I’d write a story. I didn’t write one draft straight through– I wrote each chapter and then rewrote it many times before moving on. I didn’t think long-term… I edged my way forward.

So, in many ways the same demands exist in both forms — the need to keep the thing taut and the language exacting. I can’t say if one is more demanding than the other… A story has to be kept it in the air for maybe 20 or 30 pages and novel for 200–300 pages, so one has to hold one’s nerve for longer with a novel!

JL: I teach in the neighborhood Tess first lives in, Washington Heights; how did you evoke a city, a country, you’ve never lived in so convincingly?

MC: Two of my mother’s sisters and a brother emigrated to New York in the late 1950s and early 60’s. One of her sisters, Carmel, was a nurse in New York and lived in an apartment on Academy Street in Inwood at the northern end of Manhattan. She worked in the New York Presbyterian Hospital for four years before returning and settling back in Galway. When I was growing up she told me stories — and still does — and I got a real sense of her life and times in New York.

I’ve always been in thrall to New York — I grew up on American TV, film, music. Also, we got photographs of aunts, uncles, cousins from America that I pored over as a child, all of them looking more beautiful than my Irish family! And I thought: this is what America does, it makes people beautiful. As you say, I’ve never lived in New York but have visited many times. I was there in the summer of 2011 and I used to take the A train up to 207th Street in Inwood, the last stop. I found Academy Street and the apartment building where my aunt had lived. I walked around the streets and the park, visited the church, the library; imagining the lives of my aunts, my uncle; hearing the echoes of their footsteps on the streets, the footsteps of so many Irish emigrants who’d lived there. There is something about that generation of young men and women — their innocence and earnestness, their lack of cynicism too — that moves me. One day I sat on a bench across the street from the school as parents gathered to collect their children. I could see the little heads of the children in an upstairs classroom, and tiny hands being raised and lowered. In that moment Tess’s whole life seemed to unfold before me.

JL: Why do you think the story of the unwed, single Irish mother continues to capture our imagination at a time when it’s no longer taboo- or certainly no longer as taboo as it once was?

MC: I think any human suffering — especially one caused by intolerance and prejudice — strikes a chord with people.

And it’s not that long ago that single motherhood carried a great stigma in Ireland and was regarded as a mark of shame and disgrace for families — such prejudices pertained right through the 70’s and even the 80’s. Of course this wasn’t unique to Ireland but it persisted for longer here, and in the last two decades we’ve heard the stories and testimonies of those who suffered — sometimes wanton cruelty — at the hands of church and state institutions and women’s own families too. So many lives were ruptured and the victims are still enduring the great emotional and psychic pain. Those were dark times … I think there might be some feeling of collective guilt in Irish society now — at any rate there has been a much greater readiness to face the past and give voice to the voiceless.

JL: What do you think Tess’s life would have been like if she’d never emigrated?

MC: I imagine she’d have continued nursing in Dublin, maybe gotten married, had a family. One thing is fairly certain — if she’d had a child outside marriage she would’ve had to give him/her up for adoption.

Would she have fared better, been happier, suffered less if she’d stayed in Ireland? Who knows? Tess is an introvert by nature and would always have found it difficult to mediate the outer world. I think, too, she would always have had some inner longing, some ache for ‘home’ — a metaphysical home, that eternal longing to put her finger on something sublime or numinous. I’m not sure she’d have discovered her love of books as she did in New York — which of course helped sublimate many of her anxieties and gave her occasional glimpses of the sublime.

JL: As an Irish writer, did you have any hesitation about “owning” major events in US history, like the Kennedy assassination and 9/11?

MC: I don’t think the imagination recognises international borders. Altering or tamping down a story or doing anything that compromises its integrity would be a form of self-censorship and isn’t something I could do. When I’m writing, I don’t think about a reader or my agent or my publisher. My only concern, my only allegiance, is to my story and my characters. I know this is a broad and complex issue, but, in the actual writing, a writer can only do what he/she sees fit and abide by their own conscience and the needs of their stories.

The global shock and outpouring of grief at those signature events — like JFK’s assassination and 9/11 — is natural in the face of such human loss. But there’s also the fact that America is a nation of world nationalities so we all feel, to some extent, that they are our losses too. Then there’s the strong Irish connection through emigration, which is felt as familial for many. My mother can point to the exact spot in the kitchen where she was standing as a young woman when the news came on the radio of Kennedy’s death. A national day of mourning was held in Ireland on the Friday after 9/11 and businesses shut down and people who’d never set foot inside a church in their lives went to memorial Masses and services to honour the dead and share in the grief. These tragedies left their imprint on our national psyche too. Years after 9/11, I accidentally discovered that a distant cousin died in the Twin Towers. The knowledge that a blood relative of mine had perished that day had a profound effect on me and brought that catastrophe closer, forced me to relate to it in an even more personal way.