7 Coming-Of-Age Poetry Collections That Use Form in an Innovative Way

As a poet, I think about how a poem’s formal elements impact its content. To put it another way: form is the container into which we pour our material, and like water, the poem takes on the form’s shape. A coming-of-age novel, film or TV show is often regaled in prose, with a linear structure; but a coming-of-age poetry collection often moves back and forth between the speaker’s past and present selves, allowing these selves to meet on the page, in a way that is not possible in life. Additionally, a poetry collection can draw upon a fixed form (ex. a sonnet), or create its own constraints. 

My debut poetry collection, Saints of Little Faith, seeks to explore the relationship between my childhood and adulthood selves. When I first started writing my book, I thought I would get to the root of my sorrow by exploring my lapsed relationship with God. But the poems quickly revealed that they were also interested in exploring my relationship with my father, along with family lore and high school. When I started to really work with my material, I wondered, should I just start at the beginning of my life and write to the end? But that approach lacked tension and did not capture the way my mind moved through memory and feeling.

As I revised individual poems and ordered the collection, I looked to others for example and inspiration. Here are seven coming-of-age poetry collections that play with form, illuminating new possibilities of engaging our past and present selves.

The Twenty-Ninth Year by Hala Alyan 

Hala Alyan’s The Twenty-Ninth Year subverts linear structure, often moving associatively between places (across the Middle East and America) and states of being (alcoholism to recovery; singlehood to marriage). In “Truth,” the collection’s first poem, Alyan writes:

    “Hunger is hunger. I got drunk one night
     and argued with the Pacific. I was twenty. I broke
     into the bodies of men like a cartoon burglar. I wasn’t twenty.”

These contradictory statements create tension. What is the true age of the speaker? And ultimately, does this narrative fact matter, if what the poem is ultimately asking us to do is feel? Some of the poems in the collection take on longer, prosaic lines, but are paired with short section breaks that move us surprisingly from one moment into the next. In “Telling the Story Right,” Alyan’s speaker lists a series of texts she has received:

    "Goddamnit Hala why don’t
     The airport
     They took
     The men
     The men
     The men"

And then moves to prosaic lines:

    "Two years later, I fill a flask with warm rum. Men line the neighborhood
     with rifles. A boy swarms my body. It's not your war, you know. I want to
     spit in his mouth." 

How do we reclaim authority over our own story’s telling? One mode that Alyan suggests is through bringing in different states of being, both the high lyric which suspends us in deep anxiety (“Baba they took the men/ Baba they took your hair”) and the narrative, which moves us through time:

    "I shook the chain-link fence near the border and gave a false name.
     Lorelei. I kissed the night guard, stalling. His eyes silver as a wedding 
     ring; he showed me the dangerous thing in his hands. You better use those
     legs, Lorelei. I did."

I’ll also call out Alyan’s gorgeous step work poems, which do not progress linearly, but instead leap to whatever step is most in conversation with the material that surrounds it ( For example, “Step Eight: Make Amends” a poem about changing one’s behavior, is preceded by “Even When I Listen, I’m Lying,” and followed by “A Love Letter to My Panic // A Love Letter to My Husband”.) Reading Alyan’s collection encourages me to let go of linearity, and instead prioritize felt experience, both as a writer and for the reader.

Ghost::Seeds by Sebastian Merrill 

As we cross the threshold into a new phase of our lives, how do we speak to our past selves? “If our mother were to tell our story,” the speaker offers, “it would begin with grief./ She mourned your loss,/ her only daughter.” Ghost::Seeds is a book length dialogue between a trans-masculine speaker and his former self, now a girl-ghost. To create texture and variation across manuscript, Merrill weaves in a second sequence, a queer spin on the myth of Persephone, a coming-of-age myth itself, about the separation of daughter from mother, the movement into the winter of one’s life, that leads to adulthood. Or, as Merrill’s speaker aptly puts it in a Ghost:: Persephone poem:

                                                                           “It takes a long time
                                                                            for the eyes to adjust
                                                                            to the enfolding dark.”

Notice, too, how the Ghost::Persephone poems are all right margin aligned. Here’s another excerpt from later in the collection:

                                                                           "I gathered flowers.

                                                                           Hades poisoned me,
                                                                     dragged me, t-shirt torn,

                                                                            into the underland.

                                                                                     Poppies wilter
                                                                       in my trembling hands."

The effect of shifting away from the right margin, is that we feel the absence of the familiar, left margin. We become more attuned to the white space on the page, not taken for granted. Merrill’s speaker asks us to look and look again. In reckoning with the self, we must confront our wounds. Merrill teaches us tenderness, through the use of the second person: “You do not have to abandon/ your sweet self/ to love what is lost./ I’ll never be sorry.”

Through language, the self can hold the former self close. 

Organs of Little Importance by Adrienne Chung

As poets, we have the gift of fixed forms. In Organs of Little Importance, Adrienne Chung shows how adept she is at imagining widely with a form’s constraints. In the book’s opening ghazal, “Tasman,” the speaker shares about an encounter with a lover:

    "When Tasman went home, I pleaded with heaven.
     Night hung low in the branches, twilight muslin.

     Why is there always that scene in the movies—
     white sheets on clotheslines, rippling like muslin?

     My mother prayed for a girl in pink satin.
     God punished her with a small fright in muslin."

Within these three stanzas, we move between varied images—branches at night, white sheets on a clothesline, the speaker’s mother praying for a girl in pink satin; and of course, that devastating turn from satin to: “God punished her with a small fright in muslin.” (Note, too, the movement between adulthood and childhood, the ache that links them.) The ghazal is anchored by its refrain, in this poem “muslin.” When the reader’s ear is primed with repetition, any sonic change is heightened. In studying Chung’s fixed forms (shout out to the sonnet crown at the book’s end), I am once again awed at how compression allows for a density of expression, a multiplicity of self. But I am equally impressed with her ability to write prosaic lines within nonce forms, such as the numbered sequence, “Blindness Pattern.” 

    ">>

        1 . There is a mathematical formula   { R = e – t/s }   which plots the erosion of 
        memory over time where  Retrievability  is  Euler’s number  to the negative power of  
        Time  over the  Stability of memory. They call this the Forgetting Curve.

        2 . What this means is that memory fades."

Notice the sharp change in diction, from a scientific language to a declarative sentence. By allowing herself to think in different formal shapes, Chung’s collection continues to surprise the reader with self-revelation.

Instructions for Banno by Kiran Bath

When we come of age, we move back and forth between states of confusion and clarity. At times, we must look outside ourselves to understand our emotional inheritance, to perhaps better discern who and why we are. In Instructions for Banno. Bath brings together the voices, experiences, and geographies of women in her family, making a compendium of advice for the Banno, a South Asian bride. Bath writes prose poems in a high lyric, with short, declarative sentences:

    “Say time is non-linear. Say here we collapse 
     planes, enter at even age. Choose 23 
     (ornaments, early confidence). In this version 
     you’re not married off. . .”
—from “How to return” (DEEPU TO NIKKI)

Amidst the moment across generations and continents, the poet interrupts.

    "Have you pondered on the sex lives of our elders?

     I read the Kama sutra and realized Vātsyāyana was a hypocrite.

     I read the Sattasaī and felt shapes of longing and restoration.

     I started living alone to develop a formula.

     A connection of stars between G-spot and clit-song."
—From “Instructions for Banno The poet interrupts: How to fuck anew”

Formally, this new speaker, the poet, breaks out of the established prose block and into monostitches; from short, declarative sentences into compound sentences. We move from the intense language of the interior, a language spoken between mothers and daughters, sisters and brides, to a question, and answers that link clause with clause, thought with realization. In this way, the book’s language enacts movements from feeling into thinking; from receiving knowledge to processing knowledge, and moving through it. 

/ Return by Emily Lee Luan

Poetry is a lyric art, often concerned with communicating a depth of feeling. And what feeling is more true to the experience of adolescence as sadness? In 回 / Return, Emily Lee Luan writes of the Taiwanese diasporic experience, the sorrow of displacement, the search for belonging and the many ways we return–through memory, art, and imagination. In “Anger Diaries,” the speaker writes of her mother:

                                                    "...I watched
     from behind the turning conveyor belt,
     her broken English. But is there a word
     for an anger rooted in sadness? Is there forgiveness
     for us in either of our languages?”

Luan engages this question through diction (many of the poems contain the words “sorrow” or “sadness”), as well as through form, by translating the Chinese tradition of the reversible poem into English. Here are the first two lines of “Reversible Poem in Dishwater”:

    "He carried me into the kitchen to get a glass of water
     He reached for a cup in the sink filled with dishwater”

and the final two lines:

    “The cup sinking he reached for me
     The kitchen carried me into the glass”.

Note, first, the melancholy of those images, the glass of water/ dishwater, the cup sinking, the kitchen (in the absence of the lover) carrying the speaker into the glass. Second, how traditional grammar has been subverted: the noun “sink” returns as the verb “sinking,” the direct object “cup” returns as the subject “the cup sinking”. The reversible poem can also be read in multiple directions, so another reading of the poem could begin with: “The kitchen carried me into the glass/ The cup sinking he reached for me,” which is a literal image of sorrow: the speaker in a glass, sinking. . . 

Portrait of Us Burning by Sebastián H. Páramo

How do we make meaning of what pains us?  In Sebastián Páramo’s Portrait of Us Burning, the speaker uses the framing of self-portraiture to imagine himself into the holes, gaps, and fragments of memory. From “Self-Portrait as My Father, The Roofer”, the speaker states:

    “I work hard heat into a home.
                                  Then when everything is done & dark,

     I lie flat & can't help thinking of those
                                  Who named stars. Because there once was a 
                                   city I fled." 

The speaker speaks as his father, or perhaps through him, recounting moments that the speaker knows of his father’s life. Thinking of his first love, a blue-green Chevrolet truck, the speaker as his father declares:

                      ". . . I will gift it to my son for nothing.
                                             He earned it when he gave me a North Star.

     I will lead him by his hand to the flatbed
                                                & we'll look toward a swath of stars. We'll call
                                                it ours."     

Portraiture and self-portraiture provide another vantage point from which to access our own experience, and imbue it with resonance: we imagine, so carefully, into what we cannot fully access. Playing with negation in “Portrait of What He Didn’t Want” the speaker describes his father as:

 
    “such a neat man. . . He didn’t want to pick up the pieces. He 
     didn’t want love to become backbreaking work. He didn’t want 
     that choice. One day, he found himself with a hammer. He 
     didn’t want to clean houses. He filled himself with things. All 
     the things he never had.”

Afterlife by Michael Dhyne

In novels, a coming-of-age story (often) has an inciting incident. What do we claim as our origin story, the birth of our spiritual and artistic concerns? Michael Dhyne’s Afterlife opens with “To My Father, The Light”:

    "In the room, there are two reels projecting onto the wall. One is
           playing
     your death and the other

     my birth. ONe starts in a bathtub, the other staring up at the
          sky. Both
     in a pool of light--"

Dhyne writes, with precision and clarity, about his father’s sudden death, and how he had to learn to keep living. Later in the poem, Dhyne writers:

    ". . .The reels catch fire. I try to save myself,

     leaning against the wall as your image dissolves beside me. I can't see you,

     only the light you passed through to get here. "

The image of light, so beautifully established in this opening poem, recurs throughout the book, suspending us, the readers, in the speaker’s present moment. In “New Mexico” the speaker is awestruck on a road trip:

    “I wake Jesús in the passenger’s seat because I’ve never seen 
     light that looks like this–like a radiant bruise. Lightening cuts 
     into the sky then disappears. I wonder if we should be afraid.”

How do we allow in that which is bigger than us–love, grief, death–these forces that shape our lives, that we try to get close to, in an attempt to understand? In “Tennessee,” Dhyne’s speaker implores us:

    "...Reader, if you believe one thing I tell you,
     let it be this. As Jesús sketched my portrait

     in the dim light of a rented basement room,
     I sat on the floor and wrote, I'm sorry

     I couldn't be there for you. And yes, I was high
     and in love and crying, but I really did feel

     my father’s spirit move through my body,
     that he wrote those words, not me.” 

“Truth” and “Telling the Story Right” from The Twenty-Ninth Year by Hala Alyan. 2019 © by Hala Alyan. Courtesy of HarperCollins Publishers.

Excerpt from Ghost :: Seeds © 2023 by Sebastian Merrill. Appears with permission of Texas Review Press. All rights reserved.

Excerpt from Organs of Little Importance by Adrienne Chung © 2023. Appears with permission of Penguin Books, an imprint of Penguin Random House. All rights reserved. 

Excerpt from Instructions for Banno © 2024 by Kiran Bath. Appears with permission of Kelsey Street Press. All rights reserved. 

Excerpt from 回 / Return © 2023 by Emily Lee Luan. Appears with permission of Nightboat Books. All rights reserved. 

Excerpt from Portrait of Us Burning: Poems © 2023 by Sebastián H. Páramo. Appears with permission of Curbstone Press, an imprint of Northwestern University Press. All rights reserved.

Excerpt from Afterlife © 2023 by Michael Dhyne. Appears with permission of The University of Wisconsin Press. All rights reserved. 

“Madwoman” is the Essential Novel About the Cycle of Domestic Abuse

Chelsea Bieker’s new novel Madwoman opens with a two-sentence mic drop: “The world is not made for mothers. Yet mothers made the world.” What follows is the story of Clove, a young mother in the Pacific Northwest fervently attempting to outrun her violent childhood by creating a perfect family of her own. But as her past pushes ever closer, Clove begins to understand that she will never be free of her secrets until she stares right at them.

Bieker’s first two books—the novel Godshot and the story collection Heartbroke—announced her not only as a stunningly talented storyteller but also as an author with unique insight into motherhood and motherloss. In Madwoman, she homes in on how trauma ripples through a family, across generations and oceans. She considers carefully what is required to break the cycle of domestic violence once it’s been set in motion.

I sat down with Bieker on Zoom in early summer to discuss how she crafted a thrilling literary page-turner that also moves forward a critically necessary conversation. We spoke about the inherent murkiness of memory, the claustrophobic isolation of new motherhood, how violence is too often carried forward not by its perpetrators but by its most innocent victims, and more.


Marisa Siegel: When did you start writing Madwoman, and what did the journey toward the completed novel look like?

Chelsea Bieker: The first inkling I had of the book was when I’d gone out for the first time since becoming a mom. I had so much undiagnosed postpartum anxiety after having my daughter in 2014; it was very hard for me to leave her. When she was around two, I remember going out to a reading one night, and afterward everyone went to a bar. There was a younger, seemingly childless woman there and I was kind of observing her, and was really taken by her—it was like seeing a reflection of a past self. It was a tiny moment, a little seed, but it was the beginning of wanting to write about how motherhood had changed me.

I went home and wrote a short story titled “Madwoman.” There was something reckless I was feeling about motherhood and it felt urgent to me. I sent the story to my agent, and as soon as I did, I realized that I had a lot more to say here. I knew this wasn’t a short story. And then the COVID lockdown happened: I couldn’t go on my book tour for Godshot, and I needed something to focus on, so I did one of Jami Attenberg’s 1000 Words of Summer prompts. It was just what I needed, and I was filtering everything I was feeling into my writing. 

There was something reckless I was feeling about motherhood and it felt urgent to me.

I came out of that period with a draft of the novel. It was quite unlike the novel that exists now, but that was the start. It wasn’t until I got a lot deeper into the writing of it that I understood the domestic violence thread. At first, I was interrogating the daily grind of motherhood and the ways it had become so hard to inhabit certain spaces as a mother. I was tracking the ways pediatricians and teachers and people out in the world began to call me “mom” instead of using my name. My identity had been changed in this obvious and strange way. 

MS: So did the thread about all the products marketed to new moms, and ways new moms are inundated with and might become obsessed with such products and messaging for control and self-soothing, come in much earlier than the theme of domestic violence?

CB: They came hand-in-hand. I remember so vividly this moment where I was on the phone with my own mom, who has since passed away, and she was telling me about a very stressful situation she was navigating. I found myself frantically searching through my refrigerator during the call for this bottle of green juice, because I was sure that if I could just find this juice, it would keep me safe. In the book, Clove says something like, “Grocery is the opposite of violence.” That phone call with my mother was a light-bulb moment: these products promising wellness or goodness or cleanliness, these tactile things that Clove clings to in the book, allow us to separate from the more devastating and violent realities we might be experiencing. Of course it’s a surface Band-Aid, though there is an element to it that feels like an affirmation of one’s own worth. There was so much that Clove and her mother were not allowed, and so Clove as the adult, wants to offer herself these nice things as a counter to that. 

MS: Talk to me about Clove’s Instagram addiction, and her growing presence on the platform as an influencer.

CB: The book is a direct address to her mother. I think there is part of me that always felt I’d never be known by my mother because of our circumstances. Crossing the valley to have her know me in a day-to-day way felt impossible, but through writing, I could perhaps try and talk to her about my life, about the ways I was showing up in the world each day. 

It had become so hard to inhabit certain spaces as a mother.

I think social media, for Clove, is another way to feel connected in her desired identity while not having to contend with the rest of her life. It’s another way for her to construct—or re-construct—a world that is safe.

MS: I was just about to ask whether the epistolary structure had been in place at the start of your writing!

CB: I remember feeling like I had to write it that way. I remember thinking, Oh, maybe someone will make me change this or maybe this doesn’t work, but then no one ever said anything about it. I thought, great, I got away with it! I love a direct address. I love that urgency. I think it added something to Clove’s voice, and to the way the novel unfolds.

MS: Any favorite books that also do this, or works you were thinking of and looking toward while writing Madwoman?

CB: Both The Push by Ashley Audrain and Animal by Lisa Taddeo are fascinating first-person novels that use direct address to astonishing effect. Both were very inspirational to me. I love the intimacy and immediacy created by this mode. 

I’ve also been writing this way for years! I realized this when I came upon some old blog posts I wrote when I was twenty-two that were all a direct address—“Dear M” and “Love C”. I think it reflects a desire to be seen by the person you are addressing in a way that’s not possible in real life. But in fiction, you can sort of command that attention.

MS: Do you think of Clove as an unreliable narrator?

CB: Yes and no—I think for the first time in her adult life, she’s needing to be honest. The shit is hitting the fan and she has to look at things clearly for the first time. But she’s also grappling with a hormonal imbalance from weaning and a haziness has taken hold, so she’s a little knocked off her game. She’s at this desperate moment. 

I like that it’s unclear how reliable Clove is, because memory is being interrogated in this book. Memory is inherently unclear at times. 

MS: I was compelled by the relationships between women throughout the novel. How were you thinking about motherhood and community?

Violence blinds women to seemingly obvious truths. I aimed to display the strain and the closeness this creates.

CB: Clove has a persistent yearning for connection. She is at a moment where she’s realizing that shrouding herself in secrecy has backfired because she can’t achieve genuine closeness with anyone. She is not known by anyone, and she’s realizing how painful that is. I wanted her to be yearning for connection so that she would befriend a stranger (who literally crashes into her) in such an immediate way; Clove knows she doesn’t want superficial relationships anymore, and subconsciously, she wants someone to start pressing at certain issues she’s kept to herself. Jane does that.

I wanted to show, for all the women in the book, how they are connected in so many different ways, but ultimately, they go to bat for each other and also betray each other.  Domestic violence at the center of it all. The crux of their connection is this domestic violence. They’re all steeped in patriarchy. I wanted to examine how women maintain friendships and connection while contending with survival on a daily basis. I wanted to show in action how we isolate women, especially mothers, and show the ways the violence blinds these women to seemingly obvious truths about each other. I aimed to display the strain and the closeness this creates between women. I drew from what I’ve observed in my mother’s female friendships, and also the tremor of fear that ran through every day of my childhood—fear running through a day at the beach, fear running through her meeting up with a friend, these really innocent things were always so fraught because of male violence. I wanted to capture that on the page.

MS: How did domestic violence become one of the hearts of the novel?

CB: As I was interrogating motherhood, I started to understand that I couldn’t look at it comprehensively until I’d looked at it through the lens of domestic violence. Because of my mother: For so long, we all bought into a narrative about her that was focused on her addiction but left out that she was being brutalized on a daily basis by men. And I as a child was like, yup, addiction. That’s the problem. But as an adult, and especially after her death when I was reading her journals, I came to understand the vast bind of her oppression. I thought, Wow. Motherhood is hard enough in the best of circumstances. To realize that she mothered me, or tried to, in absolute hell was a light-bulb moment for me. It was like, Oh, you did not die of alcoholism. You died of domestic violence

For me, motherhood stirred up trauma.

Every bit of my mother’s life was affected by the trauma and the PTSD and the cycle of violence she found herself caught in. I wanted to tell a story that included that.

MS: Each of your books thinks carefully about generational trauma, and Madwoman is no exception. Clove actively attempts to break the cycle but finds that’s not nearly as easy as she’d thought. As a woman who was raised steeped in trauma, I know well that C-PTSD adds a whole other wrinkle to motherhood.

CB: Yes! I think that when I became a mother, I very much had the notion that having a family of my own would be what undid my trauma and fix the past. But what I found was that in the hormonal upheaval of pregnancy and new motherhood, I was dealing with intrusive thoughts, with memories that seemed to emerge out of nowhere. I felt almost psychically attacked by the past. I don’t know if you’ve read the essay “Ghosts in the Nursery,” but that idea of trauma creeping in in the wake of new motherhood, of trauma as a looming presence in the nursery—everything is meant to be wonderful and serene, but actually we are instead asked to contend with our past. For me, motherhood stirred up trauma. I realized, Okay, if I’m going to do this, I’m going to have to look at the past in a very direct way so I can be making decisions from a really grounded place versus a place of trauma response. 

MS: It’s a moment that forces you to reckon with what it means to be a mother, and then to reconsider the choices our own mothers made. Can you say more about how motherhood made you reconsider memory?

CB: As a new mother, so much of memory felt scary for me. It felt terrifying even though I knew I was safe in my own adult home. My body and nervous system couldn’t understand that safety. Memory is a real bitch. It’s alive in a way that feels dangerous. Madwoman is my attempt to nail that down—the slipperiness and urgency of memory.

MS: How did you so successfully resist the tropes that often emerge when writing a “thriller” about domestic violence?

Memory is a real bitch. It’s alive in a way that feels dangerous.

CB: My goal throughout was to add complexity. I think a lot of the genre tropes occur when the story becomes too simplified, when the violence is stripped of its nuance. I wanted to challenge readers’ expectations. And I was really after getting at the generational aspect of domestic violence you mentioned—the violent relationship belonged to Clove’s parents, but the book is about what Clove carries forward through her life, what that looks like long-term. I was interested in writing from the perspective of a child who has lived through violence and realizes that the violence doesn’t just end, someone has to carry it. I remember early on in the writing of the book, a question came to me: Where does the energy of violence go? It seemed like I’d somehow become the carrier of the memory of that violence. 

MS: Even when we are doing all we can to end the cycle, it continues forward. As you said earlier, it’s still in the room, sitting with us.

CB: And the people who enacted the violence are often no longer carrying it in this way! I sat with the weight of it—it’s a huge weight to carry that violence. Carrying it while caretaking and mothering is… a real mindfuck. 

MS: For me, watching my son grow has offered me new insight into what it meant to grow up in a violent home—motherhood has made processing my own trauma a necessity. But it’s also an opportunity, because you can fathom the child that you once were in a way that wasn’t possible before. Reading this book, it felt like, Finally, someone has written about the very specific strangeness of having been an abused child and then raising a child of one’s own. Thank you for putting it down on the page. 

CB: I’ve had that exact experience. And I don’t think there is enough writing about it. For me, watching my kids age is a renegotiation of everything. Every time I think I’ve made sense of my memories, my children hit new milestones and I realize I haven’t pinned it all down so neatly. For me, motherhood awoke a lot of rage. I realized, wow, things back then were actually worse than I’d thought. It opens up a new layer of absolute anger. I’ve had to do a lot of processing of the anger that’s come up in my body. What do you do when there is no one from the past to hold accountable? It’s work you have to do for yourself. It’s a gift to yourself to do that work, but it’s not easy stuff. 

MS: Let’s bring it back around to the book—Clove is trying to outrun her trauma but eventually she comes up against the fact that it’s still there in the room with her. I’m curious whether for you, Madwoman tells a hopeful story about trauma and motherhood?

Violence doesn’t just end, someone has to carry it.

CB: I do think Clove comes to the understanding that she cannot bypass her trauma. She realizes it’s not serving her or her children or her relationships to hide from the truth of her past; it’s actually this massive bypass. At the start of the book she mentions that she’s done so many different healing modalities—but she has never tried just looking at the truth of her life directly. I think the novel ends with a door opening for Clove, rather than closing.

MS: Are you feeling ready to put such a personal novel out into the world, and for the heavy emotional responses you’re likely to receive from your readership? Is it different from the first two books?

CB: This is such a different feeling. I’ve been really emotional lately, and I think it’s because I’m anticipating what it’ll feel like to have the book out in the world. I do feel that, as you’ve said, women might read this and it’ll spark conversation or deepen their understanding of something—that is the utmost goal, the most amazing outcome I could imagine for Madwoman: for women to understand the effects of domestic violence in a way that fosters connection rather than division. I look forward to that piece of it, I really do. Beyond my urge to write, to make art, I do have a sense that this book needed to exist, to be in the world. The suffering my mother endured, that I endured, I like the idea that it might have a meaning beyond just suffering. That is what art does. This is the power of story.

The World Will Always Drop Her

“Tender” by Sarah LaBrie

The girl is going to be late for school and Melora is going to be late for work, but Melora’s daughter is always late for school and Melora is always late for work. Melora sits in the kitchen and watches her daughter through the window. Above the girl’s head, clouds hang in the sky like pieces of torn-up tissue. A frost crept over the city last night, turning the pecan tree and the dead rosebushes that line the back fence to glass. When winter comes to Houston it is always a surprise. 

If the frost hadn’t come during the night, if the puppies had not been born and then frozen, if someone, if Melora, had thought to bring the girl dog into the house, nothing about the morning would have been out of the ordinary. The mutt is named Midnight, and the Schnauzer is named Sister. The dogs belong to the girl, are meant to be her responsibility. Right now Midnight is nowhere, probably in the garage, and Sister is lining her dead puppies up in the yard. The girl is kneeling over them, making a sound Melora can’t hear. 

Melora is out of her depth. She leans against the window and lets the whole house, for a minute, hold her. This house her mother bought and that Melora and her daughter aren’t big enough to fill, even with all the furniture Melora’s mother also paid for, crowded into the various rooms.

If Melora could have anything right now it would be sleep. Last night was not the first night the dogs have kept her awake with their barking. Twice now the neighbors have called the police. But what can the police do? The police cannot arrest dogs. And in this thought Melora finds some solace. It’s not as if they could have kept the puppies, had they lived. A death like this is more humane than the death they would’ve come to at the shelter, she tells herself. At least Melora’s daughter did not have time to grow attached. One less thing Melora has to feel guilty for.

The daughter in the backyard kneels over the line of puppies. For a minute, she seems to be praying. Who taught her that? Where could she possibly have learned to pray? At school? What can she think it will do? But then Melora sees that, no, she is placing the corpses in a dirty white plastic bowl Melora once used for gardening. After all three bodies are inside, she covers the bowl with a blanket and carries it to where the trash cans sit by the side of the house. A minute later, she is back in view. When the girl looks up and tries to meet her eyes through the window set in the back door, Melora looks away. 

The girl comes in and retrieves her backpack from its spot near the door, ready for school in her white ironed uniform and plaid skirt, brown knees pebbled and red from kneeling. She heads for the front door and climbs into the car. Neither of them says anything on the drive from their neighborhood of Third Ward to River Oaks, the houses growing bigger and the lawns growing greener the closer they get to the school.


Melora’s daughter in the rearview mirror is a little brown figure, stark and lonely, disappearing into the white limestone building that houses St. Joseph’s first through fifth grades. Mrs. Bellingham, manning the carpool lane, waves at Melora, angling her head down into the truck. Mrs. Bellingham is white, of course, like every other teacher at St. Joseph’s, and her dark lipstick has dried in such a way that her mouth looks lined with blood. “A reminder, Melora,” Mrs. Bellingham says. “We do ask that all parents drop off and pick their children up on time.” 

For the past few days, Melora has arrived to pick up the girl later and later, she knows. It is not her fault. She teaches nights at the nursing college and works full days at the hospital. She falls asleep sometimes in the afternoon. She leaves her phone on silent so she can sleep. This is not a crime. So why is Mrs. Bellingham looking at her like she has committed one? Mrs. Bellingham probably has a rich husband. Mrs. Bellingham probably doesn’t have to teach at all. She tries to imagine what, exactly, Mrs. Bellingham is thinking and she wonders what she would have said if she had seen the puppies, frozen and lying in a line on the concrete of the driveway. She imagines Mrs. Bellingham yelling at her, and—in a wild, hallucinatory flash—the girl, standing beside her, laughing, or yelling too. She raises the automatic window fast enough that Mrs. Bellingham has to yank her head out of the car and step back awkwardly onto the sidewalk, letting out a little coo. Melora accelerates down the carpool lane, and out through the iron gates, back onto the street.


At the hospital, Melora visits each of her patients, adjusting medication and cleaning bedpans until she gets to Mr. Lowery, the old man who reminds her of her father, or what her father might have become if he had not died when Melora was fourteen. He tells Melora she looks beautiful and asks her how she is doing and for one wavery moment, Melora almost tells him, but then a spray of canned laughter interrupts and Melora has to reach over Mr. Lowery to mute the television and be a nurse again.

Mr. Lowery has a pressure sore on his ankle that widens each day, a pit some invisible force works at, diligently digging every night. The skin around it sags like the peel of a rotting fruit. There is nothing the doctors can do that won’t damage Mr. Lowery further. Mr. Lowery jokes that he is going to die and when the nurses tell him of course he’s not, he says of course I am, and so are you. Never get old, he says to Melora every time he sees her. Not if you can help it. And Melora, every time, says that she will try.

Even though the fan is on, the whole room smells like shit. Melora will have to clean him up after she flips him over, and Melora is so tired. She can feel the tiredness like a line of scummy water rising, climbing up behind her face and pooling in the hollows of her skull. She wishes she could describe this feeling to Mr. Lowery. She wishes Mr. Lowery were the one taking care of her, that she could lie down in the bed and sleep, her whole life someone else’s problem. This too, is something she wishes she could say to Mr. Lowery.

She wishes Mr. Lowery were the one taking care of her, that she could lie down in the bed and sleep, her whole life someone else’s problem.

Instead, on the table beside Mr. Lowery’s bed, Melora has set out wipes, a clean diaper, a pair of latex gloves and an IV full of sodium chloride for flushing out the sore. “Mr. Lowery,” Melora says, “this won’t take but a minute. You know the drill. I’m just going to try to make you a little more comfortable.” 

Mr. Lowery doesn’t move. Melora waits and waits and her silence is like another person in the room with them. “Didn’t they tell you?” says Mr. Lowery finally. “I’m not to be turned anymore. I requested specifically not to be turned. No more for me. You go on and get out of here now. You don’t worry about me.” He looks, Melora thinks, guilty, like he knows he is doing something that will hurt her.

She knows this is written on his chart. That he no longer wants to be turned. His face has swollen to the size of a dinner plate, mostly, she thinks, because of the hospital food. His bottom lip hangs down open, pink and wet, almost to his chin. It can’t be comfortable, she thinks, to be inside that body. She wants to tell him she understands, how sometimes, even to her, the prospect of not dying seems worse than the prospect of dying. Instead, Melora talks about infections, about compassion for the patient with whom Mr. Lowery shares his room, a wrinkled old raisin of a man who barely makes a shape beneath his sheets. Melora talks about insurance, about how the hospital might not even get reimbursed for his care if he passes like that, about how then his daughter will have to pay even more. 

“The doctors can’t fix me,” Mr. Lowery says, straining to keep the wobble out. “I been independent my whole life. I went to war for this country. If you think I’m going to get my daughter up here to take care of me, get her to spend all my pension and all her money on a drooling, pissy old man, well, you’d be wrong. Not in this life.”

“My father died in the hospital when I was nineteen, and I just can’t imagine how much worse it would have been if I hadn’t known we did everything we could,” Melora says calmly. The truth is Melora’s father killed himself five years earlier, and no one seems to know why. Except maybe Melora’s mother who, if she does know, isn’t talking. “What about your grandkids,” Melora says. “How would your daughter feel if she knew we let you rot to death here? That you could have been saved and we didn’t? Don’t you think she would feel abandoned? Don’t you think she would wonder why?”

Mr. Lowery has closed up into himself like Melora’s daughter does sometimes in a way that makes Melora see red. Melora says “fine,” out loud, and now she is the one acting like a ten-year-old, on the verge of stamping her foot on the hospital floor. She takes Mr. Lowery by the shoulders and her hands sink into the old man’s soft flesh, like trying to lift up a big plastic bag of water. Underneath the fabric of his gown, his skin is thick and rubbery and smells like something sweet left outside too long in the sun. For a second Melora imagines lifting the bed up high and tipping it down so Mr. Lowery’s body slides to the floor. She pages for a volunteer. Mr. Lowery sits there, looking out at her through his twinkly eyes. 

The volunteer who answers Melora’s page is beefy and red-faced and too enthusiastic, a college kid built like a mailbox, building out his resume for med school applications. “Here,” Melora says, “you take the legs and I’ll get the shoulders.” Beefy grunts. Mr. Lowery starts to make a little sound, an injured animal’s keening cry and Melora lets him drop. He lands on top of both her hands, and she can feel the bones there crunch together through her skin. The pain flows so deep she forgets, for a minute, to breathe in through her mouth. His smell rushes up and layers itself over her face like a wet towel. The kid looks at her, uncertain. She spots a fresh patch of acne under one cheekbone, darkening his otherwise perfect skin and mentally readjusts her estimate of his age. Not a college student. A high school volunteer. She sighs. He looks at her with scared eyes.

“Can you please take hold of his legs?” Melora says. “I can’t do this by myself.” The boy grunts and bends over to grab the naked blue thighs. Melora reaches down again, beneath Mr. Lowery’s arms. The two lift together. When Melora straightens, she feels something snap in her back like a rubber band. 

“Oot.”

“What is it?” The boy looks at her, his face filled with a concern that makes her angry. What does he think he can do for her?

“Nothing.” The pain is screaming, electric purple. Melora can taste it like a hot penny on her tongue. She brushes a hand up against the base of her spine and holds it there, waits to be able to move again. Mr. Lowery has to be flipped if he is to be changed, but Melora is having trouble not just falling right down onto the tile, on her knees.

“Look.” Melora steadies herself against the wall and points to the medical equipment at the edge of the bed. “I need you to help me. See those wipes down there? Pick them up. Now come over here and”—she stops. She should not be doing this. She should page downstairs and have them send somebody else. But she can’t leave Mr. Lowery here like this, swimming on his back in his own filth. But Melora, Melora knows, is the only one he trusts.

“Now pull up his hospital gown and pull down his underwear. Yes. Like that. And push the sheets up.” Beefy looks at Melora like she is crazy. “I don’t want to hear it,” Melora says. “Please just do what I say.”

Melora tells him how to clean Mr. Lowery and nobody is more surprised than Melora when the boy does everything exactly the way he is told. He unfolds the diaper and lifts up Mr. Lowery’s legs, stretched and mottled as an elephant’s hide, then slides the cloth up carefully, as if Mr. Lowery were his own infant. He is skilled with his hands, as if he has done this before.

“Good job,” Melora grants. She pats down the tape on one side and then the other. “Other nurses work you this hard?”

“My uncle,” the boy says. “Before he died. Not old, but. Not so different. Got pieces of himself blown off in Iraq and lost his mind. When I have to do something hard, I just think about how I wish the doctors had taken care of him.”

“Oh,” Melora says, ashamed. Melora looks down at Mr. Lowery. She hasn’t thought about that. About what he was like before. The kid is putting all the tools back where they belong now, laying the instruments down neatly on the discard tray. Melora tries to push herself up and off the wall and the pain starts again, a train motoring up and down her spine. The boy sees her face and walks over to Melora’s side of the bed, lets her lean against his shoulder until she can stand up. He leads Melora along the wall and onto the short sofa near the window that looks out over the parking lot. Melora can hear the whine of the television even though the sound is off. She plops down on the plastic cushion. The pain is hot, heavy stones, swinging around in her sacrum. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he says. “Lie down.”

Melora puts her face down into the smell of rubber and bleach. He stands up over her and soon she feels his thumbs digging into the skin on her back, pushing the muscles around. She closes her eyes. His thumbs work their way into her flesh. The stones slowly break into little pieces and color makes its way back into the world. Melora starts to breathe again. He works the skin with his palms, massaging over the bone. Melora allows herself to sigh again, this time with relief and sadness because she can’t think of the last time anybody did anything like this for her. 

Melora keeps her eyes closed for one second longer, opens them then to see Mr. Lowery, silent, eyes focused on the ceiling, hand wrapped tightly around the aid button on the side of his hospital bed.

Behind her, Melora hears the door open and close. “What’s this?” a woman’s voice says. The voice sounds tired. “Who is that? Melora? What in the hell are you doing?” Melora keeps her eyes closed for one second longer, opens them then to see Mr. Lowery, silent, eyes focused on the ceiling, hand wrapped tightly around the aid button on the side of his hospital bed.


After her shift, in the nightless office space in the basement of the nursing college where Melora grades her students’ midterms, the fluorescent light is so bright it seems to be screaming. The midterm Melora gave was open book. A copy of the question sheet was distributed one week in advance of the test. And yet: One girl has still circled all the answers on her Scantron in green pen. Another used her answer key to spell out the word BICTH. No points even, Melora decides, for creativity.

Melora sets the sheaf of Scantron sheets down and wonders how many of her students are high at any given moment. It worries her, sometimes, that girls can wind up like this, that her own daughter may end up like this, carefree and dumb, riddled with the misguided belief that someone will always be there, that the world is just waiting to catch her. For Melora’s daughter, the reckoning will be worse. Her friends at school are those the world, more often than not, does catch. Melora isn’t sure if her daughter understands this yet. So far it has not been enough just to tell her. It has never been enough just to tell Melora’s daughter anything. 

Melora’s daughter never even asked for a dog, Melora remembers then. Both dogs are Melora’s mother’s fault, gifts she gave her to try to remedy the girl’s apparent, unceasing, sourceless unhappiness. Of course bigger than the problem of the dogs is the problem of the private school, another thing Melora’s mother pays for. If the girl is strange, it has, Melora knows, something to do with the plaid uniform skirt, the field trips to Big Bend, the country club tea parties and birthdays at fancy hotels. After all, rich people are crazy. They have to be. How else could they justify having so much when so many other people had nothing? All Melora wants is for her daughter to have a different kind of life, or to expect life more, to be prepared for life in a way Melora, herself, has not been. 

Melora reaches down into her bag for her vibrating cell phone. A text on the screen from her mother says she picked the girl up after school and dropped her off safely at home. The second she finishes reading this text, the phone rings, and later, Melora can’t help but wonder if maybe she hadn’t answered, none of what happened after would have happened. The voice on the other end is the same voice in the doorway, her supervisor. She wonders if Melora has a minute, and then sounds as if she wishes Melora had said no. “Listen,” says the voice. “I just wanted to warn you before you come in tomorrow. I think it’s only fair. There’s been a request put in for you, for a transfer.” A transfer, Melora knows, is the next step up from being fired. A temporary hold wherein she will be shuffled out of the hospital where she works now until a different one can be convinced to file the paperwork it would take to hire her.

It isn’t only the incident with the volunteer, the voice assures her. And it’s not that she is late more often than she is not. The problem is Mr. Lowery. He specifically requested not to be turned, and in turning him, she has violated patient rights. The hospital could be sued now. Melora, herself, could be sued. The supervisor is going to do everything she can to stop that from happening. But for now, it is probably best for her to stay away. Mr. Lowery has threatened to call the media. His daughter is a news anchor, and she would be more than willing to do a story. Melora has a sudden flash then, a white woman with broad teeth and wide red hair, bosomy and thick. Her last name isn’t Lowery, but it was once, Melora remembers, years ago, when they were both younger. The voice is telling Melora not to worry, that they’ll keep it under wraps, that no one is accusing her of anything, but she lets loose a muttered curse and hangs up the phone.


Melora drives back to the house with the tests half graded on the seat beside her, surprised to find her daughter sitting on the steps that lead up to the house, forlorn and gray. She couldn’t have been dropped off more than half an hour ago. Melora swallows a familiar feeling that she refuses to call hatred. Why must the girl look so pitiful? Like she’s constantly feeling sorry for herself? In her hand the girl is holding a pink note that flaps in the wind when she stands up and approaches the car. She hands it to Melora.

The note, penned in her daughter’s tidy script, is sincere and eerily adult in its self-conscious frustration at the author’s inability to say exactly what she means. It’s a written apology, explaining that the girl had a bad day at school, was upset about the dead puppies, and so, in frustration, threw a rock at recess, hard enough to break the window of a classroom overlooking the playground. No one was inside. But, as part of her punishment, she was asked to write this note, which she must bring back to school tomorrow, signed by her mother. In the note she also offers to work to pay for the window’s repair, a cost which she appears to think will be astronomical. The girl’s expression as Melora looks up from reading the note is round and scared, and, on any other day Melora might have laughed. Today, she almost does.

A note from the school accompanying the letter informs her that her daughter will be subject to a one-day in-home suspension the following day. If Melora doesn’t go to work tomorrow, if, instead, she stays at home to take care of the girl, she will surely be fired. If she loses her job, she will no longer be able to afford to care for the dogs anyway, one more thing she’ll have to ask her mother for money for. One more thing to add to the long list of things since Melora got pregnant her sophomore year, the year her mother drove up along the coast to move her out of the rental she shared with the boyfriend who had agreed to marry her and done nothing after that but play game after game of pick-up basketball.

Melora stares at the girl on the steps then raises her eyes to the sky, which is crowded, with clouds the color of Mr. Lowery’s scar. She can’t stop thinking about breathing and thinking about breathing is making it hard to breathe. The evening feels mottled and sharp. Melora tells her daughter to gather the two surviving dogs up in the backyard, and to put them in the truck—the Land Cruiser, also purchased by Melora’s mother—which Melora has left unlocked. She opens the gate and the dogs bound down the driveway and hurl themselves into the car. The four of them—Melora, the girl, Midnight, and Sister—pull down the long driveway and out onto the street. The houses neatly arranged around them seem slanted, the whole world listing to the left. Melora switches on the radio and pushes it off again. Beside her, the girl turns to face the door.

“What?” Melora snaps. But the girl doesn’t respond.

Melora pulls over, miles later, into the vast, empty parking lot of an enormous shopping center anchored by a PetCo and a decrepit Marshall’s. Melora tells her daughter to open the door. The girl obeys and the dogs leap out and onto the concrete, chasing each other in circles, enlivened by the new air. Melora can see her daughter waver on the edge of following. The girl looks back at her mother. Melora stares straight ahead. The girl stays put. The dogs circle the car as Melora’s mother backs up, and give chase as she drives out of the parking lot. On the way to the feeder road, she can see the white dog, Midnight, loping along in the rearview mirror, intent, as if he is taking part in some new kind of game. By the time she reaches the highway, she can’t see either of the dogs anymore. 

Melora remembers learning once that everything with weight, even human bodies, exudes some measure of gravity. She remembers this because she can feel her daughter sliding away from her in the passenger seat, whatever force held the two of them together dissipating until it is nearly gone. Back at home, before bed, Melora bends her daughter over the side of the bathtub and strikes her several times with a belt wrapped around her hand. The girl, who has been silent up to this point, makes a noise then and looks back over her shoulder. Melora expects the gaze to be filled with a snake-like hatred. But the look the girl gives Melora doesn’t have any anger in it. Something in her daughter is tightening up. Receding. And Melora feels, for the first time that day, that finally, she has done something right.

10 Must-Read Books Set in Croatia

I first visited Croatia in 2000, drawn to the place my grandparents were from, the language they spoke, and the food I tasted in their Dayton, Ohio home. I’ve since been more than two dozen times—including for my wedding!—and have written about everything from night-foraging for truffles, how Croatia invented the cravat (tie), the “healing island” of Lošinj, the dramatic vineyards of Dalmatia, and the world-renowned, singularly herbaceous and utterly delicious cheese, Paški sir, from the island of Pag.

Yet while Croatia contains so much beauty and delectable experiences, its recent past saw enormous upheaval. The war in the former Yugoslavia in the 1990s ultimately resulted in the emergence of six independent countries. The aftermath of the war remains deeply felt within families and communities, in places with new borders and complex histories. 

In my debut novel, The Cheesemaker’s Daughter, my main character Marina was sent away during the war, a refugee far from her family. Now she has returned to her childhood home on Pag Island to help her father try to save the family’s cheesemaking factory, in the year before Croatia joins the European Union. Struggling to find her footing, she begins to understand more fully the layered emotions and hidden experiences of those who couldn’t escape. As she works to save her father’s legacy, she envisions new ways to integrate the past and present. 

While there are countless novels and memoirs set in Italy, just across the deep blue of the Adriatic Sea, there are few books set in Croatia that have been published in the US. Many, like mine, address the challenges of displacement, family secrets, and how the past finds its way into the present. The following books are by authors each with their own signature style, all set in a country that I love and will continue to return to. 

Girl at War by Sara Nović

A profoundly affecting story about the lasting trauma of war, Sara Nović’s indelible novel follows Ana Jurić, who is 10 years old when war erupts in Yugoslavia. A decade later, as a college student in New York, Ana returns to the place that changed her family forever. Moving fluidly back and forth in time, Nović vividly captures how war can slowly and then suddenly transform every aspect of life; the complexity of survival; and what it means when you no longer have to carry your history alone. 

The Hired Man by Aminatta Forna

Born in Scotland, raised in Sierra Leone and Britain, Aminatta Forna also lived as a child in Iran, Thailand, and Zambia. Her novels, and her own family’s history, delve into the reverberations of conflict. Set in a Croatian town in 2007, The Hired Man opens with a British family who has moved into a house that a local handyman, Duro, knows well. Unlike others in the town, who remain suspicious of the outsiders, Duro helps Laura and her two children settle in. Yet even as he points Laura’s daughter to a concealed mosaic on one wall, his history with the house remains a mystery. But what is buried rarely stays hidden. Forna masterfully reveals, layer by layer, how intense the scars of the war in the former Yugoslavia remain. 

Belladonna by Daša Drndić; translated by Celia Hawkesworth

Winner of the 2018 Warwick Prize for Women in Translation, Daša Drndic’s novel was one of Jeff VanderMeer’s favorite books of the past decade. Blending fact and fiction into a masterful mix, Belladonna follows Andreas Ban, a psychologist whose life is disrupted by the war in the former Yugoslavia. When his son leaves to study abroad, Ban is left alone in a coastal Croatian town with only his memories as his body fails. A moving meditation on history and illness, the novel powerfully shows how “the past is riddled with holes.” 

Dark Mother Earth by Kristian Novak; translated by Ellen Elias-Bursać

Kristian Novak’s English-language debut, translated by Ellen Elias-Bursać, was awarded the Tportal Prize for Croatian Novel of the Year. In it, Matija, a novelist whose ability to invent stories spills over to his own past, must confront the memories he has tried to erase completely — including the death of his father and the mystery of a suicide cluster in his village after the start of the war. Novak compellingly explores the dislocation and unmooring that can impact a child whose grief is given no space or answer. 

Our Man in Iraq by Robert Perišić; translated by Will Firth

A deceiving title for this list, Perišić’s satirical novel is indeed set in Croatia – in 2003, the year Croatia applied to become part of the European Union and the United States invaded Iraq. Through a series of absurd situations, Toni, a journalist based in Zagreb, volunteers his Arabic-speaking cousin Boris to report from Iraq. When Boris goes missing, Toni’s world also begins to unravel. Darkly humorous, Perišić’s novel unearths how impossible it is to escape the long shadow of war. 

We Trade Our Night for Someone Else’s Day by Ivana Bodrožić; translated by Ellen Elias-Bursać

Nora has returned to her hometown as a journalist in this noir set in a still deeply divided Croatian city years after the end of the war in the former Yugoslavia. Assigned to a story involving a Croatian teacher and Serbian student, Nora finds herself turning to the mysterious circumstances of her father’s murder years previous. Bleak and engrossing, Bodrožić’s novel explores how generations remain impacted by the wounds of a place that has witnessed so much horrific violence. 

Farewell, Cowboy by Olja Savičević; translated by Celia Hawkesworth

Wild, surreal (including a film crew shooting a western on the Adriatic coast), and also deeply serious, Savičević’s novel features a woman, Dada, searching for the reason behind her brother’s apparent suicide near their hometown. With no easy answers or tidy conclusion, Savicevic’s work explores how embedded the war in the former Yugoslavia remains in the everyday lives of Croatians. 

The First Rule of Swimming by Courtney Angela Brkic

The debut novel by the author of the memoir The Stone Fields and the story collection Stillness explores the legacy of disappearance and betrayal among multiple generations. When her younger sister vanishes in New York, Magdalena leaves her Croatian island home to search for her. Juxtaposing the gorgeous landscape of the Adriatic with the grit and grime of New York City, Brkic beautifully illuminates the intersections of war, love, and loyalty, and how hard it is to escape the machinations of the past. 

My Family and Other Enemies by Mary Novakovich 

Novakovich’s memoir centers on Lika, where her parents were born. As is true of so many places, Lika is a place of both beauty and brutality. A freelance journalist and travel writer, Novakovich’s research into her family’s complicated history results in a book that abounds with incredible stories of adversity and resilience, and a hearty dose of delicious meals.

Istria by Paola Bacchia 

Am I being sneaky adding a cookbook to this list? Perhaps! But food is such a deep part of Croatian culture. Istria, a northern peninsula dangling into the Adriatic Sea, is shared by Croatia, Italy, and Slovenia. The borders there have shifted among countries (many that no longer exist, and many that now do exist); the majority of Istria is Croatia’s today. In addition to the scrumptious dishes, Bacchia includes delectable stories from her family and others in the region – showing how food traverses borders and draws from many different traditions. 

7 Novels About Strong Nigerian Women Who Defy Patriarchal Norms

Nigerian literature possesses a remarkable ability to create female characters who defy the ordinary. These women don’t just exist within their stories; they embody a resilience that transcends the page. They redefine what it means to navigate the complexities of motherhood, societal pressures, and personal battles in a world that often seems intent on testing its limits.

What makes these characters so compelling is their refusal to conform to any predetermined roles. They are messy, flawed, and endlessly fascinating—mirroring the unpredictability of real life. These women will make you laugh, cry, and perhaps even reconsider your own understanding of strength. There’s something profoundly satisfying about crafting female protagonists who refuse to be silenced or sidelined—who roar back at a world determined to quiet them. It’s a theme that clearly resonates in my new novel, And So I Roar, which is about Adunni, a young Nigerian girl who escapes her village seeking education, and Tia, a woman grappling with a hidden family secret.  Together, they embody the strength of women as they fight to overcome oppression and transform the future for all the girls in Adunni’s community.

These seven Nigerian novels feature extraordinary women who defy societal norms and prove that strength comes in many forms. 

Someday, Maybe by Onyi Nwabineli

Eve is confronting a devastating loss—her husband’s sudden death—but what sets her apart isn’t just her grief; it’s how she fights her way through it. Her strength lies in her raw honesty and her refusal to conform to society’s expectations of a grieving widow. Eve reminded me that healing isn’t a linear journey; sometimes, strength is simply making it through the day. Nwabineli’s prose is exquisite, weaving a kind of magic on the page, and her portrayal of grief is beautifully nuanced, making the story both inspiring and heart-wrenching.

My Sister, the Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite

Korede exemplifies a woman who’s consistently underestimated. As a nurse, she’s competent, efficient, and the glue that holds everything together—skills that prove essential when covering up her sister’s crimes. Korede’s strength isn’t just in her ability to handle literal messes; it’s in the moral conflicts she faces, her unwavering loyalty to her family, and her quiet resilience despite her sister’s escalating recklessness.

What draws me to Korede is her depth. Her strength doesn’t come from a lack of fear but from her awareness of it and her decision to protect her sister. Braithwaite’s dark humour and sharp writing made this thriller unputdownable.

The Joys of Motherhood by Buchi Emecheta

Nnu Ego’s journey from a small village to the bustling city of Lagos is one of the most poignant explorations of womanhood I’ve ever read. She’s a mother defined by her children, sacrificing everything for them, yet she finds herself questioning the very joys she’s been promised. Nnu Ego’s strength lies in her endurance and ability to survive in a world that consistently undervalues her contributions.

Emecheta didn’t shy away from the harsh realities of motherhood, especially within the constraints of traditional expectations. Nnu Ego is both a product of her time and a woman ahead of it, challenging what it means to be a ‘good’ mother. This novel is a powerful critique of societal norms and a tribute to the quiet strength of women who persevere against all odds.

A Nurse’s Tale by Ola Awonubi

Nurse Efunsetan is the beating heart of this novel. She’s the one constant, balancing her demanding job in the chaotic world of Lagos healthcare with the equally challenging responsibilities at home. Her strength isn’t just in her professional competence but in her ability to maintain compassion and integrity in an environment that often threatens to erode both.

Awonubi’s portrayal of her protagonist as both a caregiver and a woman with her own dreams and challenges makes this story both relatable and profoundly impactful.

Wahala by Nikki May

In Wahala, you don’t get just one strong woman—you get three. Ronke, Boo, and Simi are Anglo-Nigerian friends living in London, each dealing with their own unique set of challenges. These women stand out because of their dynamic, multifaceted personalities. They’re flawed, funny, and sometimes at odds with each other, but at their core, they’re bound by a friendship that’s as complicated as it is unbreakable.

The interplay between these three characters is what makes Wahala so captivating. Each woman’s strength comes from her individuality, yet their collective experiences drive the story. Nikki May captures the nuances of female friendship with sharp wit and a deep understanding of the complexities of modern womanhood.

The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives by Lola Shoneyin

In Baba Segi’s polygamous household, each wife has her own secret, and each one is a powerhouse in her own right. Iya Segi is the matriarch who knows more than she lets on, Iya Tope is the seemingly meek second wife with something to hide, Iya Femi is driven by ambition, and Bolanle, the youngest, is determined to carve out her own space despite the odds. These women are strong not just because of their survival instincts but because of the way they navigate their complex relationships with each other.

Shoneyin brilliantly captures the inner lives of these women, giving each one a distinct and compelling voice. What I found striking is the strength of these characters—rooted in their ability to find power and fight back in a situation designed to oppress them. This novel is a masterclass in character development and a sharp commentary on power dynamics and patriarchy.

Daughters Who Walk This Path by Yejide Kilanko

Morayo’s story is one of survival and courage. Growing up in Ibadan, she faces the trauma of sexual abuse but refuses to let it define her. Instead, Morayo draws strength from the women around her—her mother, her aunt, and the friends she makes along the way. Her journey is a testament to the power of resilience and the importance of finding your voice, even when the world tries to silence you.

Kilanko’s portrayal of Morayo is both heartbreaking and uplifting. This novel is a deeply moving and powerful exploration of how trauma can shape a life, but it’s also a celebration of the strength it takes to heal and overcome. Morayo’s story will stay with you long after you’ve finished the book. 

A Literary Map of South Asian America

Twenty-five years ago, Jhumpa Lahiri began publishing stories that offered America a rare glimpse into South Asian American lives. But Interpreter of Maladies and Lahiri’s other well-known early work represent only an opening into South Asian American stories. Lahiri and her contemporaries, including Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni and Bharati Mukherjee, were formative for spotlighting the community’s stories beginning in the 1970s and into the early 2000s. But narratives by and about South Asian Americans have since blossomed beyond the boundaries of Lahiri, Divakaruni, and Mukherjee’s work— and with it, the coastal states where their stories primarily take place: New Jersey, New York, Massachusetts, California. Today’s South Asian American literature has touched every corner of the United States, including Middle America, the Mountain West, the Pacific Northwest, and the South, transcending tales of economically privileged, well-educated Brahmin characters and chronicling the lives of queer, Dalit, biracial, and religious-minority South Asians—including those throughout history. South Asian American fiction today does not always center characters’ racial identities, either, but also tackles more universal plots and themes, such as alcoholism, mental illness, post-recession financial woes, and technological capitalism, in which the characters just happen to be South Asian.

Below is a literary map of South Asian America, spotlighting several works of fiction published after 2010 that take readers beyond a canon once confined to the coasts.

Laramie, Wyoming

Cowboys and East Indians by Nina McConigley

Tamil American author Nina McConigley takes readers on a journey across the American West in her short-story collection, focusing on the lives of Indian immigrants in her home state of Wyoming: her characters include motel owners, international students, interracial families, mothers with disabilities, and cross-dressing cowboys. Challenging the mythology of the Wild West and citing Laura Ingalls Wilder in the epigraph, McConigley, who hails from Casper, Wyo., expands the canonical voice of the prairie to spotlight the South Asians who have called the state home for decades. From her opening story, “Melting”: “We were the wrong kind of Indians living in Wyoming. There were Arapahoe, Shoshone, even some Crow. And then there was us.”

Seattle, Washington

The Immortal King Rao by Vauhini Vara

This dystopian-sci-fi-meets-diaspora novel, which was a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize, follows King Rao, a Telugu Dalit man raised by coconut farmers in rural South India, as he immigrates to the Seattle area for a computer science PhD. Years later, King Rao becomes the most powerful man in the world after founding a leading technology company, called Coconut. The Pacific Northwest has been home to South Asian Americans for more than a century, beginning with a group of Punjabi migrant workers in Bellingham, Washington who were driven out of the town by white residents in 1907. Now, the region, particularly Seattle, is known as a home for South Asians who work in technology at top global firms including Amazon and Microsoft. This book pays homage to these immigrants, their descendants, and their humble beginnings, and was followed by Vara’s short-story collection, This Is Salvaged.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

All This Could Be Different by Sarah Thankam Mathews

Mathews’s debut novel, a finalist for the National Book Award, chronicles the life of a recent college graduate living in Milwaukee, Sneha, as she navigates her layered identities as a queer woman and as the only daughter of Indian immigrants, whom she hasn’t told about her sexuality. Loosely inspired by the author’s own life, the novel explores the repercussions of late-stage capitalism on struggling American 20-somethings in the Midwest as they navigate friendship, love, joblessness, drug abuse, and the specter of eviction. Although it centers on an Indian American woman, All This Could Be Different features a racially diverse cast of characters whose storylines don’t feel forced but rather blossom naturally in tandem with the protagonist’s complex arc.

Minneapolis, Minnesota

A Thousand Times Before by Asha Thanki

Thanki’s debut novel captures a multigenerational family shaped by the 1947 Partition and its bloodstained legacy. Featuring a queer couple at its center—and a queer ancestor and her forbidden lover in South Asia—the novel traces a tapestry that connects three generations of women as they navigate life in South Asia and America. Minneapolis features prominently as the narrator’s childhood home, representing the suburbs that South Asian immigrants have called home in America after leaving the subcontinent. “[My grandmother] was happy we had a place in a suburb, yes,” the narrator recalls, “but moving from New York to Minneapolis reminded her of what it had been like to leave Karachi—and now Karachi was nothing like she remembered, no, a whole different place that felt foreign.”

Scranton, Pennsylvania

Homeland Elegies by Ayad Akhtar

Akhtar, a Pakistani American writer, is from Brookfield, Wisconsin, a suburb of Milwaukee. His first novel, American Dervish, is set in the region and follows a Pakistani American boy who is conflicted about his identity, and Homeland Elegies features a narrator who is also from the Milwaukee area. But a key moment in the novel happens in Scranton, Pennsylvania, where the Pakistani American narrator is pulled over by a Pennsylvania state trooper and the two have a hostile interaction in which the narrator recognizes he must minimize his identity as a Muslim American of Pakistani descent in the aftermath of 9/11 to avoid making white authority figures uncomfortable.

Atlanta, Georgia

Gold Diggers by Sanjena Sathian

This debut novel combines magic realism with a diaspora story, following a pair of second-generation South Asian Americans originally from the Atlanta suburb of Hammond Creek, Georgia as they plan a heist to acquire a magical gold elixir that gives them an edge over their peers. It artfully pushes back on the model minority stereotype, exploring the academic and economic pressures faced by the children of affluent South Asian immigrants living in the suburbs—a landscape that has increasingly become home to blossoming South Asian American communities across the country, concentrated around America’s biggest cities. In doing so, it honors these immigrants’ hard work in cementing their place in this country, while painting an honest and refreshing portrait of the struggles they still face despite having achieved conventional success.

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Seeking Fortune Elsewhere by Sindya Bhanoo

This short-story collection puts South Asian Americans in the driver’s seat as it takes readers on a journey spanning the country, from Eastern Washington state to Orlando to Pittsburgh, the author’s hometown. It reimagines the great American road trip, centering Indian immigrants—particularly, Tamil women—and their families as they traverse a range of landscapes to do what any American family would: attend weddings, reconnect with estranged relatives, and go on vacations they can’t afford. Bhanoo’s sophisticated prose offers a glimpse into the lives of South Indians—an underrepresented community within the corpus of South Asian American diaspora fiction—as they take ownership over their circumstances and refuse to succumb to stagnancy.

Albuquerque, New Mexico

The Sleepwalker’s Guide to Dancing by Mira Jacob

Jacob’s debut novel is partially set during a sweltering summer in the American Southwest and follows a religious Christian, South Indian family as they navigate their complicated past. The protagonist, Amina, is a photographer whose pursuit of art is a testament to the sacrifices her immigrant parents have made so she can follow her dreams. Amina returns home to Albuquerque to be with her parents when her father falls ill and reflects on the family’s history while dealing with her own career crisis as a 30-year-old. Through its Southwestern setting and Christian characters, the novel decenters narratives of South Asians as Hindu immigrants living along the coasts. More recently, Jacob published a graphic memoir, Good Talk

Emigrant, Montana

Immigrant, Montana by Amitava Kumar

“There was nothing here for me,” Kailash, the protagonist in Kumar’s novel, reflects when he retraces a trip he and his ex-girlfriend took to Yellowstone National Park. A town near the park is called Emigrant, Montana, from which the book’s title takes its name when Kailash calls it Immigrant, Montana. The town’s name is aspirational: “it was a name that I had long carried in my imagination […] it was a name that brought together […] the two most deeply felt needs of mine, the desire for love and the hankering for home,” he reflects. Even though it is just a name, and the Rocky Mountain setting itself features only momentarily in the novel, the Montana town symbolizes Kailash’s deepest desires: to discover a sense of home in an unfamiliar land. Instead, he finds emptiness.

Imperial Valley, California

Passage West by Rishi Reddi

This work of historical fiction portrays the lives of early 20th-century Punjabi farmworkers in the Imperial Valley as they deal with racism, xenophobia, and violence. Offering readers a slice of little-known American history, including California’s Alien Land Laws and its Punjabi-Mexican community, Reddi’s novel underscores the long presence of South Asians in America, decades before the 1965 Immigration and Nationality Act opened the doors to mass immigration from the Indian subcontinent. The debut novel follows Reddi’s Karma and Other Stories, a short-story collection set mostly in the Boston area.

San Francisco, California

My Sweet Girl by Amanda Jayatissa

Jayatissa’s debut novel traces the life of Paloma, a Sri Lankan adoptee living in San Francisco, who struggles with mental illness and alcohol abuse as she tries to make a living as a freelance graphic designer. After discovering her Indian American roommate, Arun, murdered on the kitchen floor of their apartment, Paloma attempts to pick up the pieces while steering the novel’s thrilling plot as an unreliable, unlikeable narrator. Toggling between Paloma’s childhood in a Sri Lankan orphanage and her present life in San Francisco, My Sweet Girl navigates Paloma’s identity crisis as a transracial adoptee who feels like an “other” in every space she inhabits.

Brooklyn, New York

A Small Sacrifice for an Enormous Happiness by Jai Chakrabarti

With stories set in India and New York, Chakrabarti’s debut collection explores the convergences between Indian and Jewish communities in Brooklyn, including through stories about an Indian widow engaged to a Jewish man and an Indian immigrant nanny who cares for the son of a biracial couple. Chakrabarti, who won the National Jewish Book Award for his novel, A Play for the End of the World, artfully ties together stories about the two communities, revealing their unlikely intersections in one of America’s most ethnically diverse, and its most populous, city.

Suburban New Jersey

Keya Das’s Second Act by Sopan Deb

Deb’s debut novel follows the fractured Bengali American Das family as they stage a play written by their teenaged daughter, Keya, after she passes away in a car accident. Keya was queer and hadn’t come out to her parents before she died. Bringing Keya’s friends and former girlfriend, Pamela, together with his own family, Keya’s divorced father, Shantanu, decides to stage the play in her memory. The novel brings together the universal themes of mental health and grief in what Deb calls an “all-American story,” in which the ethnicity of the characters is simply incidental, rather than formative, to the plot. Deb has also published a memoir, Missed Translations, that explores his difficult relationship with his Bengali immigrant parents.

About the Illustrator

Nuri Bhuiyan is a multimedia digital and spatial designer. Working at the juncture of visual and experiential storytelling, she captures large-scale social and environmental challenges and their origins in, impacts on, and adjacencies to personal life, culture, and community. She received a B.A. in the History of Art and Architecture at Harvard University and professionally practices architecture and branding. She is currently pursuing several creative projects, which she can often be found doing in a cafe in Brooklyn, where she is based.Her work can be found on Instagram @madebynauri and on her website at https://bit.ly/nuribhuiyan.

Tracy O’Neill’s Mid-Pandemic Search for Her Birth Mother Became A Globe-Trotting Memoir

Tracy O’Neill’s Woman of Interest is a quest memoir: a voyage there and back, out and in. The book recounts the author’s search for her birth mother during the frightening heights of covid, “a pandemic that had miniaturized life.” Enlisting the help of a PI named Joe, a former CIA operative, O’Neill embarks on a journey that will take her across the world. Eager to grapple with the complications and ambivalences of her search, she shows an aversion to the easy reductions and trite conclusions some writers settle for when writing from personal experience. There are no consolations here of self-discovery’s ready-made truisms. As the book looks inward, Tracy rejects the cozier notions of selfhood, how it’s made and bolstered. Hers is a search for truth with all its warts and contradictions. She keeps looking, looking—and thankfully, writing.

When a woman asks O’Neill what literary fiction is all about, the author responds, “It’s about failure.” Failure is one of the things Woman of Interest is not. It’s a resounding success, a book that movingly explores what constitutes a human relationship and what composes an identity. Part-noir, part-memoir, part-reflection: despite its eclectic trappings, the book always feels a coherent whole, bound by the steady presence of a funny, clever, and probing guide, and by the energetic quality of the prose. Because this is a Tracy O’Neill book, Woman of Interest charts the contours and potentials of the sentence and strives to bring every unit of prose to shimmering life. “Some squalid corner of myself had been ransacked,” writes the writer incapable of writing a slack phrase. 

By phone and over email, O’Neill and I talked about our recent experiences with physical therapy; Anne Sexton and Sylvia Plath; the inimitable pleasures of Borges; the novelist moonlighting as memoirist; the comforts and freedoms of constraint; and Tracy the Character.


Walker Rutter-Bowman: I want to ask about beginnings. Early on you quote William James: “My experience is what I agree to attend to,” a rationale for leading a life that does not include your birth mother. During Covid, you read about a Korean man dying alone, who “barely took up in any space in this world.” You hear and heed the call; you agree to attend to the quest for your birth mother. “I could not stomach the notion of an orphaned old woman,” you write. Did you always know you would try to find her?

Tracy O’Neill: I wasn’t even sure I had an interest in finding her. The pandemic seemed to me to sharpen the chance that finding her could be lost, but only because I was a bit stupid. She could have been dead most of my life. But I became fixated on the image of a tiny old person dying alone in a Covid ward and suddenly I couldn’t stand it.

WRB: I love the title for its noir-y trappings, its suggestion of the procedural, but also for its ambiguity. The “woman of interest” is your birth mother, the object of your search. But you’re the woman of interest as well—someone possessed by the urge to uncover. Do those variant interpretations of the title appeal to you, and is the multiple meaning something you intended to evoke in the title and throughout the book? 

TO: You nailed it. You brought up the William James line, and the idea of a woman whose experience is what she attends to mattered to me. The woman who is attended to in order for someone—whether her or someone else—to experience a confrontation with her mattered too. A person of interest is someone who might be brought in for questioning, so I was thinking, as well, about the figure who is interrogated. 

WRB: I’m interested in your relationship with noir. Why does the genre hold such appeal for you? And why did it feel like the right aesthetic mood for this project?

TO: The detective perhaps finds answers—and definitely questions. In noir, there is some struggle with faith—whether that’s a faith in other people, in systems, in herself. She wants empirical process to work, for the world to make sense, even if she is jaded. The world of noir is cold. Yet the noir detective operates because of and in spite of alienation. Such irony felt true to searching for this stranger who might have been the woman who raised me.

Even before I started looking for Cho Kyu Yeon, the details I knew about her indicated that she was an outlaw of sorts. She broke codes of conventional womanhood having to do with sexuality, having to do with motherhood. Eventually, I learned that she had been a femme fatale of sorts. And, of course, I was thinking about the mystery of who we haven’t yet become.

WRB: In memoir, the writer is a character. As a novelist, what were the pleasures and challenges of creating the character Tracy O’Neill?

TO: It can be terrible to write about yourself. I’ve always been drawn to deeply flawed characters—especially the kinds that misogynist bores find “unlikable.” So in writing this book I did have some hang-ups—not for lack of flaws (I’ve got them!) but because unseemly moments were sometimes true and right for the book and not what a sensible person would broadcast about herself. 

When my agent and I would speak about the book, I kept referring to “Tracy the Character.” At some point, she had to tease me about it a little. “I know you probably need to do this to keep things separate for yourself,” she said. 

Even so, my editor had to point out that early on in the first draft, Tracy the Character wasn’t as full as she felt in the middle and end of the book. What I mean to say is that I still needed to treat this person as someone worth knowing. It was as though I was embarrassed to be a character in the book. 

I think when it was fun for me was when I allowed myself to really go back and think about interactions with friends. The pleasure of them allowed me to be less embarrassed about writing me in relationship to them.

WRB: You mentioned pushing against likability. In constructing Tracy the Character, you were also grappling with knowability and the discomfort of making yourself known to the reader. I thought of Cho Kyu Yeon because you left her somewhat unknowable. “The truth was that if I cared to hold her to a single authentic identity, I couldn’t. There was no one real Cho Kyu Yeon.” Can you talk about that haziness that surrounds her?

I became fixated on the image of a tiny old person dying alone in a Covid ward and suddenly I couldn’t stand it.

TO: I believe that CKY has refused to be confined to a single character. And to some extent, I suppose we all do that. I was interested in the notion that we are all viscous and performing to some extent—but also changing over time. The end of the book takes a form that I hoped to create a sense of shifting ground as I turned back to myself. That form was meant to indicate the way we do contain firm aspects of selfhood and accrete new ones as we continue to experience more. 

WRB: Meeting your birth relatives in Daejeon, South Korea, exposes you to endless family narratives, some of them fictional. “The bulk prose of it was hitting me,” you write. “I was going to keep getting hit by words.” And later: “It is painful to be conned by language . . . to witness language fail,” you write. Can you talk about becoming the object, the victim, of words and of story—especially when you’re so often their wielder, the one in control? 

TO: Well, as I write in the book, I’m not one of those writers who loves platitudes about the power of words. Yes, they are powerful. But sometimes the power of words is terrible, as in the case of propaganda or fascist discourse or lies in intimate life. During the first year of the pandemic, we were often jerked around by the language of politicians. Many of us now are devastated by the language used to occlude violence in Gaza. And the blanket belief that literature makes us empathetic underpins the promotion of a lot of self-serving crap like Hillbilly Elegy. Language can also be beautiful, and I am so obsessed with the more beautiful power language that I often want it to overcome everything else. It doesn’t. I hate that.

WRB: There’s so much humor in this book, but at a certain point in Daejeon, your humor hits a wall. In Korea, limited by language, you’re a different person. Was the experience of not having your ready weapons—your humor, your wit, your words—instructive, revealing, or just extremely frustrating? 

TO: I did try to joke anyway and failed. This is probably a character defect; I’ll try to do things even if ill or unequipped.  

WRB: “To know someone was to betray the image they wanted you to receive.” Your work is interested in secrets, and how exposing the truth can both unmask and destroy the former self. To learn about your birth mother is to betray her—but also, to betray yourself. By the logic of this book, self-discovery is also self-betrayal—an idea I’m now obsessed with. But am I overstating it?

TO: I don’t think so at all! I have betrayed previous versions of myself. I used to, for instance, be attracted to living fast and dying young, or perhaps the aesthetic of live-fast-die-young. Well, I’m not young now— other than in my career in academia—and I want to live. You have to leave behind the narratives of who you are to become, and sometimes—wonderfully—it does feel as though you’re pulling a fast one on yourself.

WRB: This book pushes against dominant notions of self-actualization and self-discovery. Did you feel like you were writing against certain trends and tropes in memoir?

TO: I did mostly as I wrote the ending. For a long time I have been attracted to Iris Murdoch’s writing on a liberal literature of consolation. One part of me longed to offer a redemptive conclusion, in which the act of writing settled the unwieldy self and family. But I became aware that that would be bullshit. I needed the ending to feel as though this narrator is still in process because I am. I thought of the end of the book as closer to a lyric poem than a narrative.

WRB: Were there any books that were helpful models? Something that you could look at and say, someone has tried something similar and pulled it off.

TO: I really love The Wild Iris by Louise Glück. That’s a book that assumes a constraint: all of the poems are in theory about flowers, but the poems are also very much about faith. I remember reading that book as a college student, and I think what it opened up for me is the notion that a constraint such as flower poems or the procedural plot could act as a vehicle for a wider scope of interest. 

WRB: The pleasure of adhering to the constraint and of breaking from it.

TO: Yeah, absolutely. We do it all the time in our lives. You decide to be in a relationship with somebody, you enter into a constraint. You declare a residence or a field of career. But then there’s so much that’s possible within these forms. That’s what I wanted to do at various points in the narrative.

WRB: Lauren Berlant comes up a couple times. How did their work speak to you while working on this project?

When I was trying to render my biological mother, I was thinking of how her idea of the good life was received, not merely personal.

TO: I first encountered Lauren Berlant when I took a graduate seminar with Saidiya Hartman, who is an absolute genius. I wasn’t a very good student, really, but Berlant’s work lit me up. The first Berlant I read was their writing on the good life. Then Cruel Optimism. They’re somebody who has really shaped my understanding of the way affect, which we often think to be personal, carries the DNA of ideology. When I was trying to render my biological mother, I was thinking of how her idea of the good life was received, not merely personal. I was thinking, too, about how my own optimism has often enough been underpinned by a sort of neoliberal cruelty.

WRB: In the early stages of the book you mention writing, and I’m wondering about how writing intersected with this story. How much were you writing as these events were happening? 

TO: The first few chapters I wrote very shortly after the events occurred. I was trying to make sense of the story as it happened. I also wanted to imagine that this ludicrous endeavor wasn’t, and writing about it somehow legitimized it. Then I didn’t write much more for quite a while. Then I wrote another chapter. Then I paused because amongst other problems, I was writing about meeting a person—called N in the book—as we were breaking up, and I had to approach that character with less disdain than I felt at the time. Much of the book ended up being written six months after that, in the spring of 2023. 

WRB: Your O’Neill family ethos is “want[ing] enough to be family at all.” I love this idea of opting in—of family being consensual, not something you’re saddled with. That ethos also suggests expanding the qualifications of family beyond who raised you, who birthed you—which you’ve done. This book is a lovely tribute to your chosen family—to Ali, Maggie, Jelly, Justin, Treska, and others. Did finding Cho Kyu Yeon feel like a way back to that chosen family—an opting in again to the family you had and have?

TO: I’m not sure I ever really was opted out. Perhaps the deal was a little more complicated. The pandemic foreclosed sharing physical space with many of those in my chosen family, and ossified the boundaries of the private sphere, that is, domestic life. The reopening of public spaces as Covid restrictions eased was crucial to returning to certain forms of connection. 

That is true, and it is also true that friends showed up for me in a non-physical sense throughout the search for Cho Kyu Yeon. I always knew these people to be kind and generous and really fucking funny, but at turns I was reminded again and again. You catch these beautiful people at a different angle. So I guess I learned even more reasons to opt into chosen family than I had imagined.

We Need To Rewrite Ourselves an Ethics of Care in the Classroom and Beyond

The World Wasn’t Made Straight Up and Down by Heather Lanier

The cherry tomatoes look like little planets on their vines, their centimeter-sized axes tilted this way and that way in the sun. It’s September. Will they ripen enough for next week’s salad? Will they sweeten into October? I don’t know. I’m a clueless, newbie tomato grower—and a relatively new homeowner in this small New Jersey town. But tilt your face to the sky, and you can feel it: the sun’s angle is lower. Next week, we reach the equinox, when light and dark sit evenly on the day’s scale. And although the Earth is warming a fraction of a degree every year, it’s still hurling away from the sun in the usual way it has done since the beginning of its hurling. It’s still angling this Garden State and the whole northern hemisphere toward darkness—and giving the southern hemisphere a turn at extra light.


I read recently that seasons only exist because “God didn’t make the world straight up and down.” I didn’t know exactly what the writer meant. The concept of queerness came to mind. God made the world gay. Which is true, or partly true, for the part of the world that’s gay. Then the concept of moral ambivalence came to mind. God didn’t make a world of perfect justice. The world we inhabit is often not “made right.” Which is also true. Like in this case: 

My small Jersey town has been gossiping recently about a vacant lot that finally sold. That lot, they wrote in neighborly online forums. 

That one sold?!  

Yes, that one! 

A mile from me, on a street of mostly one-story homes parsed out on small square plots, one lot sits vacant, like an eighth of an acre escaped suburban colonization. It’s a rare patch of land allowed to lie fallow. Over the years, a “for sale sign pops up, then disappears, pops up, then disappears.  

What’s wrong with that lot? Another neighbor was new enough to ask the same question I had. 

Someone else linked to a news story.

Nine years ago, a house sat on that lot. A sixteen-year-old boy who lived there burned it down. His parents were still inside. 

My God!

F-ing monster. 

Then came the assigning of culprits. 

Video games! 

Cell phone use? 

The gossip pivoted to whether the lot would become a single-family home or apartments for college kids, the latter of which residents predict will be very loud and disrespectful of parking laws. And that is how we, of the Internet, went from death by arson to where we put our cars. 

But later down the thread, someone quietly, as in without comment, shared a longer article.

The boy’s father was out of work with back pain. His mother was in the last stage of leukemia. He decided that if he burned his own house down, his parents would escape, and they’d collect insurance. That’s what he told police. The idea came to him in a dream, he said. “I was kinda laying downstairs watching TV . . . and then I kinda fell asleep and kinda had a dream of, like, us having, like, more money and my mom being fine and everything like that.”

The parents lived for a week before succumbing to burns. 

Nine years ago, a house sat on that lot. A sixteen-year-old boy who lived there burned it down.

The judge said that, because the boy’s parents suffered especially painful deaths, the boy should be tried as an adult. 

This is what I thought the writer meant when she said: God didn’t make the world straight up and down.

The boy got 20 years. When he’s released, the lot’s new house will be six years old, the same length of time his mother lived with  cancer.


But that’s not what the writer meant at all. She meant:

“If God had made the world straight up and down, we would have no seasons or change, just the sun shining straight at the equator all year round. The tilt made the way for long light as well as long darkness. The earth moves, sometimes giving and sometimes taking, then spinning around and giving something or taking something back again.” (Emily P. Freeman)


A week past the equinox, the vines in our front yard are still erupting small green orbs, shiny as bald men’s heads. Over the span of days, the cherry tomatoes still turn from yellow to orange to red. This surprises me. It’s officially fall. We’re still taking small bites of summer. 

This isn’t the case for the heirlooms. They rot before they ripen. Or they crack in spirals at the top, because (we’ve been told) we both over- and under-water them, which is apparently a thing. To give something both too much of what it needs, and not enough. 


I pass “that lot” on my runs. Over the weeks, it acquired a port-a-potty, a few men in day-glow orange, a small digger, and then a big hole, with mounds and mounds of dirt. 

The mounds reminded me of the dirt my next-door-neighbor dug up last summer. A nurse in her sixties, Helen moved in because her daughter and son-in-law lived five houses down. She wanted to be closer to her three grandsons. She wanted to turn her backyard into a swimming pool for the boys. 

Men cut down trees, dug a big hole, and then shaped and paved that hole. They added a textured cushiony bottom meant to protect her grandsons’ boxy little feet. 

“I’ve never spent this much money in all my life,” she said to me. “Promise me you’ll use the pool.” 

I nodded.

“Really, it’s for all the kids,” she said hopefully. “It’s for the neighborhood.” She gestured to our street, which was quiet because no neighbors were outside. 

Hundreds of years ago, someone decided we should all live like this: in these silos, these cubes of apartments or houses, solo or with our closest people. Not with cousins or friends or greater collectives. And so, we do. When Helen moved in, she replaced a middle-aged social worker. Helen’s house came with five rose bushes between our lot and hers, rose bushes that the former owner  had regularly tended with sheers and gloves and a wide-brimmed hat. Hundreds of reddish-pink blooms flourished. I could smell them from my front door. 

But Helen split her time between her grandsons and her gig as a hospice nurse. On some days, she helped a one- and four- and six-year-old learn how to live, and on other days, she helped eighty- and ninety-year-olds learn how to die. Or, as she’d probably correct me, learn how to live while dying. 

“Dying is a part of life,” she once said. We were standing beside the rose bushes, on opposite sides of our shared wood fence. I was not actually sure whose fence it was, hers or mine, and I liked it that way. Whenever a wonky beam fell, one of us put it back into place.

The rose bushes grew a little gnarly, covered in white five-starred remnants of blossoms. They still bloomed, but sporadically. Green leaves were yellow-tipped. Because Helen was too busy tending to her grandsons and her patients, she didn’t have time to tend the roses. And because my children were partly hers, in the sense that she offered to watch them whenever, it seemed like her roses were partly mine. So I, a person who manages to simultaneously under- and over-water tomatoes, was seriously considering the project of rose maintenance. 

But I never maintained Helen’s roses, because the world is not made straight up and down, and tomatoes burgeon and blight, and Helen’s grandsons only had two summers in that swimming pool.


A suited man in a button-up, no tie, gathered the town’s parents into the high school cafeteria. He said the words, new state formula. He said the words, district restructuring

Because there is a very finite number of dollars in the pot used to educate children, the state takes a town’s variables and plugs them into a formula. But the state’s old formula was deemed insufficient—some districts hadn’t been getting enough. Which meant other districts had “too much.” These were called “overfunded.” Our town had “too much.” 

Ours is a small town, a one-by-two-mile grid of residential roads and a main street running east to west. Small towns are not economically efficient. A building still needs to be heated, no matter the number of kids inside. And each kid gets a dollar-amount delivered via the formula, a formula that has never enabled our district to employ buses—the kids walk, or parents drive them. 

The meeting with the suited man really meant: school closures, job losses. Teachers got cut. The ones who didn’t have tenure found themselves shuffled into strange spots. 

A seventh-grade Language Arts teacher became a fifth-grade self-contained special ed teacher. My former next-door neighbor was the social worker but became our daughter’s special ed case worker—or maybe both. The high school art teacher was now the director of special education. This meant that the guy who used to teach fifteen-year-olds mosaic portraiture was now the boss of the program for kids with disabilities. And one of Helen’s grandsons is autistic. And the district had not yet supplied Helen’s grandson with the aide his IEP guaranteed him. Which somehow resulted in the former art teacher putting Helen’s four-year-old grandson in a physical restraint. 

Because Helen was too busy tending to her grandsons and her patients, she didn’t have time to tend the roses.

But get this: Helen’s son-in-law, Joe, was the person who stepped into the vacant position of high school art teacher. Which meant he was now teaching mosaic portraiture while his autistic son was being restrained. And his child’s restrainer was also a superior administrator. 

Joe is a soft-spoken illustrator and tattoo-artist with a beard and long blondish hair he puts into a bun. And when I say soft-spoken, I mean it. I can hardly hear him. I very much want to hear him. He and his wife, Blair—and Helen, and I—all fly rainbow flags on an otherwise not-so-rainbow-flag-flying street. But Joe will not raise his voice across the lawns when we chat. He will not raise his voice amidst the neighborhood’s aggressive fleet of leaf blowers. He will not even raise his voice after his pseudo-superior calls one day to report that he had to physically restrain Joe’s four-year-old. The leaf blowers raged, and Joe reported this with a Buddha’s expression.

Joe’s wife, Blair—Helen’s daughter—works with autistic kids for a living. She is fiery and passionate and wears leggings of wild prints and calls herself “a spazz.” So when the high-school-teacher-turned-special-education-director called her to explain why physically restraining her son was the only viable option in a district that hasn’t supplied him with the aide he needs, Blair understandably lost her shit. 

It wasn’t that restraining a child is absolutely forbidden. Blair knew it was sometimes necessary if a kid posed imminent danger to themself or another. But she said that wasn’t the case with her four-year-old. He was restrained for swiping stuff off desks and taking off his pants. He was restrained because they didn’t like his behavior.

She collected herself to meet with her kid’s teachers, where she tried to teach her kid’s teachers how to teach kids with autism. 

You know what I’m saying, right? I’m saying the world was not created straight up and down.


A friend of mine is an excellent tomato grower. She grows so many that she has to grind them up and blend them with jalapeños and onions and make salsa with them. She has so many tomatoes she gets kind of sick of them, because she can only eat so much salsa. She cans it and gives it away, or stores it for winter. Do you need any salsa? She will gladly give you a jar.


“They didn’t even know what a [blankety-blank] was,” Blair told me in front of my driveway beside Helen’s—I was about to say our—gnarly roses. 

I didn’t catch the blankety-blank, but as a mother to a kid with disabilities, I understood blankety-blank to be a basic, requisite teaching tool for kids with autism. 

I said that’s fucked up. 

Blair shook her head in disbelief.

Then one day, Joe’s pseudo-superior-slash-child-restrainer informed Joe and Blair that their four-year-old could no longer attend the school. Like, at all. And Blair had to explain to him that it is unlawful for a public school to refuse educating a child, that it has been unlawful since Congress passed the IDEA act in 1975, a law Congress has never actually funded it to its full promise. In other words, the bill to fund the education of all kids is literally “underfunded.”

The former art teacher (-slash-child-restrainer-slash-pseudo-superior) handed the family a list of possible schools and told them to call around and see if someone would take their boy. Meanwhile, he said, the district would send someone to their home to teach him—for 90 minutes a day. “Basically, baby jail,” Blaire said. But the child was not permitted to attend the local school, which—on account of the fact that Blair’s family (not to mention my family, and Helen) paid about 10,000 dollars a year in taxes to fund—was actually his school. 

The loud-legginged autism specialist and the soft-spoken tattoo artist put up a for-sale sign. 

A few months later, Helen did too.


There they go still! Three weeks later, officially past the equinox: green orbs still dangling from brown, blighted plants, sending wishes into the fall. It feels like they’re giving us promises they might not be able to keep. 

Writing checks their bodies can’t cash, my mind hears from the eighties movie, Top Gun. A lieutenant commander barks it into the face of young Tom Cruise. The line turns a body into a bank, a person into a repository for limited resources, which our culture sometimes does. It’s why we feel bad if we get sick, or can’t work, or just want to sleep in, which we will probably want to do even more now that the northern hemisphere is creeping toward its longest night.


Candace Fujikane’s Mapping Abundance for a Planetary Future is a dense read, but she offers a useful phrase: capitalism’s “rhetoric of scarcity.” As a fourth-generation Japanese settler of Hawai’i and a scholar of the Kānaka Maoli (Native Hawaiians), she contrasts capitalism’s “rhetoric of scarcity” to what she calls “Indigenous economies of abundance.” 

“Capital produces a human alienation from land,” Fujikane writes, “In what I refer to as the settler colonial mathematics of subdivision, cartographies of capital commodify and diminish the vitality of land by drawing boundary lines around successively smaller, isolated pieces of land….” 

Blair had to explain to him that it is unlawful for a public school to refuse educating a child.

I think of our silos. I think of the small square plots on our streets, including the street with “that lot.” I think of the lake just a few blocks from “that lot.” Filled with seaweed, unsafe for swimming, it lived downstream from the literal “worst” Superfund site in America. Benzene, toluene, xylene, methanol, arsenic, lead, mercury—all of it was dumped into the landfill by chemical corporations. All of it seeped into the lake. Leukemia cases climbed. The lake turned strange colors, was declared “dead,” was drained, remediated, and refilled. Today on my runs, I spot people at the lake’s edges with fishing poles, but I’m told they always toss back what they catch. 

And then I read this Fujikane quote:

“Capitalist modes of production manufacture the perception of scarcity….” And I think of when my family and I moved to this town. I explained to the school district that my daughter would need a one-to-one aide. Their official reply was: “Aides are in short supply. There are no more aides.” 

Then they met my daughter. Two days later she had an aide.

The school district used a rhetoric of scarcity to determine which kids it would support, and which kids it would restrain, and eventually remove.


You might say that in creating the IDEA Act—the law guaranteeing all kids the right to a decent education—Congress wrote a check that its body wouldn’t cash, had no plans of cashing.


My friend Dave drives a truck with a bumper sticker that reads, Sure You Can Trust the Government Just Ask a Native. When I ask him what tribe he belongs to, he names the people native to this land: the Lenni Lenape. Translated to mean true people, the Lenni Lenape believed the land could not be owned.

Dave tells me that when his grandmother was only six, she was taken from her parents, split from one of her siblings, and sent with another sibling to a white school. If she spoke her native tongue, she was beaten. Now in his sixties, Dave’s trying to learn what he can of his tribe. It’s hard when his ancestors were violently torn from their history—his history.

The Penn Museum says there are no known speakers of Unami, the language of the Lenni Lenape. 


“Mapping abundance is a refusal to succumb to capital’s logic that we have passed an apocalyptic threshold of no return.” –Candace Fujikane


The world was not made straight up and down, and consequently, humans learned to farm. Farming was a way to respond to the seasons of growth and scarcity. Farming took more time and energy than hunting and gathering, but it yielded greater output from the land. The land could produce 10 to 100 times the caloric energy as it did when we hunted and gathered—even if the calories themselves were less nutritious. We got more out of the land. So about twelve-thousand years ago, we became land-rooted. Not all of us. Not the Lenni Lenape and other tribes. But gradually, most humans stayed put. Towns grew up around them. Then city-states. Then political power. Kings. War.

“Whereas hunter-gatherer societies generally viewed resources as belonging to everyone, agriculture led to a system of ownership over land, food, and currency that was not (and is still not) equitably distributed among the people.” – Johns Hopkins University Center for a Livable Future

Multiple scholars argue that farming marks the beginning of social injustice.


I don’t want to turn the tomatoes into commodities. I want to live in wonder of them. Green in these shrinking days, they ask me to hold myself in awe of their bulbous selves. They grow in a season that will end them. Yes, the cracked spirals on their tops mean I’ve both under- and over-watered them. But the cracks also evoke the mathematical precision of fractals: spiral galaxies, curled fern leaves, nautilus shells. 


Nobody actually knows why the boy burned the house down. Or if he burned it down at all. Later, he said he didn’t do it—said police forced the confession. Still later, he pleaded guilty—probably for a lighter sentence. 

The prosecutor said it was the most troubling case she’d ever worked on. 

His public defender said he could not publicly weigh the boy’s remorse, but that the boy felt “very badly.”

A family friend reported that, just days before the fire, his mother had told the boy that she was giving up on her six-year fight with cancer. 

The boy used to lie by her bed at night to care for her.

The boy’s fire—was it a counterattack on medical bankruptcy? On capitalism? On living in these fragile little silos? On a world of not-enough?

Or was it a fluke? A faulty spark? 

Most humans stayed put. Towns grew up around them. Then city-states. Then political power. Kings. War.

Or was it a response to the entire concept of loss? A way to say to pain: enough.


The Spanish teacher at my kids’ school was needed to translate for new ESL students, and I guess there was nobody else to teach Spanish, because a Language Arts teacher started teaching World Cultures. The kids now study World Cultures instead of Spanish, which, ironically, most need even more because an increasing number of their peers speak it.

For their first World Cultures project, the kids are making murals. My daughter tells me her group’s theme: summer in winter.

“What’s summer in winter,” I ask.

“Like, snowmen at the beach,” she says. “Things like that.”

Just a month ago, they poured off the beach and into the classroom. Their families might even still have sand in the backseats of their cars. Mine does. If my daughter’s group members are like her, they spent late August bemoaning school structure, the loss of long days in the sun. Forget that snowmen on July sand wouldn’t survive—Olaf taught them that. The mural is an alternate reality. It will keep the world tilted, but also let it orbit straight up and down. Or it will stop the earth’s orbit altogether. It will hold everything that comes and goes, comes and goes, all at once. Abundance of everything. Scarcity of nothing.

Cherry tomatoes ripening against the backdrop of snow.

My neighbor Helen, still swimming with her grandsons next door. Autumn leaves tumbling into the warm pool around them.

A boy still in his parents’ house, his mother well. He’s a child, and he’s also grown.


But isn’t that what the judge did? Tried a teen as a man. Turned a kid into an adult. 


A week after learning about the murals, I ask my daughter how they’re coming along. She says summer-in-winter was only half-finished. World Cultures is only forty-five minutes long. The murals had to be abandoned.

Time is another limited resource economists measure.


Our house is a 1400-square-foot cape cod. It was built in 1960, when multigenerational living dipped into a decades-long low. In the four years that we’ve been here, we’ve tried to build a beautiful life. A little world made right—straight up and down. We planted the tomatoes. We befriended the autism advocate and the soft-spoken illustrator who we thought would one day teach our kids mosaic portraiture. We accepted Helen’s backyard generosity, and admired her roses that could have needed me. We believed we’d become more and more entangled. We believed our entanglement, our neighborly agape would serve as dissent against these small silos someone decades ago agreed we should live inside. 

We still have other neighbors we lean on, and neighbors who lean on us. Ten-year-old Dave from around the corner tumbles through the front door each morning, and we help him get to school. On Saturday mornings, Ellen beeps, and one of our kids piles into her car for art class, so I can take the other to adaptive soccer. There, another person helps my daughter learn how to kick. We need more people because we have more people in our silo with needs. Which is why Helen moved onto our street in the first place—to be close to her people who needed her. 

And this feels beautiful. But also scary. See “that lot.” See terrible choices when not-enoughness threatens to swallow a family whole.

Joe and Blair’s old house is now owned by a single guy named Derek. He doesn’t have kids yet. I haven’t seen much of him except on Halloween night, when he gave out candy. That’s the only day when Americans agree we should all give something away.


The house on “that lot” is now a wood frame for what will clearly be a two-story colonial—far larger than the small ranchers around it. You can see right through the beams. The walls are made of air, are made of the image of the trees behind the house. Wind blows through what will soon become a new home, for another family. 

We still have other neighbors we lean on, and neighbors who lean on us.

On my runs, I say a little prayer as I go past. A prayer is a form of giving, but it doesn’t feel like enough. I’d like to give something more practical. Like what? Medicare for all? Or at least the vote for it—if politicians would give us the option. For now, I say a prayer for the boy, who is now a man, and I say a prayer for his parents, who are probably beyond time and have probably long forgiven, if the dead even need to forgive.

They say heaven is beyond time, which I think means it’s never at a loss for resources.  


A realtor once told me that a swimming pool makes a home less desirable, so I wondered if the new pool would hurt Helen’s attempt to sell her house. Sometimes economics isn’t about not enough of something everyone needs, but too much of something nobody wants. Like, that lot—too much loss. We are used to some loss in a family’s life, but not that much. Or like those kids—a barebones school district wants some kids, but not others. Not the neurodivergent ones. 

But Helen’s house sold in days. 

She writes from her new place in a different state to say that everyone’s doing well, including her autistic grandson. He has an aide now, which means he has the support to stay in a general education classroom, which is what Joe and Blair wanted for him—and what, fifty years ago, the US government promised kids like him, and kids like mine.

Helen also reports that my new neighbors are very nice people, and grandparents too. It was the pool, they told Helen, that sold them. They have a granddaughter around the corner. She loves to swim.

I don’t know my new neighbors yet—they haven’t moved in. I don’t know if I’ll feel drawn to care for their roses, or if they’ll even let me. I know that there was a car in their driveway all day yesterday. It had a bumper sticker that read Medicare for All. Which, regardless of your politics, is another way of saying Enough for Everyone. Or For Everyone: Enough.


Sometimes I run because I’m trying to pant out my rage at a world that’s so imperfect. That’s so not-right. I pant clouds of white into the frosty air and think things like:

If God had made the world straight up and down, the schools would have enough money to pay for all the teachers. And the teachers would know how to teach all the kids.

If God made the world straight up and down, the judge would show mercy. A boys’ dreams would always lead him to a love we understand. 

If God made the world straight up and down, no group of humans would ever seek to annihilate another group. My friend would be able to learn the language of his ancestors. 

If God made the world straight up and down, someone’s enough would never cause someone else’s not-enough.


But really, if God made the world straight up and down, every day would be twelve hours long—everywhere. And there would be no seasons. Which means a few places would always have tomatoes, and most places would never have them. 

Scientists aren’t sure humans would have evolved on such a planet anyway.


It’s November. The leaves on the tomato vines have finally darkened a blackish-green, wilting like lettuce gone bad. They drape over the cylindrical cages. The frost came. 

I pluck the last of the green heirlooms, which remarkably haven’t blighted or cracked. I place them on a southern-facing windowsill, bottoms-up. Eight green orbs in a line. Zero checks offered from their globular bodies. Zero promises. Just green beauty. Maybe even possibility. Maybe they’ll ripen. 


If there is a God who brought all of creation into being, then this God only made the world slanted. And this God brought humans to this slanted world. The justice, I think, is up to us. Maybe this Maker slanted the world so that we have to reach for each other. So that our abundance of tomatoes must be shared. So that we sometimes need, and cannot ever, any of us, go it alone. 

I remember what that was like as a new mother: the strange, arms-free feeling when someone takes your baby.

If that’s the case, these silos we’ve built are offenses in a battle against our tenderness. They are lies against our gift of mutual need. The world is not made straight up and down: we’ve responded with a pathology in how we treat each other. In our architecture of border fences and budget formulas, we’ve responded with a pathology of independence and scarcity and disregard. Which means we need to knock on each other’s doors. Offer our jars. Become more entangled. Oh, but we need so much more than that. We need to rewrite ourselves an ethics of care.


“Clouds do not abide by man-made boundaries, traveling across them to water the land.” –Candace Fujikane 


One hot July day, I found myself floating in Helen’s amoeba-shaped pool with Blair and her three boys. Blair was holding her youngest, the giant ten-month-old. I offered to hold him so Blair could float solo. She didn’t wait even a second to accept.  

I remember what that was like as a new mother: the strange, arms-free feeling when someone takes your baby. The knots in your back holler with relief because they’re no longer tightening to hold another body. For as long as Blair’s third son let me hold him, Blair was free. So, for as long as I could, I held her giant baby, making goofy, wide-eyed faces at his grinning, nostrilly, goofy self. And the water held me a little as I bobbed. And the water held Blair, too. And Helen was holding all of us, because she had gifted us the water to hold us—and of course because she’d also held Blair as a baby. Helen had even held, inside herself, the part of Blair that would hold, eventually, her three boys. At the time, though, Helen was not herself being held by the water—she was at work caring for her patients. And this, I think, is what it means to accept the tilt of the world: neither having “enough” nor having “too much.” Just being held and holding.

10 Thrilling Books About Women on the Verge

Men on the verge have dominated literature for decades. Raskalnikov wandered the streets of Moscow, driven to murder by philosophy; Holden Caulfield let us know we’re all goddamn phonies. Gatsby held parties as an act of passive aggression; Humbert Humbert absconded with a young teen. All the while, women protagonists were either absent entirely or supposed to remain relatable. Literature has featured female characters who were “on the verge”—but almost all of them have been driven to insanity because of a man, or serve to illuminate something about that man’s past (see: Bertha Rochester or Miss Havisham), or are just so crazy that it’s sexy (step right up, Steinbeck’s Cathy Ames).

Truly three-dimensional female protagonists who are working through their own issues were rare until a couple of decades ago, bar a handful of examples. And when they did pop up in literature, their creators were often dismissed as hysterics with little talent. Sylvia Plath was just a woman with a tragic life who happened to write things down, male critics argued; Nora Ephron’s real-life divorce was the main event, rather than her writing skill. In other words, writing about a “woman on the verge” comes with a lot of sexist baggage.

The protagonist of my debut novel, Clickbait, is a woman named Natasha with some serious issues. Her main issue is that she just became the news—a very bad thing for a journalist. She flagrantly violated her newspaper’s ethical standards, and now, disgraced, demoted and divorced, she spends her days in a clickbait factory tabloid job where she writes stories like ‘Does Elon Musk have a Kardashian love child??’ and ‘Bridezilla sparks debate with pronouns’. When an old flame moves into her spare room, she becomes dangerously obsessed with him—and her media life and her personal life threaten to collide in a very public way.

Natasha is the very definition of a “woman on the verge”. She’s moody, warped and maladaptive; she ping-pongs between daydreaming about having a readymade husband and baby and living out life as a tradwife, and committing to a “radical childfree” lifestyle and living in the woods. She is working through who she is when men aren’t looking. Like the protagonists of some of my favorite novels from the past couple of years, she isn’t likable—and she certainly isn’t demure.

I think there’s a very clear reason why both readers and writers are leaning more toward “unlikeable” protagonists: the news cycle of the past five years has made even the most stable of us feel like packing up and moving into the middle of the woods at one point or another. The very proliferation of the meme-phrase “in this economy?!” is proof that we’ve all been dragged into the meta-analysis of society’s collapse. 

Clickbait is set in a bottom-feeder newsroom where reporters aggregate and spin stories about rape, murder and discount cookies, day after day. The psychic toll this kind of job takes on journalists is very rarely spoken about—and it’s something I wanted to explore through my characterization of Natasha. 

I have a few recommendations for readers who are looking for company in the wallowing pit—because you just can’t be expected to Live, Laugh, Love through 2024. 

Worry by Alexandra Tanner

Tanner’s book about two sisters trying to make it work in New York City while they juggle awful jobs, a new dog named Amy Klobuchar, and parents who want them to get Botox is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. It’s compulsively readable from the first sentence and it pulls no punches in its wryly humorous description of modern life. Tanner really makes us examine our responses to people and situations, and her characters’ reactions feel real: as her protagonist half-heartedly responds to dick pics and spends her time compulsively scrolling through the social media posts of Utah’s most obnoxious tradwives, I recognized my own most masochistic defense mechanisms.

It’s testament to Tanner’s talent that I read this compulsively in the 4am half-light while breastfeeding my newborn son. I was pretty much unable to concentrate on anything at that moment in time beyond “Am I The Asshole” posts on Reddit, yet this one drew me in and demanded I pay attention.

The New Me by Halle Butler

The New Me is a dark novel with a wink-wink-nudge-nudge light-sounding title. It follows Millie, a young woman whose anxieties and depressive tendencies interfere with her ability to pretty much bond with anyone or anything, as she navigates a job she hates yet can’t help wanting to succeed in. 

The petty characters Butler writes feel familiar, and even though most of their behaviors and impulses are loathsome, you can often understand exactly how they got there. Millie refuses to feel grateful for her own fairly privileged position—the financial support of her parents, for instance—and she has a serious superiority complex about the people who she encounters at her awful job. She’s someone you want to pick up and shake, but she’s also someone you end up feeling sorry for, despite yourself. The gap between what she expected her life to look like and what it looks like for the duration of the novel is painful, and we’ve all felt a semblance of that pain.

Queenie by Candice Carty-Williams

Queenie isn’t just a deep-dive into one woman’s psychological tics but also a beautiful portrait of London in all its diversity and its downfalls. Carty-Williams, in a very Zadie Smith-esque way, is able to draw attention to a plethora of social issues—gentrification, racism, misogyny, the cruelties of capitalism and the generation effects of immigration—within a few short scenes (the first chapter somehow manages to draw attention to every one of these, while remaining readable and at times heartrending).

Queenie is a protagonist who makes a lot of bad decisions, but you keep rooting for her. Carty-Williams does a good job of showing how unfairly society reacts to her even as she demands Queenie take responsibility for her own “stuff” (as Queenie continually calls it). And she also does a good job of portraying how no one truly comes back together on their own—Queenie’s imperfectly perfect support system often takes center-stage, too.

Beautiful World, Where Are You by Sally Rooney

Beautiful World, Where Are You is probably the most divisive of Rooney’s books—where the characters of Conversations with Friends and Normal People, with their snappy dialogue and their tortured inner worlds, were relatable to many, BWWAY’s Alice feels much closer to Rooney herself.

The action is interspersed with long emails between the two main characters as they discuss philosophy and classism in and around discussing what’s happened recently in their lives. Alice gets involved with a highly suspect man named Felix and moves herself out to the countryside after having a breakdown following the massive success of her novel (I told you it felt personal). Her best friend Eileen, meanwhile, is in an on again/off again relationship with the much more likable Simon.

Like all Rooney books, this one really hinges on the dialogue and the chemistry between the characters. I liked that she didn’t shy away from Alice’s struggles, even if most of us would see them as “first world problems”, and that she portrayed her as a little unstable, a little ungrateful, but also somehow incredibly relatable.

Death Valley by Melissa Broder

I’m obsessed with pretty much everything Melissa Broder does: as soon as I finished The Pisces (“that fish-sex book,” as my husband calls it), I ordered Milk Fed, then read Broder’s online work, then preordered Death Valley.

Death Valley is without a doubt her weirdest book yet—and that’s saying something for an author who wrote convincingly about sex with a merman. A writer goes out to the desert to find inspiration for her latest novel, while her father is dying in the hospital and her husband is incapacitated with an unknown illness. She goes out for a hike one day and gets lost—and a whole bunch of weird stuff happens from there.

What Broder does so well is portray completely surreal, bizarre situations that somehow get right to the center of human experience. At one point in this novel, her protagonist is inside a cactus, being bottle-fed soda by the implied ghost of her father. If anyone else tried this scene, it wouldn’t work, and that’s putting it lightly—but Broder manages to make it tender, emotional and universal-feeling. 

My Sister, The Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite

This is a tale of two women who give in to their darkest impulses, hilariously and horrifyingly yet somehow believably. It often gave me Margaret Atwood vibes. 

I love a witty novel about women getting empowered in the absolute worst way and this ticks all those boxes. But even more than the fast-paced narrative, what I enjoyed was the ingenious way the author goes about her characterization. She introduces us to two people who seem like they couldn’t be more different—then sets about proving how they’re actually cut from the same cloth.

Vladimir by Julia May Jonas

Vladimir is a novel that deeply creeped me out and stayed with me long after I’d finished it. A literature professor whose husband has been involved in a sexual scandal continues to work on campus, trying to keep her head down—until she herself becomes obsessed with a new, young hire. One second, she’s simply thinking about this man a lot, and inviting him over for a swim in her pool; the next, she’s living out the most disturbing and predatory kidnapping fantasies. 

Jonas manages, in a very Nabokov-esque way, to make us feel like accomplices to her protagonist’s twisted behavior. It’s a dark novel that explores the complexity of female desire and how it can get warped, and it also makes a middle-aged woman with a grown daughter the focal point, which is especially unusual.

Really Good, Actually by Monica Heisey

The protagonist of Heisey’s Really Good, Actually is, like the author, a young divorcee with a biting wit and an unapologetic way of listing her own mistakes and demerits. If you’re a  fan of dark humor, you’ll love everything from the sardonic writing to the sarcastic title, and the cover art to the final page, which is just as beautifully crafted as the first one (seriously, take a peek and it will make you laugh out loud. This is a novel that starts with a bang).

Maggie is newly divorced, broke and trying to remake her life in Toronto after it all imploded at the age of 29. And as someone who constantly uses humor as a defense mechanism, I really appreciated the way in which she managed to tell a quite sad story through that lens. Just because Maggie tells a lot of jokes doesn’t mean she isn’t suffering. In fact, the jokes often amp up during her most vulnerable moments. I found it a touching portrayal of a woman trying to “just get on with it” and “keep smiling through it all” when the worst thing she could’ve imagined has just happened to her. You can easily see how Heisey found success in the writers’ room for Schitt’s Creek.

The Quiet Tenant by Clemence Michallon

Michallon tells the story of a serial killer through the multiple perspectives of the women who surround him: the bartender who has a crush on him, the teenage daughter who still lives with him—and the one woman he didn’t kill, who is a prisoner in his home.

What I loved about Michallon’s novel wasn’t just the incredibly twisty and well-paced plot, but the fact that it put these women’s emotional lives front and center. Instead of delving into the mind of the male killer, we get to watch what happens when his daughter meets his captive, and watch a burgeoning relationship. Instead of hearing how he wants to stalk his next victim, we see that young woman almost falling into his trap.

It was the details that really made this one for me, like when May finally gets to lie down on a bed after years of being held captive in a shed and finds it unbearably soft and has to move onto the floor; or how her teeth physically hurt after she eats sweet food after so long; or how she pines for the mundane, like a jog along the side of a road. In the most out-there situations, Michallon writes with searing emotional honesty.

The Year of the Cat by Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett

This is a memoir that is ostensibly about Cosslett’s first year living with a small, demanding, endlessly entertaining cat called Mackerel during the pandemic. But it’s also about her family history, the disabled brother she grew up alongside, her relationship with her husband in lockdown, and their back-and-forth about whether they’re going to finally take the leap and have a baby.

Fans of Cosslett’s Guardian columns will know that she manages to write about deeply emotional and sometimes truly devastating subjects with humor and honesty (her Republic of Parenthood series got me through the first year of my son’s life). This book is an extension of some of the issues she’s touched on before, with lots of asides for the feline lovers among us. It’s tender, it’s witty and it speaks to what it means to be a thirtysomething millennial woman today, in a generation where we have fewer financial opportunities than our parents but twice as many expectations foisted upon us. I go back to it often.

Exclusive Cover Reveal: “Casualties of Truth” by Lauren Francis-Sharma

Electric Literature is pleased to reveal the cover of Casualties of Truth, the new novel by acclaimed writer Lauren Francis-Sharma, which will be published by Grove Atlantic on February 11th, 2025. You can preorder it here.


Prudence Wright seems to have it all: a loving husband, Davis; a spacious home in Washington, D.C.; and the former glories of a successful career at McKinsey, which now enables her to dedicate her days to her autistic son, Roland. When she and Davis head out for dinner with one of Davis’s new colleagues on a stormy summer evening filled with startling and unwelcome interruptions, Prudence has little reason to think that certain details of her history might arise sometime between cocktails and the appetizer course.

Yet when Davis’s colleague turns out to be Matshediso, a man from Prudence’s past, she is transported back to the formative months she spent as a law student in South Africa in 1996. As an intern at a Johannesburg law firm, Prudence attended sessions of the Truth and Reconciliation hearings that uncovered the many horrors and human rights abuses of the Apartheid state, and which fundamentally shaped her sense of righteousness and justice. Prudence experienced personal horrors in South Africa as well, long hidden and now at risk of coming to light. When Matshediso finally reveals the real reason behind his sudden reappearance, he will force Prudence to examine her most deeply held beliefs and to excavate inner reserves of resilience and strength.

Lauren Francis-Sharma’s previous two novels have established her as a deft chronicler of history and its intersections with flawed humans struggling to find peace in unjust circumstances. With keen insight and gripping tension, Casualties of Truth explosively mines questions of whether we are ever truly able to remove the stains of our past and how we may attempt to reconcile with unquestionable wrongs. 


Here is the cover, designed by Becca Fox:


“A departure from designing Lauren Francis-Sharma’s previous book, Book of the Little Axe, I was truly captivated by how the author toggled seamlessly between protagonist Prudence Wright’s present-day life in Washington D.C. and her unsettled past in Johannesburg, South Africa throughout Casualties of Truth,” says Becca Fox, the designer. 

“A novel at its heart, the story also walks the line of a revenge thriller with deep historical roots, and it was crucial to find imagery that picked up on this energy. While doing extensive research, I was immediately struck by Vivien Kohler’s Of Reason and Requiem, which felt like a South African ‘Lady Liberty’ to me. With the artist’s permission, we were able to recolor the illustration to harken back to the South African flag while also paying homage to modern-day America. The embedded street sign iconography also lent itself well to the story (without giving too much away!) — you always dream of happy coincidences like that as a designer. I was also drawn to working with a condensed typeface like Akzidenz Grotesk that felt as bold and fresh as the story to round out the design.”


She looks a bit like lady liberty, doesn’t she? My editor nodded in agreement. She’s got that high tilt in her chin, that erect pose, those soft folds of fabric beneath her waist….but is she the right cover?

Having spent time in South Africa, I was certain the artist designing the proposed cover for my latest novel, Casualties of Truth, was someone who understood the aesthetics of the country. And yet, my novel isn’t just about South Africa. It is a diasporic novel that shows the interconnectedness of people in the struggle for freedom, a novel about hidden pasts, a novel about motherhood and marriage, and yes, too, a novel about Apartheid and the post-Apartheid era. But my protagonist, Prudence, lives a life far from the one the woman on the cover appears to live. Prudence is a Harvard Law and Business School graduate, a former McKinsey consultant, a woman who can afford to stay home to care for her autistic son. And she is also frightened. When a man she met in Johannesburg over twenty-years earlier is introduced as her husband’s new colleague, Prudence finds herself unraveled by thoughts of what she could lose at this man’s resurfacing.

The novel is a fast-paced ride through Baltimore, Johannesburg, Trinidad, and the Maryland suburbs of Washington, D.C.  So, what cover might capture these places, might capture over forty years of one woman’s life? I wasn’t sure, but when I looked at my “Lady Liberty,” I could see triumph in the colors of the South African flag. Living in South Africa in 1996, only two years after the flag’s unveiling, I remembered hearing the joke about how the little strip of yellow in the flag represented all the electric fences whites were putting up to keep Blacks out. But this wry humor isn’t notable in my Lady Liberty’s proud face, a face she seems intent on shielding from some terrible glare. Is it the sun boring down on her or something else? And what of the sign at her hip? Is the reader to understand the traffic signs—STOP and NO PARKING—to be warnings about Prudence’s impending journey? And what of her bare feet? Are they a sign of struggle or of comfort? Will a reader turn away from them or are they an invitation to remove one’s shoes before entering a welcoming place to hear a gripping tale? My Lady Liberty stands alone in the midst of a stark white space, hyper-visible, and still, what remains for me is the most important question of all—will readers be curious enough to reach for her?  

My Lady Liberty stands alone in the midst of a stark white space, hyper-visible.

In early 2024, I flew to South Africa for the final bit of research I needed for the novel. I had been searching for a recorded testimony for one case in particular that I’d transcribed onto notepads which I had been carrying around for nearly thirty years. I still knew the story from memory: a group of boys betrayed by a Black state operative, an askari, who promised to take them for resistance training with the ANC, and the boys never made it home. I had seen those boys’ mothers at the hearings, I had wept for them all, and had never forgotten them. 

As is often the case with research, it would take being on the ground to find people who would invest enough in your work to assist. It would be a random trip to Freedom Park in Pretoria where I would meet a guide, Badresh Kara, who would send me the link for the recording I’d been hoping to find for years. So excited and finally relaxed enough to be a tourist, I spent the next afternoon wandering Johannesburg art galleries with a dear friend, looking for inspiration for my cover. We landed at Gallery Momo, where my friend introduced me to the owner, Monna Mokoena. He told me about their U.S. residency program and about some artists he’d be featuring later in the year, the kind of work I described I might be interested in seeing. Let’s keep in touch, he said. But I didn’t keep in touch.

After weeks of mulling over the decision, I finally told my editor I was ready to finalize my choice. My Lady Liberty had been haunting my dreams, her pursed lips like an admonishment.

A few days later my editor sent a link with the name of the artist whose work had inspired the cover. Vivien Kohler. I found a few videos about Kohler and as I watched them, something in the background of one of his art shows rang familiar. I sent the link to my friend. Is this the same gallery we visited?

It is…. she wrote back.

Lady Liberty and I had crossed the same paths albeit at different times. Yet, now we had arrived at the same place together, ready to share a story that crosses time and continents to reveal our common humanity, our common desires. Mere coincidence? Perhaps. But I don’t believe in coincidences. Rather, I believe we must always be reading the world for signs of truths yet to come.”