Ted Wilson Reviews the World: The Equestrian Collection: DVD Collection

★★☆☆☆ (2 out of 5)

Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of the world. Today I am reviewing The Equestrian Collection: DVD Collection.

If you enjoy videos of horses, then this DVD collection is for you. It’s 38 DVDs with a total running time of over 19 hours. This may seem like a lot, but when you consider that horses can live up to 30 years, 19 hours isn’t so much.

The horses are beautiful, and do everything you would expect to see, including running, sitting, eating — you name it. It’s hard to tell the horses apart but I counted about six different ones. One of them might be a mule but it’s hard to tell because the videos appear to have been filmed through someone’s living room window, across the street from someone who has some horses on their property.

At several points there are big trucks driving past that temporarily obscure the view of the horses. Between traffic and moments when the horses wander out of frame, the actual screen time of horses is probably more like 16 hours. Still a pretty good amount though.

Unfortunately, even with 19 hours of video, we never learn what any of the horse’s names are. I named one of them Black Stallion because it was the only name I could think of and I was in a hurry to name it.

There’s a barn in the distance and I wonder if there are more horses inside it. Hopefully if there is a sequel to this DVD collection, we might find out more about this barn and the mysteries it holds.

I found these DVDs for sale at a truck stop and no other stores I have been to seem to carry it or even know what it is. There are no references to it on the internet and no one I’ve met riding a horse has ever heard of it. The fact that this is such an obscure collection makes me think it must be incredibly valuable, but it only cost me $11.99. I imagine one day my descendants will be taking this DVD collection to Antiques Roadshow and discovering it is worth thousands of dollars. I hope they’ll remember my name and say it on TV.

The only real downside to this is it’s very hard to distinguish the DVDs from one another, especially because they aren’t numbered or anything. So if you’re not careful, you may end up accidentally rewatching some and not immediately realize it. That happened to me a few times, so it actually took me about 23 hours to watch all of these. That was a little aggravating.

BEST FEATURE: There’s a sex scene.
WORST FEATURE: A passing truck hits a pigeon and it looks like one of the horses wants to eat the dead pigeon but can’t reach it because of a fence in the way.

Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing a bag of flour.

ARTICLE CONTINUES AFTER ADVERTISEMENT

About the Author

More Like This

Other Literary Concepts That Should Be Met Gala Themes

After this year's "camp" ensembles, we're ready for the event to go full English major

May 10 - Helena Fitzgerald

It’s All Porn and Cat Videos

"Horribilis" by Amanda Marbais is a story about being afraid of everything, but living your life anyway

May 1 - Amanda Marbais