This Android Hopes You’ll Swipe Right

This Android Hopes You’ll Swipe Right

Requiem for the Most Famous Drag King of Our Lifetimes

Despite the urban legends
she lived to a ripe old age of 15—
a comfortable retirement in Santa Clarita,
long walks on the beach, lazing in the sun,
beloved, after traversing two star-studded decades
with the likes of Reese Witherspoon
and digitally lipsyncing to ethnic stereotypes
of which she had no real means to understand.
Cast as Taco Bell Chihuahua’s Girlfriend
she quickly proved herself too butch, usurping the starring role
with her action hero stunts and monster movie one-liners,
cheap spanglish catch-phrases oft repeated by snot nosed kids,
dressed up as a bandido in a sombrero or a Che Guevara beret,
eagerly chasing tail—not just pink bedazzled collared pups
but supermodels with indulgent, charmed smiles.
Gidget the chihuahua, the inspiration for a civil rights boycott,
whose performance lost Taco Bell over $30 million
in an intellectual property lawsuit, was born an Aquarius
the self same night latent lesbian icon Whitney Houston swept at the AMAs
belting I Have Nothing with sweat shining on her brow,
in a glistening desert city a beast was born with stars in her eyes,
slouching toward Hollywood, the most famous drag king of our lifetimes.