“When Harry Met Sally” Makes Adult Weekends Aspirational

The highest compliment I’ve ever received came to me on the University of Chicago campus. Late for a panel at a graduate conference, I was rushing around in a long floral dress and big wool coat, tote bag of books swinging at my side. My hair was frizzy and my makeup almost certainly smudged in the light autumn rain. In my hurry, I nearly ran into an undergrad, who turned around to fix me with a searching look. I assumed he would say something rude—tell me to watch where I was going—but instead he said, “You look just like Meg Ryan,” and walked away.

I don’t really look like Meg Ryan, aside from being blonde, but I love Meg Ryan. So all weekend long I thought about that compliment, which made my frazzled state feel sort of special. Meg Ryan is the original disheveled-chic romantic comedy heroine, the patron saint of the high maintenance white woman. And: she’s impeccably dressed. After all, who is a bigger icon of fall fashion than Meg Ryan as Sally Albright in When Harry Met Sally? Against the background of orange leaves in Central Park, it’s widely acknowledged that Meg-as-Sally is a blueprint for fall fashion: bowler hats and chunky sweaters, mom jeans and plaid blazers.

Would I ever spend my autumns in a big city, wandering around and having witty conversations with my friends?

And I love When Harry Met Sally—it was the first R-rated movie I ever watched. It’s a clear memory in my sheltered Midwestern childhood: at a middle school sleepover with my sister and our best friend, someone (no one can remember who) picked it off the DVD shelf and shockingly, no one stopped us from pushing play. Sally’s fake orgasm in Katz’s Deli was the dirtiest movie scene I knew, and like a women’s magazine in the checkout line, I was fascinated by the question of whether men and women could ever be friends. But more than that, the film painted a picture of a life I wanted. Would I ever spend my autumns in a big city, wandering around and having witty conversations with my friends? To me, When Harry Met Sally isn’t about fall at all—it’s not even about whether men and women can be platonic friends. When Harry Met Sally is really about what adults do over the weekend.

This question has haunted me for years: what do adults do all weekend? I grew up in a house where Saturdays were for chores and Sundays were for church. Weekends were a time for productivity, time to get ahead on all the housework and small projects that went neglected through the work week, time to sit through hours of my sibling’s soccer games. Then I went to college, where my weekends were for parties, for long late night talks with a guy from philosophy class, for piles of homework saved just for Sunday. Weekends were easy in my youth—other people told me what to do and I did it. The influence of my parents felt much like the influence of my college roommates and friend groups: they told me what we were up to over the weekend and we did it, together. Party with a theme, pregame, party with no theme, homework, go see a friend in her play, get up early and do homework in the library. Rinse and repeat.

I watched TV and read voraciously, often waiting until Monday and its predictable routine to roll around.

The predictability of my weekends meant that I had no real thoughts about them. Weekends happened to me—I exercised little agency in putting them together. But then I graduated college. I moved to Budapest, Hungary with one close friend, a city where I had almost no other friends. I missed the predictability of my friend group, the easy role I had, the plans other people made for me. In Budapest, I was a primary school English teacher—a job that I loved but didn’t require all of my free time like being a student had. I worked barely 30 hours a week, an amount that my fellow teachers considered quite busy. “You shouldn’t have to work over the weekend at all,” they’d tell me. “Go enjoy your free time!”

But I couldn’t enjoy my free time. What the hell was I supposed to do with it?! Weekends were amorphous and depressing. I felt that I should do things that would be productive—laundry, grocery shopping, or jogging—but I couldn’t bring myself to do them. I wanted to have weekends that appeared wildly fun and full of European adventure, but at the same time, I wanted weekends that felt restful. Should I make plans? Should I relax? The only times I ever left the apartment were times my roommate Kate came up with plans for us, bringing me to wine bars and art festivals. Left to my own devices, I barely left my bed. I watched TV and read voraciously, often waiting until Monday and its predictable routine to roll around. When I got to school on Monday morning, other teachers would ask me what I did all weekend. What kind of young person mischief did I get up to? Had I visited any new restaurants? Did I go to any clubs? “No,” I’d always say. “I really just stayed around here.”

Weekends might be the background for the film, but they’re also what makes the relationship possible.

It was colored by these questions—by my depressive and depressing weekends—that I rewatched When Harry Met Sally for the first time in years. On a particularly gray November Sunday night, Kate found it on Netflix and suggested that we watch it together; the perfect fall movie. And as we watched, I realized that When Harry Met Sally was as preoccupied with the wide, free, and lightly depressing expanse of weekends as I was.

After all, once they reconnect, Harry and Sally spend most of their friendship hanging out in broad daylight. These scenes are not work lunches, happy hours, or dinners in the middle of the week. They spend very few nights out together. When Harry and Sally are together, time stretches on in scenes full of a wide slant of sunlight, never the rush that comes with meeting up during the workday. No—their friendship is one that takes place over the weekend, one of strolling and chatting, never hurrying. And Harry and Sally do the kinds of activities that adults in a city do on the weekend. They do cultural activities, wandering through the Met. They go out to lunch, help their friends move, go shopping, run errands. They catch up.

Weekends might be the background for the film, but they’re also what makes the relationship possible. Sure, When Harry Met Sally wants us to think that a scene at the Met is important because it’s the first time Harry asks Sally out. But if we can look past the plot of the film, we’ll see a relationship that unfolds over weekends. With Harry and Sally, weekends are an opportunity for connection, for catching up. I realized, in my tiny apartment in Budapest, holed up and lonely without the crush of schoolwork, that When Harry Met Sally was just as concerned with how to fill free time as I was. What would be a worthwhile way to spend a Saturday and Sunday was always changing for both Harry and Sally: after all, in the Met, their midday moment is the highlight of Harry’s weekend. But for Sally, it’s merely a quick stop on the way to bigger things. She has a date that night—and Harry spent their whole afternoon together trying to ask her out. They both leave that afternoon feeling differently. 

There’s no formula for a meaningful weekend. It’s just a feeling—sometimes you can catch it, and sometimes you can’t.

There’s no formula for a meaningful weekend. It’s just a feeling—sometimes you can catch it, and sometimes you can’t.

That year in Budapest, When Harry Met Sally gave me a framework for how to spend weekends, for getting out of my own head. What the film suggests is that it doesn’t matter what you do, really—it doesn’t even matter how good your fall fashion is. What can make your weekend meaningful is who you’re with. It’s not that Harry and Sally are models of how to spend a weekend, though their activities sometimes ring true with my plans. Rather, they let weekends happen—together. I find it oddly comforting that even movie characters look at the weekend and spend time coming up with plans that look awfully similar to mine. 

But here’s my disclaimer: I still kind of hate weekends. As a graduate student and writing instructor, it’s so easy to let my weekends fill to the brim with grading papers, revising my own work, meeting with students, prepping my classes for the next week. It’s comforting to be busy, to cross items off a to-do list instead of making plans. After all, there’s less to feel when you’re crushed with work. There’s predictability in not letting yourself decide. But contrast is what makes our lives—and work—meaningful. When Harry Met Sally looks at weekends and their long hours that are still somehow too short and wonders, just like I do, how to take a break and whom to take it with.

7 Lesser-Known Stoner Novels With Suggested Weed Pairings 

I’ve been lied to my entire life.”

Those were the words running through my head the first time I ever smoked weed. Wait, no … those were the words running through my head the first time I ever got stoned. The first time I ever smoked weed, I didn’t actually get stoned, which I understand is a common occurrence (or is it a common non-occurrence?). But the very next night, while sitting on a patio under a starless sky with a dozen or so friends at a café in Amsterdam, the glow of red lights somewhere nearby, I toked my second joint and almost immediately got stoned. And it was then that I realized that every person who had been imposed upon me as an authority figure during my adolescence had lied to me.

I thought back to the countless pastors who told the youth group at weeknight gatherings that marijuana would lead us down a path of sin and bacchanalian debauchery. Lie. (It wasn’t the weed that did that.)

I thought back to the overly-friendly police officer who visited my 5th-grade class every two weeks and dared us not to smoke pot because it was a “gateway” drug. Lie. (Well-intentioned as it may have been at the time.) He also told us that someone would try to give us weed for free to hook us for life. “The first one’s always free, that’s how they get ya,” he would say. Also a lie. (Nobody ever offered me free weed in middle school.)

I thought back to my somewhat confused high school Health teacher who, as I recall, at one point told us not to “inject” marijuana. (Well, actually, that one’s a truth—don’t do that.)

I thought back to all the times during college when I could have passed the dutchie with friends and enjoyed myself—cut loose a bit—but instead opted to abstain because I had believed all the lies. (I was a late bloomer. Oh well … all’s well that ends well, I suppose.)

What’s the point of this story, you ask? The point is that I needed a brief introduction to the shameless self-promotion of my forthcoming novel before giving you the clickbait you came here for. Now on with the self-promotion!

Twelve or so years after sitting outside that Amsterdam café, as I was writing what would become my debut novel, Ill Behavior, I reflected back on that very first body buzz and, with some inspiration from my 2nd-grade teacher (a story for another time), I memorialized the experience with the following passage:

“He brings the flame to the tip of the pipe and takes a hit to the dome, holding the smoke in his lungs before letting it out slow. Tiny THC soldiers deployed from the cerebellum march on  Fort Limbs, conquering flesh and leaving the battlefield euphoric and numb. HQ radios for reinforcements and once more [he] deploys the troops who forge into battle with arrogant gusto,  their eyes having seen the glory of the coming of the Lord and that place where the grapes of wrath are stored. Truth marches on. Glory fucking halleluiah.”

Who is the “he” in that passage, you ask? He is SOBR, a notorious Los Angeles graffiti writer who is wanted for a murder he did not commit, and so he sets out to clear his graffiti name of the murder with the help of his friend in the LAPD. You can follow him on his short odyssey now! Ill Behavior is being published by the extraordinary indie lit press CLASH Books, and is currently available for purchase on their website (ClashBooks.com), the Capitalist Rain Forest Website, and other places where books are sold.

And now, the main event! 7 lesser-known stoner novels with suggested pairings (legal states only, please).

The Fan Man by William Kotzwinkle 

This book was given to me by one of the folks in attendance at that Amsterdam café so many years ago, and it was my first foray into the lesser-known counterculture lit of the ‘60s and ‘70s. Nearly everyone reading this list has read Hunter S. Thompson or Thomas Pynchon, Richard Brautigan or Tom Robbins. But have you read Kotzwinkle? I hardly ever hear his name mentioned along with the others, and I never see The Fan Man on lists of this sort.  

The story follows Horse Badorties, a befuddled garbage hoarder, on a farcical adventure as he moves from pad to pad and acquires junk on the streets of New York circa 1970. A picaresque in the vein of its famous forebears (e.g., Don Quixote and Candide), the story is not remotely politically correct, nor is it for the faint of heart (or the clean-freaks). But as an installment of Fool’s Literature, is there something we can learn about the mid-20th century from  Kotzwinkle’s satire? Honestly, I don’t know—it’s been many years since I first read it, so I’ll have to revisit it again to answer that question. But the reason it’s a stoner novel, man, is due to the unique, sometimes jarring prose in the form of first-person stream-of-consciousness hippie-speak that resides in the mind of Mr. Badorties (who often refers to himself in the third person). It’s a style of writing that pushed the boundaries of literature for its time, and a style that stuck with me ever since I first turned its pages. And as I’ve just discovered that it was re-released in 2015 with an introduction by T.C. Boyle, l will indeed be revisiting this one again very soon. When I do, I’ll be pairing it with something of the indica or indica-dominant variety—Platinum OG or Girl Scout Cookies. And I think you should, too, man. Pack a bowl, take a rip, and enjoy the weird journey of The Fan Man, man. 

The Sellout by Paul Beatty 

This is certainly not a lesser-known novel, not at all. I mean, it won the Booker Prize (then called the Man Booker Prize) in 2016 for fuck’s sake. However, I like to think of it as a  lesser-known stoner novel. Why? Well, for starters, in the prologue (Oh, you skip the prologue?  Don’t. Don’t ever do that again.), we meet our protagonist who is standing trial in the United States Supreme Court. As he sits there, waiting for the pomp and circumstance to begin, he takes “the most glorious toke ever taken in the history of pot smoking,” right there on the floor of the U.S. Supreme Court, “getting high in the highest court of the land.”  

But it’s not just that this book opens up with an epic indo-indulging scene that makes it a stoner novel. It’s the entire spirit of the book—irreverent, absurd, enlightening. It’s written with the tone and humor that makes for a good stoner comedy flick. It tackles social issues with supersonic satire. And the writing is something special. Nearly each passage has something to chew on, be it the message or the comedy, the word choices or the flow of the sentences. And about that flow… wow! The prose is often rhythmic and urgent—like reading a hip-hop verse, or listening to slam poetry, which makes sense given Beatty’s background (1990 Grand Poetry Slam Champion). And, apparently, this book is not for squares—a quick glance at the reviews on Capitalist Rain Forrest Website will show you that it doesn’t resonate with everyone. I certainly don’t think you have to be a stoner to enjoy The Sellout, but I think most stoners will dig it. 

So, go buy this book, then get your hands on a sativa-dominant hybrid. Personally, I’d stuff my pipe with something like Pineapple Express or Jack Herer. Light up starting on the first page (of the prologue!) and let the high-speed writing take you on a memorable ride. 

Molloy by Samuel Beckett 

I list this book as a stoner novel, but not in the traditional sense. Some of the hallmarks of a stoner novel are certainly present here—a character living on the fringe of society, stream-of-consciousness life-questioning internal monologue, dark/absurdist humor, etc. But what pushes this book into non-traditional stoner novel territory is that the reader might actually need to be stoned to understand it. The plot, if one exists, is vague at best. Many scenes leave the sober mind wondering if a greater meaning, or some obvious symbolism, has been missed (or maybe I’m just dumb as shit). Each page makes you reflect on the author’s intent—in that, was there any intent at all? Maybe, maybe not … I have no clue. Perhaps when Beckett wrote  Molloy it was simply an exercise in letting his subconscious flow out onto the page without inhibition—the only intent being that the end result was something avant-garde? Or perhaps meaning abounds within its pages and I was too repressed, too literal in my reading to understand it? 

Reasonable minds may disagree on the book’s meaning (or lack of meaning), but two things are certain: 1. Molloy is a work of art, written at the hands of a master of his craft, and 2. as with all art, it can be thoroughly enjoyed (and possibly deciphered) while stoned. To tackle Molloy, which is a tough read, you’re gonna need to be focused and engaged, so we’re going full sativa for this one. Grab some Sour Diesel or Green Crack, load up your vape pen, and suck until you get thoroughly stoned… then maybe you’ll come to understand the stone-sucking sequence in the book (and if you do, please DM me).  

The Buddha of Suburbia by Hanif Kureishi 

Honestly, I’m not sure if this is such a well-known novel that I need to characterize it as a lesser-known stoner novel. It might be extremely popular (maybe even essential reading) on the other side of the pond and I’m just not aware of it. I mean, it did inspire a BBC series… with a soundtrack by David Bowie… so I have to think it has some presence among the Brits. But I think I can safely say it’s not a popular novel on the Yankee side of the pond… I’ve never seen it on any of these esteemed listicles… and I don’t recall having seen it referenced in any posts in the r/Books subreddit (longtime lurker here). I first picked up The Buddha of Suburbia just a few years ago when I randomly came across it on the shelves of my favorite used bookstore (an autographed copy, to boot!). And boy am I glad I did! 

We meet the protagonist, Karim Amir, as a late-teens/early-20s youth growing up in the 1970s suburbs of London and, eventually, the city itself (with a stint in Yankee-town, USA). His Indian father has become something of a mystic guru to the seekers of their boring suburb, which ultimately leads to the breakup of their family and sets Karim on the path to discovering himself.  

Throughout Karim’s journey, Kureishi navigates heavy themes—religion, racism,  immigration, sexuality, class, identity—with wit and empathy. Reportedly inspired by his own life, Kureishi’s portrait of what it was like for a mixed-race teenager living in 1970s suburban London, written through the lens of the 1980s, unfortunately rings all too familiar in the 2020s (on both sides of the pond, I’m sure). But Kureishi deftly captures that feeling of late-teen/young adulthood angst, and the journey of self-discovery and reinvention, of both the 1970s and the 1980s (and somehow also the 1990s)… which I proclaim in as much as I can imagine being a teen in the 1970s… I wasn’t alive yet (but I’ve seen Almost Famous!)… and I also wasn’t a teen in the 1980s (but I’ve seen all the John Hughes movies!). Maybe it’s just that the teenage/young-adult mode captured by Kureishi was similar for us Westerners raised between the inventions of the television and the smartphone. 

This book is hilarious, irreverent, insightful and deliciously subversive—the hallmarks of a great stoner novel. Oh, and very early on in the story, Karim has a grand revelation while using the loo after toking a joint. Ah, and our cast of characters partake of the legendary Thai sticks a few times throughout the story (more on those below). It’s just an added bonus that the title of the book contains a synonym for weed.  

I highly recommend you read this book—highly. Pair this one with your favorite edible—dosage of your choosing, but low enough so you don’t get lost on the page. Maybe throw on that Bowie soundtrack in the background, and prepare yourself to be amused by this delightful book that I’m so happy to have stumbled upon. 

Steppenwolf by Hermann Hesse 

Of all the books on this list, I think Steppenwolf most deserves the “stoner novel” moniker. The protagonist, Harry Haller (yes, you guessed it, a loner in the midst of an existential crisis who wanders around the city pondering life’s questions and his place in society), is contemplating suicide when he encounters a man on the street holding a sign advertising a night of “Anarchist Evening Entertainment” at a magic theater (groovy, baby!). The man gives Harry a treatise that inexplicably seems to be written about Harry’s very life. As the morose, uptight, disillusioned Harry seeks out more information on the magic theater, he meets Hermine, a woman who would ultimately save his life by getting him to loosen up a bit (a lot, actually). Hermine teaches Harry how to dance, introduces him to jazz and casual drug use, and gets him laid. More importantly, she convinces him that each of these conventions is a worthy endeavor in living a fulfilling life—that one must lighten up and not take things so seriously. In other words, “eat, drink and be merry” as someone famous once said (Dave Matthews?). When Harry finally makes it to The Magic Theater (not a spoiler), the ticket proclaims “For Madmen Only—Price of Admittance Your Mind” (hey MedMen, I think you’re missing out on some sort of marketing opportunity here) and that’s when the trippy stuff happens. 

This novel was clearly written under the fluorescent light of a lava lamp, inspired by the counterculture movement of the 1960s, right?  

Wrong.  

Steppenwolf was written in the 1920s. It was the counterculture movement of the 1960s (and beyond) that was inspired by Steppenwolf, and there’s no denying its influence. The Magic Theater Company founded in Berkeley in 1967, and the Steppenwolf Theater Company founded in Chicago in 1974—look them up, you’ll recognize some of the alumni. A book by Osho (I  assume you saw that documentary?) entitled “For Madmen Only: Price of Admission, Your Mind” published in 1979. Oh, and the band Steppenwolf formed in 1967—ever heard of ‘em? 

Steppenwolf is one of my favorite novels. If you haven’t read it, I hope you’ll consider doing so. If you’ve already read it, I hope you’ll consider reading it again… stoned. Get psychedelic with it. Pull up that MedMen app (guys, I’m trying real hard for you here—call me for other promotional opportunities) and order an eighth of OG Kush, maybe some 707, or LSD by Barney’s Farm. Tip your delivery person well. Then grind up that sticky icky icky, roll it in a blunt and dip it in the kief that’s been sitting at the bottom of your grinder for god-knows-how-long  (this is what you’ve been saving it for!). Or, you know, do some dabs… if that’s your thing (it’s not mine). 

The Orange Eats Creeps by Grace Krilanovich  

Much like Molloy, this novel doesn’t quite fit this list in the traditional sense. It would probably be better suited for a “Top 7 Lesser-Known Tweaker Novels” list, or a list of “What To Read While Sipping Purple Drank”, but I don’t think they let you write those lists (or maybe they do … Buzzfeed, hit me up). However, I’m including it here as a sort of challenge for the daring stoner.  

A little bit about the novel: Hobo vampire junkies. That’s all you really need to know. Hobo vampire junkies, who look and smell like crusty gutter punks, roam the Pacific Northwest knocking over pharmacies to score behind-the-counter drugs. To compare it to a few films, think  Drugstore Cowboy gives Twilight a Sucker Punch (the asylum scenes, not the fantasy scenes)… and Edward or whoever-the-fuck never shows up to protect you. As I remember it, The Orange Eats Creeps starts off with a fairly normal, linear plotline, but it soon breaks down into the non-linear madness of a drug-addled fever dream where the story has been highjacked and all that remains are the unreliable fragmented thoughts of our teenage narrator who’s lost her grip on reality as she tries to escape the clutches of a serial killer. 

Now, you’re probably wondering “Why is this a stoner novel? It doesn’t sound funny. And  it doesn’t sound enlightening.”  

Well, you’re right… it’s not.  

And it’s not.  

But it is a trip. And it is a stunning work of literary art… just as Beckett accomplished with Molloy… and others will draw comparisons to William S. Burroughs. With The Orange Eats Creeps, Krilanovich created a surreal experience that’s unique to her voice and worthy of high praise.

Here’s how I think you should treat this book as a stoner novel: Go out and get that strain of weed you absolutely hate because of how paranoid it makes you. If it’s a BOGO at your local dispensary, then you’re in luck! More to enhance the experience! Pack that bong and rip it as you’ve never ripped before. Then do it again. And again. Smoke all that BOGO and get to reading. Let the language sink into you. Let the foreboding sense of doom crawl into your bloodstream. Get lost on the page. Give in to the paranoia and see what comes out on the flip side… if you dare. 

Thai Stick: Surfers, Scammers, and the Untold History of the Marijuana Trade by Peter Maguire and Mike Ritter 

OK, so this is a non-fiction book, not a novel. Sue me. If you’re reading this online, it’s literally free for you to read, and if you’re reading it in print (omg, I’m in print?!) then you’re probably sitting in the lobby of your doctor’s office and you didn’t pay for this magazine/journal anyway. [Editor’s note: Electric Literature ended our print run a decade ago, so you will not be perusing our stories at your local dentist’s chair.] 

As responsible, conscientious stoners, I think it’s important for us to be aware of the history of the marijuana trade. The authors of Thai Stick have stitched together an incredible history of the Southern California/Southeast Asia pot trade of the ‘60s and ‘70s, which was largely carried out by globetrotting surfers and fearless watermen. For those who don’t know (I didn’t), a Thai stick was a popular form of weed packaging for shipment and distribution out of  Thailand—buds were skewered on bamboo sticks and wrapped tightly with a stringy fiber from the plant (sort of like weed kebabs). 

Primarily based on oral histories, this book is as fantastical as any fictional stoner novel. It’s an adventure on the high seas like you couldn’t imagine, and an eye-opening portrait of the  SoCal drug culture, particularly that of my birthplace, Orange County, California (apparently the OC wasn’t always just religious teetotalers … who knew?). Fair warning: A harrowing and sobering story about an encounter with the Khmer Rouge, replete with eerie photo evidence, will haunt you. But don’t fear, good times abound within. As with any good gangster story, you’ll root for the guys doing the crimes and you’ll bemoan their failures and ultimate capture. And when I first read the introduction to Thai Stick (introductions are like prologues—read them!), I felt like Peter Maguire had been channeling The Good Doctor himself when he wrote it. That alone was worth the price of admission, but it also set the tone for a riveting and, I dare say, important read. We must know our history and pay homage to those hidden heroes who helped shape an entire generation—those surfers in search of endless summers who happened upon the untamed business of pot to finance their utopian dream.  

And what should you pair this book with? Nothing. Read it stone-cold sober … out of respect for those who paved the way for you to get stoned today, many of them casualties in the futile, senseless, never-ending War on Drugs. 

Just kidding. They wouldn’t want that. 

Pick your favorite bud, or grab whatever flower you happen to have at the moment, and toke up!  As for me, I’m going in search of that very first body buzz I experienced while sitting outside a café in Amsterdam. I think it was Great White Shark … I can’t be certain, but I’ll soon find out. 

Stoner by John Williams 

Just kidding! 

Zen Cho on Writing Fantasy Inspired by Malaysian Chinese Folklore

Zen Cho has had a very, very productive year. 

In 2020, the world welcomed The Order of the Pure Moon Reflected in Water, a rollicking wuxia novella that turns history (and the laws of gravity) on its head. Just a year later, we get Black Water Sister, an intricate family drama disguised as a spooky, supernatural romp across Penang, Malaysia. And, soon after, an expanded reissue of Spirits Abroad, a 2014 blockbuster story collection featuring tales of uneasy coexistence between spirits, humans and everything in between, as well as the Hugo Award-winning novelette, If At First You Don’t Succeed, Try, Try Again

Cho sets her stories in a variety of backdrops, blending small, domestic magics with a distinctly Southeast Asian flavor. Humming underneath her fantastical worlds is Cho’s deft skill with weaving complex human relationships and her characters’ pursuits to become more themselves. In “First Witch of Damansara,” the opening story in Spirits Abroad, the main character with a “mind like a high-tech blender” comes to terms with her lesser inheritance in a magical family. 

Frequently, characters in her books hover on the margins, falling short of what is expected of them: humans tumble into love with the uncanny, girls are isolated by cruel uncles and long-dead aunts, an immigrant is caught between her past and future, while a would-be dragon grapples with its failure to ascend. 

Often, those who fail uncover a new way of being, while others succumb to the seductive lure of magic’s potential to repair, as in “The Fishbowl,” where a girl makes a bad bargain with a carnivorous fish. But magic in Cho’s fantasies is very rarely the solution—usually, it’s the problem—which is why so many of her characters struggle with the knowledge that fitting in has a personal cost. 

Over video call, we discuss her books Black Water Sister and Spirits Abroad, the domestic mundanity of the magical worlds she’s built, why she doesn’t believe in ghosts (though they almost definitely believe in her), and choosing who you want to be. 


Samantha Cheh: When I first read the first version of your Spirits Abroad collection years ago, the magical elements were what drew me in. Looking back at them now, I’m struck by how domestic these stories are. 

Zen Cho: Partly why Spirits Abroad has got such a domestic focus is that I basically used to draw quite a lot from my own life and experience. I was writing this in my mid-20s, and I would say I had a very sheltered childhood, but part of it is also that I’ve just always been interested in domestic stories: small scale, set amongst a particular community with their own dynamics and tensions. 

I’ve just always been interested in domestic stories: small scale, set amongst a particular community with their own dynamics and tensions.

Then there’s the fantasy elements of the genres I grew up reading. I was inspired quite a lot by these great British children’s fantasists like Edith Nesbit, Diana Wynne Jones. Their children’s books tended to have a domestic setting —it’s mundane fantasy that’s very rooted in the everyday world. That was the kind of fantasy I like reading, so it was the kind of fantasy I was writing 

You know, with the stories of Spirits Abroad, I found my voice. I see it as almost a lifelong project to combine the books that I loved growing up—mostly British books, with some Americans and Canadians—and my own experiences growing up in Malaysia, and our local culture. In Spirits Abroad, you can almost pick them off: that’s my orang bunian story, that’s my orang minyak story, that’s my pontianak story. I was going through all these local myths and folklore, thinking what can I do with that? It’s interesting because I think Black Water Sister is really the first time that I’ve been able to kind of express very similar themes, but in a novel form.

SC:  A lot of your work is actually very literary—I know we make a lot of bones about this term, but it’s pretty clear that most genre fiction relies on plot for a backbone. But something like Black Water Sister, if you just take out the fact that Jess is being possessed by her dead grandmother, what you would essentially get is a family drama. 

ZC: One very depressing reading of Black Water Sister could be that she’s just imagining all of it. I think it’s actually written in such a way that you could just about take that interpretation. Although I do read literary fiction and often enjoy it, one reason why I’m not a literary fiction writer is that I quite like a happy ending. Literary fiction writers can say what they want, but it is a genre convention that those books don’t have happy endings. If it does have a happy ending, that’s unusual. 

Commercial and genre fiction are different. Obviously, there are books with sad endings, but ultimately, commercial fiction is all about delivering a pleasurable experience, which is what I’m more interested in as a writer and a reader. It’s quite hard for me to say precisely what it is that fantasy gives me, but one way of thinking about it is that it unlocks my imagination. It gives me a sense of freedom to explore the ideas that I want to explore. 

I think it’s that distance from reality that I’m often seeking, maybe because my idea of literature, my idea of books, was something that was completely removed from real life. For me, there was a really big gap between my real life and what I was reading in books, and my work tries to kind of reconcile and bring them together. 

At the same time, I really like the sense that this is a world that’s completely separate from ours. Genre often helps create that distance, whether it’s fantasy, historical, or romance. Romance takes place in a different emotional world, even if its plot takes place in what’s purportedly our world. To some extent, this is true of all literature: it’s kind of all in its own created world, but that distance just kind of feels right to me in a way.

SC: In both Black Water Sister and The Order of the Pure Moon Reflected in Water, there is a sense of the characters being very in tune with the magical world, and living close with the supernatural to the point of mundanity. Is that quality connected to your love for the work of British fantasists like Jones and Nesbit? 

ZC: I’ve never consciously drawn that link between those British fantasists and what I think inspires my more mundane books, but I think of Black Water Sister and Spirits Abroad as drawing on a Malaysian—or I guess to be specific, Chinese Malaysian—culture, where there’s very much a sense of the supernatural being just part of everyday life. 

SC: Just out of curiosity, do you believe in ghosts and all that? 

ZC: No, not really no. Maybe that’s why I find it quite interesting, quite charming. I’m very easily scared of horror films, not necessarily because I think it’s gonna happen, but there’s a space of doubt. I always say that my attitude to spirits is I don’t believe in them, but I’m just a bit worried they don’t care whether I believe in them or not. There’s just like that tiny, tiny doubt.

SC: Living in Southeast Asia, that doubt feels pretty inescapable, I’d say. This sense that there is always something kind of hovering just beyond your periphery. 

ZC: I would say most of my family and friends from Malaysia believe in spirits. My best friend was really shocked to find out relatively recently that I don’t. How can you write that stuff if you don’t believe? I said I can only write that stuff cause I don’t believe, because if I believe I’d be too scared, right?

SC: Correct, cause then you’ll summon dunno what, right?

ZC: Right, right, correct!

SC: In Black Water Sister, you encounter the supernatural in the form of Datuk Kongs and possessive spirits, but you also depict things like trances, which are considered religious practices. When you witness them in real life, it can be quite shocking and it becomes easy to feel how close the supernatural feels to us. I think for Western readers, there’s a sense that these things are just fictional, but as someone who grew up here, these are things that are actually very familiar or I’ve encountered in my actual life. 

ZC: With Black Water Sister, I actually watched YouTube videos of mediums going into trances for research, and I have to say that stuff is pretty spooky. When I told a lot of my Asian friends I was doing this, one of them was like eh, you’re not scared if you’re watching you’ll get possessed? I was like, well I wasn’t scared until now! [laughs] Obviously, on some level, I don’t really believe it’s going to happen, otherwise, I wouldn’t do it! 

That said, writing stories that don’t include that magical element feels fake in a way. It’s like pretending there’s a world that doesn’t have these kinds of beliefs and occurrences in them. I do sometimes actually say in interviews that my work gets categorized as fantasy, but I’m very conscious that a lot of the time, I am writing about things that people actually believe in. Of course, I give it my own twist, but ultimately, if you’re writing about things that people believe in as though they are true, is that really fantasy? I don’t know. 

I think it’s absolutely fine to write about like Chinese gods or whatever in this very mythological way, as a pure story, but at the same time, I always want it to kind of come off as something that is potentially real, even if you’re a skeptic. It’s partly a matter of respect, but it’s more a kind of realism. Being true to the emotional reality of living in Southeast Asia and living in that culture and having that kind of mindset.

SC: Your stories seem to look for a balance between the realistic and the fantastic, each varying by degrees. Do you see your stories as needing more realism with magic kind of thrown in, or are they more magical stories with big doses of realism? 

ZC: I think the thing is that when I start writing something, there’s not a clear line for me between real and unreal. Obviously, in real life there is, but in fiction there isn’t, really. It feels very natural to me to kind of go from a mode of fantastical to less fantastical, or whatever. I don’t really understand writers who don’t do that, because it’s just how my brain works. 

What interests me is the extent to which fantasy can literalize emotion. In that recent Harry Potter film, Fantastic Beasts, I remember a scene towards the end when the magicians go in to fix everything destroyed in New York. Narratively, that’s a complete cheat because magic should always make things more complicated, but what struck me about it was that it was such a great visual representation of the power of fantasy. This idea of repair made concrete.  

I can see how it comes out in my work. There’s the wish fulfillment fantasy of having a direct connection with the past and the ability to communicate seamlessly with your forebears. It feels quite significant to me, for example, that in the “House of Aunts” (in Spirits Abroad), one of the aunts is actually Ah Lee’s great grandmother who she would never have known in her life, and Jess in Black Water Sister was estranged from Ah Mah until she starts talking to her in her head. My parents brought us up speaking English, which meant I couldn’t really communicate with my grandparents because they spoke dialect. In a way, it’s quite a personal fantasy that you can have this kind of connection with the older generation through magic.

SC: What was really interesting is that though a lot of your characters are slightly displaced from their worlds, they retain this very strong awareness of what their place in it should be. They’re characters in limbo, Jess especially, but also the protagonists in “Odette” and “The Fishbowl.” They are keenly aware of their place in the world, of where they’re supposed to exist, but they cannot quite seem to inhabit those kinds of spaces properly. 

ZC: If you grew up in Malaysia, you can kind of have that experience even if you never leave the country. I grew up in an English-speaking family—that already makes you kind of unusual, because the majority of the Chinese Malaysian population primarily speaks dialect or Mandarin. If you’re English speaking, then you’re a minority in the media you consume. And then in Malaysia, you’re also like a minority but like a different kind of minority, right? At the same time, you can live in neighborhoods that are majority Chinese, you can go to schools that are majority Chinese, you can end up working in a workplace that is majority Chinese. Then you also have this awareness of a wider world— I’m thinking of Hong Kong, China, Taiwan—where you are a dominant group but not the dominant group, right? 

In Malaysia, there’s such strong pressures and ideas around what it means to be Chinese.

Mentally, I’ve always had this sense of displacement or disjunction, and a kind of clarity about what I should be but just wasn’t. I spent a lot of my time living in fictional worlds as a child, that’s something that’s always been kind of part of my own self-conception. 

But also, I guess, my background and life experiences all contributed to that because I moved around a lot as a kid. We lived in America for a couple of years then came back to Malaysia, but then my parents decided to send me to Chinese vernacular school because they thought it would be challenging for me. I didn’t speak any Mandarin okay! It was one of the worst experiences of my life. No shade on my classmates or whatever, but it’s just not a friendly experience.

SC:  Oh, it’s horrible.

ZC: Yeah, the pedagogical approach is not nurturing, let’s put it that way.

SC: Recently, I found out that in one of the schools, they label the classes as literally hao (good), zhong (middle) and chor (bad), and I was just like, are you serious? 

Zen Cho: Straight up! It makes sense to me. My first day in Chinese school, I was sitting there and the teacher who taught English asked me: Can you speak Mandarin? No. Oh, well can you speak Malay? No. She’s like, What are you doing here then? Then I was thinking, I’m eight years old. I don’t get to choose where I go!

It’s interesting because, in Malaysia, there’s such strong pressures and ideas around what it means to be Chinese. There’s a lot of language shaming—if you speak English, you’re not really Chinese, I got quite a lot of that from the adults in my life. There’s this kind of specific insecurity that comes from being Chinese in Malaysia, which pushed me to engage with the idea of who I should be? Who am I? Who am I not? The kinds of ways in which you fall short of that ideal of whatever it is you’re supposed to be, and being able to reconcile with it. 

My attitude is I choose to be who I am, and this is just the way I am. So if I’m banana, I’m banana!… Like, whose idea of Chineseness am I living up to?

My attitude is I choose to be who I am, and this is just the way I am. So if I’m banana, I’m banana! I don’t have space in my life to get better at Mandarin right now. Like, whose idea of Chineseness am I living up to? Actually if you think about it, Mandarin was not the first language of any of my grandparents, they all would have spoken dialect as their first language. My maternal grandmother was Peranakan as well, so all her brothers went to English school. A lot of that experience has fed into my thinking about identity and having quite a strong sense of that. 

SC: I think you definitely see it a lot with Jess in Black Water Sister, and to some extent, Byam in your novelette “If You First You Don’t Succeed.” These characters don’t quite live on the margins, but they’re constantly narrating to themselves: I am supposed to do this, and this is what is expected of me but because of whatever is wrong or off about me.

ZC: One thing that I’ve noticed as well in my work is that I have this sense that it’s fine to be that way. If you think of the imugi Byam in “If At First You Don’t Succeed,” it lives as something that it is not, and there is something wrong with that state because they should be a dragon. Byam doesn’t use a proper name or pronouns either because it doesn’t necessarily think of itself as a full kind of being. In a later sequel, when Byam has ascended, I use the pronoun “they” because now that they’re a dragon, they get to use a human pronoun. They obviously merited a human pronoun before, but that’s just kind of how they felt about themselves—that this was as good as it was gonna get and all they deserved.

I do write characters where ultimately you get to choose who you are. In True Queen, for example, Muna, the main character, accidentally gets split up from her other half, but she ends up choosing to stay who she is. Quite a lot of my characters have multiple names, and they get to kind of choose who they are that’s legitimate.

Every Ship Gets to Be a Submarine Once

Ships in the Desert

For Joe and Jake

As a child, I never understood why forty years in the desert was God’s punishment for his chosen people. A three-hour hike through Joshua trees changed me. Everything here wants to kill you, he said. I like that. Desert lavender, dry riverbeds, jumbo rock piles. They don’t need us. The yuccas, the pancake pear cactus, the aggressive honeybees just want their water, and they don’t need much of it. Truth is, the desert has more plants than we thought. We sail the ocean tomorrow, to see the sun sink directly into the waters of the Pacific, to feel ocean wind on bare skin, to smell salt. These are different ways of saying the same thing. Every ship gets to be a submarine once.

The Waterer

It’s a short slip

into the tsunami of the past. 
Past the wishing wells 





			and the restaurants and the church formulas 
	
that never quite added up to release. 

I would protect the fig tree outside of my first school. 



A galaxy of sharp branches 
	and honey-like liqueur from fruit
that has begun to leak from its base. 

Honestly, I’m happy to sacrifice 
	

	the space necessary



for such a memory, especially when most are catch and release. 

Incandescent glow on my brother’s lips 
		as he raised a fig to a cry of no tomorrow! 




and was grown and underway with the U.S. Navy, 
sailing the world in a submarine that operated 








on caffeine and epinephrine, 
	before the cataracts of goodbye 



blinded us to the water.

[And the fig he had held between his thumb and forefinger 
Like a stupid cigar dropped to the ground.]




To the weight of the water. 
		To the idea that Adam and Eve 
were seduced by figs, not apples. 



		To water a fig tree is the best armor

for the past, and if you know 

what you’re doing, sometimes, a plastic watering can will hold an ocean. 

7 Postcolonial Novels Reckoning with Change in Africa

Africa is an amazing continent with a rich history. So much of that history exists in the oral traditions and local customs of people on the continent; though much of Africa’s history is understood by many in the West from the gaze of colonization. In order to reckon with the complexities of this very important continent—a continent that is the cradle of humanity—we must understand Africa from a post-colonial vantage point. In using the term post-colonial, I am referring to the effects and legacy that colonialism had on the African continent. This legacy is what many works of fiction explore in their examination of African life in the 20th and 21st centuries. 

God of Mercy by Okezie Nwoka

I attempted to write a postcolonial novel in my debut God of Mercy. In the novel, there is a village called Ichulu that has completely evaded the influences of modernity and colonization. Ichulu has remained the same: no traditions have been broken; no customs have been changed; everything is as it has always been remembered to be. That is until the protagonist, Ijeọma, begins to fly and the very foundations of the village become uprooted. In God of Mercy, the postcolonial state of flux is in rapid motion and characters have to choose which side they belong to: that of tradition, that of modernity, or that of obscurity.

The following novels are pieces of art that delve into the postcolonial vis-à-vis Africa and are truly wonderful reads:

Butterfly Burning by Yvonne Vera

This beautiful novel is set in 1940s Bulawayo (a city in then Rhodesia, now known as Zimbabwe) and follows the story of Phephelaphi Dube, a young woman who falls in love and ends up in troubling relationship. This novel is written in verse with most of its lines feeling like works of poetry. This book explores the nature of city life during Zimbabwe’s colonial era and is unrelenting in its exposition of the main characters.

Arrow of God by Chinua Achebe

So most people know Chinua Achebe for his debut novel Things Fall Apart, but  there is another novel that is filled with robust storytelling about postcolonial Africa. Arrow of God follows the life of Ezeulu, the chief priest of the village of Umuaro. Ezeulu is in conflict with the colonial officer Mr. T.K. Winterbottom who arrests him for turning down a position with the colonial establishment. The consequence is that Ezeulu cannot perform his duties as chief priest for the New Yam Festival and the village cannot eat the harvested yam. This novel is rich in its exploration of belief and explores the limits of traditionalism in the colonial landscape. 

House of Stone by Novuyo Tshuma

House of Stone is an exhilarating novel that explores modern life in Zimbabwe through the eyes of Abednego, Agnes, Bukhosi, and Zamani. Bukhosi goes missing and the other characters struggle to find him—though not without Zamani taking advantage of Agnes and Abednego. This is a story that explores the history of Zimbabwe from its historical beginnings as Rhodesia into the present day. It’s a novel that explores Africa’s history beyond its colonist past by interrogating the complex lives of its amazing characters. 

Foreign Gods Inc by Okey Ndibe

This story is one to remember. Okey Ndibe’s Foreign Gods Inc is about Ike, a cab driver from Nigeria who lives in New York City. Ikey has attended an elite university in the United States, but things don’t pan out for him and he is unable to land a fitting job. In order to make money, Ike plans to return to his Igbo village and steal his village deity so as to sell the statue to art collectors in New York. This novel is harrowing in its treatment of Ike and says much about the treatment of African artifacts in the postcolonial world. It is an extraordinary read and will delight any reader seeking to learn more about the lives of African people in diaspora. 

The Fishermen by Chigozie Obioma

The Fishermen is an extraordinary debut by Igbo writer Chigozie Obioma. The novel follows the life of Ben and his three brothers: Ikenna, Boja, and Obembe. It also focuses on a river that was once deified but due to the village’s conversion to Christianity, the river is now believed to be evil. This story is about vengeance, losing loved ones, and the love of family. It grapples with the postcolonial because it discusses the ways in which Christianity has disrupted the traditions of the village and has caused its inhabitants to forge new beliefs about their world with some characters resisting that change like the madman Abulu. This novel is an extraordinary read and is highly recommended to readers looking to explore the tragedies of family life in postcolonial Africa. 

We Need New Names by NoViolet Bulwayo

This is my third novel coming out of Zimbabwe. What can I say? I love my Zim writers! We Need New Names is a fantastic novel that follows the life of Darling, a young girl living in Zimbabwe. She spends most of her time hanging out with friends and taking care of her father who is sick with AIDS. After living in Zimbabwe, she moves to Michigan and has to learn to adapt to American life. I love this novel because it explores two vastly different settings through the eyes of a child––one that embodies postcolonial Africa through her modern sensibilities. We Need New Names is for any reader looking to explore the hardships of postcolonial life in Africa.  

Wizard of the Crow by Ngugi wa Thiong’o

This brilliant story takes place in a fictitious African country after independence has been achieved. Wizard of the Crow follows the life of the leader of the Free Republic of Abuiria: a man who is ruling for personal gain and in a corrupt manner, hurting the common citizen of his nation. This novel serves as an allegory for many of the real African countries that suffered at the hands of despots during the early days of post-colonialism and reminds its reader of the many dangers of a corrupt government leader. Wizard of the Crow is for the reader seeking to learn about the growing pains that Africa experienced early on in its post-colonial days. 

Who Keeps Your Secrets?

When you were younger, how did you handle your family’s secrets? Did you share them with others or keep them to yourself? Did you revel in acknowledging how much privilege you had with this information or did you hold them over the ones you loved? 

While reading Bisi Adjapon’s debut novel, The Teller of Secrets, I found myself asking these questions and reflecting on my own sensibilities from childhood. I remember snooping through my sisters’ text messages with their friends and listening in on my parents’ conversations about our close relatives. I was a reticent child growing up, yet I craved the idea of knowing and keeping secrets that were only reserved for a handful of ears; I wanted to understand why people made the decisions they did. 

Naturally, I related to Adjapon’s fierce and percipient protagonist, Esi Agyekum. Not because we are both children of Ghanaian descent, but because Esi, when we first meet her, is a child full of questions. Throughout this novel, she tries to parse together her father’s infidelity, her stepmother’s rigidness, and her own ever-changing identity whether she’s at home or at school. Esi’s prudence only grows as she gets older and this journey—with the background of Ghana’s political upheaval—brings to light what it means to move through the world as someone who is unapologetically vocal, hungry for knowledge, and a woman. However, Esi soon learns that burgeoning into womanhood doesn’t come without a price.

The Teller of Secrets is a profound testament to Adjapon’s ability to write a sharp, feminist narrative with a deftly crafted woman at the heart of its pages. I had the opportunity to speak to Bisi Adjapon about the way society’s double standard continues to relegate women to such unfathomable expectations, even today. 


Kukuwa Ashun: The protagonist of this novel, Esi, is such a keen and vibrant young girl from the first moment we see her—which is when she’s witnessing her father’s infidelity from a hotel room in Accra. As Esi navigates life at school and home, we see the way her mindset towards family, love, and womanhood shift as she grows older. Can you tell me what it meant for you to explore these themes in Esi’s story as a coming-of-age narrative? 

Bisi Adjapon: I’ve always been fascinated by the way women are treated in Ghana. If you’ve been around any Ghanaian family, when there are guests around, the women are in the kitchen bustling around while the men relax in the sitting room just waiting to be served. For me, as somebody who had big sisters and brothers who grew up in a different generation, they used to tell me, “You have no idea how lucky you are. When we were young, this is how life was for us.” But even then, I saw this big gap between how boys were raised and how girls were raised. Girls are trained to be good wives because there’s always this thing hanging over your head, that you must aspire to get married. When you do have a husband, the success of the marriage depends on you. The man is like this ultimate prize, the glory that you have to win. Not only do you do everything to win him, but you must do everything you can to keep him. That didn’t sit well with me. If the man is something to achieve, if the husband is the glory to acquire, then that suggests that you, as a woman, are inferior; you’re less of a human being. 

I’m a parent myself, so I’ve had to think about what it means to raise a girl. When boys are growing up, does anybody tell them that they better learn how to do xyz, or their wives will leave them? Every child should be trained to be worthy of being kept, regardless of gender. That’s something that I was interested in. I thought I would set Esi on a journey by marking all the different ages in her life. Obviously, the formative years are more important. I spent a lot more time in Esi’s early years because that is when ideas are introduced without the child’s awareness. When clay is soft, you can mold it, so you start to see all the different traumas that help Esi transform into the woman she ultimately becomes. Somewhere along the line, she hits a crossroad and has to decide where to go from there. Her father, her family, society—they are all part of shaping and molding Esi into who she becomes.

KA: Do you think this double standard has shifted in recent years?

BA: A little, but not enough. People still have those expectations, no doubt about it. I remember sitting at a table with a group of friends when Megan Markle got married. Everybody talked about how lucky she was that a whole prince married a woman who was older and divorced. Had it been the man who was older and divorced, there would be no problem with it! Recently, I attended a traditional marriage where the officiant said, “If you’re a woman and you’re still not married, don’t be worried, it will happen to you.” She literally said, “Your glory is coming.” Then she started singing this gospel song that goes, I’m trading my shame for the glory of the Lord. Lord almighty!

KA: In the novel, Esi attends three different schools before going to University. Can you talk about your decision in portraying these institutions across these different stages of her life?

BA: The honest truth is that these are schools I became familiar with, and I was fascinated by their differences. You’ve got this mixed elementary school where children interact freely with one another, but then you get to the middle school which is a boarding school. The minute you leave elementary school, teachers make sure you are molded into society’s ideal woman. Usually these boarding schools are not mixed. I guess it’s easier to plan a curriculum for the whole school where they have all girls learning how to sew, bake pineapple upside-down cakes, how to weed—all different things. I was fascinated by this.

I had a big sister who went to a middle school, and the minute she entered, it was baking, cooking, and all that. Not that there is anything wrong with it per se, because food is great, and everybody should learn how to cook. But these activities superseded academics, unlike in the secondary school. Wesley Girls was different. I went there, and it was a wonderful experience, so I wanted to show a different side. Yes, Wesley Girls had the obligatory cooking and sewing classes, but the greater emphasis was on academics. They were studying to be engineers, pilots, doctors, writers, and lawyers. I wanted to show that.

KA: And it seems like Esi also has more freedom when she’s in boarding school. There’s also a deeper intimacy between her classmates since they all live there.

If the man is something to achieve, if the husband is the glory to acquire, then that suggests that you, as a woman, are inferior; you’re less of a human being.

BA: Absolutely. Being in an all-girls school is such a great thing for girls—for me, personally. When I was in the U. S., I taught in Christian and public high schools. But especially in the private, Christian schools, I noticed that the girls were more reluctant to raise their hands and answer questions. These same girls in elementary school were bright, high achievers, ready to take over the class. However, the minute their hormones kicked in, many girls became instantly coy. They thought they were supposed to be demure, and they were unwilling to raise their hands or appear overly intelligent. They wanted to be cool, and that was a shame. I liked the idea of a school that allowed these students to just explore anything that they wanted to. In Wesley Girls, there were students learning to play the cello, the piano, or the flute. They were doing athletics. They were involved in science competitions and beating the boys. For years––even now––they pride themselves on being one of the best academic schools. I really like that.

KA: Speaking of community, in Esi’s home life, she’s around these women who contribute to her growth in different ways. I think about the differences between her family in Ghana and her family in Nigeria. I’d love to hear more about how you wanted to explore her growth through the women she grew up around.

BA: I don’t know that I thought consciously about it, but I observe life around me. I’m half Nigerian, and I used to travel a lot to Nigeria. I had Nigerian relatives and I saw how they were. I must say that there are just as many feisty women in Ghana as in Nigeria. There is the belief, for instance, that Asante women are professionally independent. Even illiterate women are out there on the street or in the market, hustling, trading, selling food, doing their utmost to earn a living. I just chose to place Esi in a Ghanaian family where the stepmother was rather subservient and didn’t have a voice.

I patterned her Nigerian aunties after the feisty Nigerian women that I knew—who were actually a lot like Asante women of Ghana. So it’s not that Ghanaian women are not strong. Esi had to have two distinct families. I wanted her to be able to see what was possible. If her sisters and her stepmother were subjugated, I wanted to show that there were different types of women who were, while married, pursuing their own career. There’s the auntie who’s a businesswoman and another that’s going to university. It’s possible to have both and I thought it’d be fun to do it in two different countries. 

KA: Something that’s prevalent in literature is the bond between mother and daughter, but here it feels like the focus centers on the father-daughter relationship and expectations. What drew you to writing about the nuances in Esi’s relationship to Papa? 

BA: I think that father-daughter relationship, and the relationship between mother and son, are very important. The father, or the mother, serves almost as a model for what you’re going to encounter later in life. And there is always this yearning to please one’s parent.

 Politics is all around us and it affects how we view ourselves, how the course of our lives changes.

For some reason, girls tend to adore their fathers and sons tend to adore their mothers. There’s a lot of tenderness between fathers and daughters. When you have a father who is like a model for a man, when that father is telling you to go for your dreams, and then start to switch when puberty hits, it can be heartbreaking. Parenting is tough. You enjoy your daughter and then one day you blink and you think, wait a minute, what happened to my little girl? Oh my God, she’s a woman. Men are going to notice her. So, do I lock her up and keep her safe? How do I protect her? Fathers want to protect their daughters. In that protection, the father is now shifting and looking at things not from his point of view, but from society’s point of view. How are people going to receive my daughter? Not all parents do this, but Esi’s father represents a lot of fathers whose perspectives shift. 

My own father, for instance, was very supportive and always willing to let me try anything. But I think that for most men, the minute the daughter becomes a woman, fear sets. You want to also make sure your daughter fits in and is loved. And actually, it’s detrimental. If you do everything in your power to be liked, you end up destroying yourself. The good thing is that Esi manages somehow to find her own way. But it’s not easy. 

KA: I noticed how flawlessly you inserted these moments of political unrest that happen not only in Ghana but in Nigeria, too. How important was it to blend Esi’s Nigerian and Ghanaian roots, along with these political moments, throughout the novel?

BA: Everything is political, right? Certain life decisions are made because of politics. For instance, Esi decides to go to Nigeria but has to go through Togo because there is dispute between Ghana and Togo. Why is there a dispute between Ghana and Togo? Because of the coup. So politics is all around us and it affects how we view ourselves, how the course of our lives changes. In childhood, Esi clings to her father. Is he going to disappear like the fathers who disappeared during the Nkrumah regime?

Initially, I resisted politics because I resent the fact that when Africans write books, it’s almost as if you have to write about politics. I was not in the least interested in politics, but a lot of stuff came out through my research. For instance, it came as a shock to me when I stumbled onto the fact that women were blamed for shortages in Ghana during the military regime. I thought, wait a minute, women traders were at the bottom of the supply chain! Since I was writing a feminist novel, I decided to weave it in. To do that, I had to tackle how politics affected women. Politics gave context.

How “Candyman” Fails Black Women and Femmes

Candyman is based on many influences, the first being Clive Barker’s short story “The Forbidden,” featured in the fifth volume of his Books of Blood horror story collection. Set in Liverpool, England, Candyman is a superintendent for low-income housing. The protagonist, Helen Lyle, encounters him while conducting research on urban folklore. The second influence is the urban legend of the hook hand, and the third influence is another urban legend in which one says “Bloody Mary” five times into a mirror. But how can we forget the most infamous of influences, the real life death of Ruthie Mae McCoy, a mentally ill Black woman living alone in South Side Chicago in the ABLA Housing Project

Aged 52, McCoy called the cops to report an attempted home invasion that resulted in a damaged medicine cabinet. The police were dispatched under the less urgent “disturbance with a neighbor” report, as opposed to robbery, which might explain why no officers had arrived by 9:05 p.m. By then, two more calls had been placed in reference to McCoy’s apartment—this time reporting the sound of gunshots. Four police officers arrived around 9:10 p.m. They called McCoy; there was no answer. They borrowed a key from the project office, but it did not work. Neighbors said that McCoy always answered her door. Unable to access the apartment, the police left. Over the next two days, officials debated when and how to enter the apartment. McCoy was found when the lock was finally drilled off of her door. Ruthie Mae McCoy was a victim of institutional violence and police brutality—via neglect.

Ruthie Mae McCoy was a victim of institutional violence and police brutality—via neglect.

We have contemporary examples of Black women falling victim to police violence, many of whom run the full gamut of mental health. Deborah Danner was 66 when she was shot by the NYPD in 2018. Shukri Ali Said was 36 when she died of injuries from police contact in 2018 in Seattle. Charleena Lyles was 30 years old when she was shot in Seattle by police in 2017. Aura Rosser was 40 years old when she was shot by police in Ann Arbor, Michigan in 2014. Pamela Turner was 44 when she was shot in Texas by police in 2019. Muhlaysia Booker was murdered at age 23 in 2019. Devin-Norelle reported in them. Magazine in 2020 the deaths of six Black trans women in nine days. We, hopefully, know and remember the names Sandra Bland and Breonna Taylor.

In both the Candyman of 1992 and the Candyman of 2021, the narrative presence of Black women seems more a functional reality than a portrayal with deep investment, in spite of Ruthie Mae McCoy’s very real death, for instance, a fact upon which both films’ lineage depends. But what of the one dimensional rendering of Black women and femmes in these very same films? In the Candyman of 2021, Black women experience the violence of losing Black men, but intimate human bonds between these women are never given proper representation.

The forgettable relationship that America has with Black women is in Candyman itself, but there is a particular scene that truly made me shift uncomfortably in my seat as a viewer, one that made an acute imprint, long as a finger, on my heart. Anthony McCoy’s (Yahya Abdul-Mateen II) eyes gleam like an oiled razor edge as he realizes that the mysterious serial murders that have taken place in the upscale Chicago art gallery during an exhibition in which his art is included will bring exposure to that floundering artwork. An uncanny smile pops onto McCoy’s face as he utters, “Say his name.” I sat there, gob-smacked by the blatant erasure of Black women and femme experiences at the intersection of state and intimate partner violence. Jordan Peele and Nia Da Costa abducted a specific phrase meant to highlight and address the violences experienced by Black women and femmes, SAY HER NAME, and repurposed it, erasing a real political call that we continue to yell in the protracted wake of zero charges for the state-sanctioned murder of Breonna Taylor.

I sat there gob-smacked by the blatant erasure of Black women and femme experiences at the intersection of state and intimate partner violence.

The 1992 Candyman reintroduces the white woman character, Helen Lyle (Virginia Madsen), from Barker’s short story and refashions her as a PhD student in Chicago, working with her African American fellow PhD student and friend Bernadette Walsh (Kasi Lemmons), on research into urban legends. When Lyle hears from an African American custodial worker, Kitty Culver (Sarina C. Grant), about the urban legend of Candyman circulating in the Cabrini-Greene projects, she convinces Walsh—who consistently tries to persuade her not to visit “the ghetto”—to conduct research in the housing project. The project is rendered as a hot bed of delinquency and crime, rife with predatory Black men and besieged by, predatory, if not equally, Black women. Lyle meets and interviews Anne-Marie McCoy (Vanessa Williams) as she cares for her infant, Anthony (Lanesha Martin). As Lyle investigates the suspicious murder based on the Ruthie Mae McCoy story, she encounters the Candyman, brought to life by Tony Todd. 

Candyman’s origin story goes like this: Robitaille, an African American portraitist from the late 19th century, fell in love with a rich white businessman’s daughter whom he was commissioned to paint. Upon the business man learning that Robitaille had impregnated his daughter, he and a white mob chopped Robitaille’s dominant hand from his body, allowing bees to sting him to death on the land where the Cabrini-Greene projects will be built. In an ill-defined romantic and horror-driven connection, Robitaille aka Candyman dispatches everyone in Lyle’s world. Lyle is blamed for the murders and the disappearance of Anthony McCoy, who by the end of the film, she saves for his Black mother. She drags him out of a bonfire in which Candyman has entrapped the child.

In 2021, the film attempts to correct some of the more controversial aspects of the original movie. Anthony McCoy is now grown, working as a career visual artist while living with his curator partner Brianna Cartwright in new condos built over a portion of the former Cabrini-Greene projects. The film begins with McCoy and Cartwright enjoying their upwardly mobile lifestyle. In this continuance of the story, we do not see the project housing outside of the memories of William Burke (Colman Domingo), we do not see Black women as custodial workers who only appear to move the plot along and then disappear, undifferentiated, back into the ghetto. As McCoy learns of Candyman from Burke, he ventures into the dilapidated and abandoned projects hoping to take photographs that will inspire work for an upcoming group show at Cartwright’s gallery. The subsequent work is received poorly by a critic, the same critic that McCoy later confronts during a private meeting, the same meeting where he says “Say his name.”

Brianna Cartwright is written to be the opposite of McCoy’s mother. Their dichotomy portrays a scale of Black womanhood along respectability signaling. She is educated, well-spoken, upper middle class, white collar, straight, not a mother. She suffers from the specter of her father’s suicide. Aside from Brianna’s relationship with Black men, she does not have the backstory that McCoy is afforded. Her existence via Freudian heterosexism clips her ability to have a more pronounced stake in the film. 

Aside from Brianna’s relationship with Black men, she does not have the backstory that McCoy is afforded.

Anne-Marie McCoy, Anthony McCoy’s mother who appears in Candyman (1992), is reprised in a solitary scene between mother and son where an unspoken conflict manages to take center stage. From the beginning of the movie, McCoy has a strained relationship with his mother, represented only through missed phone calls. Her crime? Not having told him that he’s the baby rescued from Candyman. The other Black women necessary to the Candyman urban legend (Kasi Lemmons as Bernadette “Bernie” Walsh; Barbara Alston as Henrietta; Sarina C. Grant as Kitty Culver) only appear on the recording that McCoy finds in library archives belonging to Helen Lyle. 

Even the presence of Brianna’s brother, Troy Cartwright, falls flat. Cartwright and his partner Grady Smith (Kyle Kaminsky) provide comic levity, but do not seem attached to any community of their own. Troy’s most engaging scene is when he accompanies Brianna to gather her things after McCoy has gone off the rails with his impending possession. It’s a moment of sibling solidarity, and momentarily reveals a rich dynamic between them. It is this mirroring construct—the attempt to respond by only representing the opposite—that revives restricted depictions of Black women (and Black people in general): either trapped in the ghetto or successful capitalists; either failed mothers or mothers not at all; either in opposition to white heteropatriarchal standards, or fitting into those standards and being targets for brutality anyway.

The movie ends with Brianna Cartwright cowering in the abandoned projects, holding Anthony McCoy—whose possession by Candyman is almost complete. The cops arrive, storming their location, shooting immediately. The next scene shows McCoy’s body across the room and Brianna unscathed, a confusing narrative choice that further misrepresents Black women’s encounters with state institutions.

While we don’t know the specific aspects of how this new script was produced, or what sorts of edits were made, or what pressures Nia DaCosta, the film’s director, may have been under, we do know that the tendency to render the Black woman invisible is common for Jordan Peele. In Get Out, there is not one nuanced representation of a Black woman. Chris Washington’s (Daniel Kaluuya) mother is never physically embodied, save for his dreams where she is represented as a deer; she is also a drug addict, one of the only intimate details we learn about her. Washington’s mother never appears in the film to represent herself; she is an ill-defined specter that is mostly defined by her drug abuse. Georgina (Betty Gabriel) is locked in her psychologically possessed state, no agency, no motivation outside of fear; Chris Washington hits her with his car in an effort to escape. Detective LaToya (Erika Alexander) refuses to believe Chris and his friend Rod Williams (Lil Rel Howey), leaving them to their fates. In Us, Red/Adelaide (Lupita Nyong’o) shoulders the near entirety of the destruction of the world she occupies, while being characterized by the same respectability that defines Brianna Cartwright. Peele seems incapable of writing a genuine, humanized Black woman, and this flaw remains a cornerstone of his work. If the writers, producers, and director were looking to build an accurate vision of violence against Black men, it’s impossible to do so without a nuanced and complicated portrayal of state violence against Black women, femmes, and queer people. They deserve a more substantial tie-in than just romantic relationships. 

Peele seems incapable of writing a genuine, humanized Black woman, and this flaw remains a cornerstone of his work.

The logics of race and binary gender are not challenged or broken down, they are reinforced. The extremes of respectable or not, of man or woman, of white or Black, accomplished or not (by late capitalist standards) are held firmly in place. Black representation is restricted, most of all for the Black women/femme characters represented in the movie. By now the works of Audre Lorde, Pat Parker, Barbara Smith, Denise Ferreira da Silva, Saidiya Hartman, Hortense Spillers, Katherine McKittrick, Kara Keeling, Riley C. Snorton, Sylvia Wynter, and so many others have given us viable blueprints and words so that collectively, our society can understand and express Black women’s realities while also challenging their present and gathering the tools to build a new future.

In the end, I am left with what ifs: What if Anne-Marie McCoy was the protagonist? What if Brianna became Candyman? What if the niece of Bernadette Walsh had become an artist? What if the gay couple played by Nathan Stewart Jarrett and Kyle Kaminsky were not an ancillary diversity couple, entirely unnecessary to the plot? What if the Black women from the original Candyman were purposefully reprised and we began with Black women? Surely, beginning with us can also do the political and social work that the 2021 Candyman aspired to do. There is an audience out there—myself among them—of Black women collectively calling for help; Black women of all experiences just walking home, defending themselves from institutional and intimate violence; Black women of all experiences wanting to be themselves, wanting to be safe, wanting to be seen. Some would argue that the lack of attention to state and intimate violence and death in the lives of Black women and femmes is because of their low percentage compared to the deaths of Black men due to police brutality. But those same deaths are often preceded by serial violences and invisibilities that are perpetrated or exacerbated by state and intimate violence. This erodes stability for the people Black women and femmes often care for, and injects further vulnerability into communities that Black women and femmes hold up. In the case of 2021’s Candyman, the material risk of our lives—our narrow representation, our invisibility—becomes reinforced in our imaginations, along with everyone else’s. The shape of the film is made by the negative space manifested in dropped storylines that could have centered Black women, rather than erasing our struggles with state and intimate violence.

Around the World in 8 Novels

Literary translators are the often overlooked heroes of literature. As an Egyptian who is not as fluent in Arabic as I am in English, there are novels written about my homeland that I wouldn’t have been able to read and finish if they had not been translated into English, not least of which are the works of the great Naguib Mahfouz. 

Though I read translated novels frequently, as a result of globalization, there’s an increasing number of novels written in English about cultures from around the world, most of them penned by a bilingual local author. Such novels are different from literary translations, but they are a joy of their own. For one, the reader gets to witness the author doing a sort of translation themself: translating the local language, dialogue, culture into English despite the sometimes quite limited reach of the language. This is something I did with my own novel, Cairo Circles. The English is also oftentimes different from the English of native speakers, not in terms of quality, but diction, cadence, and even sentence structure, which is a thing to celebrate. As Chinua Achebe wrote in The African Writer and the English language: “Can [the African writer] ever learn to use English like a native speaker? I should say, I hope not. It is neither necessary nor desirable for him to do so.”

I seek out such novels and enjoy reading them just as I do with translated works, so here are eight novels from around the world written in English.

Iran

Then the Fish Swallowed Him by Amir Ahmadi Arian

Set in a present-day Iran prison, Arian’s first novel in English is a brilliant portrait of the way injustice, oppression, and dictatorship can be so brutal and merciless that it causes us to turn on ourselves.

South Korea

If I Had Your Face by Frances Cha

If I Had Your Face by Frances Cha

While Cha’s debut novel offers a grim and disturbing look into the inequality, consumerism, and impossible beauty standards that four women in modern South Korea are subject to, it has just as much to say about the importance of friendship and love in the face of such forces.

Lebanon

De Niro’s Game by Rawi Hage

Hage’s novel follows a young man’s experience of Lebanon’s civil war (1975-1990) with writing that is so intimate and honest—it leaves you regretting the war yourself, though you had nothing to do with it.

Ethiopia

Beneath the Lion’s Gaze by Maaza Mengiste

Mengiste’s debut novel is a brilliant exploration of the way family, love, and friendship can be challenged, tested, and forever changed by political upheaval and instability.

The Dominican Republic

In the Time of the Butterflies by Julia Alvarez

Set during the waning years of the Trujillo dictatorship in the Dominican Republic, Alvarez’s novel follows the story of four revolutionary sisters whose courage comes at great expense, though you never get the sense that it wasn’t worth it.

India

The Color of Our Sky by Amita Trasi

This incredibly imaginative debut novel follows Mukta, the child of a prostitute in Mumbai, and Tara, a young woman who’s never known poverty. It forces the reader to reconsider the romanticized notions we have about destiny and points them to all the ways it can be used to justify injustice.

Cuba

Dreaming in Cuban by Cristina García

Dreaming in Cuban by Cristina Garcia

This dreamy and magical novel follows several generations of a Cuban family divided by the Cuban revolution. Though it leaves the reader nostalgic and lamenting what might have been, it does well in capturing the nuance and beauty of 20th-century Cuba. 

Nigeria

The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives by Lola Shoneyin

Set in modern-day Nigeria, this debut presents the most delicious, entertaining, and deeply human portrait of polygamy in the developing world that I’ve ever come across—and I’ve consumed my fair share.

Proust Had His Madeleines and I My Doritos

Hotel Seattle

In college, Paul would buy a fiesta-sized bag of Doritos on Sunday after Mass and lie stomach down on his bed with his textbooks and notebooks propped up against his pillow and do all his work for the week ahead. He didn’t stand up for hours at a time. A cup of coffee and a bag of Doritos was all he needed. Our dorm beds made an L in the room. Every Sunday I could look at his body for as long as I wanted.

We were best friends because we were roommates. I never deluded myself that he would have chosen me otherwise. Socially we balanced each other out. He was the guy who came into the room and everyone was relieved. I made people deeply uneasy, myself most of all. If we hadn’t shared a room I would have been one of those guys on our hall that got a nod from him in the stairwell, maybe a bit of banter at the sink shaving, but no two a.m. arguments about transubstantiation or Bret Easton Ellis.

You grow up Catholic (Mass, CCD, youth camps) with six brothers, a megalomaniac father, and a mother who is on her knees in prayer whenever you try to find her, it’s hard to scrape through all the voodoo layers to recognize you’re gay. “Sexual urges,” Father Corcoran used to say through the permanent crust of his lips, “are the maggots at the feast.” We learned to zap our urges the minute we felt them. And homosexual urges got snuffed even quicker, before they made it to the brain. They left a mark, though. I knew I was off somehow. For a long time I thought it was just religion I needed to flush out. That the girl in my arms was just not the right girl. I tried another and another. So many willing girls. And none of them quite right.

But on Sundays in college, with hours to trail my eyes up and down the length of Paul, who was quite narrow, with small, compact muscles in his calves, and little fins for shoulder blades, the unearthing began. Proust had his madeleines and I my Doritos. Even now I can stick my nose into a bag of them and travel swiftly back to our corner room, the New England gloom and what felt at the time like a great tangle of feeling but was merely a boyish lust.

Without question, Paul was straight. He dated Marion Kelley freshman year, Ellie Sullivan, Bridgett Pappas, and Cheryl Lynch sophomore year, Lori Duff sophomore summer and straight up until the winter formal of senior year where he met Gail McNamara, the very worst of the whole hit parade, whom he married two springs after we graduated, in 1987.

“I’m sorry you’re not my best man. My mother made me choose Joe.” Joe was the meanest of his brothers. “Otherwise he wouldn’t have come home.” He was fastening a yellow rose to my lapel in the basement of the church.

“Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.” I was drunk from lunch. I was nervous. I had had sex—real sex— with a man for the first time a few weeks earlier. I knew I was gay. Finally. I could say it to myself without feeling nauseated. I also knew Paul was marrying the wrong person, knew every complaint he’d ever had about Gail. She treated him like an employee; she didn’t always smell good; she was moody, irrational, not always honest, and used sex as a bargaining chip. I waited for him to crack, to beg me to help him bolt. We still had fifteen minutes before the ceremony.

“Are you sure about this?” I said finally.

“Yes. I’ve pinned on six of these already.”

“No.”

“Am I sure I want to get married?”

“To Gail.”

He laughed. “I’m extremely sure.”

A car of bridesmaids had pulled up. Their ankles and hemlines were at eyelevel through the small windows.

He wasn’t even twenty-four. I said, “It’s like you’ve walked into an enormous shop and chosen the first little tchotchke on the table.”

He laughed. He had an amazing patience with people, even drunk people trying to derail his life at the last minute. “Gail is not a tchotchke. And she’s about to be my wife.” He was devastating in his gray suit. A black line went down the outside of the leg and I wanted to touch it, trace it. I wanted to lift the coattail and have one last glimpse of the bum I looked at so primly, so reluctantly, the longing strangled deep inside me, for four years of Sundays. But now was not the time to tell my best friend I was gay and wanted him. Now was the time to climb the basement stairs, to stand in a dark hallway, give him a dry, maidenly hug, and wish him Godspeed.


I told Paul last. First I told my mother (she said she’d tell my father herself, but I don’t think she ever did), and then I told my brothers, one by one, in an elaborate fashion involving a letter and a gift and a surreptitious meeting in the telephone closet beneath the stairs one Christmas that will be mocked forevermore. Pssssst, is all one brother has to say to another, pointing to an imaginary telephone closet (my parents are both dead now, the house sold) and everyone is practically peeing their pants. For Paul I had no letter or gift or telephone closet. We used to meet a few times a year when his work brought him to Boston, or mine brought me to New York, but I couldn’t do it in person. He called me up one night (he was usually the one to call, late at night, some awful music on in the background) and when he’d gone on too long about his kid’s strep throat, I blurted it out. “By the way I’m gay.”

He surprised me. He took it badly. He was silent, then grunted out a few measly sentences about being glad to have been told, and got off the phone. He never called back. I lost him, just like that.


I got out of New England. I went to Seattle with my boyfriend Steve. I had been about to break up with Steve, but then he told me about a possible transfer to the West Coast. He was my first real boyfriend, and he’d been so generous and tender, helping to peel back all my prickly layers of fear and self-loathing, but I felt like it was time to move on, see what else was on offer. Moving, resettling, making new friends, reconfiguring routes to coffee shops, bookstores, restaurants, clubs—all that can delay the end of a relationship indefinitely. We were still in that stage, our third year in Seattle, when Paul called.

Steve answered. We didn’t have Caller ID then, so phone calls were still a mystery. Steve started flapping his arm immediately, waving me up off the couch with huge sweeps while carrying on in a flat placid voice, saying “Yeah, I think he’s here somewhere. Unless he fell off the balcony into the neighbors’ weed.” Steve loved that we overlooked an illegal garden. He told it to everyone we met. “I hope you’re not a cop,” he added before covering the receiver with his palm and mouthing the words Paul Donovan over and over. Steve and I had been together eight years by then and though I’d tried to downplay my attraction to my college roommate, it was clear to me now that I’d hidden nothing.

During that whole short conversation, Steve was leaping from sofa to sofa, a mockery, a parody of my slamming heart.

Paul was coming to Seattle on business. He’d run into my brother Sean at a Red Sox game and he’d mentioned I was living out there. Did I want to have a drink next Tuesday night?

I went through the motions of checking the calendar and coming back to tell him I could get free.

He suggested 7:30 at his hotel.

“Great. I’ll put it right on the calendar,” I said, not knowing what was coming out of my mouth and Steve still hopping around me.

“You and your calendar,” Paul laughed, as if this were a thing he’d known about me for years. “You won’t remember?”


On Tuesday night I left Steve pouting in the apartment. He couldn’t understand why he couldn’t come along, or at least meet us for dessert.

“We’re having a drink, not dinner.”

“Then let me meet you for the last drink.”

“The last drink might be the first drink.”

“Then let me just go to the bar, pretend to run into you. I don’t have to be your boyfriend. I can be a coworker. I can be your masseuse.”

“Like I want him to think I have a masseuse. It’s bad enough I’m gay.”

Steve shut his eyes and shook his head. “All the years your therapist and I have put in to deprogramming you and it just doesn’t make a dent, does it?.”

“It’s bad enough to Paul that I’m gay. It ruined our friendship.”

He ruined the friendship.”

“Yes. Goodbye.” I kissed him on the lips, which he liked—we weren’t doing a whole lot of that lately. He held onto me and I let him, knowing that it increased the chances that he wouldn’t follow me.


Paul was at the bar, elbows on the counter, looking over the bartender’s head at a ballgame on the flat screen.

“This place is like a morgue.”

He turned to look at me. “Welcome to my world. Hotel bars and conference rooms.”

He was middle-aged. His hair had retreated toward his crown, his shoulders had fattened and curled in. We didn’t shake hands. I didn’t want to. I busied myself with my jacket, made an unnecessary fuss about where to put it, and came slowly back to the chair beside him. It was anger that was making my heart thrash. I was still angry at him. Whether it was because he had dropped me or because he was no longer a god on earth but a middle-aged salesman, I did not know.

“But I like places like this,” he said, shaking the ice in his glass. “Everyone drifting in from everywhere, from nowhere. Look at the woman in the corner. God, what is going to happen to her tonight?”

“A man in white polyester pants is going to walk in and spot her.”

“The entertainment.” He nodded to the corner, where there was a small stage with just a microphone on a stand.

“And he can just tell how good she’d be in duet.”

“‘I remember when,” he began, falsetto. “You couldn’t wait to love me.’”

“’Used to hate to leave me.’” I couldn’t help it.

“’Now after lovin’ me late at night.’” We laughed. He could still hit the high notes.All the nights we’d sat on our beds with a beer and let our minds wander together like this. It wasn’t like talking. It was effortless. Desultorating, I used to call it. Could he just slip back into that without an apology? Would I let him?

“Or,” I said, “you could just go over there and fuck her yourself.”

His eyebrows twitched down and quickly up. He wasn’t going to show me his surprise at my bitterness. “I could indeed.” He drained his drink. I felt him trying to think of something witty to add. At that moment, I felt like he couldn’t have a thought or an impulse I couldn’t anticipate.

“Do you travel for work?’ he asked.

“No. Never.” He didn’t know what I did. “Clearly you do.”

“Not as much as they want me to. It’s not worth the battles at home when I come back.

Gail is such a bean counter. A trip like this and I lose any possibility of an hour to myself for the next three weekends.”

I didn’t want to hear about Gail. I had given him the chance to defect. “So what do you do with an hour to yourself?”

“I don’t know. It’s all hypothetical. There is no free time. We’ve got three kids and a fixer-upper we never fixed up so I’m just managing the chaos dawn to dusk. Hardware store, pharmacy, soccer game. Repeat.”

The bartender finally noticed me and came over. We knew each other from a party but neither of us acknowledged it and it created a tension Paul picked up on.

“What was that about?”

“What?”

“That little,” he rubbed his fingers together, “frisson.”

“There was no frisson.”

“There was a frisson. I know a frisson when I feel one.”

“You might have felt a frisson. I was just ordering a Campari.”

“A Campari. Is that some sort of code?”

“Code for what?”

“You know, a way to tell the bartender you’re gay.”

I stood up.

“Sit down,” he said, in a bored stentorian voice he must use with his kids.

“You owe me an apology, not further insult.”

I saw his face flinch into an imitation and then flatten back out. I wondered if he did that to his kids, mimic them, the way my father had mimicked me. It was the first time I’d recognized the similarity between Paul and my father.

I should have left then.

But he said, “I do owe you an apology.” And I sat, to wait for it.


We moved to a booth for dinner. We didn’t switch to wine. He stayed with his single malts on the rocks and I moved to flavored martinis. Neither of us had been very committed drinkers in college so the steady rate of his drink orders surprised me, as did my own insistence on keeping up with him. I had the sense that we were hurrying somewhere, having to get in our last meal and our last drink before we went, though for the longest time, idiot that I was, I didn’t know where we were going.

We desulterated through the appetizers, horrible crab clusters covered in some sort of bark and fried to black. They inspired thoughts on food in New England—he lived in Cincinnati now—and between the two of us we recalled nearly every dish at the Boston College dining hall: the Welsh rarebit, the American chop suey, the pink sponge cake.

The waiter brought the entrees: osso bucco, grilled salmon. I was full, buzzed, tired. My initial nervousness had collapsed into a heavy fatigue, laced with fear. I couldn’t understand the fear, though I knew it had to do with the change in him. But I was used to changes. One of my brothers had recently lost over 200 pounds, two close friends had had sex changes, and my mother, after my father’s death, returned to college and became a large animal veterinarian. On her website she was listed as a stud service specialist. All Paul had done was become beefier and disillusioned—who hadn’t?

“After you called that time, and told me, you know, what you told me,” he said, and I didn’t correct him about who had called whom, which was hard for me because I like people to tell stories accurately, “I must have spent a year just sifting through every memory I had of us. Shit, we went camping. We shared that fold-out couch at my mom’s apartment, showers, bathrooms. You had girlfriends! That little Carla or Carlie who was so in love with you. And that other one, began with a B. And didn’t you have something going with Anna at my wedding? God, when I told Gail she was like, No shit Sherlock, but I tell you, I never saw it. You are one good performance artist.”

“I wasn’t acting. It took me a long time to put the pieces together.”

“Oh, come on. That’s bullshit. Everyone knows. You know it when you’re six years old. You know if you’re thinking I want to fuck her or I want to fuck him.”

“You thought about fucking when you were six years old?”

“Damn straight. Miss Carlyle. Tight brown skirt.”

“You knew what fucking was when you were six years old?”

“I knew Mrs. Caryle and my penis had something going on. I knew that.”

“Well, my penis didn’t have anything going on with anyone until I was twenty-three.”

“That is just not true. You had girlfriends.”

“They were friends I made out with.”

“You never slept with any of them?”

“No. And I never pretended to.”

“I just assumed.”

“I wasn’t like you.”

And now I figure out why I’m scared. I’m scared he’s going to ask me if I wanted to sleep with him back then. And I know I won’t lie. And I know that will truly be the end for us.

“And now you sleep only with men?”

“Yes. One man at a time.”

“You never had a ménage?”

Why do straight men love to ask this? “Not really.”

“Not really?”

“Well, Steve and I once invited this guy up. We really thought we were going to do it with him, but then he took off his pants and he had this really flabby bum. He was a pretty slender guy with this white jelly bum and Steve and I could not stop laughing and he got mad— understandably—and left.” Steve called it the big flabby fanny fiasco. We still could get laughing until our stomachs ached about it.

If Steve were here he could tell the story of that night so well no one would be able to breathe. But Paul didn’t think my version was funny. “Is it better, sex with men?”

I laughed. “It is for me.”

“I mean, sex is kind of athletic. I’m just wondering. I’ve kind of been thinking about this for a while. I mean. Women are always complaining about getting hurt, you know?”

“You mean emotionally?”

“No, physically. I mean sex hurts them.”

“Really?”

“I mean, just when you get really into it they tell you it hurts.”

“Really?” I didn’t think there was much about any kind of sex that I didn’t know about by now, but this news surprised me.

“I don’t think I’ve ever had sex with Gail without her saying ouch like fifty times. I just wonder if with men it’s different.”

“Maybe it is. Some people are rougher than others.”

“Are you rough?”

I realized he was leaning halfway across the table; his knuckles were touching my plate and his eyes, his watery drunk green eyes were all over me.

“Yes, kind of.” It was the martinis talking.

“I already know what your penis looks like.”

“And I yours.” I said, trying for lightness and missing. The penis he’d mentioned was suddenly rock hard.

“I want to.”

“Paul,” I said.

He stood up, signaled to the waiter to put it on his tab, and nearly pushed me to the elevator. When it came we got in alone, and as soon as the doors closed he was at me—mouth, stubble, osso bucco breath. I am kissing Paul, I am kissing Paul. His name rang through me like a cathedral bell. He pressed me hard against the brass handrail, his hands reaching for my fly and then the elevator dinged, and he was on the other side of the box and looking like he’d never seen me in his life. But no one was on the seventh floor when the doors opened. He put out his arm for me to step out first and then he shoved me against the elevator opening and when the doors tried to shut they bumped against my back over and over, pushing me into him. He was at me like an animal, biting my nipples through my shirt, shoving, thrusting, as if he’d gotten a hold of a piece of meat too enormous to know what to do with.

“Paul.” I took his face in my hands and held it in front of mine. “Slow down, baby. Let’s get to the room.”

He seemed unable to make eye contact, but fished in his pocket for the key and led me down the hallway.

I stood in the center of the navy blue room as he locked and bolted and chained the door. I could hear him breathing. “You know, I think we need to take a few steps back here.”

He didn’t seem to register that I had spoken. He took off his shirt with one paw reaching behind his back and yanking up while the other fumbled with belt and zipper. His penis shot straight out at me and he was still breathing noisily but smiling now, proud of his erection, looking at me for the first time since we’d left the restaurant, as if he expected praise for what it could do.

“Lie down,” he growled.

I sat on the bed. “I’d really like—”

“On your stomach.”

“Paul, I’m not doing this.”

Again his face flinched. Then he walked over and leaned down and kissed me, long and slow and gorgeous, just the way I knew he could, just the way he’d kissed all those girls I was so jealous of. But even as he was doing it, even as my own erection returned and my insides spun around, I knew he was placating me, giving me what I wanted but what he really had no interest in giving or receiving. And when he had weakened me enough, he flipped me over and yanked down my pants (they were Steve’s jeans and slightly too big for me) without undoing them.

How many times that night did I try to make contact, beg him to slow down, to stop? He would not stop. When it was over, my body rang in pain. Paul passed out instantly and I lay there waiting for the strength to get up, to return like this to Steve. It never came. I woke up to the sound of the shower. I was sore everywhere. My legs and stomach had dark red bruises. I found it hard to roll over. “You sound just like Gail,” he’d grumbled at one point when I complained about the pain. Is this how Gail felt in the morning? Is this what he did to her, or was it what he thought men did to each other, or was it simply what he did to me, to punish me?

The shower stopped. The faucet ran. The tap of a razor against the sink.

When he opened the door his face was drained of color.

“Morning,” I said sweetly, mockingly, the contented lover beneath the sheets.

He seemed not to be able to come in the room. “Do you have AIDS?”

“What?”

“I need you to tell me the truth. Are you HIV positive?”

“No.”

“How do you know?”

“I’ve been tested plenty of times.”

“Like when? When was the last time?”

“I don’t know. Three years ago.” It’d been more like five.

“Three years ago. Jesus Christ. Three years ago. I have a wife and kids. Fuck! I cannot fucking believe this.” He went to the closet, unzipped a garment bag, and pulled a black suit and a striped tie off the hanger.

“Steve and I are monogamous.”

He snorted. “Oh yeah. I can see that. Is he as monogamous as you?”

“Paul—this was obviously. This was the first. I’ve never—”

“I heard Steve on the phone yesterday. He seemed up for a fuck. Face it, guys, straight, queer, they fuck when they get the chance. And gay guys get a disease for doing it. And you know who’s going to pay for it? My wife and my kids. You better fucking get out of that bed and go get yourself tested and send me the fucking results. Here, I’ll get you a card and you can send it to my office. You hear me?” He was rummaging around in his briefcase which was on top of his suitcase. “What the fuck!” And he tipped the whole thing over, briefcase, suitcase, stand. They crashed against a little round table that held a small vase of tulips and when the table didn’t quite fall he pushed that over too. Slowly I moved toward my clothes.

“I thought you guys were supposed to wear condoms.”

“I wouldn’t say I had a whole lot of choice about that last night.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that your train was going into the station and there was nothing I could do to stop it.”

Then his pale blue face knotted to one side. I’d never seen him cry. It never occurred to me Paul could cry. He stood there with a white towel wrapped around his thick waist, his hairless fat chest heaving, and his face all crumpled like a dirty napkin.

I continued to dress. Every movement hurt in some way. He wanted me to comfort him, to acknowledge his strange premature straight man’s middle age crisis. Maybe he even wanted to have sex again.

I unchained and unbolted the door, and left. The corridor was silent. The elevator ascended, opened, accepted my weight with only a slight sag. It dropped with a swift, gentle sigh to the lobby.

In a red leather chair by the revolving door, Steve was sleeping. I nudged his knee with my knee and his eyes opened and I watched them find the whole story in my face. He was older than me, and wise as God. He walked beside me, very slowly, as slowly as you can imagine walking, out onto the street, over to Pike, and all the way back home.

Here’s The Story Behind Alan Moore’s Epic Graphic Novel That Never Was

It was just a rumor, but a persistent one. Whispers in the halls of the DC Comics offices; buzz among fans as they gathered at annual conventions. That the legendary Alan Moore, writer and creator of From Hell and V for Vendetta, had written another masterpiece, something no one had ever seen. They’d heard it would be like Watchmen, only even better. More of Moore: his trademark noir style, novelistic storytelling, violence and grit, and playful intertextual games. Whatever it was, this mystery project would change comics forever—that is, if it actually existed.

For the better part of the late 80s, all comics fans knew was the name: Twilight of the Superheroes.

Then, in the early 90s, someone anonymously posted a file on the still-new internet: TwilightOfTheSuperheroes_djvu.txt.

It began like this:

Twilight of the Superheroes

The Interminable Ramble

An unpublished series proposal for DC Comics by Alan Moore

Was this real? Some clever forgery? The lengthy document went on to lay out a deliriously complicated story, seen by Moore as his follow-up to Watchmen. It would be a complicated crossover of DC’s biggest franchise titles: Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, and dozens and dozens more, in a dark and twisted saga, set in a ruined future. A saga that would end in total annihilation. In fact, the “interminable ramble” spelled out the deaths of nearly every single beloved DC character.

 But why? And how? And would it ever come to pass?

How long would everyone be left “Waiting for Twilight”?


According to one biographer, Alan Moore was the first British graphic novelist to “do prominent work” in America. By the mid-1980s, his gritty style had successfully reinvigorated some of DC Comics’ biggest franchises with one-off stories like Batman: The Killing Joke and What Ever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?  His fans bragged they’d been following him since he’d started on Swamp Thing. Others claimed they’d known his stuff since even earlier, obscure comics in UK sci-fi magazines like 2000 AD and Warrior, and other underground zines before that.

According to one biographer, Alan Moore was the first British graphic novelist to “do prominent work” in America.

Moore was born in 1953 in the poor, working-class neighborhood known as The Boroughs in Northampton. He’d read voraciously as a boy, wolfing down literary classics and issues of The Fantastic Four side-by-side. He hated school and loved LSD, the latter soon leading to his expulsion from the former. He’d later claim that his headmaster called all the other schools to warn them against admitting Moore, who would be “a danger to the moral well-being” of the other students. (A charge that Moore conceded as being “possibly true.”)

While working a series of blue-collar jobs, Moore began writing his own comics under punny pseudonyms like “Curt Vile” and “Jill de Ray.” Eventually he got hired as a writer for comics in bigger British science fiction magazines, bringing his off-brand of dark humor to series like “D.R. and Quinch” which he’s described as being like “Dennis the Menace but giving him thermonuclear capacity.” He seemed to bring an irreverent, apocalyptic, punk aesthetic to everything he touched. Eventually Moore was hired to write for DC Comics in America.

He seemed to bring an irreverent, apocalyptic, punk aesthetic to everything he touched.

According to Paul Levitz, a DC writer in the 1970s and 80s who later became the company’s president and publisher, by the early 1980s the industry was facing huge changes, and as a result smart, edgy writers like Moore were in high demand.

In the introduction to a new anthology, DC through the ’80s: The End of Eras, Levitz writes, “Comics were dying […] the newsstands of America, which had been comics’ home for so long, were fading away […]  the kids who had been the primary audience for comics, were watching more television […] the country was becoming more suburban […] the mom-and-pop retailers who used to be hospitable to comics racks were being replaced by chain stores […] they were getting too expensive (50 cents an issue!). Maybe the stories just weren’t as good as they used to be.”

As comics left the main streets, they moved into specialty shops where they met a far smaller, but dedicated fanbase. The customers weren’t city kids anymore, but suburban young adults, who could get to the comic bookstore without needing a ride from mom or dad. They could spend more, and they liked tracking specific artists and writers they enjoyed.

This is the origin story for the classic 80s/90s “comic book fan”—young men aged 16-24 who’d grown up on lite versions of Superman and Batman but were now ready for something full-flavored. More sophisticated storylines, more graphic sexual and violent content, heroes with deeper flaws, villains whose evil deeds were rooted in more sympathetic motives. And before long the halls of DC Comics began to be flooded by writers who felt the same way, sending the old guard heading for the exits.

Alan Moore arrived at the tail end of what’s now known as the “Bronze Age of Comic Books.” (This period, from about 1970-1985, follows the prior “Silver Age” which spans back to 1956. The “Golden Age” then, covers everything else, back to the original 1938 Action Comics.)

What is now known as the “Modern Age” began with something totally new—a “maxiseries” called Crisis on Infinite Earths.

What is now known as the “Modern Age” began with something totally new—a “maxiseries” called Crisis on Infinite Earths. This was a massive storyline involving characters crossing over from what had previously been individual series—something that had not been done before then. In such an “event”, a unifying story plays out inside of many separate series. A plotline beginning in Batman: Detective Comics, might continue inside of Superman: The Man of Steel, or Justice League. This forced readers to stray outside of their favorite series, giving a Wonder Woman fan something new to discuss with a Swamp Thing reader, for instance. This kind of cross-pollination would prove vital in expanding comics readership, and it could also be used in another way: mass extinction.

DC Comics faced a sizable problem. Over the decades, the various characters in all the different DC Comics: Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, etc., had existed in largely separate universes. There were team-up series, like Justice League, where a bunch of heroes joined forces to battle a bigger and badder foe—but those events would not really impact the plots going on back in the heroes’ individual series.

Comics tended to be largely episodic, with each issue focusing on a self-contained story that didn’t often stretch into longer plot arcs.

Crisis on Infinite Earths writer, Marv Wolfman, discussed recognizing the problem as far back as 1981. He’d received a letter from a Green Lantern fan about a recent issue where another character failed to recognize Green Lantern, even though the two of them had met and worked together in an issue three years earlier. Wolfman realized this was an issue endemic to every series at DC. No one had really cared before. Prior to the 1980s, with mostly younger comics fans, sporadically gobbling up whatever looked fun at their local newsstand, it didn’t matter if Green Lantern had occasional amnesia. The comics were never meant to be a continuing story.

But if they were going to satisfy the 16–24-year-olds, and compete with the pull of television’s syndicated cartoon series, comic books had to evolve—and get everyone (literally) on the same page. Instead of hundreds of titles with confusing alternate realities—effectively a multiverse—DC Comics needed to consolidate all their titles into one DC Comics Universe.

Crisis on Infinite Earths was the solution. A complex story involving a cosmic being named Monitor, battling its own anti-matter doppelganger Anti-Monitor, with each recruiting superheroes and supervillains into a war amongst all the different versions of Earth. You might have a Superman from Earth-One, for instance, battling a version of himself from Earth-4, or Earth-S, or Earth-X. The more complicated the story, the more it necessitated re-reading, and endless fan discussion.

The more complicated the story, the more it necessitated re-reading, and endless fan discussion.

And of course there was time-travel involved, and portals between antimatter universes and—well—the important thing for our purposes here is that: a) hundreds of characters were killed off, including all the extraneous versions of those characters; b) so that the surviving versions could co-exist in one single, unified storyline; and c) the whole thing was a massive bestseller that brought tons of new readers to comic books, just as DC had hoped.

Something similar was happening simultaneously over at Marvel Comics, with a cross-over event called Secret Wars that was also incredibly popular. And so, by 1986 there were, at last, two unified Comics universes: DC and Marvel.

Alan Moore’s role in all this came through his position writing for Swamp Thing. The comic had originally been slated for cancellation due to low sales, but Moore rescued the franchise by reinventing the hero. Swamp Thing had previously been a human named Alec Holland who could transform into a monster. Moore rewrote the storyline such that Swamp Thing was born a monster, and never human at all. The grotesque creature’s duty was not to protect humankind but to protect the environment from humankind. Moore had Swamp Thing fall in love with a human woman named Abby, who died, leaving Swamp Thing to descend into a Hell modeled on Dante’s Inferno to save her soul.

This is just one example of Moore’s early ingenuity, rethinking the basic archetypes of superheroes, the kinds of storylines they could carry, and the way that these stories could play off classic (non-graphic) literature.

And it went over well with the new breed of comic book guys, who enjoyed the irreverent challenge to the old stories—and the idea that something generally regarded as “low culture” like a comic book could hold itself up against something as “high” as Dante. It validated the form in new ways, bringing  “comics” into the realm of “real” literature.

In the America of Watchmen, superheroes helped the US win the Vietnam War, making South Vietnam the 51st state in the union.

And Moore was just getting started. In 1986, right on the heels of the success of Crisis on Infinite Earths, he developed Watchmen: an original comic miniseries of such depth and complexity that it would forever raise the bar on what comics could be expected to do. Instead of the usual superheroes with high morality, patriotism, and well… heroics—the characters in Watchmen are costumed vigilantes who satirize (even defile) the idea of traditional comic book superheroes. In the America of Watchmen, superheroes helped the US win the Vietnam War, making South Vietnam the 51st state in the union. Thanks to the heroes, Nixon’s misdeeds in the Watergate Scandal are never exposed, and by the 1980s he is still President (after abolishing the 22nd amendment) as the US approaches World War III with the USSR.

In Watchmen the ostensible heroes are all morally murky, if not just evil. There’s Rorschach, whose mask is an ink blot pattern, and believes all life is just randomness. Or The Comedian, a psychotically violent mashup of Captain America and G. Gordon Liddy (according to Moore). And there’s the Silk Spectre, who is actually the daughter of the original Silk Spectre, who The Comedian tried to rape. (It later turns out he’s actually Silk Spectre II’s father, from a previous, consensual encounter.) And don’t forget Doctor Manhattan, a giant blue naked guy with all the powers of God who chooses to hang out on Mars rather than interfere in the lives of Earth’s mortals. One of the heroes, Adrian Veidt/Ozymandias, walks around dressed like Alexander the Great [SPOILERS AHEAD] and ends up transporting a giant alien squid to destroy most of New York City in an attempt to get humanity to walk back from the edge of nuclear annihilation and work together to battle a new (manufactured) interdimensional threat.

Not only was Watchmen darker, more violent, and more morally-cynical than anything seen before, but it was highly-structured in a way that had not been seen before, with recurring visual motifs, and even a comic-book-within-a-comic-book called Tales of the Black Freighter that one character is reading. Borrowing techniques from the all-text novel, Watchmen again raised the bar for the “graphic novel” (a term that Moore allegedly dislikes, however—preferring to stick with “comic books”.)

Watchmen highly-rewards, if not demands, intensive re-reading, so that all its puzzles and subtleties and ambiguities can be sifted through. It’s so complicated and so rich and nuanced that it was later listed on TIME’s 100 Best Novels in the English language, the sole representative of graphic novels, sandwiched alphabetically between Under the Volcano by Malcolm Lowry and before White Noise by Don DeLillo. As it became a new highwater mark for graphic literature, it also became its first real placeholder in the world of “real” literature.


Which brings us at last, to Twilight of the Superheroes, and the leaked text file that set the internet ablaze in the early 1990s. (The original file can still be read in full in The Internet Archive, a library resource that now oversees the Wayback Machine, which is how I first encountered it, when I was looking for some background on the Deborah Eisenberg short story of the same name.)

The “interminable ramble” begins with Moore saying that after his recent conversations with Paul (Levitz) he has been thinking about “the perfect mass crossover” that could build on what had been done in Crisis on Infinite Earths in a commercial sense: push readers to try out new titles, launch some new series, and reinvigorate some of the older ones. This, he said, had to be done “in a manner that was not obviously crassly exploitative so as to insult the reader’s intelligence.” Moore saw potential for posters, role-playing games, toys, merchandise, all of it. He proposed that if the central story was solid enough it might translate to “other media” in ways that could satisfy a “diehard superhero junkie.” He confessed to still being “intoxicated” by the success of Watchmen and eager to do it all again.

Done properly, Moore argued, a crossover like this could continue unifying the DC titles and raise the superheroes in it to a mythic status. Done badly, he said, the assemblage of characters would become “banal” and lead to a cheapening all around, requiring “greater acts of debasement in order to attract reader attention, more deaths to appease the arena crowd element in the fan marketplace, eventually degenerating into a geek show.”

Done properly, Moore argued, a crossover like this could continue unifying the DC titles and raise the superheroes in it to a mythic status.

Moore then criticized the way things had been handled in Crisis on Infinite Earths. He did not like that, by the end of the saga, all of the extraneous Earths and the versions of characters in them, were just erased. “Readers of long-standing” he argued, were left feeling betrayed, that not only were the stories they’d been so invested in now finished, but they’d been left irrelevant. And his concern for the reader went deeper still:

I firmly believe that both this and the current seeming obsession with a strict formal continuity are some sort of broad response from an audience whose actual lives are spent living in a continuity far more uncertain and complex than anything ever envisaged by a comic book. I believe that one of the things that the comic fan is looking for in his multi-title crossover epics is some sense of a sanely ordered cosmos not offered to him or her by the news headlines or the arguments of their parents over breakfast.

What Moore proposed now, was a story that he believed could both provide that stability and satisfy the aforementioned creative and commercial requirements. It would also give the individual title writers plenty of leeway to pursue their own stories, instead of forcing them to “toe the line” in the service of a master plan. And it would reinforce the mythic status of the superheroes by connecting them to a theme of myth itself: Ragnarök, the Armageddon of Norse Mythology, a.k.a. “the twilight of the Gods.”

The tale would begin with agents from twenty or thirty years in the future coming back in time to warn the present-day heroes (led by a conman/magician from Swamp Thing named John Constantine) of an impending and terrible Twilight—a horrific “Gotterdammerung” of chaos and violence. The present-day heroes are warned, but Moore felt that some could choose not to concern themselves with the prophecy, thus providing an “out” to writers on series not interested in this adventure… these writers could just have their characters proceed as if all was still normal. Their stubborn inaction would then have an “implied relevance” on the stories of the characters busy trying to turn the tide on the awful future.

Moore reflected that, “one of the things that prevents superhero stories from ever attaining the status of true modern myths or legends is that they are open ended.” Because a superhero just lives on and on (assuming they’re commercially successful) they never have the poignancy granted by resolution. Superman and Batman could never be Sherlock Holmes or Robin Hood because their stories have no “capstone.” A legend must be mortal. This is why the Norse people, in their myths, imagined a Ragnarök—some future time at which all the Gods would fight one another and kill each other off. (And the same can be said of other religions with end-time prophecies: The Book of Daniel in Judaism, The Book of Revelations in Christianity, the Day of Judgment, al-Qiyāmah, in Islam, to mention just a few.)

He envisioned fans reading everything in obsessive detail, hunting for signs that the storylines were, or were not, heading towards Twilight.

By casting ahead to some bleak and bloody Twilight future, Moore argued, and showing the definitive ends of all these superheroes, the intervening time would take on even greater importance. To his mind, Twilight would inject a whole new importance into all the comics DC put out over the coming thirty years in real time. He envisioned fans reading everything in obsessive detail, hunting for signs that the storylines were, or were not, heading towards Twilight. The dream, Moore felt, would be creating an arc that left all readers in a perpetual state of waiting, with skeptics and believers all arguing over the coming end of days.

So what does that look like? In the Twilight future, superheroes lord over the Earth, not by choice but because “various social institutions started to crumble in the face of accelerating social change, leaving the superheroes in the often unwilling position of being a sort of new royalty.” Eight “houses” of superheroes now rule in a sort of global feudal system. Rather than envision the future as having been ruined by nuclear warfare, (already becoming cliched, Moore felt) humanity would find itself “faced with the equally inconceivable and terrifying notion that there might not be an apocalypse. That mankind might actually have a future, and might thus be faced with the terrifying prospect of having to deal with it rather than allowing himself the indulgence of getting rid of that responsibility with a convenient mushroom cloud…”

Instead, the horror of the future is that everything from “family structure to the economy is decentralizing” and everyone lives “in a constant and incomprehensible state of flux and chaos […] caught in one of those violent historical niches where one mode of society changes to another, such as the industrial revolution, for example.”

(It’s worth noting here that, thirty years in the future, as Moore proposed, from 1990, puts the Twilight at pretty much right now.)

There would be the House of Steel (run by Superman), the House of Thunder (Captain Marvel, then a DC property, and male—yes, I know, it’s confusing), the House of the Titans (with the “remnants of” the Teen Titans), The House of Mystery (it’s a mystery!), The House of Secrets (super-villains including Lex Luthor, The Joker, and Catwoman), The House of Justice (Aqualad and Wonder Girl—the former Wonder Woman now being Superwoman after marrying Superman), the House of Tomorrow (something to do with time travel), The House of Lanterns (various Green Lanterns).

Then you’ve got some scattered unaffiliated Heroes including John Constantine and maybe Batman. (“Nobody’s actually seen him for years. He’s rumored to be around, he’s rumored to be active, and rumored to be doing something, but nobody knows what or even really if. He might have died years ago.”)

Everyone else falls into the “Drunks, Hookers, and Panhandlers” category, which Moore describes as a host of aging superheroes who hang out in the “barrios” of Gotham and Metropolis, turning tricks and doing whatever they can to get by.

Bleak.

The plot itself is a hell of a tangle, which Moore promises will eventually get better when broken down, issue-by-issue.

The plot itself is a hell of a tangle, which Moore promises will eventually get better when broken down, issue-by-issue. He charts out how the superheroes embarked on a genocidal slaughter of all the supervillains, leaving everyone kind of uncomfortable afterwards. But there’s some palace intrigue: Superboy is set to wed Captain Marvel’s daughter (Mary Marvel) which would consolidate power between the houses of Steel and Thunder, which has alarmed everyone else—including some alien forces “conspiring out on the moon of Mars.” This all escalates into a surprise invasion that, I kid you not, revolves around Captain Marvel in his human form being into S&M and, thus sadly, being gagged during a crucial moment and unable to turn into Captain Marvel to save the day.

And so pretty much every single superhero dies, and most of humanity too, but then somehow this all ushers in the dawn of a new Utopian era where a smaller, highly-factioned America will be run by… Batman (he is alive!). Cool.

Anyway, I seem to have gone on far longer than I intended, so I better wrap this up. I’ll be looking forward with interest to hearing what any of you have to say about all this when you’ve had a chance to read it. If any sections are incomprehensible and need clarifying then please give me a call.

I’ve read the “interminable ramble” many times, and I’ll confess I can’t make a whole lot of sense out of it. There’s a whole huge thing I’m not even going into about a villain called Time Trapper who may have captured the universe and put everything into some kind of temporal pocket called “the flux.” A vast number of the central characters in the proposal are heroes from the 80s and 90s I don’t know enough about. But the biggest issue is that the whole plot doesn’t seem to actually live up to Moore’s high-minded philosophies about legends and apocalyptic capstones that Moore started out with.

I’m left, like many fans over the decades, thinking that actually Twilight of the Superheroes would have been incredible—somehow.

Reading the ramble, you can’t help but think it might have been a disaster—except, well, he’s Alan Moore. The greatest of the all-time greats. Remember, the plot of Watchmen, revolves around someone teleporting a giant alien squid into Manhattan and killing hundreds of thousands of people. And it doesn’t just work—it’s totally brilliant.

And so, I’m left, like many fans over the decades, thinking that actually Twilight of the Superheroes would have been incredible—somehow. Moore would have made it incredible—in a way that only he could.

Which is exactly why it has never been done and will never be done.


Unfortunately, the “interminable ramble” was composed right at the beginning of the end for Moore’s time with DC Comics. There was already some acrimony over merchandising profits from Watchmen, and this was swelling into a larger crisis for Moore over who really had creative control over his masterpiece.

At this time in the comics world, a writer like Moore, hired to work on some long-running title like Swamp Thing, would be paid for that work but have no creative rights or ownership over the end-results—this all remained with DC. When Moore, for instance, created the character of John Constantine in issue #37 of Swamp Thing, he would not then later profit off Constantine’s success, even going off to lead in his own series, Hellblazer. (Later made into the film starring Keanu Reeves).

With Watchmen, since Moore had created all the characters, both he and the artists (Dave Gibbons and John Higgins) had gotten a share of the profits, but the intellectual property itself and all subsidiary rights still belonged to DC Comics. Moore’s contract stipulated that the rights would revert to him after the comic stopped being printed. But because the project was such a hit, DC never stopped printing it.

Slowly, Moore realized that DC could retain permanent control over the intellectual property, that meant they could make sequels, use his characters elsewhere, authorize foreign editions, sell the film and television rights, even build a theme park ride if they wanted to—without any approval needed from Moore.

Which is exactly what happened.

Today, Watchmen has been made into a 2009 film by Zach Snyder, a popular HBO miniseries starring Regina King, which won 11 Emmy Awards, and a video game: Watchmen: The End is Nigh. Moore has completely refused to participate in these ventures. He has, in fact, routinely spoken out against anyone adapting his former works for the screen, and even insisted that his name be removed from the credits entirely—he is usually listed as just “The Original Writer.” Even when the Wachowskis produced an adaptation of V for Vendetta, Moore derided the film for avoiding terms like “anarchy” or “fascism” and removing much of the political context of the original.

In adapting graphic novel work to the screen, Moore’s argued, the original “possibilities” of the medium are lost. “If we only see comics in relation to movies, then the best that they will ever be is films that do not move. I found it, in the mid-80s, preferable to concentrate on those things that only comics could achieve. The way in which a tremendous amount of information could be included visually in every panel, the juxtapositions between what a character was saying and what the image that the reader was looking at would be. So in a sense … most of my work from the 80s onwards was designed to be unfilmable.”

In the 35 years since its publication, Watchmen has continued to sell reliably—in fact, in 2019 it was back on the NY Times Bestseller List again at the time of the HBO shows release. While Moore has earned reported millions in royalties, he also estimates he’s turned down millions more by refusing to sign off on the various adaptations.

And because he generated the idea for Twilight of the Superheroes while still writing for DC, and the storyline involves, of course, a host of DC’s other properties, it has been left in limbo. Moore and DC have at this point been in a feud spanning thirty years, it’s essentially unimaginable that they’d be able to come together and ever make the “interminable ramble” into a real graphic novel.

In the mid-90s, Mark Waid and Alex Ross collaborated on a series called Kingdom Come for DC that attempted to match the scope of Watchmen and explicitly follow the spark from Twilight of the Superheroes. It also begins in a dark future where superheroes have lost touch with their former ideals. (In one memorable scene, Superman just outright murders The Joker on his way to stand trial for a mass murder that took the life of Lois Lane.) There’s a similar giant war between a reassembled Justice League and some aliens and there are nuclear warheads and something called metahumans—but rather than end with all the heroes dying, we see Superman restored to his former ideals, and he and the other heroes decide to hang up their capes and live ordinary human lives. The series proved popular but fell far short of Moore’s vision for Twilight. For one thing, it was put out as part of DC’s Elseworlds line of comic books that were explicitly meant to exist outside of the unified canon—so it in no way was meant to reflect the actual future in store for these characters.

Thirty years later, Superman and Batman and all the rest are still alive and kicking. Many of the issues around creator rights that Moore experienced led other writers to leave DC and Marvel and found their own independent publishers like Image and Dark Horse with their own wildly-popular original titles like Spawn and Hellboy.

Thanks to the success of Hollywood’s obsession with the old comics stories, there is a whole new generation of ardent fans, and the stories are changing and diversifying in kind.

In some ways the comic book world has been again revitalized, with new fans coming out to the now-struggling comic bookstores thanks to the constant churning-out of new film and television adaptations. Likely to Moore’s horror, we now live in an era of not just maxi-series comics but maxi-series movies: where Justice League and Avengers fans can nerd-out over complex webs of visual media properties forming wild, intersecting narratives. And it isn’t just glossy blockbusters like The Avengers films making waves at the box office. Along with the aforementioned critical praise for Watchmen on HBO, the 2019 Todd Phillips film Joker, based on the Batman villain, was nominated for 11 Oscars, with Joaquin Phoenix winning Best Actor. Thanks to the success of Hollywood’s obsession with the old comics stories, there is a whole new generation of ardent fans, and the stories are changing and diversifying in kind. Today comics fans can spend their time with Miles Morales, a young Spiderman who is Black and Latinx, and a bisexual Superman. And versions of the Guy Fawkes mask that Moore created for V for Vendetta can be seen today on the faces of protesters worldwide.

Meanwhile, in the years since breaking with DC, Moore has worked on numerous titles, both at his own independent companies or at places like Image Comics and America’s Best Comics. He’s written more popular original series like League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, written a novel, Jerusalem, set in Northampton, where he still lives. He’s even made a movie of his own, if an intentionally low-budget one, called Jimmy’s End, also set in Northampton.

There is just one development that has come with Twilight of the Superheroes, a small one, but important. Until recently DC Comics had never verified the authenticity of the “interminable ramble” that went up on the internet decades ago. But this changed just this year, with the publication of a new anthology: DC through the ’80s: The End of Eras. In it, Paul Levitz has quietly reprinted the text file in full as a conclusion to the collection. “To top it off,” he writes, “we leave you with a previously unpublished treat: Alan Moore’s treatment, written between 1986 and 1987, for a never-realized post-Crisis event series to be called Twilight, whose plot sent a few too many members of the DC pantheon into the eternal night…”

I’m sure Moore is thrilled.