Donald J. Trump Makes Book Blurbs Great Again

Karl Ove Knausgård’s My Struggle

I know it’s obvious to say it, but this book has the best words. Just the best.

I know it’s obvious to say it, but this book has the best words. Just the best. This guy knew what he was doing when he wrote this book. I don’t know how to spell his last name. Karl. Karl did a great job, just a tremendous job with all these words. There are a lot of words, too, which is great. More words is like more money — it’s a very good thing. Unlike Karl, so many of the losers out there don’t have a clue. They don’t know what they want to write, and they get sidetracked. Don’t do that. People should be more like Karl. Nothing distracts him.

Jonathan Franzen’s Freedom

If you don’t like Freedom, you’re a loser.

Books like this are what make America the freest country in the world. We’re just so free. It’s really great how free we are. And Jonathan, you know, I think Jonathan is a great guy, really great, very smart guy. I call him Genius Jon. But a lot of people, you know, a lot of people don’t like him. And I don’t think that’s fair. I told Jonathan, I said, these people are jealous of you. It’s sad! They should be trying to be more like him. It’s really pathetic, actually, because Jon is the freest guy I know. Look, the fact of the matter is this — and I’m definitely right about this, I’m very right. If you don’t like Freedom, you’re a loser.

E. L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey

It’s about a rich man getting what he wants. That’s the story of America.

This is a great book. It is just really great. It might be the best book, I really think that. It’s about a rich man getting what he wants. That’s the story of America. Some people don’t agree with that, they want to change the story of America. It’s really sad what they want to do to this country. Changing America is just so wrong. We have certain values in this country. We have at least fifty, I’ll tell you that. I know what I’m talking about, because I have a lot of values. Probably the most of anyone I know. People listen to me. They know I only get behind things that are really, really good. Like this book. I have a reputation for being right, you know. I make people very excited. Everyone likes a winner.

Leo Tolstoy’s War and Peace

I liked the war parts the most, but peace was fine. It was fine.

I liked the war parts the most, but peace was fine. It was fine. This book shows you how tough the Russians are. They’re so tough. But remember, our military is tougher. Undeniably the toughest fighting force in the history of the entire universe. Every book should try to be as tough as our military. This book is like that. It is one tough book. I respect people who are tough, like me. No one ever crosses me, because they know I’ll get even. I tell everyone to get even. That’s real advice, it’s real life advice. It feels good to attack people. And when other people see you doing it, they’ll respect you. You’ll get so much respect. Everyone on earth respects me. People know that if they mess with me, they’re in for a big fight, like a war.

Jordan Belfort’s The Wolf of Wall Street

I could see all of the pictures in my head. I like to see myself as the main character in the books I read.

I’m richer than Jordan, but he did good. What they did to him in the media, it was so wrong. He worked so hard, and they hated him for it. It’s pathetic what they did to him. Who wouldn’t want to be this guy? I had such a fun time reading this book. It really spoke to me. I could see all of the pictures in my head. I like to see myself as the main character in the books I read. I’m really rich in real life, so I like books about rich people. I can see myself there, just like that, super easy. Like watching a movie. Why wouldn’t you think of yourself as anything else but rich? I’m rich because who else was my father going to give money to? Charity? He wanted me to be successful, and look at me. I am really rich. I love being rich. Jordan gets that, and his book about boats and wolves gets that too.

Donald J. Trump’s Trump: The Art of the Deal

It’s a great cover. You see it and you just want to buy ten copies. That is how business works.

Look, art is a con. The best painters, drawers, whatever, they’re better at selling stuff than making stuff. They have to be, because who wants to buy art? Don’t get me wrong, I’m better than all of them. I’m a hell of a promoter. I bought a bunch of art in the ’80s, a whole building of it, actually. That was a great deal for those artists. And instead of donating it to a museum, I just turned the whole lot into Trump Tower. Art is real estate, and real estate is transformative. Writers get this. You’ve got to have a nice face or no one will care about your, whatever it is you’re doing. Look at the cover of this book. It’s a great cover. You see it and you just want to buy ten copies. That is how business works. You see something, you want something. Then you buy the thing. You should buy this book.