Lit Mags

Have You Patted a Bodega Cat Today?

“How to Placate the Gods of New York,” a graphic story by Matthew Kramer

Bodega Cat by Seth Werkheiser via Flickr

Have You Patted a Bodega Cat Today?

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If you want the subway to arrive on time, drop a phone or an object of comparable monetary or emotional value onto the tracks.
Pat every bodega cat on the head & offer it lox from your pocket. This act ensures you never get food poisoning.
When you see a mattress on the side of the street, deliver a short eulogy. No bed bugs will come your way.
To stop a downpour, speak to yourself in a loud but nonchalant voice: "It's lucky that I have to work inside all day." Then leave home with an umbrella, galoshes, & rain jacket. Step in the first puddle you see.
Upon crossing a kit of pigeons, bow & lavish them with praise. "You are noble beasts to behold, & I admire your radiant plumage!" This will prevent soiling of your head & clothes.
& If you need to find a new apartment, approach a drain pipe of a building & whisper that you have been thinking of moving to Boston.

About the Author

Matthew Kramer is a writer, cartoonist, performer and artist living in Providence, Rhode Island. He has an MFA in Literary Arts from Brown University, where he taught comics and digital writing. His work is forthcoming in The New Yorker online and Tin House and can be viewed at matthewckramer.com and canttakemeanywhere.com. Follow him on Instagram @canttakemeanywhere.

More about the author

About The Commuter

The Commuter, arriving every Monday morning, is our home for flash fiction, graphic narrative, and poetry. Sign up  for The Commuter newsletter to get every issue straight to your inbox, or join our membership program for access to year-round submissions. EL’s lit mags are supported by the Amazon Literary Partnership, the New York State Council on the Arts, and the National Endowment for the Arts.

The Commuter

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