Have You Patted a Bodega Cat Today?

“How to Placate the Gods of New York,” a graphic story by Matthew Kramer

Bodega Cat by Seth Werkheiser via Flickr

Have You Patted a Bodega Cat Today?

If you want the subway to arrive on time, drop a phone or an object of comparable monetary or emotional value onto the tracks.
Pat every bodega cat on the head & offer it lox from your pocket. This act ensures you never get food poisoning.
When you see a mattress on the side of the street, deliver a short eulogy. No bed bugs will come your way.
To stop a downpour, speak to yourself in a loud but nonchalant voice: "It's lucky that I have to work inside all day." Then leave home with an umbrella, galoshes, & rain jacket. Step in the first puddle you see.
Upon crossing a kit of pigeons, bow & lavish them with praise. "You are noble beasts to behold, & I admire your radiant plumage!" This will prevent soiling of your head & clothes.
& If you need to find a new apartment, approach a drain pipe of a building & whisper that you have been thinking of moving to Boston.

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