Literary Wedding Ideas for People Who Don’t Really Understand Books
A "Handmaid's Tale" wedding is a bold (and confused) choice, but why stop there?
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Like most people, your first thought after reading The Handmaid’s Tale was probably, “Ummm … this would be a PERFECT theme for my wedding.” And so like many people, you were probably horribly disappointed to find out that a Handmaid’s Tale-themed wedding had already been done—hanging wall photo backdrop and everything. No fair!
But not to fear: if you’re the type of person who both loves and yet deeply misunderstands books, we’ve got even more perfect suggestions for your literary-themed wedding.
Love in the Time of Cholera
Before you ask, yes, I have definitely read this book (title’s first word)! So I know that like weddings, this book is technically about love!
Also, Love in the Time of Cholera would make the perfect theme for a wedding if you’re the kind of person who has always, upon hearing the vow about “in sickness and in health,” thought, “Okay sure … but could you be much more specific? Like, graphically specific?”
We Have Always Lived in the Castle
Every little girl dreams of being a princess on her wedding day, so harness those royal vibes with a We Have Always Lived in the Castle-themed wedding! Yes, I read this book and yes, my takeaway was that it’s a book about how dope castles are to live in!
A Storm of Swords
Any hardcore G.R.R. Martin fans will tell you that A Storm of Swords is, above everything else, a book about how to throw a wedding. Your Red Wedding-themed wedding will have your guests raving, “This music is too haunting to dance to” and “Oh God, are you wearing chainmail under your dress?” and “Why would you do this?” And the answer is: because I am confused by books!
The Catcher in the Rye
Now, hear me out. I actually have a lot of good reasons for choosing this one.
- You can do a Catcher in the Rye Whiskey Signature Cocktail!
Some people will ask, is a novel about violent government censorship and the way that popular entertainment rots our minds really a great theme for a wedding? To them, I would say two things:
- On the one hand, no
- On the other hand … “It was a pleasure to burn, baby, burn” is a great way for a wedding DJ to intro “Disco Inferno”
The Bell Jar
I’ve been on Pinterest! So I know: everyone loves jars! A Bell Jar theme makes coming up with wedding favors easy-peasy: just buy a bunch of jars! Then give each guest a jar! And while you’re giving them a jar, thank them for coming by saying something sweet like, “You’re such a good friend” or “It means a lot that you’re here,” or “To the person in the bell jar, blank and stopped as a dead baby, the world itself is a bad dream.”
I am, I am, I am … crazy about this wedding theme!
Flowers in the Attic
Nobody understood the importance of family like V.C. Andrews—and no one would appreciate a good father-daughter or mother-son dance like her, either.
Uh oh … the best man showed up with 1,000 pages of prepared notes for his toast! Plus footnotes?! Oddly, this is the first—and will definitely be the last—wedding he’s ever expressed any interest in.
Lord of the Flies
Admittedly, the bloody pig’s head on a stake makes this a hard sell for some brides. But we think she’ll come around when she sees everyone on the dance floor bumping to the “Kill the pig! Cut her throat! Spill her dub dub dub dub dub dub” remix.
Your red-eyed guests will weep with gratitude when they enter the ceremony and see your “Pick a seat! Not a side!” signage (painted in cursive on reclaimed wood). Alas, it is already too late.
A theme for a true foodie! Your guests will have a hoot choosing between meal options like “borax and glycerine sausage slop” and “the bread is moving because it’s rats” and “fresh-caught salmon (hint of child gristle).”
This one is actually better for bachelorette parties.