The Party Upstairs and the Super Who Has to Clean It Up

In The Party Upstairs, Ruby—out of college, out of work, and newly out of a relationship—reminisces often about her senior thesis, a series of dioramas depicting the trash room in the Upper West Side co-op where her father worked and she grew up. Later she interviews for her dream job, designing dioramas for The Natural History Museum. “I’ve never made a diorama,” Conell told me when I asked her about the recurring theme over email, “but I’ve dreamed of dabbling.” I respectfully disagreed. The Party Upstairs functions like a diorama in words. Taking place over the course of a day, the reader is thrust into a narrative contained by time and place, glimpsing the inhabitants of Ruby’s apartment building with voyeuristic clarity, as if the side of the building had been peeled away, as if the characters’ lived in a dollhouse of Conell’s creation. 

The Party Upstairs by Lee Conell

The Party Upstairs opens with Ruby and her father Martin, the co-op’s super, trying (and failing) to meditate together. The frustration that bubbles through their forced silence quickly reveals the novel’s central tensions. Ruby has just moved back into her parent’s basement apartment and struggles to find herself and her future in the neighborhood. Meanwhile, Martin attends to the maddening shitstorm (sometimes literally) that is building maintenance. While Ruby revisits her decades-old friendship with Caroline, the childhood playmate who occupies the co-op’s penthouse apartment, Martin uses meditation and bird-watching to try to calm his growing frustration with the extraordinarily needy tenants, which now include his own daughter. Told over a single day, the novel builds towards a swank party Caroline is hosting that evening, a party that Ruby may or may not attend and Martin will, no doubt, be tasked with cleaning up. 

Thrilling and darkly humorous, Conell’s novel upends assumptions about class, family, and art. As with her previous book, Subcortical, winner of The Story Prize Spotlight Award, Conell’s writing is funny, brave, and delightfully fresh. 


Anya Groner: As with many first novels, there are autobiographical aspects to The Party Upstairs. Like Ruby, you grew up as the only child of a two-parent family in the basement of the apartment building where your father was a super. How much do your own experiences dovetail with Ruby’s? 

Lee Conell: At first, I resisted this novel as it began to grow into something novel-sized, mostly because of the autobiographical elements, which I worried might be impediments to imagining in the directions I needed to imagine. But I kept feeling drawn back to it, and in turn it became ever more its own strange self. After a while, so much of the novel seemed like its own thing, apart from my life, that the remaining autobiographical elements started to seem almost playful. There’s something fun about inviting speculation as to what in the book might be secretly “most real” or “authentic,” and what might be fiction—in part because a number of the characters in the book are bent on bestowing Martin and even Ruby with this extra degree of authenticity due to their working class background…as if their economic status makes Ruby and Martin’s motives more pure than the wealthier tenants in the building. The novel ended up being far more concerned than I initially realized with complicating ideas of real-ness.

AG: Dioramas appear throughout your novel—on the cover which features a diorama of a cardboard girl climbing the cardboard stairs in a cardboard apartment building, in the Natural History Museum, in Ruby’s senior project. The narrative voice moves through the building as if it were a dollhouse. In the opening passage, for example, Martin, the super, is thinking about “the corporate lawyer in 4D [who] had called screaming with fear about a water bug in the hallway, the financial analyst in 9A [who] had called about her tampon-clogged toilet, [and] the hedge-fund-portfolio manager in 6C [who] had admitted he’d drunkenly tossed his keys on the subway tracks.”

I found myself thinking about how dioramas are both intimate and voyeuristic, like one-way mirrors. The people (or animals) in the display are unaware they’re being observed. What other parallels do you see between dioramas and novels? And how did your understanding of dioramas evolve as you wrote The Party Upstairs?

LC: I love your description of dioramas as both intimate and voyeuristic, almost mirror-like. The artist Joseph Cornell’s shadow boxes often include mirrors. There’s this sense of observing our own selves becoming voyeurs. It’s something I think about a lot in both reading and writing fiction—part of the appeal is seeing inside someone else’s mind. Of course, that’s a bit of an illusion. I know I’m seeing the construction of another’s thoughts while also seeing myself in those thoughts, looking for moments of recognition. Dioramas seem to contain a similar distorted echo.

The diorama component also spoke to the way Ruby tries to preserve her memories of the past, to a degree that means she’s neither fully present with the people in her life nor able to admit that memory is an act of imagination.

AG: The apartment building functions as a metaphor for class. Ruby and her family live in the basement apartment, next to the trash room, while her wealthy best friend Caroline lives in the penthouse. When Caroline throws a party, it’s Martin’s job to pick the beer bottles from the roof. In a recent letter published in The Paris Review, you wrote, “Sometimes it seems to me that we’re unconsciously subscribing to one very limited story about inequality—the nonrich aspiring to be like the rich—over and over. But I’ve experienced a second story: that of the nonrich aspiring simply to live.”

How does your novel explore this second story of “the nonrich aspiring simply to live”? Are there other “second stories” that you hope to convey through your characters?

LC: Books about meditation practices and mindfulness often encourage the meditator to try to drop the storyline to which they’re clinging, consciously or unconsciously. Martin’s interest in meditation stems from his desires to lower his blood pressure and drop the frustrating storylines that swirl in his mind: about the building itself, yes, but also about the way he’s invisible to the tenants, even as he has to pay attention to their demands and lives. 

One of the “second stories” that I hoped to convey is the psychic side effects of this invisibility. Class in America is often depicted as strictly aspirational, exploring the tension that derives from the premise of Person With Not Much Money wants all the shiny objects that Character With Lots of Money has. This narrative replaces discussions about a desire for basic dignity (access to affordable healthcare, housing, etc.) with assumptions about fetishistic consumerism. There’s certainly aspiration and occasional wanting of very shiny objects in my novel (shiny objects=extremely nice dresses), but my hope is that there’s also a story in there about how we treat others, how we project ourselves onto others, and how Martin’s job makes him hyper-aware of the flimsy safety net around them. Martin and Ruby both seek some form of sustainability so that they can get by without losing their sense of themselves.

AG: I can’t remember the last time I encountered so much trash in a novel! Trash is evocative, gooey, archeological, intimate. For your characters, it’s the stuff of romance, suffering, art, and shame. I get the feeling you enjoyed writing about trash. Your novelistic gaze goes where most of us look away. Why so much attention on trash? What can trash tell us? 

LC: On a purely personal level, nearly every day as a child I witnessed great amounts of trash lined up in garbage bins by the elevator in my building. It’s the flipside of consumer culture, but it’s also its own landscape. And it’s a paradox of the city: Our inner lives are locked away, but there’s the trash of our life, in clear plastic bags, out there on the street for anyone to see. It felt like something that deserved attention.

At the same time, I think there’s a morality game around what we pay attention to, which distracts from the actual attention being paid! “Pay attention to me paying attention to this thing you’re ignoring, so that you can see I’m a good person!” Caroline and Ruby both play that game some. So—I was interested in looking at trash in the novel, but also interested at what the performance of that looking might…um… look like!

AG: Many of the wealthy characters are fascinated, often perversely, with suffering. As a kid, for example, Caroline leads Ruby in a game she calls “Holocaust-orphans-sisters-survivors” where she pretends they’re being gassed. There’s also Andy, an aspiring art photographer, who takes photos of “fringe people” beside “paragraph-long stories . . . about their desperation.” There’s so much dark humor in these scenes, even as they’re troubling. The line between compassion and exploitation is painfully blurred. What draws these characters to the macabre? What do their obsessions reveal about them? 

LC: “Holocaust-orphans-sisters-survivors” is ridiculous in a lot of ways, but it points to Caroline and Ruby’s real desire to understand their history, even if they’re glamorizing it. There’s power in taking something horrible and making a game out of it, or a piece of art. When you are making a shape from a horrible thing, there’s strength being demonstrated. I believe on a real level these characters want to connect with something meaningful, something outside themselves. They want to feel they’re helping.

It’s a paradox of the city: Our inner lives are locked away, but there’s the trash of our life, in clear plastic bags, out there on the street for anyone to see.

But this desire for connection happens in a system that is the product of all sorts of forms of exploitation. Caroline, Andy, and Ruby all struggle to see or acknowledge this exploitation, and their roles in it. Caroline and Andy’s obsessions specifically reveal their concern with connecting and understanding suffering, their concern with being seen as good people, and the thrill they feel as witnesses to that suffering, particularly as portions of their lives are very cloistered. That desire to be perceived in a certain way cuts off their own curiosity about and empathy toward what it is they’re actually perceiving. Another form of seeing suffering in order to be seen as a virtuous person who sees suffering. Ahh, again with the mirrors! 

AG: The Party Upstairs came out four months into the pandemic, when New York City was in lockdown. What was it like for you to release a New York City novel at a time when NYC was undergoing such radical change? Do any themes in the novel seem more pronounced?

LC: Releasing a novel that takes place in NYC while NYC was changing so much felt surreal, a good reminder that nothing is static. The unexpected parallels did feel uncanny at times. The novel takes place several years after the 2008 economic recession. A struggling economy, debt, grown children moving back in with their parents feel less distant now than when I was writing the book. The rhetoric around essential workers that arose when the pandemic began, how all of a sudden “we” are seeing these workers as essential, important, and visible, there’s a lesson in power and point of view, there. Martin’s perspective in particular—that desire to keep body, soul, and dignity alive—felt resonant. 

My Therapist Is a Literal Zombie

“Z” by Julián Herbert, translated by Christina MacSweeney

I communicate with my psychoanalyst by phone. My psychoanalyst is called Tadeo. Tadeo pretends to be an impartial judge, but I can see he’s in favor of me allowing myself to be bitten. That’s no surprise. He was first eaten five months ago.

“It’s not a matter of ethics,” he says. “It’s about solidarity. Which in your case, at an existential level, means continuing to be alone.”

I almost burst out laughing: he’s talking about existentialism as if he were alive. He’s a good National University kid. I change the subject so as not to appear to be making light of his situation.

“Why not come upstairs so we can talk face-to-face? Or at least mouth to ear.”

“We are mouth to ear.”

“I mean through the door.”

“No, my friend,” he replies in an extremely somber tone, with the insincere serenity imparted by his academic training. “I’ve made it a rule not to smell my patients.”

“Except for Delfina,” I say, hoping to provoke him.

Tadeo clears his throat to cover a brief silence, then responds: “Delfina has no smell now. And she’s not my patient any longer.” For the last year I’ve been living in the Hotel Majestic, located on one side of the Zócalo in Mexico City. Once a week, Tadeo comes around and does a home psychoanalysis session. At first he used to come up to my room on the fourth floor, we’d make ourselves comfortable (he’d sit on a poorly upholstered chair; I’d perch on the bed) and chat. We generally left the television on to provide some background noise and deaden the carnivorous clacking of the guest in the next room.

Tadeo was the most sensible man I’d ever met until Delfina (I’ve never seen her, but I imagine she’s good-looking) seduced him and, as a sort of tribute, took a few mouthfuls of his left forearm, thus infecting him and causing (without the shadow of a doubt, unintentionally) six months of therapy to go up in smoke. Since then, Tadeo and I have held our sessions via the insipid phone in the lobby.

“Human,” I say.

“Pardon?”

“What you mean is that Delfina has no human smell now. Wouldn’t it be just the same if you called from your office?”

“Human, yes . . . Honestly, coming here isn’t just an overreaction. Who’d connect the call? There’s not a soul left in the lobby.”

He talks about professionalism, but he was having sex with his clients, eventually fell for one of them, and, because he was in love, allowed himself to be transformed into a beast. Or, not a total beast: a cannibal in transition. I’ve said this to him, and he acknowledges it, then sadly adds:

“Maybe I should be your patient.”

It’s a pleasantry. We both know that I’m no good; just a frightened, egotistical master of ceremonies, incapable of helping anyone, even when half the human race is mutating toward death or depression.

Tadeo claims it’s not a matter of ethics but solidarity. The truth is that lately it’s been a matter of food. I venture out to try to find some after dark. There are hardly any mature somnambulists around at that time: they prefer to hunt during the day, although twilight is their favorite hour.

(There’s no reliable data, but it appears that the prolonged ingestion of human flesh eventually leads to—among other things—retinal destruction: bright light is painful, and in the darkness they are like moles. When they go completely blind, they become what I call carnivorous flowers: groaning invalids trailing along the ground. They are still dangerous but strictly sedentary, which makes them relatively simple to avoid.)

In the early days, I was afraid to go outside. I survived on beyond-sell-by-date leftovers from the hotel kitchen: greenish cold cuts, rancid cheese, chocolate, frozen soup, dried fruit . . . However, as the months have passed, I’ve gained enough confidence not only to make forays to the local stores for provisions but also to have something resembling a social life. My greatest success in that respect has been acting as the emcee of the skateboarding competitions on Eugenia. My alimentary excursions provide everything I need: from Pachuca empanadas to granola bars, gallon bottles of mineral water to free liquor. The other day, behind the counter of a former print shop, I found a bag of marijuana and another containing what looked like psychotropic pills. I returned them to their place: when it comes to illegal substances, I’m prejudiced.

We both know that I’m no good; just a frightened, egotistical master of ceremonies, incapable of helping anyone, even when half the human race is mutating toward death or depression.

As long as no one kills me, everything is mine. The country has become a minefield of teeth, but it’s also a bargain basement. Thanks to the fantastical efforts of people whose business instincts drive them to do their duty each day, I enjoy a few of the old services that, in some unconscious way, used to make it pleasant to live among humans: fresh Tetra Brik milk in the mornings, for example. A delivery truck still supplies the 7-Eleven on the corner of Moneda and Lic. Verdad, despite the fact that the store has been looted four times in the last week and no one works there anymore: just a few junkie- faced dispatchers with bite marks on their backs who’ll take your money as soon as they’ve ransacked what little remains in the establishment, all the while shaking like ex-boxers with Parkinson’s. A few nights ago I came across an amazing windfall: moldy falafel and hummus, two pounds of pistachios seasoned with garlic and hot chili, half a strip of Coronado Popsicles, a bottle of Appleton Estate rum, and an iPod with—among other vaguely obscure gems— Smetana’s “From My Life” . . . I waited until sundown on Friday to celebrate my discovery. I’d decided to have a picnic: headphones on, I took my booty up to the terrace of the Majestic.

When I recount this episode to Tadeo, he falls back on the analytical approach he’s been using to treat me for just over a month.

“Have you thought about why you did that?”

“Like I said, to celebrate.”

“And you don’t think there might be some other reason? Some hidden vein of your need to put yourself in danger? Sunset is the very worst time for you.”

I try to change the subject again, but he won’t be sidetracked. “What do you think your neighbors made of it? Did anyone follow you to the terrace?”

“Yeah, one or two of them came to sniff me. Nothing unusual in that. But they did it politely, from a couple of tables away.”

With the exception of Lía, a perfectly human Jewish woman who lives on the second floor and whose only activity is foraging for pirated DVDs around the Palacio de Bellas Artes, all the other guests in the Majestic are bicarnal. While they haven’t yet come to the point of attacking me, their despairing, glazed expressions—exactly like the ones that used to make crack addicts stand out like sore thumbs—follow me everywhere.

Tadeo refuses to let the topic drop. “Did they say anything?”

He’s beginning to annoy me.

“I wasn’t taking much notice of them, because I was spying on the soldiers.”

“What soldiers?”

“The ones who come around in the afternoon to take down the flag.”

It’s the same old routine every day: in the morning, just before sunrise, an armed patrol parades across the Zócalo, unfurling a green, white, and red flag. When it’s fully extended, they attach a strong rope and hoist it up a concrete-and-metal pole that’s maybe 150 feet high. After that, marching in step with the same panache they displayed on arrival, they leave. The flag, on the other hand, spends the whole day up there, fluttering majestically over thousands of walking corpses and the hundreds of mouths of carnivorous flowers huddled in clumps around the Catedral Metropolitana. In the evening, just before sundown, the soldiers return to collect the gigantic standard: they perform their military ballet in reverse order, detaching and furling the patriotic symbol with exasperating solemnity. Part of their task is to bear the requisite arms. They aren’t just for show: almost every day the soldiers find themselves having to carry out the irksome task of executing a couple of the vermin who, having lost whatever brains they ever had, attack the squad without the least respect for their uniforms. In the majority of such cases the soldiers fire at point-blank range, into the temple: the .45-caliber bullets sound dully on the paving stones and the flesh eaters’ heads plummet to perform the Last Slam Dance of Mexico City. Even so, the soldiers rarely manage to avoid being nibbled. That might be why more than one of them inevitably stumbles or others attempt to keep their wrists hidden, readjusting the dirty bandages covering their peeling skin.

Practically the whole army has been infected to some extent. There’s no telling if this has to do with the constant patrols or the lonely nights in the barracks. And although it’s true that they get the best vaccines, it’s also the case that cells of deserters spring up on a daily basis (or at least that’s what CNN says: the national media have disappeared), at the service of the worm catchers. Anything that still functions here relies on corrupting everything else until it becomes an allegorical mural of destruction.

As happens with any real epidemic, ours began with a few isolated cases, indistinguishable from the general sense of outrage transmitted by the now-defunct (or, depending on how you see it, omnipresent) tabloid press. First, a construction worker murdered his lover and workmate on a building site. The authorities found traces of charred human intestines and heart on a piece of sheet metal placed over hot coals. The accused committed suicide during the trial. A year later, a young poet and professor at the University of Puebla was imprisoned for freezing fragments of his dead girlfriend, which he used as an aid to masturbation. Despite the fact that no one could prove he’d either killed or eaten her, the symptoms this individual displayed in the following years left no room for doubt: he was one of the earliest manifestations of a new reality emerging on the margins, belonging to no kingdom or species. A walking virus.

The first person to come to Mexico to study the phenomenon was an English scientist named Frank Ryan, a virologist whose theory was, in broad outline, that the human species’s tremendous evolutionary leap was due not to mammalian DNA but to the high percentage of viral information in our genome. What at first seemed like a polemical hunch capable of explaining diseases like AIDS and cancer became Ryan’s Law of Evolution, or the Clinamen of the Species: every organic entropy will eventually lead to the triumph of an entity, neither living nor dead, whose only actions are to feed and reproduce by invading host organisms.

The worst thing about our epidemic, what distinguishes it from every other one, is its annoying slowness. Once an organism has been infected, it displays two defining characteristics: first, the irrepressible urge to feed on human flesh—a desire fueled by smell; second, a gradual multiple sclerosis directly proportional to the quantity of human tissue consumed. It is here that individual willpower affects the process, since the ability to administer consumption and restructure the appetite (ridiculous but accurate socioeconomic comparisons employed every day by the Ministry of Health) decides the rate of transformation.

As there is not yet an official list of the evolutionary stages of the organism, in my free time (I have a lot of it) I came up with four categories that I will set out here for the consideration of future carnico-vegetal kingdoms:

The transitioning cannibal is the phase in which my psychoanalyst finds himself. It can last anywhere from a week to a year depending on the individual’s medical history, dietary habits, and use of experimental drugs (“Retrovirals and antipsychotics have proved to be helpful,” Tadeo said the other day in a tone of academic enthusiasm). In this phase the infected subject loses many vital functions, and so needs little food. The subjects’ interaction with their environments is largely unchanged—members of this tribe include the president of Mexico and all his most prominent detractors, leaders of the opposition parties, many doctors and educators, and almost the whole of the business community. The only thing that distinguishes them from someone like me is that they display withdrawal symptoms—nausea, dizziness, hyperventilation—when the smell of real humans is in the air.

The bicarnal creature has reached the stage where it can scarcely resist the temptation to eat you, but, out of a sense of shame, makes its approach with a classic Mexican display of exaggerated good manners: “Would you mind if I accompanied you, sir?” or something similar. This phase is the most revolting of all. I call them bicarnal because, in order to satisfy their appetites, they eat pound after pound of beef, pork, or lamb. They are often found in ruined minimarkets, devouring frozen hamburgers straight from the package. Sitting on the terrace of the Majestic, I once watched a group of them in the center of the Zócalo sacrificing a fighting bull (God only knows where they found it) and then eating the raw flesh. I also call them junkies or worm catchers: their main posthuman activity is trading in corpses. They are the lords and masters of what was once the Historic Center of the capital.

The mature somnambulist walks with a slight hunch and is splattered with the blood of any living thing that has crossed its path. They are blind, feeble, never speak a single word, and, apart from their terrifying appearance, are in fact depressingly dull creatures. They are few in number: this is the shortest stage of the contagion process.

The flower, finally, is the immortal face of what we will all soon be: nascent vegetal man-eaters in a perpetual and pestilential state of putrefaction. As sclerosis overtakes them, mature somnambulists search with what lingering remnant of instinct they possess for a place to drop (un)dead. Although I’ve occasionally seen solitary carnivorous plants, they are almost always found in clusters, as if the urge toward gregariousness is the last human trait to disappear. I once saw one of those corpses standing upright. But normally they are horizontal, lying in the street or on the floors of their houses, on benches, the roofs of cars, in planters, fountains . . . Rather than actually move, they spasm, and in this way crawl over one another, biting anything that comes within range, including their fellow flowers, constantly opening and closing their jaws (clack, clack, clack, clack, clack), producing a kind of manic teletype sound that used to keep me awake in the early days, and later gave me dreadful nightmares. Now it’s a lullaby.

The largest flesh-flower garden in existence grew up around the Catedral Metropolitana, on the side of the Zócalo that the terrace of my hotel overlooks. How could it be otherwise in a Catholic country? Since new terminal cases of the epidemic arrive there around the clock, the amount of food they need also increases. Each morning, buses park in the Zócalo and disgorge groups of devout pilgrims, who pray to God for the salvation of the world and, as proof of their faith, attempt to cross the vegetable patch of teeth that separates them from the doors of the cathedral. Not a single one of them gets even halfway: they are devoured in a matter of minutes, thus keeping the garden well irrigated with blood. It would be the weirdest of tourist attractions if all of Mexico were not already a cemetery.

At the end of our session, Tadeo asks:

“Are you going to come around to do the installation? I’m in Condesa, just off Amsterdam, a block and a half from Insurgentes and Iztaccíhuatl. The nearest metro station is Chilpancingo. I’m on the sixth floor. It’s easy to find.”

I briefly think it over.

“We don’t have to be in the same room,” he insists. “We can do it through the intercom.”

“It’s not you that’s the problem. I’ve just never been that far.”

“Come on, man. You’ll be fine. I’m on the street every day and nothing happens to me.”

“Yes, but you have a car.”

“Think of it as a therapeutic exercise in socialization: one way or another, you have to go on living in our world.”

He finally convinces me and we agree that I’ll come to his home next Monday (today is Friday) to rig up a satellite TV connection.

“But there’s one condition,” I say. “Forget about doing it over the intercom. I want to see you. I want to see your home. And, of course, I want to see Delfina.”

“Why?” he asks suspiciously.

“I dunno . . . To find out what kind of beauty it takes to make a man convert himself into a beefsteak.”

Now it’s Tadeo who hesitates. But a hundred and forty television channels and fifty music stations, plus ten hard-porn signals and a universal pay-per-view password, all free, is the sort of bribe that no one, not even a cannibalistic Lacanian psychoanalyst, can resist.

“OK,” he says, and hangs up.

I consider myself the overlord of this territory, but once, up there in the North, I was master of another: regional maintenance for the largest satellite TV company in the world. For years, I hoarded every imaginable pin, serial number, chip, card, and code in a safe in my desk. I migrated to Mexico City with these tools and toys after the first outbreaks of the epidemic. These small lucky charms represent the multipurpose treasure chest that I sometimes use as coinage: for example, I wager with them in the skateboarders’ club on Eugenia, where young punks have invented a version of the old monster truck jumps, this time over rows of the recumbent bodies of cannibalistic flowers. We lay bets on who can jump farthest on his skateboard. The most skillful make it all the way across. The majority return with their calves looking like ground meat due to virus-laden bites.

Things could be worse. Sometimes, in that racetrack of corpses and imbeciles, I win enough for a reinforced rubber and a toothless hooker to suck my dick. And when I’m on a losing streak, I pay my debts by installing a satellite television connection in some residential building in the neighborhood. On a bad day I might have to climb sixty feet above decomposing flesh without a safety harness. They all want to go on zapping: surfing on a wave of a hundred and forty channels while the love of their life takes slices out of their flesh. All of them. Even the dead ones.

Electric Lit’s Favorite Short Story Collections of 2020

Did everyone else notice that the New York Times list of 100 notable books from 2020 only included one short story collection? Weird, right? There were actually so many great collections this year—but with the help of votes from Electric Lit staff, former staff, and contributors, we’ve narrowed it down to 20. In roughly ascending order (we had a lot of ties), here are our favorites of the year. (When you’re done, check out our picks for nonfiction books and novels.)

Shop the books on this list:


Everyone on the Moon Is Essential Personnel by Julian K. Jarboe

Recommending Julian K. Jarboe’s satirical queer science fiction collection in Recommended Reading, Casey Plett writes that “Jarboe’s writing makes me weepy and laugh deliriously at the same time.” Read the title story, “Everyone on the Moon Is Essential Personnel.”

F*ckface by Leah Hampton

Leah Hampton brings rage but also a sense of humor to stories about life, death, sex, and sadness in Appalachia. Read “Twitchell,” about a chemical company that may or may not be giving generations of people cancer (recommender Deb Olin Unferth called it “gut-wrenching”), and “Meat,” about interning at a slaughterhouse, in Recommended Reading.

Fraternity by Benjamin Nugent

Fraternity is a set of linked stories about the Delta Zeta Chi brothers, and how their toxic performative masculinity affects their lives. Read an interview between Nugent and Genevieve Sly Crane, author of Sorority, about taking inspiration from Greek life.

How to Pronounce Knife by Souvankham Thammavongsa

Thammavongsa’s tautly-written collection focuses on the stories of Laotian refugees who have made it to the United States. Read an interview with the author, or read the story “Randy Travis” in Recommended Reading, where Vinh Nguyen praised her “heartbreak, humor, and defiance all condensed in the most crystalline language and imagery.”

Sansei and Sensibility by Karen Tei Yamashita

Sansei and Sensibility blends the stories of third-generation Japanese Americans with the characters of Jane Austen. Borders and realities collide in this beautiful collection, which deals with everything from class dynamics to what we really inherit from our ancestors. 

Show Them A Good Time by Nicole Flattery

Recommending a story about a woman trying to date during the apocalypse, Colin Barrett writes: “‘Not the End Yet,’ like all the stories in Show Them A Good Time, is a story that is both funny peculiar and funny haha. The world is ending, but there is still time.” These are strange stories that upend the familiar.

Sleepovers by Ashleigh Bryant Phillips

Sleepovers focuses on stories set in rural North Carolina. In these bold, frank stories, characters navigate friendships and relationships, shedding light on a part of the forgotten South without being afraid to dig deep into its darkness.

Verge by Lidia Yuknavitch

Verge by Lidia Yuknavitch

The stories in this spiky, magnetic collection deal with characters about to go over the edge, whether that means the edge of their bodies (as in a story about searching for organs on the black market) or the edge of reality. 

Where the Wild Ladies Are by Aoko Matsuda

“If there is a specific subgenre of ghost story of which I am inordinately fond, it is the one in which the protagonist has sex with a ghost,” writes Carmen Maria Machado, recommending Aoko Matsuda’s story “Peony Lanterns.” Matsuda’s spirited (in a few senses) collection is inspired by traditional Japanese ghosts, and she also curated a list for us of female ghosts from folklore.

I Know You Know Who I Am

I Know You Know Who I Am by Peter Kispert

Kispert’s debut collection is all about lies and the (queer) liars who tell them. Recommending one of these stories, Kristen Arnett summed up Kispert’s work: “Peter Kispert is a funny writer, but he’s also ready to sucker punch you with feeling.” Read “In the Palm of His Hand,” about a man pretending to be Catholic for love, in Recommended Reading.

Likes by Sarah Shun-Lien Bynum

This fantastical collection Likes marries fairy tales the and modern world, illuminating the experiences of girls and women by pairing them with the strangeness of fable—or simply highlighting the strangeness of real life.

How to Walk on Water by Rachel Swearingen

Caitlin Horrocks praised the “delicious mystery” of Swearingen’s story “Advice for the Haunted” in Recommended Reading. The rest of this debut collection likewise balances eeriness, danger, and uncertainty with minutely-observed descriptions of everyday life.

A House Is a Body by Shruti Swamy

“Through Shruti Swamy’s collection, A House Is a Body, her varied characters share a singular quality—their painful desire to reach the reader with the secrets, shame, and truths they can share with no one else,” writes Laura Furman, recommending “The Neighbors” from this intense and groundbreaking book. Swamy also curated a list of books that take women’s bodies seriously.

And I Do Not Forgive You

And I Do Not Forgive You by Amber Sparks

The surreal, funny, genre-bending stories in And I Do Not Forgive You combine history, ghosts, fables, urban legends, time travel, and video games in perfect magical realist alchemy. Read an interview with Sparks about reimagining happily-ever-after.

To Be a Man by Nicole Krauss

Krauss is well-known as a novelist, and she brings the same deftness with literary fiction about flawed, conflicted characters to her first short story collection. The characters in To Be a Man aren’t all men, but the collection does wrestle with ideas about masculinity and what it means for individuals and society.

You Will Never Be Forgotten, Mary South

Mary South’s stories are dark and funny, both absurd and way too real—Karen Russell meets Black Mirror. “I don’t feel like I have to invent much or stretch the world too far past recognition in my stories—our current reality is often a horrifying dystopia,” she said in her Electric Lit interview

Daddy by Emma Cline

Daddy by Emma Cline

This provocative collection is fascinated with bad guys who don’t know that they’re bad. In her interview with Electric Lit, Cline said she wanted to investigate “that distance between how people think of themselves and how they actually are in the world.”

The Secret Lives of Church Ladies by Deesha Philyaw

Recommending Philyaw’s story “When Eddie Levert Comes,” about a mother with dementia who is infatuated with the soul singer she believes to be her lover, Rion Amilcar Scott suggests that the reader brace for an emotional walloping. Philyaw’s National Book Award–nominated collection pulls no punches as it deals with the complex relationships and desires of Black women in a conservative church. Read an interview with the author about church ladies and secret sex.

I Hold a Wolf by the Ears by Laura van den Berg

The stories in this collection are about violence, desperation, dark secrets, and attempted escapes, but mostly they’re about death—imminent death, actual death, the fear of death. “I want to tell you about the night I got hit by a train and died,” begins “Last Night,” which you can read in Recommended Reading. This book is as insightful as it is unsettling, and you can’t look away. Read an interview with van den Berg about which of her characters is the biggest Karen.

The Office of Historical Corrections by Danielle Evans

The Office of Historical Corrections by Danielle Evans

The characters in these stories, writes recommender Kelly Link, “are not submerged in or extinguished by loss. They are, in fact, so urgent, so bright, so compelling that they linger long after I close the book.” Evans deftly weaves race, love, grief, and history in this rich and remarkable collection. Read the recommended story “Anything Could Disappear,” or read our interview with the author.

Why Do We Find It Suspicious When Women Are in Crisis?

(This essay contains almost immediate spoilers for The Undoing, as well as discussion of birth trauma)

At the end of HBO’s prestige drama The Undoing, we watch, in a flashback, the murder that has been the central driving mystery of the show. We find out the perpetrator by seeing that person commit the crime. And yet, even as I watched this scene, I couldn’t believe it. I had immediately ascribed guilt to one of the women, and I could not believe that the murderer was a man.

The Undoing tells the story of a white, middle-aged, married couple, Grace and Jonathan Fraser (Nicole Kidman and Hugh Grant), affluent New York doctors, and their lovely, violin-playing son who goes to an expensive private school. Elena Alves (Matilda De Angelis) is a younger, poorer woman, presented as non-specifically nonwhite in the vague manner of TV, whose son attends the same private school on scholarship. Elena is found bludgeoned to death after a school fundraiser. At the same time, Jonathan mysteriously disappears. It’s likely that I should have suspected Jonathan from the beginning—everyone in the show did. But I immediately pinned the crime on Grace.

Before her death, Elena had seemed to be mystically or sexually drawn to Grace; we see her gazing at Grace while she breastfeeds, or standing naked before Grace in a gym locker room. Grace finds her crying in the bathroom at the school fundraiser, and Elena kisses Grace on the mouth as a thank you for her kindness. But in fact, we discover upon Jonathan’s return, Elena was having an affair with Jonathan. Her son was his cancer patient, and they became involved while Jonathan was saving the boy’s life. He did sleep with her, he confesses, but he did not kill her.

We are meant to wonder if she’s imagining or remembering. We’re meant to wonder if she knows the difference.

As viewers, we are closest to Grace, able to see the scenes that crowd her head: images of her husband and Elena together, images of Elena painting her portrait. We are meant to wonder if she’s imagining or remembering. We’re meant to wonder if she knows the difference. After these visions, Grace comes back to the present visibly shaken. These scenes in her mind are repetitive and intrusive, so detailed we imagine she really posed for Elena to paint her, or watched Jonathan and Elena have sex. Doing these things, or even imagining them, wouldn’t necessarily make her a murderer—but the dissociation itself, the perception that she doesn’t know the difference between past and present or between imagination and memory, raises our suspicion. At least, it raised mine.

I’ve been thinking a lot about dissociation and blame lately, how they can earn each other. I had a baby four months ago, and while we’re both okay now, the beginning of her life was very scary. The labor, so quick and violent, didn’t allow her to clear the fluid from her lungs and for the first 24 hours, she needed compressed air. Right after she was born, they let me hold her for a moment while they sewed me up and then a team of NICU staff took her away. My husband went with her, and when the doctors were done sewing, they left, too. The labor and delivery nurse, too, needed to do something elsewhere. And for a few minutes after Leah’s birth, when I was newly empty and totally alone, I had the sensation of being outside my body and observing myself from above. I mentioned this to a trauma therapist and she suggested I take the dissociation scale questionnaire, a series of 28 scenarios to which you answer what percent of the time you experience them. We all dissociate a little, she explained; it’s common, for instance, to be driving and realize you don’t remember part of the trip. But dissociation can also become more serious: you look down and don’t recognize the clothes you’re wearing, or you’re  approached by someone who clearly knows you but whom you don’t remember.

One of the items on the questionnaire is the ability to ignore pain. I did not feel pain a few hours after Leah’s birth when I had a hemorrhage and the doctors were clearing blood clots from my uterus with their hands. “Do you want morphine?” they asked, and I said I thought I was okay. “You’re remarkably calm,” they complimented me.

Another of the scenarios is finding yourself somewhere and not knowing how you got there. The detectives show Grace footage of herself a block away from Elena’s studio where she was murdered. “What is this?” Grace asks. She looks as though she’s not sure what’s real and what isn’t (dissociation scenario 12). “I was walking. I take walks.” She squeezes her eyes shut as if to try to remember whether or not she had murdered someone. “That’s how I ground myself; I walk.” So, we think suspiciously, she needs to be grounded.

From the birth and the hemorrhage I had lost enough blood that I was light-headed even sitting up. I didn’t feel confident sitting in a wheelchair the length of time it would take to go up to the NICU to see Leah. They had a webcam pointed at the top of her head, so I watched her all day while I pumped, trying to simulate the time we would normally be spending together, hoping my milk would come in. It felt a bit like masturbation, watching a screen and jostling my body. Through the angle of the camera I could see gloved hands come in and out of the frame, adjust Leah’s tubes, but I couldn’t see her face. I didn’t really know what she looked like.

The doctor picked up on my dissociation but not my internal bleeding. You can have both.

A doctor came in to check on me that afternoon. I cried easily. I asked how we would know if I was going to have another hemorrhage. She said my hemorrhage occurred in the window where they’re common, and I was now outside of that window. Then she looked at me suspiciously. “Why aren’t you in the NICU with your baby?” she asked. And I thought, why AM I not in the NICU with my baby? Am I crazy? Am I a bad mom? I told her I still felt too light-headed to sit up for very long. She looked at my file and said, “I see you used to take Zoloft.” She asked if I thought it was time to start it again.

I was dissociated, certainly. I was separated from my baby. We had both almost died, and we both still could. The doctor picked up on my dissociation but not my internal bleeding. You can have both. In fact, it seems like they might go together pretty commonly, that they may both stem from the same circumstances.

It turned out I didn’t stop bleeding, even outside “the window where it’s common,” and seven days later I fainted in my home. One day after that, blood poured out of me in front of my three-year-old son, and I was taken by ambulance back to the hospital where they did a D&C and a blood transfusion. So it wasn’t Zoloft I needed, after all, or the suggestion that I was a bad mother, or the invitation to blame myself. I wasn’t hysterical or disinterested in my baby. I was bleeding to death, and showing signs of bleeding to death. The doctor, a woman, looked at my file and my tears and thought, anxious woman. I didn’t need her blame, I needed her to insert a balloon into my uterus to put pressure on the blood vessels and stop them from bleeding. But the blame was what I got.

Grace was not a murderer. Her husband was. And my husband could believe it, and it seemed from Twitter that men in general could believe it, and I could not. How could she be blameless? She seemed too much like me.

Twice a year for the first 22 years of my life, my family rented a cottage on a lake in Western Michigan. The families who rented cottages on either side of ours were always the same and we grew up together in a magical summer camp sort of way. One year we discovered one of the families had a sex criminal in it. He was caught molesting their exchange student, and then it was revealed he’d also been molesting his daughter. “How could she not have known?” I remember hearing my mother ask. She meant, how could his wife not have known he was a molester? It seemed like more outrageous behavior to her than the molestation itself.

When you go to your six-week check-up after having a baby, they give you a questionnaire to assess your level of postpartum depression and see if your stitches have healed enough to have sex. Scenario 3 on the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale is “I have blamed myself unnecessarily when things went wrong.” The word “unnecessarily” itself feels lightly blaming to me; the question both assumes that there is a correct level of blame, and suggests that you are making a fuss out of nothing.  Like me, this question is trying to clarify when women do not need to blame themselves. But it is also, like I am, blaming women for blaming women.

What’s wrong with me, I wonder, that this is my instinct? To blame a woman for no reason other than she seems confused?

Towards the end of The Undoing, when Grace testifies against Jonathan, I thought, my god, it’s her crime and she’s putting him away for life! Hell has no fury like a woman scorned, a saying we’re taught before we’re old enough to think for ourselves. When we finally see the murder scene, it’s interspersed throughout a scene where Jonathan is kidnapping his son, unraveling, fleeing from the cops who are chasing him. We cut back and forth between Jonathan smashing Elena’s head against a wall and him in the car with his son, singing a terrifyingly cheerful rhyme. Yes, I thought, but that doesn’t mean he did it. The mental gymnastics I went through to assign blame to Grace as the scene progressed were astonishing. We see Jonathan leave Elena in a heap on the floor and move toward the door. And then he leaves and Grace comes in in a fugue state and bludgeons her to death, I thought. But he doesn’t leave. Jonathan turns around and kills Elena with her sculpting hammer, just like every shred of evidence in the whole show suggested.

What’s wrong with me, I wonder, that this is my instinct? To blame a woman for no reason other than she seems confused? She goes for walks? Is it that I see myself in her? Or that I don’t? After my mom watches my son for an afternoon, I hear him repeating things she says. “What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with me?” says my three-year-old boy, and from his mouth it is the first time it sounds unusual, the refrain I’ve heard women sing in the background my whole life.

Electric Lit’s Favorite Nonfiction Books of 2020

If you can’t go out in the real world, why not at least read about it? These memoirs, essay collections, and deeply-researched reported works kept our panel of Electric Lit staff, former staff, and contributors engaged with the people and places outside our apartments throughout this singularly isolated year. In roughly ascending order (we had a lot of ties), here are the voters’ top 20 picks for the year’s best nonfiction. (You can also read our picks for short story collections and novels.)

Ace: What Asexuality Reveals about Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen 

There are very few non-scholarly resources on asexuality, and though it’s impossible for one book to cover every experience—there are as many kinds of asexuality as there are asexuals—Chen sets a thoughtful, rigorous, personally generous tone for what will hopefully be an expanding area of study. Read an interview with the author or her essay on why we need books without romance

Born to be Public by Greg Mania

You might intuit from his name that Greg Mania is flamboyant and funny, and he is—but this memoir of gay nightlife, mental and physical illness, sex, relationships, and internet fame also showcases his more thoughtful and tender side. Mania curated a book list for us about coming of age in New York City.

Caste (Oprah's Book Club) by Isabel Wilkerson

Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents by Isabel Wilkerson

Isabel Wilkerson is known for her in-depth reporting—she has won a Pulitzer Prize, among many other awards. In Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents, Wilkerson compares the caste systems of the United States, India, and Nazi Germany, and formulates eight pillars on which these systems are built. You can find Caste on our list of books that celebrate Black lives

Fairest by Meredith Talusan: 9780525561309 | PenguinRandomHouse.com: Books

Fairest by Meredith Talusan 

Talusan is an Electric Literature board member, but that’s only the cherry on top of her fascinating life. Her memoir takes readers from her childhood in the Philippines through her experience as a gay man at Harvard and finally her gender transition, analyzing throughout what it means to be seen as male, as female, as Asian, and (because of her albinism) as white. Read an interview with Talusan.

Here For It: Or How to Save Your Soul in America by R. Eric Thomas 

You may know R. Eric Thomas for his hysterically funny takes on politics and pop culture in his Elle column, but this memoir in essays proves that he can make you cry too. (Don’t worry, it’s still very funny.) Read an interview with the author.

Hood Feminism by Mikki Kendall

Hood Feminism: Notes from the Women That a Movement Forgot by Mikki Kendall

Mikki Kendall centers the conversation on feminism around the often-forgotten/looked over peoples within mainstream feminism. Kendall has a knack for conveying her experience, and the experience of many Women of Color, as they try to make themselves heard within the mainstream feminist movements. 

I Don’t Want to Die Poor by Michael Arceneaux 

Student loan debt lurks at the center of many people’s lives, coloring every plan and decision they make, but we don’t talk about it enough. Arceneaux’s book of essays about the burdens of debt is painfully urgent.

Later: My Life At The Edge Of The World by Paul Lisicky

Lisicky writes about moving to gay haven Provincetown, Massachusetts in the early ‘90s, when AIDS was rapidly consuming the community. The contrast between the queer idyll he lives in and the pandemic disease that stalks them makes this memoir tense, poignant, and cathartic. Read our interview with Lisicky here.

Sisters in Hate: American Women on the Front Lines of White Nationalism by Seyward Darby 

Women’s role in white nationalism is complex—it’s not exactly a bastion of female empowerment—but we need to understand how the concept of white womanhood props up the ugliest elements of American society. Darby goes deep on three women connected to hate movements. Read an interview with the author.

The Sprawl by Jason Diamond

During the campaign, Donald Trump insisted that “suburban women” would support him because he was saving “the suburbs”—meaning, of course, that white people would support him because he was keeping their neighborhoods white. But the conflation of suburbs and whiteness goes back way further. Diamond examines the history of suburbia and what it means to us culturally, including as a marker for racial homogeneity.

Uncanny Valley by Anna Wiener

You probably could have guessed that Silicon Valley’s startup world was highly toxic. But Uncanny Valley, an insider’s memoir from a woman who stumbled into a tech culture that was more sociopathic than she’d dreamed, makes it clear just how bad it was and how easy it was for certain kinds of people to choose not to notice. Read an essay about how Wiener reveals the corniness of the tech world.

Image result for before and after the book deal

Before and After the Book Deal: A Writer’s Guide to Finishing, Publishing, Promoting, and Surviving Your First Book by Courtney Maum 

If you have no idea what comes after “I want to write a book”—or if you just need a little guidance and encouragement—Maum’s comprehensive roadmap is absolutely invaluable. Read an excerpt on killing your inner perfectionist, or check out Maum’s answers to our ten questions about teaching writing.

Riding with the Ghost by Justin Taylor | Penguin Random House Canada

Riding With the Ghost by Justin Taylor

In this reflective memoir, Taylor reckons with his father’s life and eventual death—and, in between, his attempted suicide. What does it mean to love a father who doesn’t want to live?

Octavia Books on Twitter: "Join us online for an exclusive presentation by  @NTrethewey, winner of the Pulitzer Prize and former US Poet Laureate,  featuring her new book, MEMORIAL DRIVE, in conversation with

Memorial Drive: A Daughter’s Memoir by Natasha Trethewey

Pulitzer winner and former poet laureate Trethewey unearths a childhood marred by violence in this wrenching memoir about her mother’s abuse and murder. Simultaneously a memorial to her mother and an indictment of the man and the system that killed her, Trethewey’s book traces trauma through her mother’s life and her own.

The Unreality of Memory by Elisa Gabbert 

Electric Lit’s Blunt Instrument columnist Elisa Gabbert surely never expected to be quite so timely, but sometimes the stars align and you put out an essay collection about doom, anxiety, and disaster in a year like 2020. If we’re going to live through a slow-motion catastrophe, at least we have beautiful writing about it. Read an interview with Gabbert.

Tomboyland by Melissa Faliveno

From the title it sounds like this essay collection will be about gender and sports, and it is—including a deeply personal story about Faliveno’s manipulative relationship with her high school softball coach. But it’s also about queerness, class, and what it means to try to find your place. Read our interview with the author.

Image result for third rainbow girl

The Third Rainbow Girl: The Long Life of a Double Murder in Appalachia by Emma Copley Eisenberg

Eisenberg’s true crime story circles around a case that is many years cold: the 1980 murder of two women hitchhiking through West Virginia. But as Eisenberg finds when teaching summer camp in the area, the murders reverberated through the whole community—and in some ways, girls are still disappearing. 

My Autobiography of Carson McCullers

My Autobiography of Carson McCullers by Jenn Shapland

Jenn Shapland’s hybrid memoir/biography started with deep immersion into the undiscovered love letters celebrated author Carson McCullers wrote to another woman. Finding those letters also awoke Shapland to her own queerness, and she weaves her own story into her subject’s in a way that is illuminating and boundary-breaking (and earned her a National Book Award nomination). Shapland wrote a list for us of other biographies that are secretly memoirs.

Wow, No Thank You. by Samantha Irby

Wow, No Thank You by Samantha Irby 

In her third collection of essays, frank and funny bestselling author Irby, who is also the preeminent Judge Mathis chronicler of our time, takes on topics like bills, sex, periods, and the internet in a way that makes you actually want to think about them. Read our interview with Samantha Irby.

Minor Feelings by Cathy Park Hong

Minor Feelings: An Asian American Reckoning by Cathy Park Hong

Poet Cathy Park Hong’s Minor Feelings calls itself “a reckoning,” and that’s how it reads: not just a memoir, not quite a manifesto, but a clear-eyed history and articulation of the Asian American experience that precisely diagnoses the cognitive dissonance of being racialized in America. Read our interview with the author.

Announcing the Winner of Electric Lit’s Book Cover of the Year Tournament

This week, readers on Electric Literature’s Twitter and Instagram voted to narrow a field of 32 beautiful book covers down to their favorite of the year. Some of the margins were razor-thin—in particular, both Sin Eater vs. The Exhibition of Persephone Q in round one and Animal Wife vs. Follow Me to Ground in the quarterfinals were decided by fewer than 10 votes. But in the end, one cover prevailed.

First, let’s meet our Final Four:

Animal Wife by Lara Ehrlich, cover design and art by Caitlin Sacks

Follow Me to Ground by Sue Rainsford, cover design by Jaya Miceli, cover art by Toon Joonsen

Sometimes I Never Suffered by Shane McCrae, cover design by Crisis Studio, cover art by Toyin Ojih Odutola

The Majesties by Tiffany Tsao, cover design by James Iacobelli, cover art by Joseph Lee


From these four contenders, each of which had already knocked out three other hopefuls on their way to the quarterfinals, a vivid ultimate pairing emerged:

We spoke to the designers of the final two about the process of designing their eye-catching covers.

James Iacobelli, designer of The Majesties

What was the most important thing for you to convey about the book? How did you use the design to get that across? I wanted to find the right simple image that would portray the luxuriousness, complexity and destruction of this novel. It had to have menace but remain beautiful. Having been a fan of Joseph Lee’s art, I knew it was a perfect match.

Did you have any interesting false starts or first drafts you can tell us about? All along, I had been interested in the concept of deconstruction. I was working with silhouettes and butterflies. None had the impact I was looking for.

What’s your favorite book cover of 2020, besides your own? I’m obsessed with Howdunit.

Caitlin Sacks, designer of Animal Wife

What was the most important thing for you to convey about the book? How did you use the design to get that across?

The author, Lara, really guided me with the direction for the cover. We wanted to emphasize the duality of the title Animal Wife. Is she the human wife of an animal? Or is she the animal? The answer changes between stories.

I think there’s this idea so many women have, that once you get married and have kids, you’re trapped. Your life isn’t your own anymore. The cover wolf/housewife can be seen as a wild animal that’s been domesticated, or she’s a wife with a growing resentment for her family. Either way, those animal instincts are bound to kick in for self preservation eventually.

Did you have any interesting false starts or first drafts you can tell us about?

Two key phrases I used as my starting point were motherhood and abandonment. The title-story “Animal Wife” is a reimagined tale of the swan maiden, where the swan transforms into an unhappy wife and mother. So my original idea was a swan swimming in a lake with a gaggle of cygnets following close behind. The swan is reflected in the water, without her children; a life where she is free from familial responsibility. We ultimately agreed that it felt too tame a cover for this book.

What’s your favorite book cover of 2020, besides your own?

Wave If You Can See Me by Susan Ludvigson. My dear friend and jaw-droppingly talented designer, Vivian Rowe, created it. She and I met at Red Hen Press, an indie non-profit publisher, where we both became lead designers. I’m in constant awe of her work. She’s a fantastic illustrator, hand letterer, and graphic designer. She’s a triple threat! Hopefully you’ll be interviewing her next year for Best Cover 2021. 

I’m so thankful to Red Hen for allowing me to create book covers and distract the staff with my incessant talking. I used to get in trouble for it in fourth grade, but everyone at the press seems to like it. 


And finally, here’s your 2020 Book Cover Tournament winner:

Animal Wife by Lara Ehrlich! Congratulations to Lara, Caitlin, and Red Hen Press.

A Cross-Country Trip to Chase a Merman

In her debut novel, Braised Pork, An Yu explores a widow’s journey to self-realization and the mysteries of the people we think we know best. The story begins when a woman finds her husband crouched awkwardly in a bathtub, dead of indeterminate cause. On a stack of towels, she finds a piece of paper with a crude drawing of a fish’s body with a man’s head attached. Jia Jia can’t fathom what it means. She had been married to Chen Hang for years, but they never really knew one another. Theirs had been a marriage of intention, not love. What could the fish-man mean?

So begins a quest. Spurred by vivid dreams of a world of water, it takes Jia Jia on a journey both emotional and physical. For years, she had submerged herself as a woman and as an artist in domesticity, and now, without Chen Hang to anchor her, she was free to inhabit a larger world of her own making. She begins painting again. She tries on a love affair with Leo, a tender-mannered bartender. She reaches out to her father to try to reconcile with the grief of losing her mother. Finally, she leaves Beijing and travels to Tibet, following in the exact footsteps of her dead husband to seek answers to his death. Along the way, she meets people who have found, or who are also searching for, their own world of water.

At heart, this novel is about our universal need for human connection, and how fraught that desire can be, since we can never really know the heart of another. The characters seem sometimes to be motivated by contrasting impulses, and the sense of alienation from each other, from their surroundings, is palpable. We don’t always know ourselves, or others—even those we’ve known all our lives. How can we when, as Ja Jia says in the book, “we explain things we don’t understand by using other things we don’t understand”? It’s a sense that’s heightened by the blurred lines between the real and the mythical in this book.

In the end, a quest may prove elusive. It may or may not yield the sort of resolution one hopes for. But sometimes, perhaps the resolution itself is less important than the willingness to let go of the need for one.


Emily Ding: Your novel is braided together by incredibly strong images and motifs, like the fish-man. What was the spark for your story?

An Yu: It began with a very vague plot that involved a woman going through trauma with a failed marriage and going on a journey in search of herself and her past. I started experimenting with different stories and characters in the short-story format at first. Then, I had a dream about a fish-man, which is very similar to the dream that Jia Jia’s husband had.

ED: What struck me reading your book was the essential unknowability of people, even if we spend every day with them. Was this something you were trying to explore in your book?

AY: It’s definitely a running theme. I think it’s exactly like you said. Oftentimes we can spend our whole lives with someone, and we can think that we know certain people who are the closest to us. And yet, there is always a disconnect, especially in times of trauma. Those are the times when you find out it’s impossible to completely empathize 100% with another person.

There’s the relationship between Jia Jia and her husband, Chen Hang. Later on, there’s the relationship between her and Leo, who she feels far more emotionally connected to. And yet, there are still moments when she finds that all the pain she is going through, she has to go through alone. Leo won’t be able to understand her fully.

ED: What reinforces this sense of indefinability for me, in part, is the seamlessness between the cold, concrete, everyday reality of Beijing, and the underlying mythical world that the characters slip into. How do you see your characters, Jia Jia especially, navigating both these worlds?

AY: I was born and raised in Beijing and left for New York at the age of 18 and didn’t move back until recently. So I’ve been away for the past ten years or so. On the more surface level, every time I’ve been back I’ve seen the city change, like a monster constantly evolving by nature, morphing into something else. And there is something unsettling about that. Often, I had this feeling in tiny tiny moments that would last just a split second—like I was being thrown into something that was like a dream, or a parallel sense of reality.

In the context of urban Beijing, oftentimes you do need a sense of the surreal to make sense of the real. I think charging headlong into reality and trying to look for answers there doesn’t always work. There are certain answers you’ll neer be able to find. And these might not be concrete answers; the answers might be questions that are answers to your questions.

I think there are many characters in this novel who are, in some way or another, searching for the world of water. Or rather, they have different experiences of it—whether it’s been foisted upon them; or whether they go out of their way to search for it, even if it might be fruitless. I never intended the world of water to symbolise or mean one thing to all the characters, though there may be overlaps. 

ED: In your novel, people seem stilted in their interactions with each other, finding it hard to make a connection. And with Jia Jia, I got the feeling in the beginning that, though sometimes it seems the domestic part of her was the real Jia Jia, the flashes of boldness she exhibited in Leo’s bar that felt like acting came across sometimes like the real her. What drives this alienation, this dislocation, in your book?

AY: Well, there is this preoccupation with the self, so much that it’s impossible to even try to understand another person. Then there’s the alienation of living in a city where you don’t have much time to even think about others. 

It’s not necessarily true that the people you’re closest to are the people you can connect to the most.

That feeling is also often, in the context of this book, how people feel like when they can’t really connect or fully heal another person’s wounds or completely be there for another person. You realise there is nothing you can do to help them feel differently. There is a sense of helplessness. 

So it’s this feeling of being alienated from the people closest to you and finding connection with people who might be strangers. I think that is something I’m trying to explore not just in this novel, but also in my other writing. It’s not necessarily true that the people you’re closest to are the people you can connect to the most. There might be very small moments with strangers that could have much more emotional impact.

ED: You talked about wanting to explore the idea of a woman going through the trauma of a failed marriage searching for herself. And many of the women in your novel end up in failed marriages, for different reasons. But they all yearn for a larger existence, where they are more central to their own lives and stories. What underlined your explorations of love and marriage in this book?

AY: I suppose I’m not trying to say anything about marriage per se, but more this feeling of never being able to correctly know what marriage should be, what love should be, in the context of human nature and the evolution of society towards a more globalised, modern, American-influenced one. And, at the same time, how we try to hold on to the cultures and traditions of the past, and navigate between the two; and trying to decide for yourself what would be best for you going forward, but never really being able to know. Also, having to constantly recast your life plan as well as your beliefs according to what’s happening to you and work on your own emotional response to it.

ED: What you just said makes me think of one line in the book that kind of stood out to me. I think Jia Jia and Leo are talking, and he says, “Don’t you think that sometimes we just need to love in the simplest way possible?”

AY: I think for Jia Jia, she has been struggling with the concept of marriage and love ever since she was a child because of her parents’ marriage, and she was set on marrying for reasons more rational than love. She married the man that she didn’t quite understand, and after he dies, she begins to get a more distant view and see who Chen Hang was in real life: that he was, in fact, a simple man and she could see all his faults more clearly.

Leo, he’s a bartender who watches people every day and he’s met a lot of people. And after all that, he’s looking to go back to what is the most simple. He doesn’t have or want a very complicated life, or an ambitious life. He sees a relationship as something stripped down to the core of love. You love someone, you want to be with them. 

For Jia Jia, she’s had years of turmoil, of not being able to understand her parents and her own marriage. She still has to go on this emotional and physical journey by herself. Towards the end of the novel, she perhaps feels like there is a change in her view towards what simplicity is and what marriage is. But again, that answer lies in all the new questions that she has.

ED: Despite Jia Jia having seen Chen Hang more clearly, and seen the faults of their marriage, after his death, she continues to hang on to Chen Hang’s memory and follows exactly his itinerary when he had gone on a pilgrimage once to Tibet. What compells her?

AY: I think that doesn’t apply just to Jia Jia and her husband but also Jia Jia and her mother and her father, where she’s consistently being torn between pain and love and a sense of attachment, and how these people have made her the person she is and how she can never fully reject them. They are the people who are closest to her. 

So even though she wasn’t in a loving relationship with Chen Hang, it was nonetheless a legitimate relationship. And, you know, she spent every day with him, she gave her life to him. It’s not so easy for him to just walk out of her life psychologically. Essentially, that’s what kicks off her journey to look for the fish-man. To her, it was the only choice going forward, to find answers. But the answers she find are certainly unique to her and not the answers her husband was looking for.

It’s impossible for Jia Jia to remove herself from the pain of the past. It’s impossible for her to look for hope without looking into that pain.

How Not to Babysit a Crocodile

Crocodiles in the Pool

I have to explain that Colette was the kind of girl to invent her own words and think they would stick. Her new one was “denny.” Denny was a feeling. If she felt her jeans fit over her butt just right and her song was playing? “I don’t know, I’m just denny right now,” she would say, running her hands over herself, snapping her fingers, smiling a private smile meant for display. “Aren’t you denny right now?”

She wanted assent. I could validate her word by agreeing that I was in a good mood, but her word took me right out of my good mood. I suppose I should have self-examined, but instead, I agreed to crocodile-sit for her.

Colette kept a pair of crocodiles in her pool. It sounds cruel, I know. But she really loved these things. She’d researched every detail; they had the right water quality, temperature, vegetation. It looked like a swamp in her family’s previously pristine square of a pool. Her whole home was a monument to the once-stately and so, in a way, was she.

Colette’s skin was clear, her hair shiny, her thighs thick. But she’d found herself, as do we all, in that fragile canoe where you teeter between youth and age. One quick move to the left or the right and Colette would wash right up in the waters of the no longer desired. Come on in, the water’s fine, she’d say. It’s denny in here. But of course it isn’t. Crocodiles paddle below.

No matter, Colette had fallen in love again. This was why the crocs were in my charge. She planned to “pop off” on a boat with him. Her words. That was another thing. Colette didn’t honor the definitions culture had already settled on for words. But she honored her own and committed to the boat ride.

It was more of a yacht. As it glided up to her harbor I saw that it spelled a shiny brand of trouble, but Colette smile-danced her way aboard, ever herself. The journey was long. It had four parts. In the long version there are intricacies that capture the fleeting poem of being a human and a once-young and an almost-not. But like most, I’ve lost grip of the intricacies. The short version goes something like this: 

Part one:

Denny denny dancing and hot plastic cushion sex with the wind in Colette’s long healthy hair. Shrimp. Strawberries.

Part two:

The yacht owner picks up some friends. Now the yacht is a party. Who are these people? Confusing but pleasant drunken conversations off the prow, night after night.

Part three:

Trouble arrives in the form of Colette’s somewhat controlling family. Colette decides the open sea is for her. They are sullying her denny. She shuts her phone off and braids a new friend’s hair. Refuses to deboard.

Part four:

She catches the yacht owner on a plastic cushion with her new friend, yanking her time-consuming braid. She phones her mother.

The end:

As I said, there are missing moments. They have to do with time and how Colette’s heart slicked itself to Yacht Guy like a snail on siding. She loved him.

She returns heartbroken. She’s been gone for months. As this time has passed, I’ve begun, more and more, to leave the crocodiles to fend for themselves. They seem strong. By the time Colette scoots up on the schooner she caught a ride with, they seem, to me, quite capable. Or this is what I tell myself.

Sometime in the middle of Colette’s sojourn, the crocs started bullying me with menacing tail whips whenever I arrived with food. The house conspired to transfix me, so much bigger and more luxurious than my overstuffed one-bedroom. It was so predator-free in there. So I stayed in. Avoided them. Now I understand the crocs were starving. Tail whips are about hunger. I didn’t have Colette’s precious frequencies right. Not even close.

To make it worse, the crocodiles were the first beings Colette wanted to see. She didn’t look as suffused with health as she had when she embarked. My gut sank. It was the sight of my friend and her lost canoe, I reasoned. But it was also hitting me just how long I’d been hiding from the crocodiles.

“Where are my babies?” Colette said, smiling a bit. “I need to see my little dinosaurs.”

“Come on in first,” I said. “Have a cup of tea.” I needed to think.

“Definitely! As soon as I see my nuggets.”

We walked around the side of the house. I gripped her hand as we trudged through the shabby tall grass and I could speak of the rocks that stung my feet, or the crow yelling at us from the tree, or the sweet smell of mint, but there’s no point in extending this, you’ve probably guessed it—they were dead.

Colette stared down for a long time at their serene bodies, dark gray against a swampy green. She didn’t move a muscle. My whole body shivered with apology.

When she looked up I understood what the word devastated meant. Its full meaning.

I tried to comfort her. I tried to apologize. I tried to explain. I wiggled in my shame like a child.

It was of no use. Her eyes had gone dead and soon mine died doing the doggy paddle to stay afloat in hers. I realized too late that your friend’s crocodiles are your own. Take care of them.

There should be a word for this, but it will never be invented. The Colettes of the world go quiet.

The Colettes and their betraying friends alike, they sit upon the beach. They crack pistachios and fluff and prune, and you’d never know the yachts they’ve cruised or words they’ve coined to look at their graying bodies, so long left to fend for themselves in a box they didn’t know or make.

Philadelphia Writers on Living in the Epicenter of 2020’s Chaos

Life these past months has sucked everywhere and for everyone–from rising COVID cases to the terrible election that loomed over our shoulders to the seemingly endless advent of strange, terrible, bittersweet news. But here in Philadelphia, life has sucked uniquely—and also offered unique triumphs. 

From the massive and organized uprising for Black life after the murder of George Floyd which lead the Philadelphia Police Department to trap and teargas protestors, to Trump’s fearmongering false claims that Philly’s poll centers were part of a stolen election (“bad things happen in Philadelphia!”) to the murder of one of our own, a Black mentally ill citizen named Walter Wallace Jr., and the unrest that followed, to the whole world watching Philadelphia’s slow and steady vote counting process in a tally that would ultimately call the election for Biden to the exceptionally raucous jubilation that once again put Philly faces on screens worldwide to the stranger-than-fiction botched press conference held here at Four Seasons Total Landscaping, Philly has been the epicenter of this whole wretched and rich pandemic era. Our skies have been filled with police and press helicopters, our friends and comrades have become sick or died or been header photos for global news stories about disease and dissent, and our neighbors were the ones unwrapping and sorting those fateful ballots. 

We are all going through it this year, but Philadelphians have found a way to dig deep into our values and take care of each other.

But through it all, and as time passes in slow, quick, meandering ways, the resiliency of Philadelphia has been a warm blanket over my shoulders, at times the only thing keeping me going. As my personal life took many ups and downs through the pandemic, Philadelphia has been a constant for me, a friend in collective healing and refuge, a muse for my writing. Much of my writing ventures into loneliness, Blackness, and the mundane and much of this year has tackled all of these themes. I ask myself when I write, “What does it mean to be Black in America? What does it mean to be lonely this year? And how do I write during such excitedly unexciting times?” Walking through different neighborhoods has helped, falling in and out of love has helped, and re-discovering and re-prioritizing not only my words, but my values have helped in all of this. We are all going through it this year, but Philadelphians have found a way to dig deep into our values and socially-distant hold space and take care of each other.  

I asked other Philadelphia writers about the moments that have defined this era for them, the moments they’ll never forget, and why they think the whole world has lately been watching Philadelphia, a city that deserves the limelight all the time but is so often overlooked. Their answers are dispatches from a place and time we are still living through, yet one that must not be forgotten, months when one of the poorest and most gritty cities in the world clashed with fascism and despair and emerged proud and united. 

West Philadelphia, where the Philadelphia Police Department brought in tanks and weapons to use against protestors on 52nd street and where Walter Wallace Jr. was murdered, has also been a site of warmth, community and action. Fiction writer Asali Solomon writes about her West Philly quarantine: 

Though I still have my health and my livelihood, each day of the last eight months have managed to bring some new kind of terrible. Yet, each of those days confirmed something I suspected, but did not know, which was that there is no place I would rather live than West Philadelphia.

I live within walking distance of my parents, in whose yard I’ve been able to safely celebrate birthdays and holidays, on a block that immediately offered itself up as a place where I would never starve or be without toilet paper. When my gym closed, I took up long walks, mainly to the scenic Woodlands Cemetery, where I’ve been able to reflect calmly on time, disease (more than a few victims of the 1918 flu rest there) and death, while staying in shape. 

There has been, of course an increase in all manners of desperate violence in West Philadelphia, as in other parts of the city. Some of it highlights the brutal inequality that rapid gentrification engenders. But at this moment, the community remains a wildly diverse neighborhood of African American, Caribbean and African, Trans, Muslim, Queer, Latinx , Asian and Asian American, Christian and atheist and heathen people, mostly wearing masks, trying not to kill each other, trying to stay alive. In fliers threatening to march here, the hate group the Proud Boys called our community “the belly of the beast.”

West Philadelphia and its community members have remained a space for joy and pleasure and has been such an anchor during these times, As a community, West Philadelphians were defiant and they took care of each other. Fellow neighbor and nonfiction writer Cate McLaughlin writes: 

I find my friends in the gathering crowd at Malcolm X Park. There is the vibration of reverence and fury each time his name, Walter Wallace, is spoken and passed gently from person to person. As the sun lowers, the police begin to close in along a deliberate perimeter around the vigil. I can’t stop thinking about Walter Wallace’s mother, about what it is to watch the sun go down on the last day your child is alive, to plead for his life, and then to wake another day. There are activists and neighbors with snacks and medic bags, the exhaustion visible above the top seams of their masks. We smile grimly to see a kid writing TRUMP PENCE OUT NOW in yellow chalk on the pavement. The first speaker is a student who has to yell to be heard over the intimidation of the helicopters, who says what she wants is to be able to spend a day learning instead of grieving.

By the time we begin to move, the crowd surges toward Market street and people come to stand and watch us pass from their stoops. We clog the intersections and folks in SUVs sound obnoxious honks of encouragement.  Improbably, a beautiful man in a turtleneck is weaving among the protest mayhem narrating the events in what might be French to some streaming platform on his phone with the ease and confidence of a cooking show host.  The cops standing guard over the big chain sneaker stores on 52nd won’t make eye contact. We ask, Who do you serve? Who do you protect? but the questions bounce off the armor meant to make each officer appear more carapace than person. Later, on the news, the newscaster will lose composure at the footage of burning cars and broken glass, his face a green screen of disbelief. All night long the helicopters dog West Philly, a sound that will stay, like gravel sewn into the wound of my sleep

This spirit of defiance and resiliency has always been in Philadelphia, as has a history of violent anti-Black policing. But for a new generation of activists and thinkers here, their christening came earlier this year, back in June. 

Writes novelist Annie Liontas

On June 1, Philadelphia Police officers trapped us on 676, firing multiple rounds of tear gas and pepper spray at thousands of protestors. On June 2, I began receiving Facebook messages from those who had had to flee, many of them stunned and angry, some of them in bad shape. One person dislocated his shoulder trying to climb a fence: he now needed surgery. Someone who had been deployed with Operation Enduring Freedom/Operation Iraqi Freedom lamented that the police always seemed to get away with things that would get you jailed in the military. A young woman who grew up in the Richard Allen Projects before they were torn down, said, “They call our movement hostile but this is the same city that thought it was ok to bomb a Black neighborhood—my family’s neighborhood.” 

In writing about what happened on 676, which was ultimately published with NPR-WHYY, I was sent photos, shaky cell phone videos that proved that there had only been PG-13 shouting and chanting before police moved in. Until authorities ambushed protestors entering the highway’s long overpass, cars had been honking in support, people were getting out of their cars to applaud. After, I watched officers point-blank assault people who were on their knees with their heads bowed. I watched hundreds of people scrambling up a steep bank, remembering how I had had to stop to wipe my sunglasses of the residue of tear gas, how I had called out “Don’t run, don’t run,” to two teenagers, the danger of a stampede being not that we will knock each other over but that with nowhere to go, we will all suffocate. 

Not until the New York Times conducted its own investigation, with shiny infographics, did Philadelphia Mayor Jim Kenney and Police Commissioner Danielle Outlaw acknowledge that they had turned chemical weapons banned by the 1993 Chemical Weapons Convention against peaceful protestors. But the people who had been out on 676, who demanded to be heard by the city that had betrayed them—the very next day, they were back out on the streets. 

From these events in Center City, the stories expand in every direction, east to the river, and into South, and North Philadelphia. Citizens have not only found kinship in the greater city, but a greater sense of appreciation for the everyday, the mundane. Much of early quarantine rhetoric was the question of productivity–Will you write the next great American novel? As time went on, much of that went by the wayside, replaced by a focus on the home, self-care and family. Then we moved on to the anticipation of what November would bring. Instead of sitting idly by, some Philadelphians threw themselves into political organizing full throttle. Some decided enough was enough, and ran for election themselves, like writer and now elected Pennsylvania state senator Nikil Saval.

In February 2019, someone posed the question: “Why not you?” I wasn’t horrified. We launched our campaign at Hawthorne Park. There had once been around five hundred units of public housing here; they were replaced by half that much. A placard marked the place where Martin Luther King, Jr., had spoken in 1965. A hundred people had shown up, dragooned by my campaign manager. Someone cajoled the crowd into chanting, “SA-VAL FOR ALL,” to my embarrassment; a slogan we had coined as a joke had become the actual one. 

A few months later, daycares were closed. I walked around with my toddler, in a determined circle around the block, as was his preference, dramatically avoiding the few people whose paths we crossed. I talked on the phone with another candidate about whether we should cancel upcoming events. We circled the seriousness of what was taking place. That afternoon, while my son napped, I called people to ask them for money. No one had money. Some of them needed groceries and medication delivered. We began to arrange those deliveries. 

On Election Day for the primary, we all emerged from our houses, masked. The hundreds of volunteers I had never met were in front of polling places, in orange T-shirts, with giant poster-boards of my son, me somewhat blurred behind him. A baby—running for State Senate! I nabbed voters on the way in, shoved literature into their hands. I talked—to people! It was the best day of my life. That night, early results put us up by 34 percent. A City Councilperson drove to my house. “Bro, you won,” he cried. “Get drunk.” I collapsed into his arms.

In November, following the general election, I was called up to the Convention Center, again, and again, to give speeches. I screamed versions of a stump I had written for one occasion that, in a pinch, I repurposed and revised, something to the effect of: millions of us had voted, nothing will turn us back, we will fight to count every vote. The day the news networks called it was clear and hot. We marched down Market Street. Someone hit a gong, and organizers lifted a large, yellow banner to remind us that we needed to take action on climate change—that the future was not guaranteed.

As the election loomed, everyday Philadelphians came into action to help others in voting lines, to help count the thousands of mail-in ballots, or to simply reach out to others for love or support to vote. Writer and professor Elizabeth Greenspan shares her story of election day:

The day after the election, we trekked across town to the convention center, where ballots were being counted and DJs were playing. I wasn’t sure what to call it: a party, a protest, a counterprotest, an exorcism? There’s dancing in the streets, I told the kids. You can have a piece of candy, I added. They grabbed their coats and masks.

We had spent the past months talking about the election, and about living in something called a “swing state.” They had many questions. How did voting work? Why did people like Trump? Who’s going to win? We drove out to Reading, PA to canvass; we dialed into phone banks. But the dance party downtown was unlike these previous activities. There was a swaying mailbox and a frolicking city hall, countless balloons and dozens of people dancing in lines, possessed by exhaustion, determination, maybe even a kind of magical thinking. If we keep moving, we will win.

A sense of foreboding threaded through the music and play. Three days later, Pennsylvania would deliver the election for Biden, but on that day after the polls closed we didn’t yet know the outcome. That we needed to be at the convention center with a sign reading “count every vote” was frightening. Nearby, a small group of mostly men wearing MAGA hats shouted in their own little area, surrounded by a disproportionate number of camera crews and curious onlookers. The kids wanted to see them, and I told them that this is why we came, too. All of us. To make our voices heard. To be present. As we watched the angry men, I took solace in the fact that we outnumbered them—at least here, in our beloved Philadelphia. Before we headed back home, we returned once more to the dancing, which now felt less like an exercise in diversion or anxiety management and more like the creation of a necessary, fortified barrier. A manifestation of our will to prevail. We raised our hands and sang out loud and filled a bit of the street. There was nothing magical about it.

Philadelphia lit up after election news, a city and its outer suburbs helping to cement a win and a move forward. Upon hearing the news of Biden’s win, Solomon embraced with her fellow West Philadelphians:

[. . .] that Saturday when news outlets called Pennsylvania for Biden, which was basically calling Philadelphia for Biden, which was definitely a massive West Philadelphia effort, not so much on behalf of Joe Biden but as a concerted effort to rebuke the anti-human agenda of the Republican party, we celebrated like our lives depended on it. We took to the streets banging on pots and pans, emitting mask-muffled cheers, dancing. Two bands played in Clark Park, the Black cowboys showed up and champagne flowed. The party continued later, even when the streets were dark and silent, and a thick cloud of marijuana smoke drifted into my passing car. It is true that during the pandemic, I’ve had my head turned by Canada, by Jacinda Arden and by the beautiful Black country of Botswana (check their remarkably low Covid stats), but most of these days confirm that, there’s no corner of this terrible world where I’d rather live or die than this one.

Not only did the spirit of community, the warmth of rediscovering home, and the elation and resistance of the election lift Philadelphians, but also the ways we connected and reconnected to others and our writing—through the random, the whimsical, and often the pure fun. Writer Amanda Silberling found enlightenment through poetry and reality TV. She writes:

Sometimes it can be hard to remember how to find the joy in writing, but it gets even harder during a global pandemic, especially if your income is even partially tied to your creative output. So, as part of Blue Stoop‘s Wednesdays on the Stoop series, my friend and fellow writer Maya Arthur and I started a series of workshops on Zoom about “Reality TV Poetry.” Reality TV Poetry is exactly what it sounds like—you watch Love is Blind, or Chopped, or House Hunters and write poems about it. If this sounds silly, that’s because it is. But there’s something intriguing about combining these supposedly “low-brow” and “high-brow” genres—some of the writers who came to our workshops didn’t even watch reality TV, but just thought the concept of the workshop was funny (which was as good a reason as any to be there). 

We wrote poems about Tyra Banks shaving our heads on America’s Next Top Model, how we’d get voted off the island on Survivor, or how it felt to watch Giannina become a runaway bride on Love is Blind. It’s refreshing to write about a fantasy, but more often than not, reality TV offers us a new angle to think through our own experiences. Scenes from Queer Eye and House Hunters moved our group of Philadelphia writers to talk about gentrification in our city, while other times, we playfully debated whether football is actually just reality TV marketed toward old men. It was healing to get at least a little bit of writing done, but more than anything, it was necessary to take time to laugh and think about something aside from the scary, isolating months that waited ahead. Being a writer doesn’t always have to be about producing something that other people want to read. In times like these, finding joy and community in being a writer is just as important as the literal writing.

I am so proud to call myself a writer and a Philadelphian. Through all this, layered upon its history of struggle, leadership and disinvestment, Philadelphia has remained a consistent and formidable force. Recently, I walked from my home in West Philadelphia on 46th Street to Penn’s Landing. It was a brisk fall day and after cocooning in my room, I decided I needed to breathe some fresh air through my mask. I walked through Clark Park, passing friends’ socially distant hangs and bocce ball players. I walked through Penn’s campus with only a handful of students and employees into Rittenhouse Square and the retail corridor on Walnut Street. The shops were quiet with few customers but the park bustled with people on benches, soaking in some of the last days of good weather. I walked by the restaurants of the Gayborhood, open and ready for pick-up and delivery, and the cobble streets of Society Hill into South Street, and finally came to Penn’s Landing. I sat down between the hum of the highway and the small crowds forming along the shops and restaurants of South Street, picked up my journal, took a deep breath and wrote. 

9 Books About Krampus and Other Holiday Horrors

By now, you’re probably at least passingly familiar with the Christmas Krampus — the demonic figure from Alpine folklore who accompanies Saint Nicholas on December 5, the eve of the saint’s feast day. While St. Nick gives out presents to all the good children, Krampus torments the naughty ones with birch rods and rusty chains. In Austria and Germany (in a normal year), revelers attend krampuslauf or “krampus run” parades with upwards of a thousand krampusse, not to mention all sorts of other folkloric characters like witches and angels and gremlins and scythe-wielding figures of death. Even before coronavirus, these parades were fraught with peril: attendees risked beatings and theft of personal belongings by krampusse who may have had a little too much schnapps to drink.

Krampus has gained in popularity around the world in recent years, with a starring role in a Hollywood movie in 2015 and krampuslauf scenes popping up in cities like Los Angeles and New Orleans. Since celebrating Krampusnacht in large crowds or by traveling is obviously unwise in 2020, consider getting into the Krampus spirit, or just reveling in the grim darkness inherent in the yuletide season, with one of the following books instead. 

Krampus: the Yule Lord by Brom

On Christmas Eve in Boone County, West Virginia, down-on-his-luck songwriter Jesse witnesses a group of devilish figures chasing Santa Claus to his sleigh. The whole crew then gets jerked into the sky by his startled reindeer, his sack dropping to the ground to the sounds of screams. When Jesse picks up the sack, he becomes embroiled in a centuries-old feud, with the ancient Yule Lord Krampus determined to wrest yuletide back from a Saint Nicholas who may have stolen his magic to begin with.

Snowball by Gregory Bastianelli

Once again it’s Christmas Eve, this time on a lonely highway where a snowplow driver is killed by something mysterious hiding in the vents of his plow. The motorists stranded on the unplowed road gather to tell stories and pass the time, eventually realizing that there are connections between them and it might not be an accident that they are all on this highway on this night. Ghosts, sentient snowmen, and even a Krampus from their grisly stories begin to appear through the storm, and a toymaker with an enchanted snow globe in a nearby cabin in the woods seems to have no interest in helping them get home.

A Midnight Clear ed. by Lindy Ryan

In this collection of six dark holiday-themed stories, elves try a murder case in Santa’s Candy Court at the North Pole, a well-off wolf’s holiday season is interrupted when they are bitten by a wild human, and demons visit a saintly woman who will die on Christmas morning to convince her to choose an afterlife of damnation. Though Krampus does not explicitly appear in these tales, we think he would appreciate their vibe.

Christmas Curiosities: Odd, Dark, and Forgotten Christmas by John Grossman

Through this collection of 19th century ephemera, John Grossman introduces us to a Christmas of the past that looks an awful lot like Halloween. From a slender Saint Nicholas in bishop’s robes accompanied by his demon henchman Krampus, to fairies dressed in fur roasting a huge rat for their Christmas dinner, to broomstick-riding witches and bats delivering New Year’s greetings, this book shows that yuletide has long been a season of darkness, weirdness, and danger.

Hark! The Herald Angels Scream ed. by Christopher Golden

This anthology brings together 18 contemporary horror writers to explore the darker side of the holiday season. With tales ranging from subtly terrifying to delightfully pulpy, they offer up a disturbing gentleman hangman and a chimney sweep who discovers what’s in his home, a twisted take on the tale of the three wise men, a gift of a genetically modified puppy that goes terribly awry, and much more.

The Krampus and the Old, Dark Christmas: Roots and Rebirth of the Folkloric Devil by Al Ridenour

Though the longest-running krampuslauf in Austria dates back to 1898, in this book Al Ridenour traces the history and folkloric roots of the Krampus legend back much farther than that — to church morality plays, Alpine pagan witches, and other devilish spirits of northern Europe. Ridenour weaves in his own personal journey following the Krampus as well as an account of how the internet and popular culture have driven a recent resurgence of interest in the Christmas devil.

Ghosts of Christmas Past: A Chilling Collection of Modern and Classic Christmas Ghost Stories ed. by Tim Martin

Featuring chilling tales by contemporary masters of the genre like Neil Gaiman and classic ones like E. Nesbit, this collection takes a look at the world of ghosts and horrors beneath the usual veneer of festive Christmas cheer — from monstrous presents to uninvited guests who haunt and celebrations that end in darkness and screams.

Sherlock Holmes and the Christmas Demon by James Lovegrove

Who wouldn’t love a good Christmas demon-themed Sherlock Holmes pastiche for the holidays? In December of 1890, Holmes and Watson are visited at Baker Street by a young Yorkshire heiress who is set to inherit a fortune if she is of sound mind on her 21st birthday. However, her sanity is threatened by sightings of her mother’s ghost and a Christmas devil figure her mother told her about, a dark inversion of Father Christmas who might be leaving her bundles of birch rods, the allotment of naughty children who do not deserve gifts. Holmes and Watson travel to her family’s estate to investigate and discover there is more to this case than first met the eye.

Krampusnacht: Twelve Nights of Krampus ed. by Kate Wolford

The stories in this collection offer twelve fresh takes on the Krampus legend. Follow Krampus from the Europe of the past to the North Pole to contemporary America as he doles out punishments to evil children and adults with St. Nick’s approval, makes new friends, gets tricked, and much more.